Online Dating: How many chances to give someone?

[Starlight925]

I keep it simple.

 

I have one photo of Ryan Gosling, one of Brad Pitt, one of my toothless cat. Then, on dates, I keep my motorcycle helmet on, per photo at left, and sip red wine through a straw.

 

No games, no bs, you know?

 

Ha ha ha!!

 

Speaking of toothless......

 

I had one of the worst first meet experiences last year. Guy had nice pics, but he had one of those "list" profiles: You better be x, you better not be y. I shouldn't have gone, but I did.

 

Guy shows up, looks like his pics, except!!! Missing front teeth. Not just missing, as in a recent bicycle accident, but chipped off down to the nub, and looked like years of decay. Never occurred to me, that in all his pics, his smile was always close-mouthed. Lesson: Learned. Oh, and horrible personality. Shudder.

[mustlovedogs]

Yes they were recent, so was his.

 

Maybe I did not articulate myself well in previous post, but I totally get it, this guy was the bottom of the barrel, posting pics so old he was unrecognizable, that's just sheer deception!!

 

As is someone photoshopping their pics, even recent pics, which is deceptive too!'

 

That is why imo just don't rely on them at all, meet in person and gauge chemistry that way.

 

You say that - but I doubt you reach out (or respond to) guys you find unattractive.

[katrina1980]

You say that - but I doubt you reach out (or respond to) guys you find unattractive.

 

You are right I didn't, but i did not rely on them too much either.

 

I was more focused on how well we interacted (on line) and connected.

 

I'm not a great beauty but I have rejected some very hot guys on line because, yes while they were hot, I found them meh. Not for me.

 

And I did not respond to men who posted pics that were professionally shot, shirtless, or showing off muscles, their car, their house, etc.

 

I liked that my bf had only one pic, I liked it, it's all I needed.

 

Again it was his energy that pulled me, and vice versa, even on line!!

[mustlovedogs]

You are right I didn't, but i did not rely on them too much either.

 

I was more focused on how well we interacted (on line) and connected.

 

I'm not a great beauty but I have rejected some very hot guys on line because, yes while they were hot, I found them meh. Not for me.

 

And I did not respond to men who posted pics that were professionally shot, shirtless, or showing off muscles, their car, their house, etc.

 

I liked that my bf had only one pic, I liked it, it's all I needed.

 

Again it was his energy that pulled me, and vice versa, even on line!!

 

Yes, but you have to give them a shot to judge energy. And if their initial picture isn’t attractive, they won’t get that shot.

 

My ex was meh online but way more attractive in person. I know that’s kinda the point you’re making (both ways). But the pictures anyone posts are important

[boltnrun]

I look awful in photos. No matter the situation, the background, how I'm dressed or groomed...you name it, I'll look awful in it.

 

A few years ago someone took a photo of me that came out great. Like, I was shocked.

 

I can't say how many times I've met someone and been told "You look nothing like your picture!" in a positive way. I even met someone who told me he had been afraid to meet me in person because I looked "so mean" in the photo he'd seen.

 

I guess I have to resign myself to no one wanting to meet me in person based on photos :\

 

Topic? The photo was a biggie with this guy but the ex ranting would be a deal breaker for sure.

[katrina1980]

Yes, but you have to give them a shot to judge energy. And if their initial picture isn’t attractive, they won’t get that shot.

 

My ex was meh online but way more attractive in person. I know that’s kinda the point you’re making (both ways). But the pictures anyone posts are important

 

Of course I just said a pic was important, initially. I would not have responded to my bf had I not found his pic attractive.

 

Again I just don't rely on them too much, for reasons already stated. They can be deceptive.

 

I don't need to see a bunch of pics, I get a feel from the initial pic, after that, I focus on our interaction, our energy. That is what is most important to me.

 

I wasn't even sure what to expect when I met my bf, pics can be deceiving, but fortunately his one pic was a true depiction, and we went on to have a fabulous time and clicked.

 

I don't know how better to explain it MLD, I don't rely on pics and after the initial pic to get an idea of what he looks like, I don't need any more. I go by how well we interact and connect..

 

First on line and then in person.

[Batya33]

I may be the odd woman out here, but I don't think it's a good idea to rely on pics at all, even if they're recent.

 

Why? Because with the right lighting, the right angle, and other photoshop techniques, even recent pics can look completely different from the real live person in the flesh.

 

People place too much emphasis on them, create a fantasy about the person, build them up in their heads, and then when they meet in person, naturally it's a let down.

 

Another reason why I dislike OLDing.

 

I had two pics posted, one face, one body. Nothing special tbh which is what I wanted.

 

My bf had a face shot (selfie) and that was it. And he's a professional photographer who can do amazing things with a camera!

 

But like me, he wanted everything to be real.

 

We were attracted to each other's energies which we both sensed even via messaging! Don't ask me how or why, but it did.

 

We were excited and that came through in our messages too. We exchanged no other pics before we met; we met after two weeks and it was amazing!

 

We connected in person just like in our messages, more so obviously since we now had the physical energy as well as the mental energy we sensed via our messages.

 

I don't think you can sense energy via pics, as I said they can often be deceptive even if recent.

 

JMO and experience!!

 

Anyway to the OP, I see nothing positive about giving him a second chance. He lied, was deceptive, met you under false pretenses, wasted your time, period end of.

 

I didn't rely on pics either and I don't photograph well. My only reliance was on whether the photos were accurate -meaning in this case they really might not have been his photos. And I had one first meet which I've written about here where half of his face and neck were paralyzed and deeply scarred and he didn't tell me in advance (back then the quality of uploaded photos were not as good and it was a grainy photo). It was truly jarring and scary. I recently looked him up -was curious and I guess he had more surgery (he'd already had multiple surgeries he told me) and he looks much more typical now (and is married and I'm glad -very very nice and smart person and I could not date him because I found him scary looking -also I wasn't sure how I felt about his misleading me, although I could understand his motivation).

 

I also met people who were very overweight and the photos were clearly from a long time ago when they were normal weight -also didn't appreciate that at all. Overweight was not really the issue -the lie was.

[Eliza50]

I had one first meet which I've written about here where half of his face and neck were paralyzed and deeply scarred and he didn't tell me in advance (back then the quality of uploaded photos were not as good and it was a grainy photo). It was truly jarring and scary.

 

I've had friends tell me scary stories about men they had met online (apparently, most of my friends have tried it at some point- I was the only one who hadn't) but this one is really upsetting. I can imagine how you felt.

[Starlight925]

half of his face and neck were paralyzed and deeply scarred and he didn't tell me in advance

 

Yeah, he should have been more clear about that before meeting you. On one hand, I feel so bad for the guy, but I also believe openness & honesty are best.

[Annia]

I may be the odd woman out here, but I don't think it's a good idea to rely on pics at all, even if they're recent.

 

Why? Because with the right lighting, the right angle, and other photoshop techniques, even recent pics can look completely different from the real live person in the flesh.

 

People place too much emphasis on them, create a fantasy about the person, build them up in their heads, and then when they meet in person, naturally it's a let down.

 

Another reason why I dislike OLDing.

 

I had two pics posted, one face, one body. Nothing special tbh which is what I wanted.

 

My bf had a face shot (selfie) and that was it. And he's a professional photographer who can do amazing things with a camera!

 

But like me, he wanted everything to be real.

 

We were attracted to each other's energies which we both sensed even via messaging! Don't ask me how or why, but it did.

 

We were excited and that came through in our messages too. We exchanged no other pics before we met; we met after two weeks and it was amazing!

 

We connected in person just like in our messages, more so obviously since we now had the physical energy as well as the mental energy we sensed via our messages.

 

I don't think you can sense energy via pics, as I said they can often be deceptive even if recent.

 

JMO and experience!!

 

Anyway to the OP, I see nothing positive about giving him a second chance. He lied, was deceptive, met you under false pretenses, wasted your time, period end of.

 

This reminds me of a funny thing that happened to me years ago. I had several recent pictures on my profile (maybe the oldest was one year old, but my hair and everything looked the same as at that time). I don't really wear much makeup and I wasn't wearing either on the pics nor were they high quality instagram like pictures.

 

So I was supposed to meet a guy but he never showed up. When I asked him what happened he said I looked nothing like my pictures and that's why he came and left because he didn't even know if that was me. He probably didn't like the pictures either because I didn't see him coming at all and I just stood there waiting lol

[RayRay63]

I miss Katrina1980.

 

Shes said her piece, you agreed or not.

 

She didn't go running to the monitors and whining if she had a disagreement.

 

Katrina1980 was a good poster.

[Batya33]

As some of you know, I've recently started using a dating site. My first experience didn't go very well (there's a thread about that) but with the second guy who contacted me things seemed to be going well. We talked 2-3 times online and then on the phone and then he asked me to meet. The meeting was yesterday but I wasn't thrilled.

 

First of all, he didn't look like his pictures at all. I had seen pictures of a tall, thin guy with lots of hair and I met a short, fat, bald guy. He wasn't ugly but he wasn't the person in the pictures either (or maybe they were old pictures and he's changed a lot since then, I couldn't tell).

 

The conversation was ok but after half an hour I couldn't wait to get out of there. He wasn't rude or anything but no sense of humour, still angry with his ex (long story that he told me in detail) and even when we talked about films and music our tastes were very different.

 

On the plus side, he's close to my age, also single with no kids, he lives close to me, he was polite (insisted on paying for my coffee and asked if he could drive me home - I declined), he has a good job (so do I) and said he wants to see me again.

 

He's supposed to call me today and my best friend thinks I should give him one more chance and that, perhaps, the second meeting will be better but I don't feel like seeing him again.

 

So, those of you who have tried online dating, what do you think? When someone is not your type, do you meet them once more to make sure or tell them thanks but no, thanks?

 

Deleted -didn't realize how old the thread was.