Im shocked and pissed at the people who knew about my girlfriend cheating ??

[Honeycomb8]

Ew a 19 year old. So she started doing it with him at 18 and 32?...

 

She has issues. I wouldn't touch a 23 year old even if he was super hot, and she'd choose a teen..?

[Wiseman2]

Cheating is wrong. Who she cheats with makes no difference in the long run. It doesn't matter if he's 19, 39, 69, made of green cheese, etc. The net result is the same. You found out, you dumped her. It hurts. Try not to let the understandable feeling of betrayal extravasate into those around you. She cheated, they either weren't sure or weren't close enough to you to say something.

[jimthzz]

be angry for awhile, sure. But do the following:

 

1. Get tested for STDs

2. Do not even think of being intimate with this "lady" without a cleared test. From the both of you.

3. That said, dump this woman. Cut her out of your life. The age gap is gross; however, any cheating is a show stopper. she trying to justify it as an attraction to athletic guys? Every cheater justifies. Heck, she could have liked paralyzed fly catchers (apologies to such for the example) and it still would be BS.

4. Lick your wounds and move on. Nothing she could say will fix this.

5. Find new friends.

[lostandhurt]

It is so much easier to keep your mouth shut in these instances but it doesn't mean it is the right thing to do.

 

The debate about this very thing has happened here on these forums many times.

 

Out of all those people someone should have at the very least sent you an anonymous note or something telling you to keep your eyes open in regards to your gf and this young guy.

 

Of course this young guy is living a fantasy and will grow tired of her soon enough and now that your gf doesn't have you around to do things where you are seen in public she will realize how stupid she has been.

 

If nothing else remind your close friends that no matter what if they KNOW your gf/wife is messing around that you want to know. No exceptions.

 

In the end the result was the same but you could have saved yourself a lot of time if your friends/family would have been brave enough to simply tell you the truth.

 

I am sorry but she actually did you a huge favor, you now know what type of person she really is...

 

Lost

[catfeeder]

Speaking only for myself, I've learned the limited value of 'shoulding' on anyone else. Not because or morality or ethics or trying not to be judgmental, but simply because the only ~practical~ thing it buys me is a few seconds of feeling justified in my own righteousness.

 

Beyond that, it amounts to squat. It doesn't change outcomes. It doesn't build bonds. It's one giant serving of alienation based on assumptions and presumptions with nowhere left to go.

 

Decide how certain your already are about who knew what. Then operate in your own best interests with each individual--separately, and with clarity about what you can reasonably expect to GAIN from your interactions.

 

Head high.

[Hatefulone82]

Dude when I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me with my sisters friend's brother I fliped when I found out both of them knew

[spunkmire]

Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier to stay out of other peoples business. Plus in my experience when you tell someone that they are being cheated on they don’t believe you anyway. It’s really lose/lose.

[AngelaTaylor]

You have experienced loss. One of the stages of grief is anger. You will project it on everyone whether rationally or irrationally. Its a natural feeling when you've had such a sudden shock.

Acting on it is not necessary. Be the better man, take the high road and give it time. You will move on to acceptance and you WILL feel better.

Remember no one truly knows the status of a relationship other than the two people in it. And most of the people around you are flat out dealing with the secret dramas in their own lives to pass judgement or interfere in other peoples.

[shellyf62]

I am sorry this happened to you & I can totally understand your anger!

My ex was cheating with his 19 yr old co worker. He was 38 at the time.

We were married young & I worked out that she was literally a fetus when we got married. Puts things into disgusting perspective.

 

All his co workers knew, and I was so sad & angry when I realised all these people had been to our home for work gatherings (including his cheating partner & her husband).

 

It took me a very long time to get over the betrayal. I suggest being kind to yourself & know that time does heal this.

 

Take care!!!

[Jennifer2018]

I understand that you are angry about this, and you have every right to be. There is no way that these people were going to tell you. Let that go. The common people are going to fade anyway, there is no point.

Take a boxing class.. or therapy to heal. But move on. there is no reason to take it out on them.

[greendots]

What the?! Wishing you all the best navigating all of this!

 

Genuine close friends would tell you. Exception, if it's going to put them in a difficult position. For example, they are related to the cheater or they work for the cheater, etc.

 

As for whether you should ask them, I don't know what to say except, some stuff isn't worth your energy and time. You deserve much better and you will bounce back from this!

[SherrySher]

Them not telling you would most definitely feel like another betrayal.

 

Why do people keep saying things like, they wouldn't have told you, or that they wanted to keep to their own business?!

 

What's wrong with people now a days??!!??

 

If you see someone being cheated on..SAY SOMETHING! It's no different then seeing someone being physically abused...you don't look the other way, YOU HELP!

 

And yes, helping IS in the form of telling the person that their significant other is sleeping around on them. Is is nice news to tell someone? No..it's not something anyone wants to hear.

However, it's going on, and they have a right to know. I hope whoever reads this, is a decent enough person to tell someone that they are being cheated on.

 

When my friend's husband was sleeping around, I told her. Was it easy? Hell NO! I was sick to the stomach and kept hesitating, but at the same time, I knew she had no idea and for me to sit and watch and not say anything, was wrong. I would then become part of the betrayal and I couldn't bare to do that to her.

 

She didn't take the news well (as you can imagine) no one wants to hear that someone they love is betraying them.

However, months later when her feelings had calmed down and she wasn't so shell shocked, she thanked me and said I was a good friend.

We are still friends today and she is happily married to a man who is good to her.

 

Do the right thing, people! If you know someone is being betrayed, help them by telling them. To look the other way is being a coward and you then become a part of the problem.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, OP. All I can tell you is that time will heal. Hang in there, this is only a chapter in your life.

[SherrySher]

5. Find new friends.

 

Totally agree!

[IAmFCA]

I dont tell unless its an intimate friend like a bestie, because often people know, pretend not to know, have an arrangement that the rest of us are supposed to ignore, etc. Maybe they both have a side relationship. I dunno.

 

My intimate friends, ok, because I know. But only if I think its constructive.