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I met a woman online and started messaging her there. She then gave me her phone number and we started chatting and texting. Things went well and we met for the first date. During the 1st date she repeatedly asked me how I was single for such a long time. I am 43 and never married, she is 38 and divorced. She also asked me other questions like if I smoke, drink, etc. Regardless, the date went well and we continued to talk.

 

We again met for the 2nd date and this date also went well. She was just a few days away from going on a trip to India to meet her family. Couple of days later I asked her if I can drop her at the airport. She was very glad but said she has to drop her dog off at the care center and declined my offer. Then she brought up the fact that I don't have a pet and I won't feel comfortable with her dog around.. then she mentioned that she is vegetarian and I am non-vegetarian.. then she slowly started asking questions again - do you smoke, do you drink, when was your last serious relationship, why you didn't have a girlfriend for such a long time, etc. At one point I got frustrated and we got into a minor fight. She said we should end things as I don't feel comfortable answering her questions. I then called her and somehow patched up things and we decided to continue.

 

For the next 2 days I texted her and she responded like how she usually does.. then I did not hear from her suddenly. I called and it went straight to her voicemail. I thought she must have started her trip to India already. I again texted her after her supposed return back to US but I did not get any responses. I first assumed that she may have postponed her return.. then I started to get very worried as it was now 1 month (her trip was only for 12 days). Yesterday I got very worried and called her.. it kept ringing for a while and then went to her voicemail.

 

Today she texted me and said that she had actually blocked me for a few days. I was shocked and asked why she did that and she says that we should not be talking any more. She feels that it will not work out because she has a dog and I don't, she is vegetarian and I am not..

 

I feel very confused now and wondering what to do.. I also feel very hurt about her decision to block my number. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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I feel very confused now and wondering what to do.

 

The only thing for you to do is to respect her desire not to see you anymore, not contact her ever again, and meet other people.

 

She couldn't have been more crystal clear. She's simply not interested.

 

I know this hurts, and I'm sorry. It was 2 dates, not 2 years. Let it go.

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I’m sorry Op that what she’s done has caused you grief. As someone whose not wanted to be with guys and told them I didn’t whatever reasons they may be, then got harassed by other means. I advise you to leave it be. If she blocks you and says you should no longer talk then that’s what you do and you move forward.

 

Other fish in the sea

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I’m sorry Op that what she’s done has caused you grief. As someone whose not wanted to be with guys and told them I didn’t whatever reasons they may be, then got harassed by other means. I advise you to leave it be. If she blocks you and says you should no longer talk then that’s what you do and you move forward.

 

Other fish in the sea

 

Thank you..

 

It's so easy for her to find dates. There will be guys lined up in her inbox.. but for men its so difficult, especially at my age. I have been on that online site for 8 years and this was the first time I was able to get to the 2nd date with a woman. and now its gone and I don't even know what mistake I made :(

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Thank you..

 

It's so easy for her to find dates. There will be guys lined up in her inbox.. but for men its so difficult, especially at my age. I have been on that online site for 8 years and this was the first time I was able to get to the 2nd date with a woman. and now its gone and I don't even know what mistake I made :(

 

My guess is, it's not a mistake that you made, but rather a mismatch that she realized.

 

She brought up 3 things, twice: the fact that she has a dog and you don't, the fact that she's vegetarian and you're not, and the fact that she's divorced and you're not.

 

Chances are, she's looking for similarities, and she just didn't find enough.

 

You go take your non-dog, meat-eating, single self out there and find yourself another date. :D

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It seems to me she has some very strict lifestyle choices, and it is very important to her that her potential mate feels the same. You never stated whether you drink or smoke to those of us here on the board. Did you avoid and skirt the issue with her as well? Smoking is a deal-breaker. Drinking is a deal-breaker to a lesser scale. Pets or no pets can be a deal-breaker. Vegan/vegetarian (or whatever version thereof) vs. a carnivore can be a deal-breaker. She's from India. Does she have strong religious views and dietary restrictions related to those views? It seems to me she does, though she focused on other issues with her 20 questions. I think she realized that for as a nice a guy as you may be, there is a high level of incompatibility. If she is this strict in her dietary and lifestyle choices, she should probably state as much on the profile or not pursue a date with someone who doesn't clearly state those same views up front. It will spare a lot of time.

 

My guess is you smoke or used to smoke, maybe an occasional social smoker. I'm pretty sure you drink. You may only drink socially or on occasion, or maybe you're a heavier drinker, I don't know, but you drink, and it's something you're not willing to give up entirely. You don't have a dog. You don't mind dogs and even like dogs, but you're not terribly keen on living with them. Is she religious? Are you? Are either of you willing to convert?

 

There are lots of issues here, OP, and I think she has determined that you are not the guy for her for various reasons that she is unwilling and unable to bend on. She's nipping it in the bud before it gets more intense and the breakup becomes so much worse. I promise you, there will be major fights over these issues, as you seem to be very opposite in many ways.

 

Leave her be, and move on to someone who aligns better with you. I understand how hurt you feel with her blocking you, but at least she came forward and officially put an end to it. It stinks, I know, but the writing is on the wall. She has too many hills to die on.

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It seems to me she has some very strict lifestyle choices, and it is very important to her that her potential mate feels the same. You never stated whether you drink or smoke to those of us here on the board. Did you avoid and skirt the issue with her as well? Smoking is a deal-breaker. Drinking is a deal-breaker to a lesser scale. Pets or no pets can be a deal-breaker. Vegan/vegetarian (or whatever version thereof) vs. a carnivore can be a deal-breaker. She's from India. Does she have strong religious views and dietary restrictions related to those views? It seems to me she does, though she focused on other issues with her 20 questions. I think she realized that for as a nice a guy as you may be, there is a high level of incompatibility. If she is this strict in her dietary and lifestyle choices, she should probably state as much on the profile or not pursue a date with someone who doesn't clearly state those same views up front. It will spare a lot of time.

 

My guess is you smoke or used to smoke, maybe an occasional social smoker. I'm pretty sure you drink. You may only drink socially or on occasion, or maybe you're a heavier drinker, I don't know, but you drink, and it's something you're not willing to give up entirely. You don't have a dog. You don't mind dogs and even like dogs, but you're not terribly keen on living with them. Is she religious? Are you? Are either of you willing to convert?

 

There are lots of issues here, OP, and I think she has determined that you are not the guy for her for various reasons that she is unwilling and unable to bend on. She's nipping it in the bud before it gets more intense and the breakup becomes so much worse. I promise you, there will be major fights over these issues, as you seem to be very opposite in many ways.

 

Leave her be, and move on to someone who aligns better with you. I understand how hurt you feel with her blocking you, but at least she came forward and officially put an end to it. It stinks, I know, but the writing is on the wall. She has too many hills to die on.

 

Yes, I have stated the details clearly in my profile on the dating site. Before giving her number she asked if I smoke and drink and I answered her truthfully.. which is - I don't smoke, I drink on social occasions. She also knew that I was non-vegetarian. It was only after this she even gave her phone number to me. I am from India as well and belong to the same religion as her but from different caste (hence the veg/non-veg differences).

 

When the dog issue came up I was again honest and said that I have never had pets BUT I can become comfortable with a dog. So I am not sure how this is an issue..

 

Her place is almost a 2hr drive but I drove all the way for the 2 dates.. I also offered to pick her up from her place (2 hr drive) and drop her at the airport (another 1.5 hr drive). and after all this she just blocks me :(

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The issue is you said you don’t want to be around her dog.

 

And, presumably, that you want to eat meat around her. Or have her cook it maybe?

 

Both are valid.

 

Nope. I never said I don't want to be around her dog. and I never said I will eat meat in front of her or ask her to cook for me. I don't know where in my post you read that.

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Nope. I never said I don't want to be around her dog. and I never said I will eat meat in front of her or ask her to cook for me. I don't know where in my post you read that.

 

Your OP said you won’t feel comfortable around her dog- did she assume you felt that way or had you said that?

 

Also. Never said that YOU said anything about the meat. But it sounds like you had a conversation of diet. No?

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We again met for the 2nd date and this date also went well. She was just a few days away from going on a trip to India to meet her family. Couple of days later I asked her if I can drop her at the airport. She was very glad but said she has to drop her dog off at the care center and declined my offer. Then she brought up the fact that I don't have a pet and I won't feel comfortable with her dog around.. then she mentioned that she is vegetarian and I am non-vegetarian.. then she slowly started asking questions again - do you smoke, do you drink, when was your last serious relationship, why you didn't have a girlfriend for such a long time, etc. At one point I got frustrated and we got into a minor fight. She said we should end things as I don't feel comfortable answering her questions. I then called her and somehow patched up things and we decided to continue.

 

 

Honestly OP I think it's what's in bold.

 

I know you said you patched things up, but sometimes it takes us awhile to process things, and after re-thinking, she changed her mind and realized you and she just weren't a good fit.

 

Moving forward there are better ways to evade a woman's invasive questions, or what you consider to be invasive, other than becoming frustrated and then fighting about it, no matter how minor the fight was.

 

I mean, you had only had two dates, not the time to voice frustration, she's trying to get to know you.

 

If you don't wish to answer via text, fair enough, tell her you would prefer to discuss such things in person on your next date.

 

I think that was it though, sorry.

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She sounds like a nutcase to be honest. I don't think you lost out on anything.

 

But just the same, it sounds as though she didn't feel you two were compatible.

 

Probably for the best. Hope you can move on and find someone else who is more suitable.

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I'm sorry she handled things like that. Nobody feels good about being blocked. Having said that, it sounds like the online dating thing hasn't been that successful, and you may have put all your proverbial eggs in her basket due to a feeling of "lack." How is your social life, otherwise? Do you have a circle of friends/activities where you can meet people face to face? What about trying something like meetup.com where the focus is on the activity and not dating? Maybe that would take some of the eight years of waiting feeling away.

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Yes, I have stated the details clearly in my profile on the dating site. Before giving her number she asked if I smoke and drink and I answered her truthfully.. which is - I don't smoke, I drink on social occasions. She also knew that I was non-vegetarian. It was only after this she even gave her phone number to me. I am from India as well and belong to the same religion as her but from different caste (hence the veg/non-veg differences).

 

When the dog issue came up I was again honest and said that I have never had pets BUT I can become comfortable with a dog. So I am not sure how this is an issue..

 

Her place is almost a 2hr drive but I drove all the way for the 2 dates.. I also offered to pick her up from her place (2 hr drive) and drop her at the airport (another 1.5 hr drive). and after all this she just blocks me :(

 

Thanks for clarifying. Polar opposites with religion can be problematic. For some it works, for many, it doesn't. You are both in a similar realm, so this is good.

 

However, there are 101 other reasons you are both not compatible. She recognizes it. You don't.

 

I agree with the above poster that she "sounds like a nutcase." I don't agree that she's a "nutcase," necessarily, but I do agree that she is far too rigid and she does border on drama and judgment and a little nutcas-ey...don't you think? I mean, in the two dates you had, there is a laundry list of check-boxes on what is expected and "the perfect man", check, and there is no wiggle room...at all...high maintenance, unbending, uncompromising, rigid.

 

That's her prerogative. If alcohol and meat are that problematic for her, why invite this drama into her life? And then she invited it...then she backed out...tried again...backed off and blocked from nowhere...drama...do you really need this drama? This anxiety?

 

She's very clear on her ticker-tape, check-boxes on "the perfect man," and I'm sorry to say, you're not on the list...and I think you are better off for it.

 

It's no fun to live in constant criticism and judgement and having to comply to them, while they never comply to you.

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You know, people just make up crazy excuses to break up thinking that they're letting the other person down easily. But it really comes down to she just didn't like you for whatever reason. (I'm guessing it because you're not Indian and her family probably wouldn't accept you.) It's not the dog, the fact that you eat meat, or you once smoked, or you're not divorced. So stop fixating on those reasons. You're fine.

 

The other thing is that online dating is a bit of a scam. Dating sites have very few paying customers and the numbers of members are inflated. Other than Tinder, dating sites favor women, not men. You're best bet is trying to meet people in the flesh. You have to talk to people. Don't be afraid to ask someone out. Ask your friends if they know of anyone single around your age. You've got to network, just like finding a job. You've got to ask around. You've got the Christmas season coming up. Take advantage of it to ask around. Most women your age know other women your age. You just got to keep trying.

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I'm sorry that you're hurt, but she has made it more than clear that she is NOT interested in you. That's your cue to walk away and keep walking and never look back. Who cares what her reasons are - for her it just wasn't what she was looking for. Find someone who really cares about you and who is genuinely interested in YOU. She definitely is NOT.

 

Lose her number. Go full NC. The sooner the better. You can do better than her.

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Thank you..

 

It's so easy for her to find dates. There will be guys lined up in her inbox.. but for men its so difficult, especially at my age. I have been on that online site for 8 years and this was the first time I was able to get to the 2nd date with a woman. and now its gone and I don't even know what mistake I made :(

 

Sorry this happened, SilverFactory. In her mind, she didn't think you two were compatible. You didn't make a mistake. Hard to say why she blocked you, then unblocked you, and confessed to this - a bit bizarre. Just don't take it personally though. The fact that she did this and then told you about it makes me think she's a bit off and well, dramatic.

 

Since this was the first time you had a second date with a woman on this site in 8 years, I'm guessing this may have gotten your hopes up, and therefore you were really hoping for a better outcome (and you thought that you had potentially found the "one").

 

Therefore what happened with this lady is going to sting a bit more because you're not meeting other women.

 

I have to ask, have you tried other sites? Have you had friends or anyone else look at your online profile to provide you with feedback?

 

Have you spoken with female friends to get their perspective?

 

With all due respect, I'm just trying to understand why this was the first time you had a second date with a woman from this site in 8 years.

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The whole thing sounds like typical bull from a woman , sorry man . Jesus , you go out of your way , put miles on your car and in return , you get blocked for vauge and nonsensical reasons.

 

As you stated , it sucks to be a guy dating because women have a stacked inbox , men don’t . Sorry you had to deal with this , try and brush it off , NEXT!

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Hey, hey. It's not all good on the women's side. We have to deal with the majority of those messages asking for sex or really slimey compliments that aren't appreciated or welcomed.

Then if we do make it to the first date, many want a one night stand or casual sex. And last but not least,men end up being deadbeats or not worth the effort, or abusive, etc.

Oh, and lets not forget married men posing as single...grrrrr.

 

The unfortunate truth is, many are on dating sites due to not being a great catch.

 

So it's not all men having the hard time.

 

Trying to find someone decent is like trying to find a needle in a haystack!!!!

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Hey, hey. It's not all good on the women's side. We have to deal with the majority of those messages asking for sex or really slimey compliments that aren't appreciated or welcomed.

Then if we do make it to the first date, many want a one night stand or casual sex. And last but not least,men end up being deadbeats or not worth the effort, or abusive, etc.

Oh, and lets not forget married men posing as single...grrrrr.

 

The unfortunate truth is, many are on dating sites due to not being a great catch.

 

So it's not all men having the hard time.

 

Trying to find someone decent is like trying to find a needle in a haystack!!!!

 

Five star answer!!!!!!!

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Thanks to everyone for taking the time to respond.

 

Today evening I showed the entire message exchange between me and her to a close friend of mine and he immediately pointed out something that never crossed my mind.

 

So before her trip I asked her if anyone was dropping her at the airport and she said that a friend was dropping her. I then said that I can actually drop her and she felt glad and said "so sweet of you.. thanks." Then she asked "are you sure? its a long way for you to come here, pick me up, and then again a long way to drop me at the airport" and I replied "yes I am sure". At this point she said "Let me think about it" and after couple of minutes said "I will just go with my friend because my dog will be riding with me.. And I don’t know if you will be okay with it." Then she started asking me the questions that I had mentioned earlier.

 

My friend pointed this to me and said that instead of using this opportunity to spend time with me she basically talks about her dog and then excuses herself.. He said that she was basically avoiding the car ride with me because she doesn't want to spend anymore alone time with me without knowing more about me... and her way of knowing more about me was asking a bunch of questions over text. And as I had mentioned earlier I got frustrated answering the same questions over and over again and we got into a fight after which I called her and pacified her.. during the call I told her that if we went to the airport together she could use that time and ask all the questions she wanted directly to my face.. but I guess she had made up her mind by then because she said "I don't know anything about you and so I am asking questions.. but you are getting frustrated.. so now I cannot ask you any more questions. Let's stop talking".

 

This kinda makes sense to me... I mean, if a woman was interested in a man will she not get excited about spending time with him? It looks like this woman first wanted to know everything about me before spending more alone time with me..

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