My new partner went MIA on his trip.

[Andrina]

What is his past relationship history? Is he capable of the longterm relationship I'm assuming you're seeking? I've never forgotten that I had a date with someone. With you two restarting a new relationship, I'd think a man who was really into you wouldn't forget that you two had plans. Had he ever been an airhead/forgetful when you previously dated him?

 

The only thing you can do at the beginning of the relationship is have a wait-and-see attitude. Overt time, you see if he makes you a priority, makes you feel special, is faithful, kind, lacks dealbreakers, and meets all of your main needs. And then you make the decision to break up or stay, according to the what you've learned about him. Also, make sure he uses condoms to prevent STDs, until you can be assured he's faithful and you've both been tested for STDs. Nobody but him knows what he's doing on vacation. You will have to wait until he gets back to your normal daily life to get the answers you seek about if he will be a good partner to you or not. Nobody has a crystal ball to tell you those answers. Either you break up with him if you don't think it's right that he not call you more often on his vacation, or you accept this about him and move forward to see how he treats you in the long run. Always do what's best for yourself, and you will usually only do that when you have good self worth, so make sure you do. Take care.

[itsallgrand]

I don't think it's abnormal to not hear from someone new-ish you are dating when they are on vacation. It wouldn't be abnormal to hear from them either, unless it was constant! ;) In this case, he told you as much that he wanted to drop off during his vacation.

 

As cynical as this may sound, to my mind, if he was texting you/chatting it wouldn't change that he is going to do what he is going to do. Really all you can do is let it go, try to relax, and observe see what rolls out when he comes back.

[irka000]

Hmmm I actually called him. He picked the phone and we had a nice chat. He seemed a bit distant...usually he would be warmer and would say nice things ...he was friendly but distant. So I said that he seems distant...he changed immediately and started to talk about us and that we need to plan our short break get away together ...

I think something is off

I wish I didn't call but he said he was happy to hear from me....somehow I doubt it

[mustlovedogs]

He wanted space.

 

You called and handed over your insecurity.

 

Something may be different because now you’re bothering him.

[boltnrun]

The phone call combined with your over the top behavior right before he left could very likely be the cause of him being "distant". Then you flat out accused him of being "distant".

 

Did giving in to your anxiety by calling him make anything better for you? Or worse?

[Hollyj]

What did you go to Thailand for, Holly?

 

My point being:

 

It’s a popular tourism spot. Amsterdam has the women and the weed, but plenty of people go without partaking. I’d say the majority (especially if we’re only talking about the women)

 

 

 

 

I went on holiday to explore a large part of the country. There is nothing to do in a village for two weeks , unless you may be volunteering.

 

You are probably right. But, the country is known for this, and is very obvious. EVERYWHERE!

[Hollyj]

Hmmm I actually called him. He picked the phone and we had a nice chat. He seemed a bit distant...usually he would be warmer and would say nice things ...he was friendly but distant. So I said that he seems distant...he changed immediately and started to talk about us and that we need to plan our short break get away together ...

I think something is off

I wish I didn't call but he said he was happy to hear from me....somehow I doubt it

 

You should not have called. You should have respected his space.

 

Are you ready to be in a relationship? You sound quite needy.

[irka000]

If I will contact him once during 10 days trip, it's not a big deal ....if it is, than it is not a man for me isn't ?

He never said he wanted space ...I assumed so ....not feeling any better but at least I know where I stand ....

[Wiseman2]

On/off situations rarely work out. Especially if you are in two different worlds. You want a steady relationship, he wants freedom and marches to his own drummer. All you can do is wait until he's back, but don't expect more than on/off casual, etc. He does not want a relationship, as you found out during the last break up.

he doesn't like Christmas and need some "me" time after the tough year.

he bought a local SIM card.

He went to Thailand. Alone. He is 49

He is back in 8 days.

[Hollyj]

OP, I am curious, as to how he will be spending evenings in bars in a village? Villages are super basic. I don't get it

 

Also, how does he have service for a smartphone?

[Starlight925]

Oh gosh, I so wish you hadn't called him.

 

You did this to soothe your own anxiety, not to find out how his trip is going. Not to find out if he's having a good time, but because you needed to feed your own insecurity.

 

And you iced the cake by asking him why he was distant.

 

Please, please, I'm begging you....put your phone away. Or he will not contact you at all once he comes home.

 

I cannot be any more blunt than this.

[Eliza50]

I'm glad you called him and if you felt he was being distant, I'm glad you told him. Pretending that you don't see or feel something doesn't make it go away. You are in a relationship with this guy, you should be able to express yourself. If he can't handle it, he's not the one for you.

[Annia]

Has he been posting on social media during his trip? (I know it doesn't mean nothing). But if he's on a trip in which he says he needs me time and space, it might be normal that he doesn't communicate much or maybe he can't communicate at this time. I think 3 days is not much to worry but if he doesn't say anything the whole trip I'd find it a bit weird. I'm also concerned about the local SIM card, unless the reason is so that he can use the internet cheaper without needing to look for Wi-Fi places and that could explain him contacting you on WhatsApp. You can use internet from a SIM card and still use your old WhatsApp with the old number on your phone.

 

But anyway I'd give him all the space he needs and wait for him to contact you (but don't stay there obsessing and go live your life).

[irka000]

I know , I know ....I feel like this is the end anyway ....but yes, no more contact from me ....

[Annia]

Well, I have been to Thailand several times, and am only going on what I have observed.

 

I've never been to Thailand (yet) but I know plenty if friends men and women who went there either with company or alone and I don't think they went there for the prostitution or any if those stuff. That's just a part of Thailand that yes some people go there for that but not everyone. Some people genuinly just want to travel and explore the nature and culture.

[irka000]

He texted me after conversation that he was happy to hear from me ....he also said he didn't contact me much as he didn't want to disturb me during my break as I may go out with friends etc

Weird as I never said I need space

He is the one that when he goes out with friends he doesn't contact and I have always respected that.

He does not use social media at all.

[irka000]

I only responded that I wish him fantastic time he has left there and that o won't be bother him otherwise he won't feel like on holidays.

[Annia]

Hmmm I actually called him. He picked the phone and we had a nice chat. He seemed a bit distant...usually he would be warmer and would say nice things ...he was friendly but distant. So I said that he seems distant...he changed immediately and started to talk about us and that we need to plan our short break get away together ...

I think something is off

I wish I didn't call but he said he was happy to hear from me....somehow I doubt it

 

You called him and expressed your insecurity about him being distant and it fed even more into your insecurity. I'd avoid contact him him and act so clingy and insecure. That's the opposite of giving space. He's on vacation and you can't control or do anything about it.

 

Save the relationship talk for when he's back and you're face to face, not when he's on vacations in the other side of the world.

[Eliza50]

He texted me after conversation that he was happy to hear from me ....he also said he didn't contact me much as he didn't want to disturb me during my break as I may go out with friends etc

Weird as I never said I need space.

He is the one that when he goes out with friends he doesn't contact and I have always respected that.

 

His text sounds normal to me.

 

I think you're overanalyzing things now. I would keep the 'I was happy to hear from you' part and just wait for him to come back :)

[katrina1980]

You did this to soothe your own anxiety, not to find out how his trip is going. Not to find out if he's having a good time, but because you needed to feed your own insecurity.

 

And you iced the cake by asking him why he was distant.

 

Please, please, I'm begging you....put your phone away. Or he will not contact you at all once he comes home.

 

I cannot be any more blunt than this.

 

Agree with this ^^ and don't think he doesn't know this too and it's a turn off. Sorry.

 

Your attitude of "well if I can't call while he is on vacay without him getting turned off" is missing the point.

 

These early stages are very fragile, feelings can turn on and off on a dime; your calling screams neediness and anxiety, which no doubt he sensed, hence his distance.

 

Leave him alone, and see how it plays out when he returns.

 

He is on vacay, you do your thing. Show him you won't fall apart with a bit of distance, you don't need reassurance (which is why you called and he knows it), you are strong and have your own life.

 

Let him wonder about you!!! And what you're doing!!

[katrina1980]

He texted me after conversation that he was happy to hear from me ....he also said he didn't contact me much as he didn't want to disturb me during my break as I may go out with friends etc

 

Weird as I never said I need space

He is the one that when he goes out with friends he doesn't contact and I have always respected that.

He does not use social media at all.

 

Bolded, sounds like a load of c***, I dunno his reason does not fly with me at all, and hate when guys do that.

 

So he didn't contact you because he didn't want to bother you??? Give me a break.

 

I guess just see how it plays out when he returns but if me, I'd be feeling a bit deflated.

 

Everything happens for a reason, good luck.

[bluecastle]

Ugh. The distant comment.

 

Hate to pile it on here—and, big picture, this should be a blip and if it’s not a blip it’s not the dude for you—but I’d really encourage you to take this moment to expand your arsenal for handling these insecure moments.

 

I live by a little motto, and always throw it at my friends (most of them female) when they’re in these states. It’s simple: “Keep it in the can.”

 

Fears, questions, doubts, spins: they stay in the can. You don’t empty the can on another, especially early, because nothing ever good comes from it.

 

You can empty the can with trusted friends, or on anonymous Internet forums, or dilute the contents with a toke or a sip, but you can’t empty it on someone you don’t have the trust with. Too fragile.

 

Like, if he was not distant, but super warm, I’d suspect you would have found that suspicious too. Because you’re in a suspicious, nervy state. Best to learn to recognize that state, and know what’s needed to soften it, rather than react to it by leaning on the object of unrest to create rest.

[ThatwasThen]

This horse is flogged, brushed down and now paddocked so Op...you will see how it goes when he gets back, you will step back in your expectations of him, you will match his interest and you will not fret a moment longer because doing so benefits no one.

 

Be confident and know you are the prize that he should be happy to have in his life.

[Batya33]

If I will contact him once during 10 days trip, it's not a big deal ....if it is, than it is not a man for me isn't ?

He never said he wanted space ...I assumed so ....not feeling any better but at least I know where I stand ....

 

"When we reconnected, he told me he is thinking to go away for a fesitve season as he doesn't like Christmas and need some "me" time after the tough year. "

 

This is how he expressed the need for space. I think contacting him was very risky as far as the impression you gave him.

[irka000]

Dear all ,he called me a few minutes after our conversation ended and he said he felt he should tell me how much he misses me. We had a real chat ...it was lovely ....I didn't not expect him to call at all so this was sweet. He also said he bought me a gift.

I won't contact him until his return.