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Why does my ex bother messaging me if he then ignores me later?

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I'm actually feeling confused now. Because I really felt that it was right to share that message no matter what his response would've been. And I really resonate with bluecastle's words on that perspective. But reading MissCarmack and figureitout's responses makes me feel it was idiotic to do so.

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Thanks figureitout23, I really disagree that I reached out for "unhealthy reasons", I felt it was purely from my heart and a good idea to do it. Then after I did it I started getting excited when he messaged me lots. But my intention was not to get back with him or have any expected result from him. I still don't regret doing it. I do not plan to reach out to him again as I've done what I felt I needed to do.


Why would you need to reach out from your heart? This is a legitimate question. Based on your past post, which I take back there being grey, I was mistaking you for another poster apologies. I do remember your post after going back, everyone told you to stop YOU made the first mention of being told by others not on this site that you were getting conflicting advice then at the end like 2 people were like yeah maybe, so the consensus, if we’re going to the definition of majority rule, there was no grey, most people said leave it alone.


Yes I have been wondering if this is the case.


But after hurting yesterday, I feel I've changed. I've lost a bit of respect for him for seeing me as an option, a doormat, and I'm sure if he messages me again I won't even reply.


I admit, if he had suggested meeting up yesterday, I WOULD have taken the bait. But now after he didn't reply and I realised I'm an option to him, not even one he cares much for, I will NOT take the bait in the future. :(


Logically. why you would even consider this an option.why would he deserve it?


You are second guessing yourself so you can make excuses for him and create a reason to put yourself on the line.


Do you really think, based on your response that if he was really interested he'd give up so easily?


You responded last. He fell silent.

Don't second guess yourself.


If you dont see anything wrong with you reaching out what’s going to stop you from doing it again, “ one last time”? Your whole Relationship has been you trying to prove yourself good enough. Like reinvent said you keep making excuses to put yourself on the line. The only person who has the power to stop this cycle is you. Love yourself, focus on you, you’re worth it.

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What's going to stop you from doing it again: Because I feel I've done enough, there's no more for me to do - I already opened my heart.

Also, I didn't send that message to prove to him that I'm good enough, I felt intuitively I wanted to do it to be authentic. But yes it's true that (when I'm not coming from that place of inner peace and love like I did when I sent that message) I always felt I wasn't good enough and that I needed to increase my worth in his eyes.


Why would you even consider it an option/ why would he deserve it?: Because I really had fun and excitement when I would hang out with him


Why would you need to reach out from your heart?: I wanted to just open up and be authentic. I wanted him to know I cared because I never told him before. I saw it as a way to grow. And felt it was needed for me to let go rather than holding it in forever.

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Hopefully you have gotten a complete work up for your fatigue, health issues and depressed state, in addition to the appropriate follow up and treatment including ongoing support from the psychologist. Also it's time to delete and block him so you can move forward to a happier healthier new chapter.


Once you feel better, start getting involved in life again. Develop a confidence building program. Get in shape, get an updated image. new clothes hair, etc. Also do some work on the inside. Join some clubs, groups, take some classes and courses. Sign up for fitness, yoga, whatever classes, learn a language or new skill.


Some distant exbf who you are a mere afterthought for and can't even remember when he dated you, can not build up your mental or physical or emotional health. You can do that for yourself.

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And about Miss Canuck's quote about "The one who brought you pain isn't going to be the one to fix your pain", of course that's true because I wasn't expecting him to fix my pain when I sent my message. I was fixing my pain by being open and honest with myself and letting what I felt out into the world.


If that's true, why is bothering you so much that he didn't respond appropriately?


I think you are feeling so confused now largely because you haven't been totally honest with yourself about him and your intentions when contacting him. There is certainly no reason to feel idiotic, but I think when you are truly authentic with yourself you will feel better.

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You sound like in a very confusing situation right now. Which is causing you a great deal of pain.


This is why the whole healing process only really begins when you go no contact.


I know you said you was not reaching out for him to fix your pain. But let's be honest if he was repsonsive and wanted to give it a go again. Would you not feel "healed" and no longer in pain?


The reason he replied it's a massive ego boost. Don't we love that feeling when someone wants you. He is getting that when you message. He isn't interested so it let's it fizzle.


At the time he is responsive he could be bored and just enjoying the attention.


Wish you all the best with your healing. First step would be to stop giving him the power to prevent that from happening.

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Every time I messaged my ex he would leap all over my texts.


It wasn't because he "had feelings" or because he loved me. It was because he enjoyed thinking that I still wanted him. It made him feel important and it fed his ego.


In your ex's case, he probably didn't see why you two shouldn't have a pleasant text chat. I'm sure he isn't agonizing over "what does it MEAN??? WHY is she messaging me?????" Only you are.

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