Jump to content

Would love some objective advice


Recommended Posts

Before I go on, I'm totally aware that I have problems. I am in therapy and have been for along time, I constantly try to get better in this area and DO get better, but it's a very slow process.


So here's my story.


I met my girlfriend a year ago and we fell in love pretty hard. The first 4 months we weren't "together" we were in that stage of "Oh i don't want anything serious". Basically we were both being super insecure and pushing each other away. During that time we both slept with other people. When we finally got together things were perfect, a dream. About a month in we bumped into her ex and i asked the question "when was the last time you saw him" she replied "ages maybe a year". A few months later we finally decided to have the conversation "so, did you sleep with anyone while we weren't "official"". I was immediately honest and told her everything, she didn't like it but understood that I had done nothing wrong. She then told me that she'd slept with her ex once. See a few sentences before. She'd lied originally. She admitted she had panicked and lied before, but this really set me off and basically ruined our relationship. I got super paranoid and jealous and insecure I couldn't get a handle on it. We had both done nothing wrong in our act of having causal sex whilst single, but the lie sent me crazy.


We ended up slitting up 3 months ago, she broke it off with me saying she couldn't handle it anymore, we had totally spiralled out of control. I understood and respected her decision. I was devastated - I'd been through a lot of break ups but never one like this, boo hoo etc. Anyway. We remained in contact and carried on sleeping together. I'd asked for her back a few times during this period but she said no each time. Eventually I gave up and got on with my life. She eventually came back to me. "I never stopped loving you, I'm an idiot, I was scared, I'm so sorry, lets get back together" and back together we got. Things are great again.




I'm struggling again. Who did she sleep with the 2 months while we were broken up? She promised she didn't, but she also said in conversation that she wouldn't tell me if anything meaningless happened with anyone because it would make me spiral into jealousy and paranoia. Which makes total sense, but also kills me. I know a lot of people will say, "just leave it then, she loves you that's all that matters, ignorance is bliss" but this isn't that simple. I'm sick with paranoia, jealousy and curiosity. I've raised it with my therapist and I'm doing the same CBT techniques I've been doing for years.


Is this as much of a mess as I think it is? We're super happy together, and I hide these thoughts as best I can because they're my problem, not hers. I trust that she isn't cheating and hasn't cheated (which is a first for me, this is how I ruined all my other relationships, constant paranoia - which shows THERAPY WORKS, YAY!) but the question of "what did she do when we were split up?!?!" I just CANNOT seem to kill. I can't ask her over and over again, that's not fair. Any two cents would be hugely appreciated.


Lots of love and thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • How to tell if a Man REALLY Cares About You (or not!)
      Learn a SUPER easy way to tell if a guy is trying to build a real relationship with you... or if he's just attracted to you and wanting something casual. Does he really love me? How do I know if he wants a relationship? Is he just looking to hook up? I get asked questions like these ALL THE TIME by clients, students and women in my life... so I created a video explaining the KEY QUESTION to ask to determine what a man truly wants, and 5 ways to spot his true motives in his actions.

      • 0 replies
    • Will a good man do this for his woman if he loves her?
      Will a good man do this for his woman if he loves her? What to expect from a “GOOD MAN” Some emotional think good men are hard to find. Many women think god men longer exist. As a dating coach I’ve found that the expectations we have and the standards we establish play a big big part in if we will ever find love or marriage. Women often take crap from men because their standards are low. Low standards lead to a lot of romance and sexual engagement but very few quality relationships. The equal and opposite extreme is just as much if a hindrance though. Women having standards that are too high for men to live up to often lead to women failing to find the love they are desperately hoping for. Some women are saving themselves for marriage. For them dating can be even harder because less men these days are willing to wait. In this video we discuss if a good man is willing to wait till marriage.

      • 0 replies
    • Prevent Male Manipulation From The Start!!! (First Date Strategies)
      Prevent Male Manipulation From The Start!!! (First Date Strategies)
      • 0 replies
    • Doing THIS Ruins Intimacy With Your Ex
      In this video Clay Andrews discusses the primary cause of a lack of intimacy between you and your ex. There is a lot of advice out there that will tell you that you need to put on an act or play hard to get with your ex in order to get them to like you. However, how are they supposed to actually connect with you and feel an intimate connection if you’re not being honest and transparent yourself? More so, why would they be open and honest with you if you’re putting on an act and pretending to be something or someone you are not? One of the biggest factors in creating intimacy is being willing to take the first step and showing that you are able to pen up yourself.

      • 0 replies
    • What it takes to be truly brave - it’s not what you think
      What it takes to be truly brave - it’s not what you think
      • 0 replies
  • Create New...