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Almost 40 female and never had a LTR


Sweet B
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As the title states, I’m almost 40 and have never been in a really LTR. The longest was a yr and a half and that was in my mid 20s. The relationships (or whatever you want to call them) I do get in tend to end in heartbreak. Last longish one was with someone who I believe suffered from narcissistic personality disorder and when it ended, I was physically and emotionally drained. I’m decent looking, independent, own my own home and have a pretty good sense of humor. What brings me here is I’ve done the online dating thing for about 10 yrs now. I always seem to get the first few dates but nothing after that. Because I’ve been burned, I tread lightly and don’t allow myself to get overly excited about anything when dating. The last man I dated was different. I met him online and realized I needed to give the “nice guy” a chance and I ended up really liking him. We dated for a couple of months, he suggested I meet his friends, he suggested we fly somewhere for his bday, he asked if my family/friends knew about him and he even hinted about being exclusive, just for him to break it off with me 4 days later. We were on the verge of being in a relationship just for it to be suddenly taken away. I. Was. Broken. to say the least. His excuse was he realized he wasn’t over his divorce. That was about 4 months ago. I looked him up on fb recently and saw he has a gf. As silly as it sounds, it cut pretty deep when I saw it. I just don’t get why I’m passed over. We weren’t really in a relationship but the potential was there, with him initiating it, just for him to change his mind and now he’s with someone else. Anyone else experience this? Is there something I could be doing that I’m not aware of that make men lose interest?

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I could be doing that I’m not aware of that make men lose interest?

I can only judge from what you've posted, so yes, one thing:

I’ve been burned, I tread lightly and don’t allow myself to get overly excited about anything when dating

Why would anyone pursue someone who shows no interest? Plenty of people have been burned before at least once. It's no excuse to be overly protective. Both sides have to make sufficient effort to feel things out.

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How do you normally meet men, only through online dating? Do you go out with friends and to social events to meet people?

 

Have you ever been given feedback by friends or family on your personality (and how you present yourself - including body language) and how you might be coming across to men/dates?

 

If you're being honest with yourself, is there anything about you that could be preventing you from forming long-lasting relationships? (i.e. - you're guarded, cold, not open, avoidant, scared of commitment, needy, etc.)

Edited by milly007
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Sweet B, if you think you feel bad by not being in an LTR, try being in on and see how horrible a break up feels. I am just coming off a 6.5 year and a 2 year before that. I am so miserable and burned at this point, I would not date anyone. Consider yourself lucky!

 

Women like us do not know how to “play the game.” We are nice and honest and get walked all over. Be more like Megan Markle if you want to hold on to a man.

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Youre not alone! I'm over 40 and JUST like you I haven't had a really long term relationship either. My longest just like you is also just about 1 year. Ive never been lucky in love. I joined online dating around 2003ish and Ive learned a lot since then if it hadn't been for it.

 

Just like you I ve met several women who have dated me only for me to find out theyre with someone else. It cuts me deep too to ask why I wasn't the one but wear the other persons shoes. Its maybe theres no spark, there no energy or it could be a million other reasons. You cant dig yourself in a hole and blame yourself. Its not you its them. Its because they don't thing youre right for them. You cant beat about the bush and look for an answer. Everyone is different.

 

I do remember liking this one girl and we dated only for her to send me a huge text one night blaming her situation and she was going through a divorce and that she had a young child who was teething ONLY to find out.........she was STILL dating but had contacted my FRIEND through the exact same website we met. Some people will give you other reasons to not want to be with you.

 

You just have to find someone who likes you for being you. With dating there will be a lot of heartbreak before you meet the right special person for you. Don't be put off. There is always someone out there. We just have to do some exploring.

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