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Getting into a mental catfight with his wife over this liar is not worth it. Just cut your losses and find a man who is more consistent with your goals. Don't let him throwing you a few bucks make you settle for the mistress position.

Me getting thee message across is easy as 1 2 3. I feel as if that may be the REAL test of what's really happening.--least I will know for certain who is dragging their feet on solidifying the divorce!.

Although his help is really making a huge difference I'd rather struggle

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I understand your view...thanks

But we can't assume as to what she or he has done that lead up to this point. As I mentioned prior she has a photo posted with some other man on social media. So maybe this is what they go thru on a split....IDK

And I have no idea on what the "typical" married man BS is because I have never landed in such a situation. He's never said she doesn't understand him etc...what he has said is that although he's done his philandering in the past he tried doing the right thing....she cheats, he leaves, she cries and pleads and he goes back. So this isn't a situation where he is constantly bashing her to me or as if there is a promise of leaving to come be with me. That's not the case. Not at all.

and most women wouldn't give a damn especially if their needs and wants are being satisfied but I care and Im better than a mistress

thank you

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Hello All:

So there is someone I am dating---it's new Aug 31 is the start. He is practically a live in boyfriend now.....BUT

he is married and currently separated from her for 2 years now. This is their 2nd split for 2 years but they have 2 children

and 15 years in.

He claims he has asked several times throughout the past year and she has refused to sign off for the divorce. He is with me

EVERY single night. He takes care of me and my daughter and he is the best thing since sliced bread and in so many ways he is

perfect for me and my life.......He is saying they haven't been together in 3 years it is over, she knows he doesn't want her any long etc, etc etc,

but that really makes me feel no better especially since Im not married never been married and quite frankly am dating to lead to marriage.

 

We spoke about it this AM and I was adamant about him needing to get a divorce and he understands but at the same time

I cant help but to feel a bit torn, ashamed and intimidated by the current circumstances.

 

What path should I take at this point? He is well off, very kind and gentle, very handsome, and thoughtful. For the first time in my lifetime

I can actually feel myself falling hard for him and RIGHT now I can control it but another 24-48 hrs and Im all in. I am a player by nature and have only had 3

real relationships in my life. Honestly I am too soft and sensitive so I ultimately have shyed away from love all my life...Im 38 he is 39.

 

 

OH--the wife is on FB with another male with a comment saying she's starting over with him....but still she is using her married surname/

Help me...AM I SIMPLY A REBOUND OR AN UPGRADE TO RETURN BACK TO HER....>>

 

I say it's not a good move on your part, to let him stay with you.

He has children and is married...

Does he even know what he wants?

 

You want to be certain. I think you haven't seen him fragile and vulnerable yet, you don't know him very well. If he doesn't have a fragile and vulnerable part of him (some people are good actors!), he may have a terrible anger part of him. Why did he seperate with his wife? I vote, have him leave you.

 

You want someone for life, not a cheat or an actor.

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He lied to you about his status - huge red flag.

He is practically living with you in a matter of weeks and paying your bills - that's not nice at all, that's another huge red flag. There is no such thing as a free lunch - remember that.

He is feeding you total bs about him not being able to divorce because his wife won't agree - there is no such thing. A spouse can't block a divorce. Another huge red flag and more lies from him about his status. Starting to look like a theme here.

He told you that they have done this kind of a thing before and then got back together - this isn't just a red flag but a straight up warning to you what to expect.

 

Honestly, OP, it doesn't matter who is at fault, him or his wife. What matters is this - if you want a healthy dating relationship that leads to marriage, this is categorically not it. Don't get involved in this crazy drama because in the end you'll just end up roadkill between two very very dysfunctional people and their drama.

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So why is the son not living with his Mother???!!!!!! We went and bought all the kids winter outerwear yesterday and I see to it that he goes and spends time with the daughter at least 3xs weekly. The son is 16 and he works after school--this guy works up to 16 hours a day as he has his own business Mon-Sat so there is not a lot of leisure time but yes I see to it that they are in constant communication. I am not that type of woman...that BS grinds my gears as well....I can not tolerate a man who doesn't care for his children!

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So why is the son not living with his Mother???!!!!!! We went and bought all the kids winter outerwear yesterday and I see to it that he goes and spends time with the daughter at least 3xs weekly. The son is 16 and he works after school--this guy works up to 16 hours a day as he has his own business Mon-Sat so there is not a lot of leisure time but yes I see to it that they are in constant communication. I am not that type of woman...that BS grinds my gears as well....I can not tolerate a man who doesn't care for his children!

 

I hope you make the right decision. You're now a mom to his children also.

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Ahh. Well that makes sense now. The boy is 16. So not a child. And can decide where he wants to live.

How old is the daughter?

 

I get its nice to have his help, I wouldn't call you a mistress, I would if he was home with his wife every night.

Even so, best to cut the cord here for now and see what he does.

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I didn't know he had gotten married. If you must know I had moved away for 5 years and came back to my hometown 2010. I ran into him I wanna say April or May of this year and we began casually talking.

He mentioned he had married his kids mom but I never dug into deep only until recently after we started talking on a regular basis.

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It’s too early to be buying clothes for his kids. I’m sure that he was buying them and you were just with him but buying clothes just like him staying over is domestic and you shouldn’t be domestic quite yet. You should be dating, you should be going on fun dates, things should be exciting. It just feels like you skipped about nine steps.

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So the guy is still married, he lied about his relationship status, in the 6 weeks you've been together you have had to be the one who makes him visit his kids.

I'm wondering how leaving him isn't the conclusion you've come to already?? It's only been 6 weeks, you'd get over it pretty quickly.

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Honestly, dump him and pay your own bills or keep him around and reap the benefits. Many here will treat you as a a child completely unaware of what's going on, but anyone willing to treat you with a modicum of respect knows what's going on.

 

You're not going to find a self respecting guy who's dated you an entire month and who's ok paying for your kid's books and paying down your credit card but for having his own baggage.

 

Cut your gains and keep him around, or date properly for a guy who's not going to assume responsibility for your debts and responsibilities.

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After 6 weeks, you'll be the only one of his mistresses and women he cheats on his wife with to turn him around and make him divorce her. He will get on one knee with a huge diamond ring and propose to you in a bed of roses.

 

And because of your grand love and amazingness, the two of you will ride off into the sunset riding bareback on a white horse along the beach. His wife and kids will simply fade away and disappear into the fog.

So you with the notion that a tiger never changes his stripes huh???
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Nope they sure don't.

WRONG!

Speaking for myself I was indeed a player. Settling down and establishing a committed relationship are things I refused to do. I am 38 and have had a total of 3 serious relationships and I was OK with it being that way...but now that I am older and mature I'm not straying or dating multiple partners.

so your generalization is not in fact totally true...Your opinion is also very biased.

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By allowing him to live with you, you are enabling him to NOT have to do a thing about getting his divorce finalized. His excuse is that she won't sign the papers. Has he been to a lawyer to see what he can do about that?

 

No he hasn't followed up on getting it done and over obviously b/c in his heart and his mind---Its OVER> and I get that part. Up until now he hadn't found anyone that he actually considered being with

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After 6 weeks I realize I am the ONLY woman in his world at this current time... After 6 weeks I realized why it's never worked with any other dude and after 6 weeks I know that this is the type of man/relationship that I not only need but also want in my life.

 

He hasn't slept or been with that wife going on 3 years and he has been a lonely weary lowly soul...we spoke last night and it took him 7 mins of silence to fight the tears from falling-I am now OK with this...He is ok, and we will be OK.

 

Maybe we wont ride off into the sunset maybe he wont get divorced and maybe he might go back to that family. Then to again maybe he will get that divorce and he will remarry unto me and we will live happily ever after. The irony of your comment is pathetic and really Im not up for entertaining nonsense.

 

Furthermore--- I know I want this man, I would like to one day Love him and I know that I deserve to be happy despite the past.

Thanks for your viewpoint.

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