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Hi, I am hoping someone can help me find some clarity in a statement my ex made. Long story short, she broke up with me bc I was a jerk. I have spent some time trying to win her back but I haven’t gotten a straight answer from her. Finally I told her that she needs to decide what she wants to do bc I have done all that I can and don’t want to chase anymore. She said she is still unsure. So I said ok good luck to you. Then she responds with “ I am going to come back for you so don’t get too comfortable with moving on” .....

 

But why though? Why not just come back instead of yo-yo-ing?

 

I want to believe her that she is just unsure but then again I have to wonder if it’s just a game. But if she’s unsure, why not just try it again and see if it works out?

 

I guess I think differently so this is just something I don’t understand at all. Why wouldn’t it be a simple yes or no?

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She's keeping you on a string for selfish and immature reasons. You are not her puppet to emotionally or romantically control while she does whatever it is that makes her think she "needs time to see if it's right, but 'probably won't be so she'll come back'", and you are not her child-like security blanket to throw on the ground when not-needed but to pick-up when feeling alone.

 

Walk away. It's not worth it. If she was unsure and wanted to try again with you to find out, then she would do that. If she's unsure but not wanting to get with you, it's because she's trying something else out (be that another person or some weird single life) and wants it to be over with you. I'd be disgusted with her. Your emotions and your personal progression in life are more important than she wants them to be for her own gain.

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It may be time to pull back and step out if the game. At this point she seems to enjoy seeing you grovel and is toying with feelings.

I told her that she needs to decide what she wants to do bc I have done all that I can and don’t want to chase anymore. She said she is still unsure. she responds with “ I am going to come back for you so don’t get too comfortable with moving on” .....
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Thank you , I definitely agree with you both. It didn’t seem right , but I didn’t want to be insensitive bc I know I did wrong during our relationship. I told her I hope she comes back in a few days bc I’m getting to a point of no return. She hasnt responded.

 

Is that reasonable? Should I entertain it if she comes back soon? How long would you say is too long to accept her back? Thank you again

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Long story short, she broke up with me bc I was a jerk.

 

I have spent some time trying to win her back

 

 

Why and how were you a jerk to her while actually dating her?

 

And why did it take her breaking up with you to realize it?

 

This happens often and for the life of me, I will never understand.

 

Anyway, she may not trust you. When a man treats his gf like crap, and then after she leaves, he steps up in attempt to "win" her back, we tend not to trust it, we see his behavior as him now wanting what he can't have, his ego is bruised.

 

It disingenuous and phony.

 

Don't care what bs she's tossing you, she doesn't trust you (rightfully so), she's gone, sorry.

 

Learn from this and next time you date a girl, don't be a jerk!

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I was a jerk as in I would say mean things to her, put her down, judge her character. I did it because I wanted her to improve herself.

 

It took breaking up bc idk, I guess in the moment I never really realized how detrimental my behavior was. I knew it was bad but I see now that it was a horrible thing to do.

 

You’re right she might not trust me. And I agree with the other responses, I believe she is seeing someone else.

 

I wasn’t trying to win her back for my ego. I am genuinely sorry about my behavior and I want to show her a better side of me.

 

But you’re right she is gone. I wish she would’ve been upfront enough to just say it. Instead of trying to let it linger.

 

I definitely learned my lesson with my behavior , I will never speak negatively of any new partners to come. I just wanted a chance to show that I genuinely mean well.

 

Thank you for your response. Your tough questions have made me realize how much more I need to understand myself

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I definitely am going to go NC, I need to reset.

 

Critical is the exact word for it. I don’t want to be that way towards her anymore. I’m very critical with myself but I learned that not everyone works the way that I do. I wand to be the one that is respectful and mindful of her needs. I’m hoping that if I do it right, nobody else will have a shot

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I definitely am going to go NC, I need to reset.

 

Critical is the exact word for it. I don’t want to be that way towards her anymore. I’m very critical with myself but I learned that not everyone works the way that I do. I wand to be the one that is respectful and mindful of her needs. I’m hoping that if I do it right, nobody else will have a shot

 

Reading through your past threads about your break-up, I think this ship has sailed.

 

The damage has been done.

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I was a jerk as in I would say mean things to her, put her down, judge her character.

 

Yeah, classic emotional abuse. You were trying to control and manipulate her. She just doesn't have the willpower to dump you completely. Why don't you just leave her alone.

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Thanks MissCanuck, you’re right and I’m ready to get over it. I’m definitely done pursuing it. If she wants to come back she will have to make that clear with full force. I’m feeling a lot better already just removing this stress from my life. Thanks for taking the time to read. If you have any advice on how to control my “emotionally abusive” behavior, I’m open to hearing it or any advice for that matter. Thanks

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she broke up with me bc I was a jerk.

 

If this is the case, she may be hoping that in time you'll outgrow being a jerk. Pushing her to reconcile before that happens is a jerk move, so you've just confirmed for her that you're still not there yet.

 

I'd trust that if the two of you are a meant-to-be deal, you'll both meet on higher ground someday, but you'll need to grow into that place on your own. Moving your focus onto your own self development, interests, and building stronger bonds with your loved ones is your percentage play. If ex ever wants to reconcile, you'll have reached a better perspective to handle that, and if not, you've already invested in moving yourself forward.

 

Either way, it beats the stagnation of trying to manipulate your ex.

 

Head high.

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