How long do you want someone to be out of a relationship before you start dating

[canterbury]

You’re all right, I guess there are a lot of factors going into this. I know it took me a long time until I was actually ready to start dating again... I was serial dating after my last relationship to get my mind off of the ex but I found myself to feel worse after every date because I would compare, and most of the time, I get absolutely no chemistry with the person I went on a date with.

 

I suppose that experience has me afraid for dating now since now I know that I am mentally and emotionally ready to date. It seems as though it’s very hard to find someone at the right time these days... One person is always hung up on an ex

 

 

And that is why people should be cautious, because there are people like you out there who indulge in dating frenzies because they want to feel good about themselves!

 

I hope I’d be a good judge! I’m going on a first date with someone tomorrow and I have suspiciisons that her ex is still lingering around.

 

Maybe it'll be karma if he / she is dating to deceive people, just like you have done.

 

On a more personal note, i think it's always a good idea to ask how long ago their last r/ship ended and why? And also ask how they feel about that relationship ending.

 

By doing that, you will either ascertain whether they're ready to start something new, or provide them with the impetuous to be honest with themselves and either try to reconcile with their ex, or be honest enough to consider that they're not ready to enter a new r/ship with you or anybody else.

[Jellybean9]

I honestly think you can't put a "time" on it.

 

Everyone is different.

 

There are those couples who have been together for years. It could be a very unloving relationship. Maybe they are married and staying together "for the kids". That relationship would have been over ages before any final divorce. Would they still technically need to wait a year before getting out there?

 

 

I do think every situation is different.

 

A lot of people judge others when they are "dating too soon". But I don't think there is. If you are emotionally ready then why let society dictate when you start dating.

[Wiseman2]

That is your instincts telling you three is a crowd.

every date I went on who talked about their ex, I wasn’t interested in them afterwards.

[Annia]

It depends. I know people who began dating someone very short out of a very long term relationship and ended up marrying and etc but I also know other cases when even after a long time after the break up, they were just rebounding. One should pay attention to how they talk about the ex but yes, I'll take it as a red flag if they're straight out of a relationship and even more if it was marriage and they're not divorced yet.

 

I was once dating a guy who had broken up with his ex 4 months ago and they were together for 2 years. He said he was the one who broke up with her because he wasn't feeling it with her anymore and didn't want to continue the relationship. So far so good, but one day out of the blue he sends me a message breaking up saying that he couldn't stop thinking about his ex and get over her. At first I didn't see it coming but then I realise that a big red flag was there: he was coming too strong too soon to me and rushing everything. That might be a sign that someone is rebounding even if everything else points out that they're over the ex.

[SoulTaker]

I don't look at time so much as their emotional state and behavior. Someone can be out of a relationship recently and healthy and ready to start something new. Someone can be out five years and still a mess. Focusing on time isn't a good indicator of relationship readiness and can give you a false sense of security in the case of a person who has been slow to move on or is carrying bitter baggage.

 

+1. For example, a person can be only a few months physically out of a relationship, but could have checked out over a year ago, and was waiting for the right time to exit.

 

What is a good sign when I'm dating someone, is the lack of emotion in bringing up the "ex". The way I look at it, the opposite of love is indifference. So, any type of emotions or long discussions of an "ex" is a red flag for me.

[jackie103]

[deleted]. Posted in wrong thread