Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I've been messaging a guy online for nearly a year now. What started off as a physical attraction soon grew into an intense connection between us. My problem is I've never met him, he always makes excuse when we set up a date to meet, he also won't give me his cell number and says he doesn't have social media 🤔 He tells me he loves me, I'm beautiful and sexy, I'm his girl, but when l push him for what's going on he says we're just friends but never say never. My head is so confused, he tells me we'd be great together and make each other very happy, we have the most romantic talks, I've really fallen for him.The awful thing is I seriously think he's in a relationship and using me for excitement and an ego boost, just led me on and used me basically. Please can someone help me, l feel so confused 😐

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of the problems with online connections is that you have no way of knowing who the other person actually is - unless you meet them. You don't know for certain whether the nice pics which attracted you to him are actually OF him - but you do know that he doesn't want a genuine relationship with you. This may be because he's already in a relationship, or it may be that he's nothing like what he purports to be (like an 86-year-old pensioner or a fifteen-year old schoolboy), or because he's locked up in an institution somewhere... you just don't know. After all this time he is refusing to make contact in any meaningful way, and that's decidedly dodgy, especially if he's telling you you'd be great together and all the rest of that horse****

 

What you need to understand is that your strong feelings, powerful as they may be, are a fantasy. What you are providing for him is excitement and an ego boost, as you already realise, but it sounds like you're looking for a serious romantic relationship. That's fine - you're just not going to get it with this guy. Your intense connection is nothing more than an illusion.

 

Detach yourself from him and look to find someone in the real world who can return your feelings for real - and build something worthwhile.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been messaging a guy online for nearly a year now. What started off as a physical attraction soon grew into an intense connection between us. My problem is I've never met him, he always makes excuse when we set up a date to meet, he also won't give me his cell number and says he doesn't have social media 🤔 He tells me he loves me, I'm beautiful and sexy, I'm his girl, but when l push him for what's going on he says we're just friends but never say never. My head is so confused, he tells me we'd be great together and make each other very happy, we have the most romantic talks, I've really fallen for him.The awful thing is I seriously think he's in a relationship and using me for excitement and an ego boost, just led me on and used me basically. Please can someone help me, l feel so confused 😐

 

Don't waste your time! Ive been in a similar situation with 2 women like this. Its most likely they enjoy the attention and that's about it. trust me MOVE ON! I had wasted the same amount of time with a woman like this back in 2008. She never would meet up and constant excuses. Its now 2018. We don't talk to each other but she is still on my Facebook.

 

The other woman I met was a chef and she worked crazy hours like 60 hour weeks and she again would also change dates, cancel them. Ive only ever met her twice out of 2 years and again it was a waste of time Shes with someone else now.

 

Don't waste your time on this person. You deserve better. People have gotten married and had kids within 6 months you know!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you know he is married or this is catfishing or scamming.

We've never face timed, he tells me he's too shy. Also his excuse for not talking on the phone. He sends me pre recorded video messages though and seems outgoing which l find very contradicting
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This guy is not who he says he is. Several possibilities: a catfish, married, much younger or much older, not a guy at all.

 

You already know this this person is not who you hope he is, but you've gotten hooked on all the sweet nothings. They're meaningless, though, because you have no clue who is actually sending them to you.

 

Why have you not already cut this person off?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

'My problem is I've never met him, he always makes excuse when we set up a date to meet, he also won't give me his cell number and says he doesn't have social media 🤔'

 

Sorry OP but you can't be serious. He (she?) is most likely a 28 stone 1 ft tall nutcase who sits on the net all day proclaiming his (her?) love for people he (she?) doesn't know and will never meet. You need to stop this nonsense and go out and live REAL life, in REAL world, with REAL people.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been messaging a guy online for nearly a year now. What started off as a physical attraction soon grew into an intense connection between us. My problem is I've never met him, he always makes excuse when we set up a date to meet, he also won't give me his cell number and says he doesn't have social media 🤔 He tells me he loves me, I'm beautiful and sexy, I'm his girl, but when l push him for what's going on he says we're just friends but never say never. My head is so confused, he tells me we'd be great together and make each other very happy, we have the most romantic talks, I've really fallen for him.The awful thing is I seriously think he's in a relationship and using me for excitement and an ego boost, just led me on and used me basically. Please can someone help me, l feel so confused 😐

 

Nothing confusing. He won't meet you in person and you have known this for a long time. You've chosen to let him be a chat buddy/sexting buddy. Ask yourself why you've chosen to spend your time this way if you say you want to date someone in person? You've chosen to get attached to typing and talking to him. You can make a choice to not be in contact with him - that is a choice -no one is forcing you to be in contact. You have no idea if you are talking to a man or a woman, to a child or an adult, or whether "he" is multiple people. He's not using you at all (or she, or the group of people) - you agree to be in contact with him. He is not using you.

 

My sense is this gives you an excuse not to be out in the real world meeting people in person even if you first contact on line -that is much harder than this fantasy image you have of the romantic connection with him/her/them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know it’s too late for this advice - but honestly? If a real, in-person relationship is what you want, you really shouldn’t be talking to anyone online beyond about 2 weeks. 1 week to get a sense of who you are. An extra week for all the reasons (sometimes people are legit busy, or shy, or nervous or whatever). Beyond that, I think you just have to assume they are wasting your time.

 

Don’t feel bad. I’m sure just about all of us have allowed ourselves to be strung along for extended periods of time (whether online or in person). As another said, it’s usually because you are also not really available for whatever reason. The important part is to learn from it so that it doesn’t happen again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My guess is he's married or living with someone, or he is a she or some crazy weirdo living in his/her mother's basement carrying on conversations on computer with women he/she never plans to meet.

 

Wake up and smell the coffee! This is not going where you want it to because he is not who he says he is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

You are blinded by the man who could be. This guy sounds perfect to you because that's exactly what you wanted. He talked to you, learned what you liked then tailored his responses to you because he knew this would dig his hooks into you deeper.

But sorry to say, you are in love with an idea. Doesn't take a genius to figure out this guy is lying. It doesn't not matter why he is lying, but know the fact he is. I mean.. c'mon..I am a reformed A-hole and I have used all those excuses. Im shy, I am at work or I work a lot, this is a work cell phone, my computer doesn't have a cam, I travel and the internet is weak, I lost my tablet or I had it stolen, using my friends computer, all mean the same thing. Im playing with you. Don't waste another min or don't waste time giving him a chance to prove himself. He is fake.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know. I've cut him off now, blocked him. Final straw was l asked him what he was hiding, asked him if he was married, got quite heated and told me l was crazy. I replied and asked him what he would say someone he cared about if they were engaging with a guy that won't talk on the phone, won't meet. He vanished 😂 For reasons l dont really want to go into l was in a vulnerable place in my life and he got his claws into me. I'm taking time out from guys for a while to get myself sorted, thanks for the help 😊

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For reasons l dont really want to go into l was in a vulnerable place in my life and he got his claws into me. I'm taking time out from guys for a while to get myself sorted, thanks for the help 😊

 

Getting too invested in online personas is the stuff that creates fantasies 'around' someone rather than actually getting to know who they are. I'd skip doing that. Save your best writing for someone who has stepped up to meet you in person and has earned it.

 

Use the Internet to screen for matching values, dating goals and a reasonable photo that can help you identify the guy in public, and then take it straight there. Schedule a few quick coffee meets with different people each week after work, and if anyone stands you up, you can take your coffee with you and nothing is lost. Check one another out for 15, 20 minutes, and make a rule that neither can try to set up a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other afterward. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if not, no response is necessary.

 

It makes no sense to invest in screen names online. If a guy won't allow you to know him in person, then he's not investment material--he's either a recluse or a catfish or anything else that won't turn out well.

 

Head high, and decide whether you're up for meeting people, or whether you could be the one who is hiding.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...