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Warning email from boss? Confusing.


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I'm sorry you're having a rough time..but congrats on the baby!! It's also good to see you again.

 

Thanks SherrySher! Currently it's not a rough time whatsoever (the OG post was from back in December), and things have been fun and blissful. Although, newborn weeks are filled with sleep deprivation and uncertainty, I will admit! :) Still, a happy time at the moment and I learned a lot from where I was half a year ago.

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Thanks SherrySher! Currently it's not a rough time whatsoever (the OG post was from back in December), and things have been fun and blissful. Although, newborn weeks are filled with sleep deprivation and uncertainty, I will admit! :) Still, a happy time at the moment and I learned a lot from where I was half a year ago.

 

I remember those days and um ten year olds can also cause sleep deprivation just a different sort than newborn ;-). I sometimes do searches in askamanager - it has a good search function and then sometimes I find unrelated but still interesting posts.

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Thanks SherrySher! Currently it's not a rough time whatsoever (the OG post was from back in December), and things have been fun and blissful. Although, newborn weeks are filled with sleep deprivation and uncertainty, I will admit! :) Still, a happy time at the moment and I learned a lot from where I was half a year ago.

 

Ultimately, moving to Europe was a pretty good choice! Congrats on your promotion and baby :)

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Thanks SherrySher! Currently it's not a rough time whatsoever (the OG post was from back in December), and things have been fun and blissful. Although, newborn weeks are filled with sleep deprivation and uncertainty, I will admit! :) Still, a happy time at the moment and I learned a lot from where I was half a year ago.

 

Sounds wonderful! Although new babies bring sleep deprivation, the moments of holding them close as they slumber, seeing their tiny little features, smelling that baby scent, is heavenly.

 

So happy to hear that life is happy for you. :)

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Man, that is true. Just celebrated my 4 year anniversary here (GAH!) Although there are a ton of moments of homesickness, especially now, I feel a lot better.

Ultimately, moving to Europe was a pretty good choice! Congrats on your promotion and baby :)
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Haha, yes I know that's true! I certainly didn't mean to limit the sleep deprivation to "newborns" only - just talking about my current (and, I'm sure, longterm) reality with my 5 week old!

 

Hang in there! I am sure you are a pro after ten years of parenting - does it ever start to feel like that anyway?? :) Cheers!

 

I remember those days and um ten year olds can also cause sleep deprivation just a different sort than newborn ;-). I sometimes do searches in askamanager - it has a good search function and then sometimes I find unrelated but still interesting posts.
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Haha, yes I know that's true! I certainly didn't mean to limit the sleep deprivation to "newborns" only - just talking about my current (and, I'm sure, longterm) reality with my 5 week old!

 

Hang in there! I am sure you are a pro after ten years of parenting - does it ever start to feel like that anyway?? :) Cheers!

 

Oh I totally get that newborn stuff -I do!! Good luck!!!

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  • 1 month later...

Hate to re-open this thread (I might consider opening a new one, but I don't want to open this up to a huge debate just yet).

 

I've been on maternity leave since May, and am about to return at the end of this month right on schedule. I met with my boss Friday to discuss my return schedule. As I mentioned in my latest update to this thread, I had sat down with him before my departure in April to talk over all the nitty gritty before I left. He'd made very clear how valued I am and how happy the company is with my work. He told me that when I returned, I would continue working with my direct report, whom I'd interviewed, hired and trained the months before I left, and would likely have one additional direct report on that team by the time I came back. This would put me in a leadership position, which I had already begun taking on happily.

 

He also stated that I would be receiving a raise because I had clearly grown "significantly in value since beginning my role." I had helped double the size of our staff in the 8 months I had worked there before leaving, along with taking on significant operational tasks and going "above and beyond." In two separate meetings, he described giving me a raise when I returned, OR giving me a flexible return schedule of my working 80% when I returned without a ding to my salary. In the Netherlands, opting to work 80% as a mother after maternity leave is completely allowed and cannot be denied by the employer, but it's of course expected that your salary would take a hit.

 

Anyway, a few things have developed during my maternity leave, personally, one of these being that there are no daycares in our area that will take our daughter for more than four days a week (they are all under-staffed), making it crucial that my husband or I stay home with her one day a week, opting for that 80% schedule. The other thing is that my husband's father was just diagnosed with lymphoma and will be undergoing difficult treatments in the coming months, and I do not want my husband to be the one to therefore take the four day schedule in the event that he needs to travel to be with him frequently (which we are anticipating due to his family dynamics).

 

In my meeting on Friday, I laid out the desire to return on the 80% schedule, as my boss had offered before I left. I only brought up salary to say, "I know this normally means a lower salary." To put the ball in his court to address this, since he had mentioned twice that I was up for a raise and/or could take the flex schedule (without feeling it financially). He simply nodded and said, "it will be proportional to the hours you work."

 

He didn't mention anything about direct reports in our conversation, and made it seem like I'll be returning on pretty much the same role I was at the very beginning. We left things very positively, and I did not discuss anything further because we had run out of time.

 

I want to keep an open mind, because my boss is not someone who just throws around casual compliments or raises without careful consideration. But I can't help but feeling like my situation there has changed while I've been gone, which is disheartening. I'm uncomfortable bringing up the raise, and I'm bracing myself to see the hit in my salary with the one day off once returning.

 

I should mention that, salary-wise, I am already making considerably less than the market rate here for my role, but I was okay with that when I joined because the company was just starting and personnel was very thin - I was one of a team of three at the time, and the workload was small. Since then, we've grown significantly and my role has naturally taken on much more responsibility, which I've been up for. I have not approached this role from a salary perspective, rather, it is the first role of this type (Operations) and I've been eager to learn and grow within it. I know from a financial perspective that the company can afford to bump my salary up, but I haven't said anything because, well, it's only been a year (less than that, with my maternity leave), and I didn't want to give the impression that I'm always just looking for the money.

 

I would open up the conversation again to see if the raise is still on the table as discussed, however, for my sanity going in after a few months off being a new Mom, I don't really want to rock the boat and would prefer it be a smooth transition.

 

The way I see it, two things may have happened:

1. He forgot about our conversations. (Always possible, given his insane schedule. He has had moments where he's repeated conversations with me or forgotten conversations we've had- I think this happens to people when they're stretched thin).

2. He decided against the raise after I left because my direct report did a great job (I think this is the fear of just about every working Mom who goes out on maternity leave with a maternity cover in her place).

Ok, there is a 3. He is still planning to give me the raise and just won't change my salary when I switch schedule. He tends to just adjust the payroll from our accountants, so it is possible. But that would be a 20% raise to allow me a day off without any change to salary, so I'm kind of doubting this one.

 

Any thoughts? Anyone else been in this predicament?

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Not specifically but fair or not I think generally women who return to work after maternity leave and want a reduced schedule -which to me is a perk, meaning you don't have to hunt for child care coverage for that day and you still get your original job - often don't get looked at as "as" serious or capable or on the upward ladder -it's an impression -doesn't mean it's fair.

 

I never expected to make anywhere near the same salary when I returned to work but I didn't go on leave and then go back to my old employer and part time/telework/flexible schedule were worth a lot more to me and my family than $$ - it's such an individual thing! Had I returned to my place of employment I might have gotten "flex time" but it would have likely been just as demanding hours wise for lower pay. But this is the U.S. -different mat leave policies.

 

I would go back to this company for now since they'll give you the 80% and you really need that perk right now - and look around once you know you can find full time child care. I probably wouldn't try to rock the boat because of your family-child care-related needs. I'm sorry you're disappointed!

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