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Massive Height Difference and Dating


Jellybean9
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Hi All,

 

Just me again! Loving all the advice and views from you guys.

 

So I am incredibly short... I've always been told "leave all the tall guys for the tall girls". Which in itself makes sense as I can date a short guy and still wear heels and it not be a problem.

 

 

I've had guys unmatch me once they have found out how short I am. Each to their own I suppose and I had no hard feelings.

 

My question is... Do you think there should be a cut off point with a height difference in a relationship?

 

I dated a guy who was 1ft and 6 inches taller than me. Honestly everywhere we went we would get funny looks. Public transport people would stare at us standing next to each other. Even down the road we could see people staring.

 

I genuinely thought I was making it up until he picked up on it too. Then once out with a friend they even caught on.

 

In society there are so many different types of relationships. Why is this still an issue?

 

Just curious what you guys think.

 

Obviously it's not an issue for me. As someone's height does not define them.

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i honestly think that's up to the couple involved and what they believe in, are comfortable with, etc. Obviously not everybody agrees on what "compatibility" is and thus what works for you, may not work for person b, may not work for person c, etc.

 

I am a HUGE believer in chucking out all 'rules' and just let each situation and the two people involved figure it out. That's what this is all really about anyway right? Not "rules" and "this is what you're all supposed to do" - if love and relationships were like that - then we'd all be married right now with the person we had a +90% match with on dating sites :)

 

If it's an issue with somebody you like, so be it. Nothing you can do about it. It's about finding and matchign with somebody who is compatible with you - and that includes that you both are good with your height differential... (i'm a shorter guy.. i've dated many females taller than me - it's almost REQUIRED for me to even date!) :)

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Personally, I don't like the feeling of standing over people. I'm someone who will crouch or kneel if I'm talking to a kid or someone who's seated. But that would involve a pretty intense height discrepancy. Couple that with the fact I'm 5'7" and I can't say there's ever been an issue along those lines. But if I were 6'+ and we were talking women in the 4s though, I could see it not being a top preference.

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Well, don't you people watch? Haven't you noticed people who've been incredibly short or incredibly tall? Or people who are incredibly pale or incredibly dark? Or people dressed oddly or incredibly well?

 

So people notice differences. But it's not like they're calling you names or throwing tomatoes at you. They just notice.

 

Maybe you're asking at what point do people not notice differences, and I'm afraid that people will also notice if they see two incredibly short people walking together or two incredibly tall people walking together. So they're just going to notice whoever you date.

 

I would say, however, to dress well. Since people are going to notice you, at least they won't have anything to criticize you for.

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My friend is under 5 feet and her husband is over 6 feet. Not an issue. Just ignore the looks. My son gets all kinds of rude comments -very often from adults -because he is short for his age. I can't stand it. They should know better. Let people stare. I remember getting stared at at a company function because my boyfriend at the time was not conventionally handsome (and I am reasonably attractive) and my coworker gave me a look like "you're with him???" Please. Life is too short, pun intended.

 

Having said that I once had a date with a 6"7 guy (I am 5"2) and I did feel awkward! I also wasn't a fan of tall skinny guys - meaning I didn't feel attracted. Date who you like and when you are with your person introduce him with a smile that says you are proud to be with him. Normal people will see that confidence and be less likely to stare or comment.

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Who tells you this? It's not really an issue. A lot of guys may like 'pint-sized' women. As long as you're confident, that's all that matters. These isolated examples and odd anecdotes don't really reflect the broader picture. Shorter and taller men and women find love all the time.

 

Hey Danny Devito is 4'10" and his wife towers over him at 5' lol. Relax. Confidence is everything. Not this or that odd example, what other people think or weird anecdotes. Many many people of all heights, shapes, sizes, etc are successful at love and life. What they have in common is not being tall or caring what's popular. What they have in common is confidence and making life their own and not what everyone says or thinks.

I've always been told "leave all the tall guys for the tall girls".
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Funny—I've never thought much about this. I'm 6ft, have dated anywhere from 5'3" to a fellow 6 footer.

 

But I've noticed, being back on the apps lately, that height seems to be suddenly important?

 

Case in point: a few months ago I was having a nice little exchange with a woman. Serious academic. Our chat was hardly flighty and wantonly flirtatious. We were bantering books, decided to continue the chat over wine.

 

She then quickly wanted to know my height. I made some joke: what's the deal with this height business? She was quite blunt: height matters with sex, and sex is important.

 

Which, hey, respect. She was a tallish woman, and I suppose liked a man who was a bit taller? Who knows? Zero chemistry with the wine, but the little height thing made me laugh.

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Funny—I've never thought much about this. I'm 6ft, have dated anywhere from 5'3" to a fellow 6 footer.

 

But I've noticed, being back on the apps lately, that height seems to be suddenly important?

 

Case in point: a few months ago I was having a nice little exchange with a woman. Serious academic. Our chat was hardly flighty and wantonly flirtatious. We were bantering books, decided to continue the chat over wine.

 

She then quickly wanted to know my height. I made some joke: what's the deal with this height business? She was quite blunt: height matters with sex, and sex is important.

 

Which, hey, respect. She was a tallish woman, and I suppose liked a man who was a bit taller? Who knows? Zero chemistry with the wine, but the little height thing made me laugh.

 

When I dated a man who was 6"3 I loved making my friends laugh by explaining he had a sunken living room.

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Hi All,

 

Just me again! Loving all the advice and views from you guys.

 

So I am incredibly short... I've always been told "leave all the tall guys for the tall girls". Which in itself makes sense as I can date a short guy and still wear heels and it not be a problem.

 

 

I've had guys unmatch me once they have found out how short I am. Each to their own I suppose and I had no hard feelings.

 

My question is... Do you think there should be a cut off point with a height difference in a relationship?

 

I dated a guy who was 1ft and 6 inches taller than me. Honestly everywhere we went we would get funny looks. Public transport people would stare at us standing next to each other. Even down the road we could see people staring.

 

I genuinely thought I was making it up until he picked up on it too. Then once out with a friend they even caught on.

 

In society there are so many different types of relationships. Why is this still an issue?

 

Just curious what you guys think.

 

Obviously it's not an issue for me. As someone's height does not define them.

 

I'm actually surprised that people would stare for this reason. I mean, I don't think it's really something that should consume my (or anyone's) attention to that extent.

 

I see couples all of the time with slight height differences, to significant height differences, but I don't think anything of it.

 

At the end of the day, we all have our preferences in terms of who and what qualities we're attracted to.

 

So no, there shouldn't be a cut-off point for height differences in a relationship. We should all be free to choose who we want to be with, regardless.

 

Height difference should be the least of our worries these days, to be honest.

 

Let the oglers ogle, if they must.

 

Still don't understand what the big deal is though. *shrugs*

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Thing is that unless you ask all those people what caught their attention, you really don't know. You are just assuming that it's the height difference thing.....which actually is a reflection of your own possible discomfort with it......

 

OP, if it works for you and him, that's all that matters. People could be looking for a million and one reasons or not even looking at you but through you. I'm sensing way too much self consciousness here on your part. Could be as simple as you and him look really happy together or cute, or the way you or him dress, etc. Really, any number of reasons....

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Hi Jellybean,

 

It’s not an issue, seriously. My ex is 4’ 11”, and I’m a smidge under 6’. You notice it at first, but then it becomes invisible, not only to you both; but also to others.

 

Something for you to think about…We’re all roughly the same height lying down! Take care.

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It's something that has honestly never bothered me. Just was curious as other people around me has made reference.

 

In fact within that relationship I've always ended up wearing flats. We thought we looked adorable! So despite people staring we didn't care. Like you said Ravenshead "We’re all roughly the same height lying down!"

 

During that relationship I did have friends suggest I wear heels. Never listened and continued being me wearing my vans and he loved that. So overall was never a problem.

 

He was 6ft4 and I'm a tiny and only 4ft10. Never mattered as you don't see that when you are getting to know someone. I'm all about the personality.

 

Also my ex before him was 6ft so I never saw an issue then either.

 

Just friends who are within the 5ft7 - 5ft11 have always said I should stick to shorter guys and give them a "chance". I don't exclude short guys just I've never really had the chance to date anyone in the shorter bracket. Like I said I'm all about the personality anyway. Those girls struggle to find the "tall" guys and was like this is why short girls should leave them for us.

 

So was curious as to all your views.

 

Thanks all :)

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I'm actually surprised that people would stare for this reason. I mean, I don't think it's really something that should consume my (or anyone's) attention to that extent.

 

I see couples all of the time with slight height differences, to significant height differences, but I don't think anything of it.

 

At the end of the day, we all have our preferences in terms of who and what qualities we're attracted to.

 

So no, there shouldn't be a cut-off point for height differences in a relationship. We should all be free to choose who we want to be with, regardless.

 

Height difference should be the least of our worries these days, to be honest.

 

Let the oglers ogle, if they must.

 

Still don't understand what the big deal is though. *shrugs*

 

I agree, people might look over for a second, same with interracial couples but for the most part it’s not going to affect anything so who cares?

 

Basic over thinking, I’d be more concerned with that than height personally.

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It was just a general observation. Only ever noticed it a handful of times when we first started dating. Then never noticed after that point.

 

I like to "people watch" myself. So was curious on everyone's thoughts.

 

It was more the remarks from friends and colleagues. I've naturally always been drawn to taller guys and it has never caused an issue in the relationship in the past.

 

Now single, only the other day one friend said "maybe now you can stop with the tall guys and try with someone your height". I know she was joking but it go me thinking.

 

There are couples of all shapes and sizes. Personality is key. So it baffles me people even think height is a thing.

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I'm 6'2 and to be honest I prefer average height women. I have dated tall women and found them intimidating and all the long legs and arms can be a little like spaghetti :p I have dated quite short women, but in bed with someone 5' tall and I feel like I'm sleeping with a child.

 

But in saying that, height is not really that much of an issue, if I was to meet someone that fit what I was looking for as a person, their height would not make a difference.

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I'm honestly baffled why heels get brought up in discussions about height here so often! Who are these people so obsessed with heels that it's a life consideration ?!

 

I think it's hard enough to find someone who is a fit, height differences are bottom barrel priority for me.

 

I'm 5'2, the bf is over a foot taller than me, just worked out that way. No one in our lives have commented on this. I'd find it odd if people cared about it. But really really odd if someone suggested I should wear heels. Lol

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Height is the biggest issue and carries the largest stigma from my personal experience.

 

As a short guy I’ve been stood-up multiple times over my height (which they’ve had no problem making clear and apparent), people can say whatever they want in regards to that “it doesn’t matter” but I’ll tell you now for the majority it really does...

 

Although, OP in reference to your specific scenario if you have met someone and are happy then why worry what others think? If you meet someone new and they are also taller but it works for you both then that’s all that matters :)

 

P.S. where are all you short women living, i’m 5’7” in the UK and EVERY women I know or meet are my height or taller!!

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'..people can say whatever they want in regards to that “it doesn’t matter” but I’ll tell you now for the majority it really does...'

 

I won't lie.. yes, the majority of women do want their man to be tall. Or at least taller than them. It's all simple biology. The taller he is the better he can protect you. I'm kind of on the extreme end of the spectrum - I'm 5.3 and always, all my life, had a thing for very tall men, 6.2 and taller. My husband is 6.2.. When I was dating my minimum height requirement for a bloke was 6 ft. You can't help what you find attractive.

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