Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hi,

 

I'm new here. I met a guy online a few months back. He started to chat me up in facebook messenger. He claims to be in the army based in Libya. He has a facebook profile, we are not friends on facebook though. In the beginning it was all innocent and then I started to really like him. He did ask for money ( a calling card) and I refused, then he said "forget it" then he wanted me to download a bitcoin app so HE could send me money and I refused. This is when I told him I thought he was a fake and I needed him to prove to me that he wasn't. He claimed that where he was it was hard for him to do so, but he would anyway. So he sent me a picture of himself with him holding a note saying he loved me. I thought it looked weird so I ran it through a computer generator type thing that would tell me if a photo had been altered and low and behold, the note was altered. So I flipped out on him, accused him of being a scammer. He got furious with me and lashed out and didn't talk to me for over a week. Finally I told myself that I would give him a chance and believe who he was. He started talking to me again after that but then asked me for an Itunes card! So I said, how about I get you a calling card so you can call me? He didn't like that and started yelling and calling me names. I have stopped talking to him but he watches my messenger stories like some stalker. What do you all make of this? What scammer would continue to argue with me and get angry when I tell him he is a fake? Normally, these guys would just slink off into the night and disappear. NOt this one. which is why I am so confused. The last thing I said to him was that he HAD to call me (he has my number) if he wants any type of relationship with me, so far nothing. I guess I'm an idiot. I guess I want him to be that guy in his facebook profile so badly that I'm not seeing the big picture.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You know he's a scammer but won't delete and block him? Get on dating apps and date real, local men IN PERSON and stop daydreaming that some obvious scammer who is asking for money is your bf.

I flipped out on him, accused him of being a scammer. He didn't like that and started yelling and calling me names.
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

He’s (or whoever it is) a catfish & scammer, OP.

 

He continues to chat with you because you continue to engage him even after he’s asked you for a calling card, iTunes card. He’s probably hoping that you’ll eventually cave and give him what he’s asking for.

 

I’d stop communicating with him ASAP. You’re wasting your precious time on a dishonest scammer.

 

I have to ask this, OP. Are you lonely? Because I see no reason as to why you would continue chatting with someone like this, and whoever it is that you’re chatting with is most likely picking up on the lonelinesss as well. As a result, they’re trying to take advantage of the situation.

 

Cut your ties and move on to men you can meet in person, Op.

 

You’re allowing your imagination to get the best of you by wanting to believe that this person is who they say they are.

 

And I’m betting they aren’t the person in the FB profile and they’re also attempting to scam a bunch of other people online out of money, etc. as well.

 

You should watch the show Catfish if you haven’t. Would put things into perspective.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Normally, these guys would just slink off into the night and disappear.

 

Sure, and most people delete/block/report when they realise they're dealing with a scammer. For your own peculiar reasons, you're still hanging on in there... so he's just trying his luck. Do you really believe that the guy on the FB profile is him???

 

Nothing confusing about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He's not good at scamming. You're gullible or at least so desperate right now that you're ignoring any and all red flags for any semblance of a far-fetched dream. I say with the best of intentions that you should really consider stepping away from online dating before someone who is actually decent at the craft does catch you up. In this case, all it would have taken was the scammer being half-decent looking and good enough at English to play into your demands to get around to financially ruining you a week from now. It'd most likely be worth the investment for a scammer.

 

I agree with Wiseman in sticking to in-person, but seriously take some time off for you before that. I don't think you're in the proper condition to date.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone,

 

I guess I needed a wake up call on this situation. I haven't talked with this scammer in over a week. I have blocked him so he can't see anything that I do. I agree with you J. Man, I'm obviously in no condition to date anyone at this point. HollyJ, why are you saying that?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks everyone,

 

I guess I needed a wake up call on this situation. I haven't talked with this scammer in over a week. I have blocked him so he can't see anything that I do. I agree with you J. Man, I'm obviously in no condition to date anyone at this point. HollyJ, why are you saying that?

 

I'm sorry, but the first time he asked you for money should have been a huge, red flag. After the second request, you should have cut this guy off. People that you don't know, should not be asking you for money. People you know should not be asking for money, either.

 

Why are you entertaining a convo with someone who is not even on the same continent? Complete waste of time. Why aren't you dating locally?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm sorry, but the first time he asked you for money should have been a huge, red flag. After the second request, you should have cut this guy off. People that you don't know, should not be asking you for money. People you know should not be asking for money, either.

 

Why are you entertaining a convo with someone who is not even on the same continent? Complete waste of time. Why aren't you dating locally?

 

I was just divorced recently, that's why I am a little stupid here lol and it's not that easy to get back into the dating field and online to me seemed safer for right now. I also guess I wanted to believe very badly that this guy was who he says he was. I'm just glad that I didn't give him a penny.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I was just divorced recently, that's why I am a little stupid here lol and it's not that easy to get back into the dating field and online to me seemed safer for right now. I also guess I wanted to believe very badly that this guy was who he says he was. I'm just glad that I didn't give him a penny.

 

Don’t let that be an excuse. You have enough life experience to know it’s weird. Be realistic.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I was just divorced recently, that's why I am a little stupid here lol and it's not that easy to get back into the dating field and online to me seemed safer for right now. I also guess I wanted to believe very badly that this guy was who he says he was. I'm just glad that I didn't give him a penny.

 

I am glad you didn't give him money. But, he is on another continent. This is a waste of time. Also, the fact that all of your communication was electronic.

 

You need to be a lot smarter. If a friend told you this story, what would you think?

Edited by Hollyj
Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not unusual for women and men in a vulnerable state to be taken in by someone saying sweet words... one of my dear friends who was widowed from the love of her life last year has been taken in a few times now by random guys on social media because they say sweet things to make her laugh and to feel good, only to have it turn weird and uncomfortable. She doesn't have the experience or skepticism when it comes to interacting with people online that many of us had to develop out of necessity.

 

Catfishing on social media is a common occurrence... and it's easy for the catfisher to pull off which is why it continues to happen... which is why it is a good idea to be skeptical of any interaction on social media with someone you don't know, just like you would if you met a stranger on the street.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yep, I know he is, I just don't know why I don't want to believe it. I guess he is good at what he does and I am normally smarter than this.

 

You don't want to believe it because you are feeling needy and vulnerable -that is why you are choosing not to believe it. So here's what I would do. Tell yourself all the fantasies you want about him being genuinely interested in you for appropriate reasons and enjoy the crush. But react to those feelings by treating them as a fantasy- tell yourself you will deal with "convincing" yourself later and make sure you actions are all about your personal safety and the safety of your loved ones. He is a dangerous person.

 

You're not stupid, you're just choosing to go with fantasy feelings over what you know -based on your intelligence - is an unsafe situation.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You don't want to believe it because you are feeling needy and vulnerable -that is why you are choosing not to believe it. So here's what I would do. Tell yourself all the fantasies you want about him being genuinely interested in you for appropriate reasons and enjoy the crush. But react to those feelings by treating them as a fantasy- tell yourself you will deal with "convincing" yourself later and make sure you actions are all about your personal safety and the safety of your loved ones. He is a dangerous person.

 

You're not stupid, you're just choosing to go with fantasy feelings over what you know -based on your intelligence - is an unsafe situation.

 

Thank you. I am done with online people lol. If I decide to date in the near future, it will be someone that I actually meet in person, you know, the old fashioned way lol.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you. I am done with online people lol. If I decide to date in the near future, it will be someone that I actually meet in person, you know, the old fashioned way lol.

 

That’s naive too. Online dating is a good tool - just be logical about it. Keep it to close people.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Change your entire Facebook to be private.

 

Don't allow your name to even be searchable.

 

If you want to reach out to someone to be friends with them, then you reach out. Otherwise, make yourself "Un-findable" to everyone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd wait until you're one year in to your divorce before you decide to give dating a shot, and when you do, make some rules for yourself. After my first marriage failed, on OLD, I set rules to date men who lived no more than 50 miles from me, and if after communicating with them for 2 weeks, they still hadn't asked me out, I no longer communicated with them because I wasn't looking for pen pals. We met in public in the beginning because I didn't want them to know my address. You can't be too careful. I dated one guy who was great on the first date, and on the second one, I saw his crazy come out.

 

Watch some Dr. Phil shows on all the scams that people have fallen for from supposed Americans who are abroad for whatever reason and have come up with all kinds of crazy stories why they need money. The initial communication begins with Facebook friend requests. Facebook recently notified me that they accidentally made one of my posts public. As soon as that happened. I had 3 men from other cities or states, about my age and attractive, with relationship statuses listed as divorced or widowed. I knew immediately they were likely foreigners who had stolen photos of American men off of social media and fishing for a lonely woman. I'm married and neither lonely nor naive and reported these friend requests to Facebook. They sent me a message that I should change my password and I no longer received any more suspect friend requests.

 

I wish you well in healing from your divorce. Pamper yourself and spend time finding some new fun hobbies and hang out with girlfriends. I know I made some mistakes when starting chapter two of my life, so just dust yourself off and vow to keep your eyes open a little more for your own protection.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Facebook messenger, Skype, Instagram, Google Duo, all have the ability to video chat. You have snapchat that can send quick videos to another person. There is no reason why one can not do this instead of calling. (for future reference)

If a guy that gets mad because you wont send him money is not mad because he cares about you, he is mad because you didn't send him money.

And as a general rule for anyone that meets people online. If they are not willing and able to make video calling happen, then its a catfish or they are not available. Pro-tip! If they disappear on the weekends or they talk to you at the same time window (either all mornings or all evenings) then they are hiding something.

With all the available software out there, there should be no reason that two people cant talk even being half way around the world.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...