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Can you please explain to me why she can feel like I am hiding something after I answered her questions in a) the dating website b) in texts and phone calls c) during the 1st date d) during the 2nd date?

 

Why do you continue to focus on this? This isn't important! You could have done a number of things to address what looked to be her concerns, but you didn't, you became frustrated and set off red flags for her, hence why she is no longer in contact with you. If you wanted to be more direct at the time, you could have asked her about her line of questioning instead of coming here to ask on the forum. At the end of the day her asking the questions isn't the problem, your reaction to them was! THAT'S the takeaway, not why did she ask me all those questions multiple times! These questions during dating is common, and you can probably expect them again somewhere down the line.

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Why do you continue to focus on this? This isn't important! You could have done a number of things to address what looked to be her concerns, but you didn't, you became frustrated and set off red flags for her, hence why she is no longer in contact with you. If you wanted to be more direct at the time, you could have asked her about her line of questioning instead of coming here to ask on the forum. At the end of the day her asking the questions isn't the problem, your reaction to them was! THAT'S the takeaway, not why did she ask me all those questions multiple times! These questions during dating is common, and you can probably expect them again somewhere down the line.

 

This x 1000.

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Why do you continue to focus on this? This isn't important! You could have done a number of things to address what looked to be her concerns, but you didn't, you became frustrated and set off red flags for her, hence why she is no longer in contact with you. If you wanted to be more direct at the time, you could have asked her about her line of questioning instead of coming here to ask on the forum. At the end of the day her asking the questions isn't the problem, your reaction to them was! THAT'S the takeaway, not why did she ask me all those questions multiple times! These questions during dating is common, and you can probably expect them again somewhere down the line.

 

Exactly!

 

I have no idea why the OP's obsessing over why she asked theses questions and why she was no longer interested.

 

All he mentioned was dating. Yes her questions were excessive but they are normal questions. I don't think it ever warranted him flying off at her with them.

 

I am a women. After two dates I have decided to not pursue it anymore. Even after asking some of the questions I use to weed out the "f**k boys".

 

I don't even believe she didn't want to continue dating based on his answers.

 

Sometimes you don't continue dating as you are not "feeling it" for a number of reasons. Not being a vegetarian wouldn't have been a deal breaker for her. She wouldn't have met him if it was the case.

 

I don't vape and not a massive fan of it personally. I would prefer a partner to not smoke but wouldn't disregard dating them.

 

One guy before meeting said he smokes, he was like please don't let this be a deal breaker. As I know it can be a deal breaker for some people, which is fine for it to be for them.

 

Despite me not being a fan I still met him. We dated for sometime. It didn't work out, I guarantee you it ended for not matching personallity wise and nothing to do with his vaping. I wouldn't have entertained the idea if I was a massive deal breaker.

 

I feel like the same was with this women. She met him even after her 101 questions. They met and it didn't work out for whatever reason.

 

That is what the OP needs to understand. It's got nothing to do with the questions. It may have to do with the way he got frustrated with answering them but who knows.

 

I see it as she was not interested. So didn't reach out. He tried and tried again.

 

It was nice of her to of explained she blocked him and wasn't interested. Most people just ghost when they are not feeling it. I think she handled it normally.

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Why do you continue to focus on this? This isn't important! You could have done a number of things to address what looked to be her concerns, but you didn't, you became frustrated and set off red flags for her, hence why she is no longer in contact with you. If you wanted to be more direct at the time, you could have asked her about her line of questioning instead of coming here to ask on the forum. At the end of the day her asking the questions isn't the problem, your reaction to them was! THAT'S the takeaway, not why did she ask me all those questions multiple times! These questions during dating is common, and you can probably expect them again somewhere down the line.

 

Bingo........

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Why do you continue to focus on this? This isn't important! You could have done a number of things to address what looked to be her concerns, but you didn't, you became frustrated and set off red flags for her, hence why she is no longer in contact with you. If you wanted to be more direct at the time, you could have asked her about her line of questioning instead of coming here to ask on the forum. At the end of the day her asking the questions isn't the problem, your reaction to them was! THAT'S the takeaway, not why did she ask me all those questions multiple times! These questions during dating is common, and you can probably expect them again somewhere down the line.

 

That was in response to Tinydance’s post.. to explain to her that I had already answered the questions on multiple occasions

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I met a woman online and started messaging her there. She then gave me her phone number and we started chatting and texting. Things went well and we met for the first date. During the 1st date she repeatedly asked me how I was single for such a long time. I am 43 and never married, she is 38 and divorced. She also asked me other questions like if I smoke, drink, etc. Regardless, the date went well and we continued to talk.

 

We again met for the 2nd date and this date also went well. She was just a few days away from going on a trip to India to meet her family. Couple of days later I asked her if I can drop her at the airport. She was very glad but said she has to drop her dog off at the care center and declined my offer. Then she brought up the fact that I don't have a pet and I won't feel comfortable with her dog around.. then she mentioned that she is vegetarian and I am non-vegetarian.. then she slowly started asking questions again - do you smoke, do you drink, when was your last serious relationship, why you didn't have a girlfriend for such a long time, etc. At one point I got frustrated and we got into a minor fight. She said we should end things as I don't feel comfortable answering her questions. I then called her and somehow patched up things and we decided to continue.

 

For the next 2 days I texted her and she responded like how she usually does.. then I did not hear from her suddenly. I called and it went straight to her voicemail. I thought she must have started her trip to India already. I again texted her after her supposed return back to US but I did not get any responses. I first assumed that she may have postponed her return.. then I started to get very worried as it was now 1 month (her trip was only for 12 days). Yesterday I got very worried and called her.. it kept ringing for a while and then went to her voicemail.

 

Today she texted me and said that she had actually blocked me for a few days. I was shocked and asked why she did that and she says that we should not be talking any more. She feels that it will not work out because she has a dog and I don't, she is vegetarian and I am not..

 

I feel very confused now and wondering what to do.. I also feel very hurt about her decision to block my number. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

You're not responsible for her decision to block you. Don't take it personal. Don't be confused. People change their mind, especially when it's early.

 

Most people give excuses, not reasons for why they don't want to move forward. The reality is, it doesn't matter. This is likely going to repeat itself over and over. Accept has the price of dating. Enjoy it, shrug it off when things don't go your way.

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I had something happen to me very similar last year in 2017. I had up to six dates with her and though things were going well but she then changed all of a sudden and said she had no romantic feelings for me at all and we could still be in touch and keep in touch as friedns and she was ok with this for a couple of months and then blocked me in new year when I messaged Happy New year to her.

 

Ive had previous women who Ive dated and have keep in touch with. One up to 10 years now and another for 5 years.

 

I met the women online and the one who blocked me I found out she lacked any kind "emotional intelligence". Like you say it was quite crule how she just blocked me and this is after months of continued messaging when we were dating. That dropped off to a couple of messages every few weeks and then called me unhinged when I sent her a new year message like any good friend or member of the family would.

 

Some people especially online just want to cut ties and instead of doing it in a nice and polite way. They just cut you off because theyre not tied in with your friends or family so its easier for them to just cut you off.

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I swear I’m not trying to wreck your flow zippy and I completely agree with you that it’s super rude to block someone out of the blue after six dates but if you kept messaging her after she made it clear she wasn’t interested on top of likening yourself to a good friend or family member it might be time to do some introspection much like the OPer needs to.

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I swear I’m not trying to wreck your flow zippy and I completely agree with you that it’s super rude to block someone out of the blue after six dates but if you kept messaging her after she made it clear she wasn’t interested on top of likening yourself to a good friend or family member it might be time to do some introspection much like the OPer needs to.

 

If I had known that she had blocked me why would I message her after that? She was smiling and responding to my texts like she always does and then suddenly blocked me.. I couldn't figure that out especially because she departed to India at the same time.

 

Please don't keep assuming that I kept sending her text messages after she made it clear that she was not interested.

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If I had known that she had blocked me why would I message her after that? She was smiling and responding to my texts like she always does and then suddenly blocked me.. I couldn't figure that out especially because she departed to India at the same time.

 

Please don't keep assuming that I kept sending her text messages after she made it clear that she was not interested.

 

figureitout's post (to which this^ was in response to) wasn't meant for you SF, it was in response to zippy2000's post, no 107.

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figureitout's post (to which this^ was in response to) wasn't meant for you SF, it was in response to zippy2000's post, no 107.

 

Yes I know.. but she does mention me as well

 

it might be time to do some introspection much like the OPer needs to.

 

I don't know why some people are assuming that I kept messaging her after she said she is not interested. She never said she was not interested.. she just blocked me suddenly and I was not aware of that at all. I have enough self-respect to not contact a woman after she tells me she is not interested any more.

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I don't know why some people are assuming that I kept messaging her after she said she is not interested.

 

She never said she was not interested.. she just blocked me suddenly and I was not aware of that at all. I have enough self-respect to not contact a woman after she tells me she is not interested any more.

 

I just read this entire thread again and did not read where anyone assumed that. Again fio's post was in response to zippy2000, not you.

 

The main issue for most of us is why on earth her losing interest and blocking you after only two dates bothers you so much to the point (1) you needed to create a thread about it and (2) this thread is now 12 pages long.

 

You had only two dates for heaven's sakes, people change their minds, lose interest, ghost, block, whatever, it seriously does not even matter the reason, this is dating, this is life.

 

That's the real issue here SF. Why you can't seem to move on from it - I don't mean to sound flip about it, but again it was only two dates.

 

If she was initially interested, she lost interest and again it doesn't even matter why.

 

Let it go, let this thread die, frankly it appears this thread is making you feel worse, not better.

 

I'm sorry.

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I just read this entire thread again and did not read where anyone assumed that. Again fio's post was in response to zippy2000, not you.

 

The main issue for most of us is why on earth her losing interest and blocking you after only two dates bothers you so much to the point (1) you needed to create a thread about it and (2) this thread is now 12 pages long.

 

You had only two dates for heaven's sakes, people change their minds, lose interest, ghost, block, whatever, it seriously does not even matter the reason, this is dating, this is life.

 

That's the real issue here SF. Why you can't seem to move on from it - I don't mean to sound flip about it, but again it was only two dates.

 

If she was initially interested, she lost interest and again it doesn't even matter why.

 

Let it go, let this thread die, frankly it appears this thread is making you feel worse, not better.

 

I'm sorry.

 

Yes, that's what everyone keeps trying to say! Also you did not respond to two of my previous comments Silver, but it's OK if you don't want to....

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Yes, that's what everyone keeps trying to say! Also you did not respond to two of my previous comments Silver, but it's OK if you don't want to....

 

Every time I respond to a post I am being asked why am I still continuing with this thread and not just moving on...

 

When I directly responded to one of your posts another poster asked why am I not letting it go and I had to post again and say "It was a response to Tinydance".

 

Even now I want to respond to Katrina's post about why this bother me so much when it was only 2 dates but in the same post she is also telling why am I not letting it go.. and let this thread die..

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Even now I want to respond to Katrina's post about why this bother me so much when it was only 2 dates ...

 

SF, you already explained (below) why so there is no need to repeat.

 

I honestly wouldn't be so bothered about this if I was younger and had more dates. I am 43 now and getting really worried.. I have been on that site for 8 years and this was the first time I could progress to the 2nd date. This woman overlooked about the caste differences (we are both Hindu but belong to different caste)..

 

Not to invalidate your feelings, but this is about the worst reason to be so bothered by this. It speaks to your lack of confidence and self-esteem.

 

I mean it is just so obvious that you and this girl are not a good fit (and that's putting it mildly), so rather than be bothered after only two dates, the healthier response would have been to wish her the best and simply move on. Which maybe you did, but now you are bothered by it, borderline obsessive.

 

If you are having difficulty getting to a second date after eight years, better to spend your energy exploring why, through introspection, reading books and articles, and/or with the help of a qualified therapist rather than obsessing over why a particular woman you had two dates with asked certain questions in an effort to get to know you, after which she chose to not date you anymore.

 

Don't you think? I mean 43 is NOT old, by any standards.

 

Feel free to respond, I didn't mean to run you off, it just seemed this thread was making you feel worse.

 

If that's not the case, then I apologize and continue posting/venting, that's what this forum is for.

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I just read this entire thread again and did not read where anyone assumed that. Again fio's post was in response to zippy2000, not you.

 

The main issue for most of us is why on earth her losing interest and blocking you after only two dates bothers you so much to the point (1) you needed to create a thread about it and (2) this thread is now 12 pages long.

 

You had only two dates for heaven's sakes, people change their minds, lose interest, ghost, block, whatever, it seriously does not even matter the reason, this is dating, this is life.

 

That's the real issue here SF. Why you can't seem to move on from it - I don't mean to sound flip about it, but again it was only two dates.

 

If she was initially interested, she lost interest and again it doesn't even matter why.

 

Let it go, let this thread die, frankly it appears this thread is making you feel worse, not better.

 

I'm sorry.

 

I don't have any issues at all that someone, the OP or any ENA member, posting something like this "after only two dates." The POINT of ENA is to pick apart dating nuances, seek advice, vent, and discuss, and get advice. The OP posted in a forum that is geared for discussing his experience. This forum wouldn't exist if people didn't have a need to discuss; even discussing things that seem trivial. No one should be shamed for this.

 

The guy is responding to other texts. I don't see him as being defensive, but responding to other people, clarifying, and trying to pick apart what happened. This goes beyond this one woman...what can he do differently next time? Or is she just nutters? No one knows. :tongue:

 

I see this guy as someone who really, really connected well with this woman. Unfortunately, she did not feel the same, or maybe she did feel a strong connection, but such vastly different lifestyles have caused her to sever the relationship. Any of us have been in LTRs or married and divorced, and there's no way in H-E-double-toothpicks we're going near this issue again with a 10-foot pole. I suspect (possibly) the husband was adamant about no pets of which she loves. She will not live her life without a dog again, period, here going forward, and she will not embark on a relationship where a dog is merely tolerated and breeds contention. Sometimes I see her as judgmental and rigid, drama queen, entitled, and other times I see her as just making important areas of her life her hill to die on when it comes to a mate. I can't fault her for that.

 

The OP...I can understand his confusion. This woman went in completely opposite directions in a very short space of time. Maybe the OP came across as creepy or clingy, or maybe the woman was running hot/cold and has no idea what she wants. She went from being fully invested to fully blocking. What is a normal reaction to that? We don't have the full scope of details, but it all seems very rash and dramatic, and the OP is probably better off having avoided her mood swings. It's really hard to say.

 

OP, I don't recall if you have expressed that you've ever had a long-term relationship. At 42 or 43 (??), if you've never gone beyond a first date, we need to investigate why.

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Yes I know.. but she does mention me as well

 

 

 

I don't know why some people are assuming that I kept messaging her after she said she is not interested. She never said she was not interested.. she just blocked me suddenly and I was not aware of that at all. I have enough self-respect to not contact a woman after she tells me she is not interested any more.

 

I realize I tend to not use punctuation while typing on my phone but I thought I was pretty clear with my statement.

 

You were only brought up because, as I said, both you and zippy would do well to focus within instead of focusing on this need to see these women who did nothing but decide they didnt want to date you are somehow unhinged individuals.

 

In response to paisley, Im sorry but theres nothing 'normal' about this level of indignation when it comes to dating this early. In fact I think its dangerous to encourage such a thought process because it builds a sense of entitlement.In dating youre entitled to little unforunately, and if you pay close attention to the OPers replies, hes gravitated to bashing this woman instead of focusing on acknowledging and changing his actions, which lets be honest is literally the only thing worth doing at this point.

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I don't have any issues at all that someone, the OP or any ENA member, posting something like this "after only two dates." The POINT of ENA is to pick apart dating nuances, seek advice, vent, and discuss, and get advice. The OP posted in a forum that is geared for discussing his experience. This forum wouldn't exist if people didn't have a need to discuss; even discussing things that seem trivial. No one should be shamed for this.

 

The guy is responding to other texts. I don't see him as being defensive, but responding to other people, clarifying, and trying to pick apart what happened. This goes beyond this one woman...what can he do differently next time? Or is she just nutters? No one knows. :tongue:

 

I see this guy as someone who really, really connected well with this woman. Unfortunately, she did not feel the same, or maybe she did feel a strong connection, but such vastly different lifestyles have caused her to sever the relationship. Any of us have been in LTRs or married and divorced, and there's no way in H-E-double-toothpicks we're going near this issue again with a 10-foot pole. I suspect (possibly) the husband was adamant about no pets of which she loves. She will not live her life without a dog again, period, here going forward, and she will not embark on a relationship where a dog is merely tolerated and breeds contention. Sometimes I see her as judgmental and rigid, drama queen, entitled, and other times I see her as just making important areas of her life her hill to die on when it comes to a mate. I can't fault her for that.

 

The OP...I can understand his confusion. This woman went in completely opposite directions in a very short space of time. Maybe the OP came across as creepy or clingy, or maybe the woman was running hot/cold and has no idea what she wants. She went from being fully invested to fully blocking. What is a normal reaction to that? We don't have the full scope of details, but it all seems very rash and dramatic, and the OP is probably better off having avoided her mood swings. It's really hard to say.

 

OP, I don't recall if you have expressed that you've ever had a long-term relationship. At 42 or 43 (??), if you've never gone beyond a first date, we need to investigate why.

 

Thank you!!

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  • 7 months later...

UPDATE:

 

After 7 months of this incident she sent me a text today morning asking me how I was doing. I am not sure why she is suddenly texting me.. I haven't responded yet as I feel a bit confused.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

 

Below is the OP:

 

I met a woman online and started messaging her there. She then gave me her phone number and we started chatting and texting. Things went well and we met for the first date. During the 1st date she repeatedly asked me how I was single for such a long time. I am 43 and never married, she is 38 and divorced. She also asked me other questions like if I smoke, drink, etc. Regardless, the date went well and we continued to talk.

 

We again met for the 2nd date and this date also went well. She was just a few days away from going on a trip to India to meet her family. Couple of days later I asked her if I can drop her at the airport. She was very glad but said she has to drop her dog off at the care center and declined my offer. Then she brought up the fact that I don't have a pet and I won't feel comfortable with her dog around.. then she mentioned that she is vegetarian and I am non-vegetarian.. then she slowly started asking questions again - do you smoke, do you drink, when was your last serious relationship, why you didn't have a girlfriend for such a long time, etc. At one point I got frustrated and we got into a minor fight. She said we should end things as I don't feel comfortable answering her questions. I then called her and somehow patched up things and we decided to continue.

 

For the next 2 days I texted her and she responded like how she usually does.. then I did not hear from her suddenly. I called and it went straight to her voicemail. I thought she must have started her trip to India already. I again texted her after her supposed return back to US but I did not get any responses. I first assumed that she may have postponed her return.. then I started to get very worried as it was now 1 month (her trip was only for 12 days). Yesterday I got very worried and called her.. it kept ringing for a while and then went to her voicemail.

 

Today she texted me and said that she had actually blocked me for a few days. I was shocked and asked why she did that and she says that we should not be talking any more. She feels that it will not work out because she has a dog and I don't, she is vegetarian and I am not..

 

I feel very confused now and wondering what to do.. I also feel very hurt about her decision to block my number. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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My guess is that she found another relationship and it hasn't worked out, hence her contacting you.

 

I personally would ignore the latest text; she sounds very high maintenance at the best of times and unless you want to go through the interrogation process again, only to be found wanting, I'd just leave it.

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I'm sorry to hear about what happened. Been there myself. Was talking to a girl from Match and we were both into superhero movies. Met up with her at a coffee shop. She basically gave me a look of disgust. I had showered, shaved, and dressed nice. Then after our meeting, she texted and told me she did not want to go out again. Guess I just wasn't her type. It hurts but you just have to move on.

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UPDATE:

 

After 7 months of this incident she sent me a text today morning asking me how I was doing. I am not sure why she is suddenly texting me.. I haven't responded yet as I feel a bit confused.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

 

 

It truly does not matter, it could be anything.

 

Re responding back - if you don't trust yourself to remain emotionally detached, then ignore it.

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My guess is that she found another relationship and it hasn't worked out, hence her contacting you.

 

I personally would ignore the latest text; she sounds very high maintenance at the best of times and unless you want to go through the interrogation process again, only to be found wanting, I'd just leave it.

 

Thanks. That's what I am suspecting as well

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