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Austino96
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Happy New Years to everyone out there. I’ve recently went through a bad breakup. I’ve came to realization that my relationship is over and that there’s no hope of it coming back. Lately I’ve been experiencing feelings of letting go(best way I can describe it).

 

It’s hard to imagine someone who was in your life for so long not being in it anymore now or in the future. I have completely cut all ties today so no contact will ever be made in the future(blocked on all social media, phone numbers, all loans paid off today). It’s so odd looking back on the promises and mistakes that where made in the relationship. The good times tho, they can get me sometimes. I wasn’t ready for a relationship then or now(only been two months). I feel like I’m a child in ways and need to figure myself out.

 

Still it’s so weird sometimes. In the last two weeks I’ve been overhauling my thought processes and using positive thinking techniques. I focus on making myself the man I want to be now and less on a relationship tho I do miss the physical contact I had with my ex. I feel jealous and anger sometimes on how things went but ultimately I have to shoulder most of the fault. I have found success in over coming my anger and negative thinking over it tho. Childish behaviors from a grown man but I see them and I hope someday when I’m ready I can find someone to share a life with not control a person.

 

Anyone understanding what I’m saying? Like you just live with it. You still think about it but you go on with life and focus on positive things? I feel like sometimes I get mad or jealous to try to keep a hold on it so I don’t completely lose touch for her. Tho what I ultimately want from this is to learn and for her and me to achieve what we want in life. I felt like I had to block all forms of communication. I guess it was the right thing to do even tho it shouldn’t be important anyway. Why do I feel that need to? I guess it’s to have some control in the breakup Idk I guess I’m still processing things.

 

I want to look back at this relationship not as a happy one (worst breakups of all time list worthy) but a necessary one. We had ALOT of great times and strong feelings and it ended in my opinion(at the time) when we where as strong as ever... I was wrong..

 

I do want to hear from her again but.... I sit and think what will we achieve from ever talking again or seeing each other’s stuff again online again? Some “how are you’s?”, “How’ve you been and hope it’s all working out?”. That doesn’t really appeal to me which I’m sure it’s the same for her and she’s probably, most likely not even thinking about me or that at all. Which all makes this seem like a waste of mental energy about thinking of something that I have no control over and doesn’t help me better myself at all.

 

Idk just ranting a bit I guess. It’s a weird feeling, feeling yourself letting go when you don’t want to.

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Unfortunately when you've been dumped by a person you care a lot about, all of the control has been given to the other person. It's like you're on a runaway train and the only person who can stop it - the conductor- has hopped off at the last station. The good news is it's only temporary.

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..she’s probably, most likely not even thinking about me or that at all.

 

If you have been in a long relationship the dumper (I'm guessing she was) might feel relieved at first, especially if you did something bad that caused the break-up.

 

But she will think of you from time to time - humans are curious animals. Doesn't mean she is rethinking anything though.

 

Which all makes this seem like a waste of mental energy about thinking of something that I have no control over and doesn’t help me better myself at all.

 

This is true. There is no point worrying about what you can't control.

 

But, given you have just started NC, I doubt you are "letting go" in the sense of moving on at this point. You are starting a journey, not arriving at the destination.

 

Best to focus on the process, and if you feel like breaking NC, post here instead.

 

Good luck.

Edited by RayRay63
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I am going through those mixed emotions myself. Knowing the relationship is best over and all the hurt that brought it there and yet still missing his arms around me and the intimacy and the time we spend together. It's frustrating and conflicting and it makes me feel restless and discontent because my emotions are not in sync with eachother. He just unblocked me but I'm thinking about blocking him. Reminders just hinder the progress of getting over him.

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