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Relationship doesn’t feel the same, help


OH122
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So me and my girlfriend have been seeing each other for just under a year now and things were going great probably the happiest I’ve ever been and the best year of my life but, just before Christmas things changed and I don’t know why, it feels like we are drifting apart, at the start we seen each other all the time cause we were in the same uni and we did things all summer but I started work placement in August and work all week so maybe it’s the lack of physical contact as we only see each other on the weekends.

Any advice or help would be much appreciated, thanks.

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All relationships go through phases - the initial honeymoon is followed by the transition of actually getting to know them, and if you stay together, getting into a comfort zone.

 

Sounds like real life events and responsibilities have kicked you into that transition. On the other hand, it seems you are both young, and it also sounds like she was still happy between August and December. So maybe its not what you think it is.

 

This is where you have to work on the relationship and communicate. So talk to her about it. Find out how she is feeling. Work at making her happier.

 

Unfortunately though, you may find she is reassessing where she is at/going, or have some GIGS going on. You can't control that, so it would be better to talk to her and find out about it now, rather than being suddenly dumped later.

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Try to keep up the momentum in between weekends/dates by supplementing that with a few scheduled video chats during the week. Talk more about weekend visits, plans etc and how you look forward to seeing her what places you want to go things you want to do, etc..

it feels like we are drifting apart.

 

I started work placement in August and work all week so maybe it’s the lack of physical contact as we only see each other on the weekends.

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Well, I used to live apart from my partner for 3 freaking years, because he was on a scholarship from another country and could only come and visit once per year. The cost of the ticket was too much as well, so there was no way I could visit him either. But during those years, even though there was no physical contact, we had a burning love that was even stronger than the present, when we actually live together. We used to chat a lot; written communication is some times much better than verbal. We watched movies at nights and told each other our reactions to the scenes by chatting. It felt as if he was with me. So I guess trying to be in touch with her, sending her romantic messages and stuff at work would pull you closer to her.

 

I also would recommend trying to talk to her about your concerns at work and asking her to share her stories as well. In my opinion, not knowing what your partner does or feels in the 5 days that you don't see them every week makes a lot of distance. It might gradually lead to a state of indifference. So better to think ahead.

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Thanks for the replies, we are both young and she just started her placement there yesterday so I was thinking maybe stress leading up to it had something to do with it, she’s heading off to spain for uni for 4 months so I want to get it sorted before then, or do you think the a bit of a break would be better? Thanks

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Why don't you discus the impending distance and what the expectations for that are as far as remaining exclusive, communication and frequency etc and

what the expectations are when she returns. For example do you know that she even wants to maintain a LDR for those months or give each other freedom? What do you want? Hanging around on a phone for 4 mos or your freedom?

she’s heading off to spain for uni for 4 months so I want to get it sorted before then, or do you think the a bit of a break would be better?
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I agree with the point that relationships go through phases, but I also want to add that each person is unique and we have different appetites. Just like with food, a person wants to see you everyday then that appetite changes and need some sort of easing, especially when they are busy with other things such as work or studies.

 

I also read a book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman which was very helpful. It explains that the five love languages are 1. Words of Affirmation; 2. Quality Time; 3. Gifts; 4. Acts of Service; 5. Physical Touch. These five are normally present in every person but at varying degrees, so one is most likely dominant. If she is a Physical Touch person, she will need you to be there to feel most loved. On the other hand, simply talking over the phone to a Words of Affirmation or a Quality Time person would do it even if you are miles away.

 

This is just something you might consider exploring to be able to assess your situation better.

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