Jump to content

Thinking about contacting my ex girlfriend


Recommended Posts

So I had been dating this girl for about a year and a half. 12 of those 18 months were long distance. I broke up with her in July while I was abroad but then in August I went back to my home country for a 4 week holiday and we met a lot during that time. We had agreed to stay friends but when I came back her she told me that she couldn't handle being just friends and that I'd have to choose; either be with her or we should just stop talking. Two weeks past and I was feeling destroyed, but I decided I needed to give being single here a go because I wasn't happy doing long distance. It's important to note that I wasn't happy doing long distance but as a person she made me very happy. The other reason was that I left my home country to go get a masters degree abroad and to also work there after. She wasn't too keen about living abroad but eventually said she'd like to do it but I always felt that she would come here only for me and that if something would go wrong I would end up being blamed for it. Also, our long distance period got extended by 4 months and I wasn't happy about that. It's a weird thing to say but I loved and still do love her, even though I broke up. If I didn't break up with her we would be together sometime around September/October 2019.

 

On the day I told her it's best to stay broken up we had a heartfelt conversation where she told me that she would always love me and that she wouldn't be able to forget me. I felt the same towards her, and she told me that if I ever wanted to talk to her I should do so. I also told her to do the same. It's been a month now and I basically spent the last couple of weeks living at university or at work. I was trying to fill up my time as much as possible by constantly working, studying, or working on assignments. But every now and then, when I'm alone, I just start thinking about her and I have the worst feeling ever. I end up crying and I just feel like I had a certain happiness that I threw away. The past four days have been even worse, I wake up in the morning and she's the first person I think about and even while trying to work or do other things I get really emotional. It's getting to a point where I'm avoiding working in public places because sometimes I just start to cry. I feel that I really want to go talk to her, but some of my friends have told me that it's still fresh and it's not a good idea. Others have told me to follow my gut feeling.

 

I don't want to rush but I also don't want to wait too long, it might be already too late for anything (even her wanting to have a simply conversation with me) but if it's not I don't want to ruin that. What should I do? I try to remember the reasons as to why I broke up and how unhappy I was in the LDR but all I can keep thinking about is her voice, her smile, and how she made me feel when we were together.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Keep thinking about the very valid reasons it ended. You were unhappy with a LDR (as most normal people are).

 

It sounds like you miss her but why invade her heart and unravel your own by revisiting a nonviable situation.

 

LDRs aren't about wrong or bad people they are about wrong and bad situations.

I decided I needed to give being single here a go because I wasn't happy doing long distance. I try to remember the reasons as to why I broke up and how unhappy I was in the LDR but all I can keep thinking about is her voice, her smile, and how she made me feel when we were together.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Listen to Wiseman.

 

What you're experiencing is what everyone experiences after a break up—the loss, the sudden void where there was once a person. It's human nature to want to fill that void, and what better way to fill it than with the person?

 

Except if the circumstances have not changed, if the reason for the breakup remains the same, you will just find yourself back in the exact same position. I know it's hard. I've been in your shoes.

 

It sounds like you guys had a healthy relationship—real love, connection, no toxicity. Just bad timing. Maybe if the circumstances change, you can reach out. But right now I don't think you'll get anything more than the same frustrations, after which you'll find your connection and feelings have been tarnished.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, think of it this way, contacting your ex is just like opening up an old wound for both of you again. And afterwards you'll just feel more miserable, and she'll feel more miserable. And the only thing you've accomplished is spreading your misery around. So just keep distracting yourself with work. Maybe you can make some new friends that you can hang out with and do things with. Try to keep your mind from dwelling on your ex and let her deal with the break up in her own way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...