My friend stopped talking to me

[RayofLighten]

3 months ago, one of my oldest friends got back in touch with me. The last time we saw each other was when we were kids. He and his brother were the sons of my parents best friends so we were all very close back then. The best friends I ever had. We all went on a big family and friends holiday 21 years ago then they emigrated to another country. They came home for visits a few times and their parents moved back permanently due to their divorce. They boys stayed living in this other country with their families. I recently went on holiday with my family to the same place we went and posting the pictures prompted the youngest brother to get in touch (he is now married with kids, like me). We talked about the holiday and events from when we were kids. He told me all about a major fallout he had with his brother. We got on so well. He would text me every day and we would have amazing conversations and laughs for hours. We were both so happy to be back in touch. He told me he never wanted us to lose touch again and I agreed. I had my oldest and bestest friend back and we talked every day for the next 3 months. Then suddenly he stopped texting. I text him after 3 quiet days but got no response. That's when I realised that he had unfriended and blocked me on Facebook and blocked me on WhatsApp. He hasn't blocked me on Instagram but hasn't responded to a message I sent through it. It has been almost 6 weeks now with no word from him. I am utterly confused and devastated. My husband knew all about him as he would talk to him too sometimes. I assume his wife knew he was back in touch with an old friend. He would talk a lot about her and his kids. Any ideas why he would just suddenly cut ties like that?

[Wiseman2]

It was a bit inappropriate to "have amazing conversations and laughs for hours every day". However it seems you realize this since you mention his wife and your husband. Perhaps his wife and kids appropriately wanted him to spend more time with them than chatting you up constantly.

 

Old friends might stay in touch through social media, etc, but do not get so involved that most of their time is spend on one-on-one conversations. It sounds like you overdid things .

He would text me every day and we would have amazing conversations and laughs for hours. we talked every day for the next 3 months. My husband knew all about him as he would talk to him too sometimes. I assume his wife knew he was back in touch with an old friend.

[SherrySher]

It might have been his wife, if might not have been.

 

It could have been the case that he felt it was going into inappropriate lines and felt it was going to become uncomfortable for his wife or his marriage so he decided to end things.

He wife might not even know.

 

Or he could have developed inappropriate feelings and again decided it was best for all the cut ties.

 

Either way, respect his decision and leave it.

[RayofLighten]

I understand what you're saying, but there wasn't anything inappropriate in our conversations. We would talk and laugh and reminisce about when we were kids and the holiday we all went on. He opened up and told me about his brother going off the rails in his teens which was the cause of their fallout. If he did develop inappropriate feelings, I never picked up on it. Neither did my husband who saw everything and was fully involved. If this was the case cutting ties was probably for the best. I haven't sent anymore messages for a few weeks now and decided to leave it as suggested. But I keep wondering about it.

[SherrySher]

But yes, I agree with Wiseman too...hours every day??!! (I missed that bit) Who does that? It's one thing to spend a few hours for coffee or lunch(one time) with an old friend to catch up, it's a whole other thing to contact them daily and for hours.

 

That is inappropriate.

[Wiseman2]

True. But the amount of time spent doing it was. Most people just stay in touch with social media and share a few things here and there catching up, etc. Chitchatting on Whatsapp Every. Single. Day. For. Hours. is what's inappropriate. And you know it was.

there wasn't anything inappropriate in our conversations.

[RayofLighten]

Ok so maybe it wasn't exactly hours on end and wasn't every day. It was quite often though. But definitely nothing inappropriate about our conversations.

[RayofLighten]

I never really looked at it like that, but maybe it was too much, I don't know.

[SherrySher]

Still.. it was over the top and he probably decided it was too much, so he left quietly without trying to be too rude.

[RayofLighten]

Yeah possibly, but that's what confuses me. He was always the one to text me first and he was the one that said he never wanted us to lose touch again. Maybe you're right though, maybe he did suddenly feel it was too much.

[SherrySher]

He either started feeling it was too much or he started developing feelings and decided he needed to back off for his own marriage and for yours.

[RayofLighten]

Cutting ties was probably for the best then if that were the case. Disappointing though. It was nice having my old friend back.

[Batya33]

Are you sure he's ok? All the blocking etc suggests to me his wife found out and said he had to cut of all ties with you and made sure that was done. Maybe he was also chatting up other women so this was just a blanket sweep of everyone no matter what.

[RayofLighten]

I assumed she knew. My husband did and even talked to him too. We're old family friends. I don't know what was going through his mind but he genuinely seemed as happy as I was to be back in touch as friends again.

[Batya33]

Assumed doesn't mean she knew the extent. My husband has been on his phone a lot lately at night. I trust him 100%. But it's a change in behavior -typically the phone is charging during that time or he'll check it just to log in to his work computer. Anyway, he actually is texting with his cousin about baseball and about his uncle's health. I have never checked to confirm -I trust him completely - but I am writing this because even though we're so tired at night and I'm busy prepping and cleaning for the next day I know my husband's habits and routines and even though I'm not "focused" on them I notice nonetheless.

[RayofLighten]

It's disappointing if my friend was keeping things from his wife. I have a wonderful marriage with my husband. We don't keep anything from each other. We trust each other 100% too.

[SherrySher]

Whatever the reason, it is unfortunate.

 

I'm sorry you lost a friend, I actually know how that feels. I had something similar happen years ago. To me it was all innocent, but you never know whats going on with the other person.

[Wiseman2]

It was simply too much, maybe for him even if he reached out first or stated he wanted to stay in touch, etc. Whatever the reason, he did not want to continue. No one has to assume it was flirting or it was his wife was jealous or he has the hots for you. You seem to want to believe that because you repeatedly mention his wife and your husband.

 

Next time learn boundaries with friends and that people have lives outside of chitchatting with you. It's not about some secret sultry emotional affair. It's about chitchatting way too much.

It's disappointing if my friend was keeping things from his wife. I have a wonderful marriage with my husband.

[RayofLighten]

Sherrysher, True and thank you. It did hurt at first. It just goes to show you never truly know person unless you lived with them.

[RayofLighten]

Wiseman2 you don't have to try and make me feel horrible, like I was doing someone wrong. I did nothing wrong. Neither of us did. I don't know the reasons for why my friend stopped talking but there was never anything inappropriate about our conversations.

[Wiseman2]

Exactly. It wasn't some steamy affair. It was just too much.

I did nothing wrong. Neither of us did.

[RayofLighten]

All I can do now is leave it. But it's hard not knowing. I'm better off trying not to think about it.

[DanZee]

Well, it had turned into an emotional relationship and your friend's wife probably saw that. A lot of women consider that "cheating." There has certainly been many discussions on ENA about how much texting is appropriate to someone who is not a boyfriend or family member. She probably made him delete and block you in front of her, which is why you never got another text from him. You'll probably find out eventually what happened.

[Honeycomb8]

If you're in a relstionship, chatting to someone else for hours a day regardless of content is TOO much. I'm all for chatting to guy friends but learn about boundaries.

[catfeeder]

I assume his wife knew he was back in touch with an old friend.

 

This may not be an accurate assumption.