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I screwed up royally and don't know how to fix my relationship with my parents


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I'm a sixteen year old high school girl (I'll be 17 in a couple months). Some months back, I was responsible for a car accident that severely injured the driver of the car that I struck. The accident was a result of me texting while driving. I was lucky enough to walk away with a few bruises. The other driver had to be taken away in an ambulance. After the police completed their investigation, I was charged with vehicular assault.

 

I have a court date coming up where I'll be accepting a deal we worked out with the prosecutor. The upside is it'll allow me to be convicted as a juvenile. However, I'll also have to spend 90 days locked up in the county juvenile detention center.

 

I own the fact that what I did was stupid and reckless and I'm lucky it didn't turn out worse than it did. And I know that I totally deserve my punishment. I plan to write my victim a letter of apology from juvie if he doesn't come to my sentencing hearing.

 

I just wish I knew what to do about my parents. They're so disappointed and upset with me, and I don't blame them. I hate what's happened to our relationship. We used to be so close before all this happened. Now, I feel like all trust is lost. I wish I knew what I could do to start healing our relationship.

 

For whatever it may be worth, I'm really sorry about what I've done. I promise I'll never do anything so stupid ever again.

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This is a very tough lesson. I'm sure you realize now why there are laws against using your cell phone while driving, and that whatever you were texting was not more important than someone's life.

 

Your parents are frightened. They also probably feel responsible for not being severe enough with you regarding using your cell phone while driving. They also probably feel guilty for being glad you survived and you were not the one injured even though that is a perfectly natural way to feel.

 

They need to process what happened and their role in the event. Please give them some time. Be assured they still do and always will love you.

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Your parents love you and are rightfully concerned and disappointed. I am sure they raised you better than you acted so they probably also feel responsible for your actions and may even feel like a failure as a parent.

 

They were responsible for raising you and teaching you and you choose to ignore all those lessons.

 

Keep doing what you have been doing by taking ownership of your choices (it was not a mistake, it was a choice) and remind your parents that they did a fantastic job raising you and it isn't their fault in the least for your selfish decision to text and drive. From that point on work your butt off making their life as easy as possible by showing them how mature and responsible you will be from now on. Don't make promises, just do it.

 

They are worried for you and don't know what the future holds for their child that is about to spend 90 days in jail. When you get out it will be up to you how quickly they can find it in their hearts to trust you once again...

 

Lost

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Sometimes to become a great person, you have to some failures in your life. Learn from this and you will come out much better than those who never even had an accident.

 

As for your parents, this may be hard to hear, but you are becoming a young adult. Ignore your parents and focus on becoming a responsible young adult. Ignore the desire for their approval. Show them in every action that you are determined to be a responsible, successful adult. But do all of this for you, not for them. They will turn around when they see your actions.

 

Seriously, this situation is not as bad as it seems. Learn and grow from it and you will do great things in life!

 

Best of luck!

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Agree with this. It's fine that you are understandably remorseful for all the damage you did to that guy's life, car etc, not to mention the damages to your future and your parents car, finances, insurance, credit rating, etc.

 

Unfortunately for you and your parents, this phase is just the criminal charges. That is bad enough, but the least of their problems. Your parents could lose their house because this guy could sue them personally if he sustained any sort of damage to his health, pain, suffering, medical bills, loss of income/employment, car damage, etc, which of course he should to make himself whole again after the devastation you caused.

 

Don't except them to be all huggy and happy just because you feel sorry. As adults they understand the gravity of the situation you put them in and will bear all the responsibility for it because you are a minor. Do what you have to do. And let your parents process the mess they are now in.

 

Keep doing what you have been doing by taking ownership of your choices (it was not a mistake, it was a choice) and remind your parents that they did a fantastic job raising you and it isn't their fault in the least for your selfish decision to text and drive. From that point on work your butt off making their life as easy as possible by showing them how mature and responsible you will be from now on.

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I just want to say thanks to everyone who's replied with advice. I appreciate your posts and I've been mulling over what everyone had to say.

 

I've also been thinking about next week a lot. My court date is next Friday. I keep thinking about how I'll be taken into custody at the end of it. I'm doing my best not to freak out, but I admit I'm really nervous about being in juvie and what it'll be like. But whatever happens, I know I brought this all on myself.

 

Again, thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it.

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You can turn this into a positive.

 

After you finish your time in detention, offer to speak to groups of teen drivers to encourage them to put their phones away while driving. Tell them your story. Remind them that NO text is more important than someone's life. Show then what can happen when you choose to behave selfishly.

 

You could save someone else's life.

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I just wish I knew what to do about my parents. They're so disappointed and upset with me, and I don't blame them. I hate what's happened to our relationship. We used to be so close before all this happened. Now, I feel like all trust is lost. I wish I knew what I could do to start healing our relationship.

 

This would be a great question for them. You'll need to adopt patience and give healing the t.i.m.e. your parents may need to process this experience. Their behavior is likely not a reflection of any love lost for you, but rather, they need to grasp the outcome in their own way, and at their own rate. You can't rush that.

 

I'd bide my time in the comfort of knowing how deeply your parents have always loved you, and I'd trust that over time they will allow that love to shift back into the forefront of their perspective. It's just not an instant process.

 

Head high, do the time--and accept that your parents are doing their own time, too.

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Perhaps it will sink in that unfortunately this event is a game changer. For you, for your parents and certainly for the guy you hit. The cost to this guy and your parents financially and emotionally (and physically for the guy) is enormous compared to 90 days in juvenile detention. You won't have a licence when you get out, not to mention all the other problems with school, etc so you may want to skip the lecture circuit fantasy for now.

 

It may be suspended or revoked and you may need to take driving courses again and to ever be insured again. Also your parents will have to repair their car and certainly their insurance will go through the roof after all this. Hopefully your parents take your assault weapon of choice (your phone and car privileges) away. You may get suspended from school or have to do a grade over. It's good you are sorry, but life will be different now.

My court date is next Friday. I keep thinking about how I'll be taken into custody at the end of it. I'm doing my best not to freak out, but I admit I'm really nervous about being in juvie and what it'll be like.
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