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I fear my boyfriend is secretly unemployed. How do I go about this?


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So I've been in a relationship with this guy for about a month now. He's from a different country and finished his degree here. On his Linkedin, there's no work history since about 2013 which is a bit strange. I know some people do not always update it. When we first met, he said he has been trying to find a job that will sponsor him here as he's on a postgrad visa. He made one comment that he does consultancy work in the city. However, when I stay over which can be during the week or the weekend (we don't live together), he doesn't wake up and go to work. When it was his birthday recently, he decided to take a few days of work and has done a few since. I made a comment like "Oh you can take days of work that easily?" and he sort of brushed it off. Sometimes when I leave in the afternoon, he says he's going to work at 4pm. Says he sometimes finishes around 8/9pm. One day I was laying on his bed and he had a workmans top hanging up and I asked him what that was for, he claimed it's for his job. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense. One day I saw on his desk he had a sheet of paper with a brainstorm of "work experience, job" etc almost like what someone would be doing right after a degree.

 

What do you think? How do I go about this without possibly embarrasing him?

 

TL;DR guy I'm dating/in a relationship with seems to be unemployed.

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Gee, I wouldn't be worried about embarrassing him. If he's unemployed, he's been lying to you. And can you really trust anything he tells you?

 

Plus if he doesn't have a job, then his education visa is probably up and he's in the country illegally.

 

I would just caution you that you don't know him very well and he might be lying to you. You might want to have a heart-to-heart talk with him and find out what his real situation is. And also don't give him any money.

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Dating for only 4 weeks is all about getting to know someone. He told you upfront that he "has been trying to find a job that will sponsor him here", so what do you believe he is hiding? That he is doing odd jobs or part time work? He told you that upfront as well. Perhaps you need to get to know each other a bit better rather than relying on his social media or snooping around his place.

 

Are you afraid he is trying to scam you into being a sponsor for a visa? Why wouldn't he have resume writing notes around if he already told you he is doing odd jobs and looking for a job that would sponsor him?

So I've been in a relationship with this guy for about a month now. On his Linkedin, there's no work history since about 2013 which is a bit strange. when I stay over which can be during the week or the weekend (we don't live together), he doesn't wake up and go to work. One day I was laying on his bed and he had a workmans top hanging up and I asked him what that was for, he claimed it's for his job
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I'm not really understanding your concern. He said he is in the process of looking for a job which will sponsor him. And he's working odd jobs in the meantime.

 

My advice would be keep sleep overs to a minimum for now. Just date and get to know him. Slow the roll. If there are inconsistencies or he's acting shady, it will come out with time.

 

Also keep in mind he's in a transitional period and who knows how it will play out.

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So this is the same guy that is "secretly" a misogynist jerk and now "secretly" unemployed? Why are you even dating him, no less calling him your bf and rushing things with constant sleepovers?

"I'm concerned the man I'm dating secretly doesn't like women".11-29-2018 :

 

I've been on a few dates with a guy from France. he was telling me a story about how some women look nice but once they open their mouth, they're not feminine. A few times he's talked about how the women here in the city I live in are trashy. he mentioned how some air hostess are trashy. He is 29 and I'm 22.

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yeah just let time reveal all things. Most of it seems to make sense to me. Have you been bugging him about his job from the beginning? If so that mithg be what's goin on here.

It seems what he does as a career is EXTREMELY important to you - even though he just finished his postgrad degree. Well, yeah.. postgrad students may not have time to have a f/t job and career going at the same time.

 

so yea he might be working jobs unrelated to his degree to make ends meet while he's in school completing his degree and this "notes" may be related to the fact he's updating his resume based on his new degree. Taht he has no work history since 2013 seems to align with the fact he's been in postgrad school (roughly the last 4-5 yrs). That he does "consulting work in the city" could be related to his postgrad degree (internships, mentorships, etc.).

 

So all of it actually seems reasonable to me. If he's lying, it could be b/c you've been so emphasizing and wondering about his career and seems important to you that maybe he said "consultant" because you made him self-conscious about being a postgrad and maybe not having a career "office job" to boot at the same time.

 

So what is it you wnat and why is this so important to you? If you know he's a foreign student finishing his postgrad - why is his career right now so important to you? You postgrad to help qualify you for a career and to work towards a career (possibly a new career).

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