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Over the past year, my drinking has taken a turn for the worse. Over the last few weekends I have got absolutely black out drunk. I have humiliated myself beyond belief, I have drank so much I have done awful things. I have stranger texting me asking me if i was okay because 'I was bad' the night before. This past weekend I did it again, I have absolutely no recollection and I am honestly so so scared of what I did, what I said, I really don't know what to do. I am so humiliated and this isn't the first time, I ended up in hospital after feeling so suicidal and embarrassed after substance abuse. I suffer with severe anxiety and depression and I think I have been drinking to forget.

 

How can I get over this feeling of shame, guilt and worry about what I said or did on the nights I don't remember? I wake up covered in bruises, sad, and suicidal, Will I ever get over this?

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It sounds like a bad cycle of depression leading to substance abuse, leading to even deeper depression. Please Google "depression and substance abuse hot line" and then make the call. There's nothing scary about calling, and talking to someone that actually understands what you are going through, and can offer suggestions, help, programs to get yourself well.

 

Please also keep in mind that alcohol is a depressive stimulant - in other words, if you are feeling down, alcohol is not a good choice to turn to - it may give a brief period of euphoria and forgetting how you are feeling for a while, but it generally results in feeling even more depressed, ashamed, guilty and worried.

 

So, please, do yourself, and the people that care for you a favor (and there are plenty of people that care for you - even when you may think they don't, consider this - strangers are texting you to see if you are okay. That says a lot about you as a person - people you barely know worry for you. The message you should take from that is this - they met you briefly and found you to be someone worth caring about. That's a rare quality in this world.) So please, do everyone a favor, especially yourself - Google "Depression and Substance Abuse Hot Line" choose one and call. Get help. There is no shame in depression, there is only a need for help getting through it and getting yourself back to a good place.

 

Wishing you well, and hope you do get the assistance you need.

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OH man.. so sorry you're going thru such rough times.

Step 1: to ensure you never have to worry about the guilt, shame, etc. of your "drunken behavior" - STOP drinking. Yes.. i know that sounds so simple but it truly is true. Addiction is the toughest thing a human can go thru (becoming un-addicted) so the key there is to get HELP! Believe me, there is NO SHAME getting help to end addiction. And it's worth it (i quit smoking 6 yrs ago.. toughest thing i've ever had to do).

 

Step 2: In getting help, you will want to enroll in some class that helps you understand why you turn to drinking, and explains how it works to take you over. This matter-of-foct logical approach works WONDERS (it did for my smoking addiction) to help EMPOWER you (not SHAME you) to undresatnd what is going on and why, and thus how you reverse it. You are right that you are "drinking to forget" or "drinking to escape" - that's why we all get addicted. But we need to learn WHY and what exactly for.. and just how these substances control us so we can start to reverse those logistics and un-control us with it.

 

Hang in there friend. You can do it. MILLIONS of people beat addiction each year - and thre is NOTHING special about us who did it. We just ended up somewhere where somebody cared to tel us the truth, tell us how it is, how it works, and therefore how to reverse it. YOU can do the same and it will CHANGE all of this! I promise.

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If you're in the US, call the national suicide prevention hotline, 1-800-273-8255. Otherwise, use the Internet to find a prevention hotline for your area. Ask for a referral to local resources closest to you, or go to your local hospital and tell them you are suicidal.

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  • 1 year later...
Over the past year, my drinking has taken a turn for the worse. Over the last few weekends I have got absolutely black out drunk. I have humiliated myself beyond belief, I have drank so much I have done awful things. I have stranger texting me asking me if i was okay because 'I was bad' the night before. This past weekend I did it again, I have absolutely no recollection and I am honestly so so scared of what I did, what I said, I really don't know what to do. I am so humiliated and this isn't the first time, I ended up in hospital after feeling so suicidal and embarrassed after substance abuse. I suffer with severe anxiety and depression and I think I have been drinking to forget.

 

How can I get over this feeling of shame, guilt and worry about what I said or did on the nights I don't remember? I wake up covered in bruises, sad, and suicidal, Will I ever get over this?

 

I can relate.

I consider myself normal sober.

When I drink, I cannot stop at 2 or 3, and always find myself blind drunk. I become a horrible person. I overshare personal information, sleaze so much onto women, pay for escorts, unsafe sex, become abusive, throw money around and run a muck. I am an obnoxious a-hole. I’ll get blind until all hours by myself and then tee up a root with an escort. Weird ass stuff.

To sober me, it’s horrifying, and I am really ashamed of myself. So worried about the things I have done coming back to haunt me.

I’m not drinking for a while.

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