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Head high, and consider a private goal of adopting resilience as your number 1 life skill--then surprise everyone, including yourself, with your ability to bounce back from this. You'll thank yourself later.

That is exactly what I'm trying to achieve...kind of like a phoenix from the flames. But I guess not there yet... back to the drawing board!

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That is exactly what I'm trying to achieve...kind of like a phoenix from the flames. But I guess not there yet... back to the drawing board!

 

Some setbacks are natural, but they don't erase any progress you've made. It just feeeels that way. The first year after a LTR breakup is about reclaiming milestones, holidays and territory where your paths may cross. So the goals isn't to 'avoid' the discomfort of navigating those things, it's to plow through them while learning what works best for you--and what does not. Once you 'reclaim' you can credit yourself with more and more liberation rather than working against yourself to make your world smaller and smaller.

 

We each get to decide whether our experiences will enhance us and make us stronger as we move forward, or whether we will use them as a reason to contract and play small. I vote for expansion and confidence building, even at the expense of discomfort. This doesn't mean you can't have occasional boo-hoo's with a tissue box, it just means that keeping one eye on a bigger goal will pull you out of that faster because you're focused on a larger reward.

 

Head high.

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  • 2 weeks later...
We each get to decide whether our experiences will enhance us and make us stronger as we move forward, or whether we will use them as a reason to contract and play small. I vote for expansion and confidence building, even at the expense of discomfort.

 

On that note, I am debating on where and how to live next. Right now I live with my family so that I can get a hold of myself again but I want to move out as soon as possible and be on my way. I have two options:

 

To live by myself, or move into a shared apartment. Some days I feel like I want to make it on my own, but other days I feel like it would be nice to have new people around and to develop some new (yet to be determined) perspectives.

 

Regardless of which decision I make, thinking about either possibility makes me very sad. It hurts my heart that I am, myself, making an active step in moving away from the life I have loved and wanted to continue. That is, perhaps, how the cookie crumbles.

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It hurts my heart that I am, myself, making an active step in moving away from the life I have loved and wanted to continue. That is, perhaps, how the cookie crumbles.

It is indeed....

 

I have now moved out of the town I called home for around 20 years as the journey away from my divorce continues. Away from her, my friends and everything I've known....

 

Like you describe, it is another step toward letting go, moving on and the reality that it's over....

 

However, once I'd actually moved it seemed to actually be quite relieving....

 

The air is cleaner up here, I no longer have to be hyper vigilant as I drive around as I know I won't see her, and I'm not surrounded by triggers-ville as in all the places we used to go etc....

 

So leading up to it might be a bit anxiety provoking, but once you've done it, you may find it's actually not to bad :)

 

Hope This Helps

 

Carus*

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I no longer have to be hyper vigilant as I drive around as I know I won't see her, and I'm not surrounded by triggers-ville as in all the places we used to go etc....

Seems you've gone to some great lengths to (literally) move on. I wonder if it was really necessary to leave town and all though...maybe it depends on the size of the place, I don't know. Sometimes I wish I could go to a different country with a different language and just start over, lol. But I'm guessing it won't fix anything, so here I stay dealing with it best as I can.

 

I wouldn't say your post has helped - though it is appreciated. More food for thought. Hope the year ends quickly so I can hopefully get back to normal... too many memories floating around these days :p

 

I wish you all the best on your healing journey!

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Regardless of which decision I make, thinking about either possibility makes me very sad. It hurts my heart that I am, myself, making an active step in moving away from the life I have loved and wanted to continue. That is, perhaps, how the cookie crumbles.

 

Again, watch how you choose to frame things. A habitual insert of 'whoa is me...' into everything is self-conditioning to feel that way--about everything.

 

Everyone suffers breakups, if we've loved enough. We can build resilience as a life skill, or not. Owning control over the critical voice you run in your own head is a crucial part of that skill.

 

A coach at work taught that it takes 21 days for the brain to rewire when replacing a habit, so of course it feels unnatural to catch default negativity and replace that voice with one of an encouraging coach. But if we won't do that work for ourselves, nobody else is going step in to do it for us.

 

Changing a passive view of the world happening TO us grabs ownership over how we handle what happens after we fall. Some people climb right back up to minimize their pain by creating new experiences, while others sit and contemplate injustice and spin themselves into a deeper pit to climb out of.

 

Head high, and decide how resilient you want to be.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well here I am again, letting off steam.

The christmas holidays were actually OK. I was able to enjoy the company of my family and friends, had lots to eat and drink. But the few days between Christmas starting with the 27th, leading up to NYE brought out old memories at an increasing rate. I couldn't sleep at all last night as I was stuck in limbo with my though of her, wondering if somewhere or somehow there would be a second chance.

 

These thoughts compelled me to finally delete her number and try to move on and become a stronger and better version of me next year. Now I didn't delete her number primarily so that I wouldn't be able to call her, no... I deleted it because I kept checking her profile pic in WhatsApp. Perhaps now, her face will fade from my memory and I won't be able to get that little fix from her.

 

Happy new year to all of you!

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Agreed....A big step but necessary if you can't not look at her pics/profiles....It will definitely keep her alive for longer in your mind.

 

Difficult time of year for many...

 

It's already Jan 1st here....Come on over. It's good :)

 

Carus*

 

PS: Sputnik you old dawg! Been thinking about you. Send me a PM and let me know how you're going!*

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Indeed a very difficult time for many. But I am looking forward to the challenges that await in 2019. You reap what you sow... as was with my last relationship unfortunately. But the same principle applies to being single. I just have to be good to myself and those around me and everything will work out just fine :)

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