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Ex Giving Mixed Messages, and Now Blocked Me


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I'm really struggling right now. My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago. We didn't speak for 4 weeks, and then started talking again. For the last month we've been talking almost every day, and even spoke on the phone several times. We had really great conversations, and he kept telling me that he was hopeful about us getting back together, that it was really nice to talk, but also that he didn't want to get back together right now. He graduated college last year, and I'm currently a senior. He feels like he has to focus on getting a job and everything else right now, and he also says that he wasn't always happy in the relationship. However, he has continued to give me these glimmers of hope by saying he could see it happening again, and I don't think he's done it to string me along, I think he really does feel that way. He truly is a kind person. He just seems to be conflicted.

 

Last weekend he said he thinks we still need space and he wanted to go back to not talking for a while. But then we ended up sleeping together, and he told me he loves me and misses me and it feels really right when we are together. Then a few days later he said he still really thinks we shouldn't talk for a while, because he doesn't want this right now, and he thinks we should try to let go of each other. I felt used, and got upset with him. How could he tell me he loves me and misses me and sleep with me and then want to cut off contact for months a few days later? I didn't expect us to get back together after sleeping together, I'm not even sure I want that at this moment, but I think it's cruel of him to cut off contact after doing what he did. I couldn't back off, and kept wanting him to explain his behavior, because I feel so confused and I feel awful about myself after all of this. Last night I was drunk and he ended up exploding over text at me, saying he doesn't know what to say anymore, he meant what he said about loving me but he doesn't want this right now, and telling me to move on. He's never told me to move on before, or gotten so upset. I feel like I pushed too far, because I woke up today and discovered that he blocked me on facebook, snapchat, and I believe the phone although I can't tell. I sent him an email earlier apologizing for pushing, and saying I really don't want to leave us in this place. It all sucks because I feel like he has had so much control. Also, I understand that it might seem like he has been using me, but I really believe he is genuine when he says he loves me and that he's hopeful about us. I just don't know what to do, I've never been blocked before, and I feel like I did something wrong now to be blocked, when all I did was try to express the fact that he hurt me. Do I still have any chance with him? Is there any way I could get unblocked? I just feel awful.

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You should not have in contact with him.

 

This someday stuff is a string along. By staying in contact you were helping him to move on, and keeping yourself connected.

 

You were not used, as you were not in a relationship and willingly slept with him. You should not have slept with him without the reconciliation.

 

Use this as a future lesson to not be in contact unless the other wants a full reconciliation.

 

He does not love you. or he would not risk losing you. I am sorry for all of this.

 

He blocked you because you would not back off. You need to move forward.

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Definitely back off. Start healing. This is going no where and although hard to accept you have to. You need to start rebuilding yourself and healing.

 

I know it’s easier said than done. When they give you mixed signals is confusing. Your mind goes crazy over thinking every little detail ( been there had it done to myself )

Honestly though I wish I went full NC from the beginning. Let’s face it if someone wants to be with you they will. If they start ‘doubting’ ‘questioning’ ‘being confused’ quite frankly it’s bull.

 

So you want to be someone’s backup? Someone’s rag doll they can pick up and put back down when they choose? Take it from me. It just makes you feel worse.

 

Forget what you did. You are hurting, and just wanted closure. Seems he uses you.

 

Advice from me, move on. Don’t communicate with him. Heal.

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Kick this D-bag to the curb. He's stringing you along. The fact that he's had 15 boyfriends says enough right there; he's a player. All he wants is to sleep around and use women for sex, that's no man at all. You deserve better than that; I wish I could find a woman like you who actually cares about working things out in a relationship.

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I'm going to quote another poster's (catfeeder's) signature line which you should cut and paste to your fridge cause it very much applies here and you can use going forward.

 

"Try backing off. It' seems to be a well kept secret how many wonders occur and problems straighten out when we do nothing but leave someone alone."

 

OP, clearly this man is (or was) conflicted, indicative of commitment issues/fears. I believe you may have had a chance with him if you had followed the above quote -- left him alone.

 

Having sex with him while he was so conflicted was probably the worst thing you could have done and then hounding him for answers and pushing was the nail in the coffin.

 

I can't say it would have worked, probably not as the guy has too many issues, and as he said himself "I just don't want it" but at least you would have maintained your self-respect and not felt used and like crap right now.

 

Lesson learned -- when a man tells you he "doesn't want it" pay attention! Don't just listen to the message you want to hear, in fact when a man has given me mixed messages, I listen to the message I don't want to hear, because that is usually the correct message and a true reflection of what a man feels and wants (or in this case doesn't want).

 

Best of luck moving forward.

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