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I am afraid there are millions of girls more beautiful than me


Chapachupa
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I am a 23 years old girl with tons of complexes and insecurities that have been ruining my life ever since I remember myself... I have never had a boyfriend because when someone try to get to know me, I instantly begin thinking "Why would this boy choose me exactly when there are millions of more beautiful and sexy girls at hand?" And I answer myself that it's because he is completely desperate and there is nothing interesting "on the market" at the moment, and as soon as he finds a more beautiful girl than me, he will dump me right away. That kind of thinking is ruining my life, making me lose the purpose of love and desire for living.. Please, folks, from the bottom of my heart, give me a piece of advice and help me 🙏

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Only therapy can help you with this self defeating thinking. There probably are a million more beautiful girls in the world. So? There is only one you and a guy sees beauty in your confidence, personality, demeanor and how you rock it. Just be yourself and get a therapist to help you.

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Darling .....tap in google .....the law of attraction / the secret /cosmic ordering ...it gives you amazing strength and almost invigorates a person ....It wont tell you you are beautiful ...but you will tell yourself by the end of it .

 

Want to know a secret ..... so so so many people feel like you , you are not alone .

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Only therapy can help you with this self defeating thinking. There probably are a million more beautiful girls in the world. So? There is only one you and a guy sees beauty in your confidence, personality, demeanor and how you rock it. Just be yourself and get a therapist to help you.

 

That's nice wiseman .

 

Now get some tinsel on your head and shout merry christmas across the pond to me .

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Yeah, I do think this needs to be worked out in therapy.

 

Most of my friends are men. I'll let you in on a few thoughts some of them have said to me over the years that might make you feel a little better. One of my friends told me his type "is not the first woman you would notice in a room." He doesn't like the media-image woman, he likes the unassuming one. Every time I think a woman is really beautiful, he disagrees and picks out the one I think is very average-looking/less than average. He honestly would be more apt to be attracted to someone with some quirky features who is overweight than your dolled up model type. He had a long-term girlfriend who used to be good friends with my roommate. She frequently complained about how her chest pointed in opposite directions and how much she disliked this part of her body, etc. He said he thought they were beautiful because it was a part of her, so he wouldn't change a thing. Men like this do exist, they don't all want the same thing--beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And even among the friends that claim they are super attracted to X celebrity, etc. They all happily date women that look nothing like their purported preference.

 

I've found a lot of men have a wide range of attraction. There might be a feature or two that does it for them on someone and then the personality helps to inform the rest of their attraction. Sort of like how most women don't expect men to be perfect looking, either. Attraction is not 100% about looks alone--and if you happen to find someone with whom it is, I'm betting that the other areas of the relationship will be sorely lacking.

 

You deserve to feel worthy of love regardless of how you look. There is no one standard of beauty. What you or I find beautiful may not be the same thing that the guy who is right for you finds attractive. You're more than just your looks.

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Well....you have a rather condescending and unhealthy view of men - basically that they are completely mindless shallow creatures only chasing after the next pretty face. You are basically dehumanzing half the human population. Which makes me wonder - do you have any guy friends? Do you socialize in real life? Do you take any time out to realize that people are just people and relationships aren't actually about looks and that everyone's idea of what's attractive is completely different?

 

I mean even among us girls, if I have ten friends and we all look at the same guy, you'll get ten completely different opinions on his level of attractiveness. Like zero consensus. BUT at the end of the day, it's not about looks, it's about you, your personality, what do you bring to the table as a human being. If all you bring is looks, you'll never have a lasting relationship. The saying that beauty is only skin deep is around for a reason. Relationships aren't about beauty.

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You would benefit from therapy, the sooner the better, because your thinking and logic is sadly lacking. Pretty girls arent necessarily better or smarter or funnier or more clever than you! Looks fade, a good personality lasts a lifetime and any guy I know would rather have a fun, enthusiastic, intelligent girlfriend/wife than a Barbie Doll who is made up to look like someone she isnt. Beauty products can produce girls who look like Hollywood starlets but that doesnt mean they are good, honest, fun, dependable, decent people!

 

The shallow among us like those khardashian girls are beyond pathetic. A couple pounds of makeup and some skanky clothes doesnt guarantee they are someone a guy wants to spend his life with, once she washes her face.

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It's all about rocking it, Chapachupa. As you can see Santa is no hunk, but the most beloved guy in the world because he rocks it. That's all you need to do.

HAHAHA I just sang to all of that .....Sorry op , I have derailed your thread ...but hope you get a little smile and know you are amongst friends xx
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So let's flip it. What if you started dating a guy you thought was a 9, but even though he was lots of fun and kind, if a 10 walked in the room, that'd be the end of the 9? You'd go for the 10 instead because he was a sexier, handsomer guy who walked in the room? The people I know have never done this. You meet a person you have chemistry with. You find out he/she is kind, faithful, fun, sexy, and you're compatible in all the major ways, and you gradually fall in love and can't imagine life without him/her.

 

If you've ever watched the show "That 70's Show" and have seen the character Hyde with the curly hair and glasses--that's what my boyfriend when we were teens looked like. Was he an extremely handsome guy? No, just average. But I will tell you that I had all kinds of girls trying to steal my boyfriend because he was a people person. He paid attention to everyone, joked around with them, and made you feel like you were a terrific person that he was having a blast with.

 

What isn't attractive to anyone? No confidence. People who put themselves down. Withering violets who see the negative in everything. I suggest you read articles and books on improving your self worth, because if you don't, the only types of guys you'll attract will be bullies who will sniff out your fear and target you as their next victim.

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I remember advice my grandma told me when I was a teenager. There is always going to be someone better, prettier, smarter, but there is also going to be someone who is not as pretty or as smart, etc.

You have to come to terms with that.

What matters the most, is that you are the best version of yourself.

You're not in competition with other people. They have their own paths and you have no idea what they are going through and visa versa.

Just concentrate on your own life and being the best version of yourself.

 

Is it scary to become involved with someone or fall in love and then become vulnerable to being hurt? Absolutely. I think all of us, even as adults, worry that our loved one will find someone better.

The key is, to accept that vulnerability. Trust that your partner won't do that to you. Hope for the best and live your life in the best way you know how.

Do you sometimes still get hurt even if you've done your best? Yes. That's a part of life. It's not always nice or fair but it can go like that sometimes.

Is it always going to go badly? NO.

You might find a boyfriend who is always good to you and who never cheats and only wants/loves you.

You have to trust in the good but be strong if things don't work out.

 

Consider getting therapy for your self esteem and self confidence. It can help greatly. It also sounds like you might need help with anxiety issues.

You can get help with both and not feel so on edge like this.

 

Life can be tough but it doesn't mean it will always be bad. Life can be pretty darn good too.

Just roll with it and hope for the best.

 

And don't forget that guys can get just as hurt as we can and are just as vulnerable to pain as we woman are.

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insecurity is a real thing.

and yes it's true that until you are secure, it'll be tough to win many people over (who ends up being attracted to somebody who can't stand themselves?)

 

work on your insecurity. even if it takes some counseling and therapy to learn why you're insecure and how to get over that (chances are you won't be able to figure it out yourself).

 

Good luck.

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Well....you have a rather condescending and unhealthy view of men - basically that they are completely mindless shallow creatures only chasing after the next pretty face. You are basically dehumanzing half the human population. Which makes me wonder - do you have any guy friends? Do you socialize in real life? Do you take any time out to realize that people are just people and relationships aren't actually about looks and that everyone's idea of what's attractive is completely different?

 

I mean even among us girls, if I have ten friends and we all look at the same guy, you'll get ten completely different opinions on his level of attractiveness. Like zero consensus. BUT at the end of the day, it's not about looks, it's about you, your personality, what do you bring to the table as a human being. If all you bring is looks, you'll never have a lasting relationship. The saying that beauty is only skin deep is around for a reason. Relationships aren't about beauty.

 

Agree, which hopefully proves how out of touch your mindset truly is. I can tell you this without a shadow of doubt and I’ve never laid eyes on you, there are millions of women prettier than you. There’s millions of girls prettier than me, beauty of course all being subjective, there’s billions of human beings on this planet, even if you’re a super model there’s gonna be millions prettier, youre telling yourself such a silly statement, remember that when those defeatist thoughts begin. Also if it makes you feel any better, I don’t even think celebrities actually meet a million people, so I can guarantee you the random dude at the 7-11 who is interested in you doesn’t have a dating pool nearly as large as you are imagining.

 

I’m being sarcastic so you can hopefully see how silly this mindset is. I do agree with the others that you should probably see a therapist

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Have you ever heard that beauty is only skin deep? You can be the most beautiful girl on earth, but if you open your mouth and only "dumb" comes out, the date would be over. I was always looking for a girl I could talk to. Someone who was loving and wanted to be loved. Somebody with depth and values. You should be looking for the same qualities in a guy.

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OP, you might want to do some reading into body dysmorphia or BDD as your way of thinking sounds similar. How do I know? Because I've been in therapy for it and can attest that therapy will help you gain perspective.

 

We live in a society that values women for their looks, so it is not surprising that so many girls are growing up with the belief that if they are not beautiful enough they won't attract a man. However, if you ask most men what they love about their partners I can almost guarantee they'll reel off a list of qualities that will be about what they're like as a person, not how hot they are.

 

My therapist put some good questions to me. He said what if I was in a room of guys and one was exceptionally good looking - would I want him as a partner? Yes! But what if I started talking to him and realised his views were a bit off? Would I still find him as attractive? Possibly not. What if I gave him a go anyway because he was so good looking and found out he was a criminal or cruel to animals? Would he still be this attractive man that I wanted to be with? Hell no! The moral is that while looks might provide initial attraction they're not what make people stay and any decent man is going to value you as a full package and will not want to risk losing that.

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It definitely sounds like you have some stuff to work through, and therapy or CBT will be best for that. All I will say from my heart to yours, is that you truly are not alone. So many people - male and female - feel this way. Even if it's not as extreme as your thinking, many people feel their partner will fancy someone more than them or they feel inferior to others. There is so much more to you than how you look. Who you are is more than skin deep. I recommend, and challenge, you to delve into some selfcare. Find what makes you feel good and do a little bit if it every day. Pamper yourself, relax, get some healthy endorphins, find a new hobby, learn something new, do your favourite thing, surround yourself with good people. Take care of yourself and you will shine from the inside out my lovely. Just remember you deserve happiness as much as anyone.

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