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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, we live together and things are stable, or at least I thought so,

 

Few weeks ago I was holding his phone while he was bouldering and I saw he received a text and I could see from the notification who it was. His ex. I opened it cause what she was saying disturbed me.

 

They’ve been texting for a few weeks and mostly about sex. All they did together and loved, all they miss. They exchanged pictures too. In one of the texts they actually talk about meeting for sex. Then I come up. He tells her he’s happy with me but she still lights up his fire like crazy. I don’t think she agreed cause she said wouldn’t that be cheating or something like that I don’t remember what she wrote exactly. Then he says I don’t think I would cheat, it’s just a desire and how they could still just meet for a normal coffee. Also I know he follows her on all social menu and watching all her videos and pictures.

 

I haven’t told him I know cause I’m so afraid of hearing what he has to say. Does this count as cheating? Is it a sign the relationship is over?

 

I’ve been googling similar stories but they’re all conflicting. Help me.

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You wrote this in March, almost a year ago, when you first started dating him. In your first post, you were upset that he was still texting his ex:

 

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=548182

 

So here we are, almost a year later, and he's still texting his ex. Only this time, you saw the text, and they are sexually explicit in nature.

 

And you want us to tell you what????

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This relationship is dead in the water, yes.

 

He has no business texting his ex in this manner. If he loved and respected you, he wouldn't be doing something that he knows would hurt you deeply. Hearing what he has to say about it isn't even what's important, really. What's important is that he is doing any of this to begin with.

 

Get rid of him. You will more than likely regret not doing so.

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This guy got no respect for you. Would he like it if it was you who was texting your ex about missing sex?

 

You don't need google or us to tell you that this guy is not good for you. He doesn't deserve you.

 

 

First off I am so sorry that you ever have to even go through something this devastating and painful. I truly am. I agree with this posters response. He isn't over her and she and him are probably just 4 texts away from taking this to the point of no return. You know I know you don't want to leave him, however, if he's talking to her like this..hes already gone past that point now. I hope you drop him and find another man after you heal who isn't still wanting the past to come into the present. I hate seeing posts like this. Makes me so sad for you. And her...she should know ..if he'll sneak text when he has you...he will do it to her to.

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Sorry to hear this. How long after they broke up did you start dating? What was the big rush moving in together when dating less than a year? You need to move out. He's in love with someone else.

 

Sticking around knowing he loves and desires someone else makes no sense. If you bring it up he'll tell you what you want to hear so you continue paying half the bills and playing house. But keep in mind while you make his life easier and cheaper, he has more time to try to get her back.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year, we live together.

They’ve been texting for a few weeks and mostly about sex. All they did together and loved, all they miss. He tells her he’s happy with me but she still lights up his fire like crazy. I haven’t told him I know cause I’m so afraid of hearing what he has to say.

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Wow! I didn’t expect many replies. I was warned about possibly being his rebound but we’ve been together for a year and things are very official. Also he told her he’s happy with me? Doesn’t that mean he wants her to know there’s no chance for them?

 

Why do you think he loves her? I mean most of the texts were sexual except a few that I was confused about.

 

Bouldering is mountain climbing inside. Sorry that was confusing.

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Wow! I didn’t expect many replies. I was warned about possibly being his rebound but we’ve been together for a year and things are very official. Also he told her he’s happy with me? Doesn’t that mean he wants her to know there’s no chance for them?

 

Why do you think he loves her? I mean most of the texts were sexual except a few that I was confused about.

 

Bouldering is mountain climbing inside. Sorry that was confusing.

 

It doesn't matter why. A man respectful man in a committed relationship wouldn't be opening to any flirting or whatever with an ex (or any woman). If he was 100% in this relationship with you, he'd have blocked and deleted her at the first signs of flirting from her.

 

Even if he doesn't love her nor intends to have sex with her, he's leaving the door open for it and he's enjoying the sexual flirting and attention.

 

Yes, he told her he's happy with you. So? He kept the flirting. He should've said "I'm happy with her please stop and respect my relationship" and block and delete her.

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It doesn't matter why. A man respectful man in a committed relationship wouldn't be opening to any flirting or whatever with an ex (or any woman). If he was 100% in this relationship with you, he'd have blocked and deleted her at the first signs of flirting from her.

 

Even if he doesn't love her nor intends to have sex with her, he's leaving the door open for it and he's enjoying the sexual flirting and attention.

 

Yes, he told her he's happy with you. So? He kept the flirting. He should've said "I'm happy with her please stop and respect my relationship" and block and delete her.

 

You’re right. I’ve heard that from some of my ex’s before when I’d even text or call to say something not remotely flirty even.

 

Is there something missing in our relationship that a man would do this? I know nothing happened yet but if they were only a few minutes away from each other I bet there would have been. He’s extremely sexual and requires a very specific form of sex that he told her that she fit ALL of his needs in bed. That was harsh.

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You’re right. I’ve heard that from some of my ex’s before when I’d even text or call to say something not remotely flirty even.

 

Is there something missing in our relationship that a man would do this? I know nothing happened yet but if they were only a few minutes away from each other I bet there would have been. He’s extremely sexual and requires a very specific form of sex that he told her that she fit ALL of his needs in bed. That was harsh.

 

Yes, you are missing a respectful man who is actually with you for the right reasons.

 

We can't possibly tell you why he loves her. It doesn't matter, either. What matters is that he is nowhere near as into you as you are into him, and he still wants his ex. Him telling her he's happy with you is a joke; if he were so happy and if he were serious about you, he wouldn't be doing this. That doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong, just so we're clear. He's just full of hot air and will tell you (and her) what he thinks sounds good. Don't assume he's being sincere. His actions don''t line up with his words.

 

Your relationship is not going to survive, girl. Time to kick him to the curb.

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You’re right. I’ve heard that from some of my ex’s before when I’d even text or call to say something not remotely flirty even.

 

Is there something missing in our relationship that a man would do this? I know nothing happened yet but if they were only a few minutes away from each other I bet there would have been. He’s extremely sexual and requires a very specific form of sex that he told her that she fit ALL of his needs in bed. That was harsh.

 

Cheaters don't need reasons to cheat. It's not on the cheated person to adapt in bed, to change or whatever for someone who doesn't respect them enough to shut down flirting advances from other and to communicate properly with them.

 

I would change the perspective of blaming yourself or thinking that he's like that because something is missing to actually holding him accountable for this huge disrespect.

 

If there was something missing for him or whatever he should communicate that with you and not flirt with his ex. If he is so obsessed with her even if just sexually, he shouldn't be dating you.

 

Aim higher and better for yourself.

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I really thought he loved me but I’m guessing that can’t be true now. Do you even try to cheat on someone you love? He’s just with me cause I’m right here and right now.

 

I'm afraid so.

 

He's been hung up on his ex since you met. I don't see how he could truly be present and in love with you if she's be in his heart and mind this whole time. I assume you want a committed and long-lasting relationship; this isn't the guy for it.

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It doesn't matter why. A man respectful man in a committed relationship wouldn't be opening to any flirting or whatever with an ex (or any woman). If he was 100% in this relationship with you, he'd have blocked and deleted her at the first signs of flirting from her.

 

Even if he doesn't love her nor intends to have sex with her, he's leaving the door open for it and he's enjoying the sexual flirting and attention.

 

Yes, he told her he's happy with you. So? He kept the flirting. He should've said "I'm happy with her please stop and respect my relationship" and block and delete her.

 

I'm afraid so.

 

He's been hung up on his ex since you met. I don't see how he could truly be present and in love with you if she's be in his heart and mind this whole time. I assume you want a committed and long-lasting relationship; this isn't the guy for it.

 

Of course. I don’t want a man who doesn’t know what boundaries are and disrespects me. He always says what I want to hear and that’s how I’m still with him. I know she cut him off after we started dating but it seems like they were pining for each other all this time.

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He tells her he’s happy with me but she still lights up his fire like crazy.

How do you stay with a man after reading this?

 

If I read that, right there in black and white, there is no confronting or asking him about it, there is only leaving, permanently.

 

I'd feel sick tbh (imagining this happening to me) and I would immediately pack my bags and leave.

 

No note, nothing. Next. Stay with a friend till I found my own place, and never see or speak with him again.

 

That may sound like an over-reaction to some and perhaps it is but I'd be so angry and hurt, that is what I would do.

 

Again I ask, how do you stay with your bf knowing another woman lights his fire like crazy and presumably more than you ever will?

 

Serious question, I'd really like to know your thought process about that.

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I’m trying my best to respond instead of react. I’m not staying with him after this but I need to know how I’ll go about this exactly. He’s gonna try to twist it if I tell him no doubt.

 

My first thought after getting mad that I’m with him though. We live together, family and friends know me, we go on trips etc. I mean we have real life together, she’s not real?

 

Is it just childish horny bored moment, or does he want her instead? I’m asking here because I know he won’t give me the truth I need.

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