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I've gotten involved in the most cliché work affair and it's driving me crazy.


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Before I begin, I know I'm a terrible person and I do not condone any of what I did.

A few weeks back I was away on business, while away I met a new colleague, we connected really quickly and seemed to have a lot in common. The days were long so of an evening it was a relief to have a drink. Most of our other colleagues went off to bed early most nights, leaving him and I left until last orders at the bar. One night, he invited me back to his room to "raid the mini bar" as we hadn't finished drinking yet. I had assumed this was all innocent, we are complete opposites of eachother, he's long haired, tattoed, heavy metal lover, and I am a petite, blonde who loves star wars and crocheting. Anyway, after drinking another bottle of wine, he kissed me. I told him it was a terrible thing to do as we both were in relationships, I left the room and the next day we didn't discuss what happened.

 

On our final night away, we resorted to the normal ritual of drinking the day away, this time more of our colleagues stayed out to drink. This is when I noticed him look across at me and gesture for me to come to bed. I stupidly did. I cant say I regret it, it was exciting and wild and we stayed up all night talking about everything, it sounds incredibly cliche but I have never connected with someone so quickly and had such intense feelings.

 

He asked if we could put it all behind us and never discuss it with anyone. I agreed.

 

After arriving home, I had been having doubts about my current relationship for months and this kind of iced the cake that I wasn't happy anymore. I ended things, I was honest about my reasons why and for what had happened while I was away.

 

Back in work, things escalated. He told me how be felt so strongly towards me, how he couldn't go home and look at his partner. I discouraged his behaviour until he'd made some sort of decision about what he wanted.

 

Flash forward, he confessed to his partner what happened and how he is in love with me, but he wants to stick at there relationship and try and make it work? Now, that's his choice and I am in no position to dispute it. The problem is that she's forced him to block me on all forms of social media, although we see eachother every day. He has kept me on Snapchat, in secret and has even admitted to unlocking me on social media to look at pictures of me.

 

Work isn't awkward because i feel like I try to keep some sort of professionalism between us, but I am not convinced at his behaviour. The tension between us is so strong and I stay away from him as best as I can. I don't know what to do? I am not convinced he's made the best decision for himself and I don't want to be influencing him otherwise? I feel I've been used more than anything, although he disagrees when I try to address it? How does it sound to an outsider? I feel like I'm going crazy!

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Flash forward, he confessed to his partner what happened and how he is in love with me, but he wants to stick at there relationship and try and make it work? Now, that's his choice and I am in no position to dispute it. The problem is that she's forced him to block me on all forms of social media, although we see eachother every day. He has kept me on Snapchat, in secret and has even admitted to unlocking me on social media to look at pictures of me.

 

Work isn't awkward because i feel like I try to keep some sort of professionalism between us, but I am not convinced at his behaviour. The tension between us is so strong and I stay away from him as best as I can. I don't know what to do? I am not convinced he's made the best decision for himself and I don't want to be influencing him otherwise? I feel I've been used more than anything, although he disagrees when I try to address it? How does it sound to an outsider? I feel like I'm going crazy!

 

Can you blame his girlfriend for wanting him to block you on social media?

 

And no, I completely agree with Honeycomb8. You weren't used. You made a decision. You chose to sleep with him. You chose to cheat on your boyfriend with him.

 

Sorry, I ain't got no sympathy for ya.

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You weren’t used. You’re both adults that made the decision to become intimate with each other, despite being in committed relationships with other people.

 

I think you’re expecting this colleague to end his relationship because you ended yours. Since he’s decided to try and make his relationship work, you’re feeling resentful towards him.

 

What’s unfortunate about this situation is that you knew going into it that it was wrong.

 

Stop communicating with this guy in any way outside of work. Block him from social media. Be civil and professional with him at work, but only communicate with him when you have to.

 

Also let go of the idea of being with this guy. He’s made up his mind. You have to accept that what happened between you two was a fling, that’s about it.

 

Can’t really expect anything more out of this situation.

Edited by milly007
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Ditto. You weren't used. You had a fling. Hopefully, you didn't break up with your boyfriend strictly because of your one-night stand. Possibly he was hoping his girlfriend was going to throw him out so she would make the decision to leave for him. But he decided to stay with her, so he wimped out.

 

Sure it was all romantic and exciting for a couple of days, but it's not enough to base a relationship on. Just think about it as a brief office affair. Just cool down and move on.

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You were a willing participant, who probably had unrealistic expectations of this fling. He did not use you.

 

What did you expect to come of this? I gather that you hoped he would leave his girlfriend for you, and are upset that didn't happen. That's a risk you take when you hook up with someone else's man. Of course she had him block you. He is more than correct to do so, OP. Let's be realistic here.

 

Take it as a lesson learned. You knew your relationship needed to end, and it's good that it did, but you made a mistake in getting your emotions tied up with a guy who has a woman. Stay away from him and make wiser choices next time.

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Before I begin, I know I'm a terrible person and I do not condone any of what I did.

A few weeks back I was away on business, while away I met a new colleague, we connected really quickly and seemed to have a lot in common. The days were long so of an evening it was a relief to have a drink. Most of our other colleagues went off to bed early most nights, leaving him and I left until last orders at the bar. One night, he invited me back to his room to "raid the mini bar" as we hadn't finished drinking yet. I had assumed this was all innocent, we are complete opposites of eachother, he's long haired, tattoed, heavy metal lover, and I am a petite, blonde who loves star wars and crocheting. Anyway, after drinking another bottle of wine, he kissed me. I told him it was a terrible thing to do as we both were in relationships, I left the room and the next day we didn't discuss what happened.

 

On our final night away, we resorted to the normal ritual of drinking the day away, this time more of our colleagues stayed out to drink. This is when I noticed him look across at me and gesture for me to come to bed. I stupidly did. I cant say I regret it, it was exciting and wild and we stayed up all night talking about everything, it sounds incredibly cliche but I have never connected with someone so quickly and had such intense feelings.

 

He asked if we could put it all behind us and never discuss it with anyone. I agreed.

 

After arriving home, I had been having doubts about my current relationship for months and this kind of iced the cake that I wasn't happy anymore. I ended things, I was honest about my reasons why and for what had happened while I was away.

 

Back in work, things escalated. He told me how be felt so strongly towards me, how he couldn't go home and look at his partner. I discouraged his behaviour until he'd made some sort of decision about what he wanted.

 

Flash forward, he confessed to his partner what happened and how he is in love with me, but he wants to stick at there relationship and try and make it work? Now, that's his choice and I am in no position to dispute it. The problem is that she's forced him to block me on all forms of social media, although we see eachother every day. He has kept me on Snapchat, in secret and has even admitted to unlocking me on social media to look at pictures of me.

 

Work isn't awkward because i feel like I try to keep some sort of professionalism between us, but I am not convinced at his behaviour. The tension between us is so strong and I stay away from him as best as I can. I don't know what to do? I am not convinced he's made the best decision for himself and I don't want to be influencing him otherwise? I feel I've been used more than anything, although he disagrees when I try to address it? How does it sound to an outsider? I feel like I'm going crazy!

 

He certainly didn't "use" you when you volunteered to go to bed with him.

 

He's chosen his current girlfriend so disassociate yourself from him and maybe figure yourself out before you start dating seriously again or at least stop drinking in the company of men when you're not with your partner. Perhaps that will keep you from jumping into bed with one of them in the future.

 

Hopefully you and he hasn't fueled the office gossip mill or jeopardized your jobs over your indiscretion(s).

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I don't think it's used you feel... but more like a bruised ego.

 

As others have pointed out, this is your own undoing because you knew right from wrong. You need to learn that just because someone wants and have a physical and emotional connection with you during a drunken night, it doesn't always carry over when sobriety hits.

 

This guy doesn't sound like a stand-up guy any way so do yourself a favor, and count your blessing you are not that girlfriend constantly wondering if her boyfriend will cheat on her again.

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He had a decision between you and his current girlfriend, he chose her and truth be told, I'm not surprised.

 

He probably thought about how things started with you (a cheating scenario with lots of alcohol) and realized that it wasn't a good situation.

Cheating flings rarely end up to be anything good, even if they break up with the other person.

 

You now need to respect his decision and keep away from him. Hopefully in the future you will make much better decisions and have more self control.

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Unfortunately, if he wants to make amends, he has to do what he has to do to preserve his relationship. You weren't "used". He viewed this as a one night stand and a mistake in his relationship. You on the other hand are unhappy in your relationship and perhaps are hoping this is more than it seemed.

he confessed to his partner what happened and how he is in love with me, but he wants to stick at there relationship and try and make it work? The problem is that she's forced him to block me on all forms of social media, although we see eachother every day.
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