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Confused about my friend with benefits.


Hollsmaur
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I’ve known my friend for 3 years, and just recently we started having sex in a fwb agreement after we hooked up when we went on a night out. He told me he liked my company, and the sex was good so we carried on doing it. Everything was fine, until things started to get a lil more passionate, like to me, it feels like we are “seeing eachother” rather than just buddies. He’s told me to “go with the flow” and a few weeks ago we were talking and he said the only reason we’d have to stop being fwb is if one of us got bored, one of us found someone and then he paused and said or if one of us got feelings.. I just said “hmm yeah” and then he repeated what I said and giggled, felt as if he was wondering what my response would be. We carried on doing our thing, baring in mind I’ve been totally cool about the situation, ive talked about meeting up with guys on dates, and I try to encourage him to go on dates with girls. One night a girl he says he’s friends with lives in a different city and she was visiting, she asked him if he would meet her for food, he declined and invited me over instead. I went and told him that he should of seen her, and he was aware that one of my old male friends was asking if I wanted a catch up too. The next day, she asked him again and this time he said yes, and he had food with her. That’s the only time that I’m aware of that he’s seen another girl since we’ve been fwb, he hasn’t said he doesn’t want a relationship but has admitted to having commitment issues. He invites me round his place every night, we have take aways, watch films or play his xbox.. and sometimes we have sex. So sometimes I go round and we don’t have sex. We cuddle, kiss, and play fight and it doesn’t always lead to sex. We also sleep in the same bed (even when we haven’t had sex) and he asks me to stay over, and whenever I say I’ve gotta go, he tells me not to, and pulls me back in for a cuddle. He makes me dinner sometimes, and he even washed my socks I left over at his place, I never asked him too. He texts me every day all day, and one night when he was out clubbing, he text me saying “I wish you was here”. I know this probably doesn’t mean much, but he’s gone from sending “xx” to “xxxx” on texts, might not mean anything but oh well. He’s not afraid of people knowing about us either, and some of his close friends know about it. We go out together to pubs, and he’s asked me out for food on 2 occasions. He’s started to do more affectionate mannerisms, like stroking the back of my head and neck whilst I’m driving, asking to compare hand sizes (and then saying how small they are) kissing my cheek, and kissing my forehead, leaning on my shoulder whilst watching tv. And can I just say most of the time, he initiates the cuddles and hugs first. He sometimes hugs me when We are both standing, and one time we were holding hands, he asked “why are we holding hands” and I said “oh I think you grabbed mine first” and I said “let go if you want to” but he kept it there and even started doing that thumb stroking . I’ve caught him looking at me when he thinks I’m not looking, and he always kisses me goodbye. I once mentioned to him that i’d Love it if someone planned a surprise day out for me or took me somewhere I liked, and a few days later he told me to pull a sicky at work so we could go on a “road trip” where I don’t know where we are going. I might be looking way too much into this, but I’m confused as to what he might feel, and I need some secondary opinion before I ask him, because I’m a bit of a wimp. He’s quite a reserved person, doesn’t open up about things much, and he’s quite macho, so isn’t a soppy person. Thanks in advance.

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I hate to break it to you... but if you are analyzing every little thing in this amount of detail, it’s because you like him. You already have the feels.

 

I think you absolutely should bring it up to him. If he feels the same way - great! If he doesn’t feel the same way, it’s best to know now rather than later when your feelings are even stronger.

 

I know that you are scared and that you feel like if you juuuuuust play your cards right you might get what you want (and you don’t want to mess things up) - but the truth is - he can show allllll the signs in the world - but it also just plainly comes down to what he wants. Maybe he’s changed his mind on that. Maybe he has not. The only way to know if to ask him.

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he doesn’t want a relationship but has admitted to having commitment issues

 

I think that says it all right there.

 

He is enjoying spending time with you but only on a casual basis, if you ask him what it means, etc...there's a god chance he will pull back.

 

He was honest with you right from the start, that he wants to have a fwb situation but not more than that.

 

You could ask, but be prepared for him backing away.

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Friendly activities. Check.

Benefits. Check.

Doesn't want a relationship. Check.

 

Nothing confusing about this FWB situation. Seems pretty strict to the definition. If you don't want the friends bit, stick to hookups. If neither arrangement suits you, stick to actual dating with the express purpose of forming a committed relationship.

 

You're an adult and it's up to you to assert your physical and emotional boundaries.

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You have all these questions about his behaviors. Does the answer make a difference? You never mentioned if you wanted more and in actuality in the beginning you defended your reasons for wanting to keep it casual.

 

If we were to decode his actions and it doesn't change your stance, then leave well enough alone and enjoy your friendship.

 

On a side note, fwb's almost always run their course. Any relationship, whether your a coworker, neighbor or friend is a living, breathing thing. They deepen and mature. It's unrealistic to expect them to remain at status quo.

 

This is a perfect example.

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