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Hi! I need help... I was dating my ex for 9 months (we had been talking 11), and we had a pretty rocky relationship. We would go through periods where he wouldn’t talk to me for a couple of days because he needed to think. This gave me anxiety, panic attacks, all of it. In term, I don’t think we were good for each other but I loved him. Recently, he pulled one of his he needs to think breaks. I expected him to really break up with me this time. I had a friend in college who I had been talking to and I told him about the situation and we started talking. I got his Snapchat at school and we messaged a lot, talking about general friendly things. A couple days later he asked me to go out for ice cream and I did, just honestly needing a friend. I was at one of the lowest points in my life , so I was happy to have someone to talk to. Later that day my ex wanted to talk again and give it another chance. At this point I was confused because I actually had a fun time hanging out with this guy and wasn’t sure if I liked him or not. We had a conversation about it on Snapchat, where he said he was crushing on me. I told him that I wasn’t sure where I was at and didn’t want him waiting on me. I hung out with my ex for a few days, but when we got home one night he was going through my Snapchat. He saw the guy was my best friend but couldn’t find the messages and demanded to see them. I had cleared the conversation just in case, because I know how worked up he gets. He hates any forum of cheating, but to me I had no intention of doing that or hurting him. I just felt alone and had no one else. I lied and said the guy was just a friend and I know it was wrong of me. I regret everything. I deleted some of the messages and then handed him my phone. He figured it out pretty quickly and got so angry with me. I finally told him the truth but at this point he didn’t care and told me to get out of his house. He said he wasn’t done just needed to think. I told him I loved him and he said he couldn’t say it back right now ): the next day he texted me at work saying that he couldn’t be with someone that lies and that he can’t trust someone that turns to other people in hard times. He said he’d leave my stuff outside and a breakup text was what I deserved. I poured my heart out saying sorry and that I loved him. He told me he didn’t wanna talk, and in his head I cheated. I don’t even like the other guy is the thing! I just got confused and didn’t know if I wanted a relationship with someone else or not. The next day he unfriended me on all social media. I need advice, please? I want him to not hate me, he was my best friend for so long, and I did love him even though things got crazy ): I never meant for this to happen and I honestly would do anything to take it all back. I want him and only him...

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I don't think you can do anything. He'll either come around on his own or not. To tell you the truth, I think he's being controlling and demanding, and these are not good qualities. It sounds like he was emotionally abusing you by frequently giving you the silent treatment to keep you in line. He's also trying to isolate you from your friends and since all this is causing you panic attacks and bouts of anxiety, it sounds like a toxic relationship.

 

I think you're better off without him, and if he does come back, I think you should refuse him and find a nice guy to will love you instead of accuse you of infidelity.

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Do you not see that you are being bullied? He knows you love him so he has the upper hand and he can be unreasonable and you'd just want him more. You went from "not sure" to "want only him", and why? because he's angry with you?

You didn't do anything with the other guy, you even turned him down. Your ex has made you afraid of him. That's not love. He has conditioned you to believe in this thing that's like a cult.

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Be glad it's over. He is an abusive controlling possessive jerk. Learn to avoid these types and learn to appreciate normal people like your snapchat college friend.

 

Don't get addicted to moody-broody creeps who want to control you, want frequent "breaks", obviously cheat on you and treat you like trash.

 

Delete and block this turd from all messaging and social media. Immediately tell trusted friends/family about how he treated you.

I was happy to have someone to talk to.
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You two were on a break, which was his idea. He has no right to tell you who you can hang out with pin those breaks. He also can't accuse you of cheating on a break.

 

He is very controlling and this is an unhealthy relationship. Let him go.

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