Does my gf consider me to be a 'trophy boyfriend', and is that bad?

[purplepaisley]

There comes a point in a relationship where it is assumed, not asked, that a partner will be attending important events. It's normal to expect your partner to attend the work party or family reunion or anniversary party, and to let him/her know to book the time off required in more of a "we have plans" sort of manner. Any person in the party can express this won't work for them, of course, or work out alternatives, etc., but everything this GF is doing seems perfectly normal to me.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks, well if it's normal, than it's normal :). I can go to her events. Not sure if I can get the time off though since I started a new job, but I can try.

 

She also asked me to go on a trip to Hawaii with her and her family though. I don't know if I want to use my vacation money for that though, as I was saving up for other things. So is it expected of the boyfriend to go on something like that?

[mustlovedogs]

If your girlfriend wants to go on vacation with you, you should explore the idea, but look at picking a destination together

[abitbroken]

Okay thanks, well if it's normal, than it's normal :). I can go to her events. Not sure if I can get the time off though since I started a new job, but I can try.

 

She also asked me to go on a trip to Hawaii with her and her family though. I don't know if I want to use my vacation money for that though, as I was saving up for other things. So is it expected of the boyfriend to go on something like that?

 

if the family including the spouses of her sister/brother are going, i don't think its out of line to ask.

if she still lives at home with her folks and she is a dependent - i think that this would be imposing on the parents.

say "i rather that the first vacation we go on be just the two of us" don't say "i am saving up for something more important".

[abitbroken]

Okay thanks, well if it's normal, than it's normal :). I can go to her events. Not sure if I can get the time off though since I started a new job, but I can try.

 

She also asked me to go on a trip to Hawaii with her and her family though. I don't know if I want to use my vacation money for that though, as I was saving up for other things. So is it expected of the boyfriend to go on something like that?

 

what are you using your vacation money for?

[katrina1980]

Okay thanks, well if it's normal, than it's normal :). I can go to her events. Not sure if I can get the time off though since I started a new job, but I can try.

 

She also asked me to go on a trip to Hawaii with her and her family though. I don't know if I want to use my vacation money for that though, as I was saving up for other things. So is it expected of the boyfriend to go on something like that?

 

ironpony, jmo but there is no universal definition of "normal" that every couple should follow as some standard rule.

 

Normal is subjective, it's up to each couple to choose how they wish to define for themselves. Their normal.

 

There is no rule that says you must attend every event with her just because it's considered "normal." That's ludicrous IMO. Same for the Hawaii vacay with her family.

 

Ask yourself, are you comfortable attending all these events and going to Hawaii with her family? If not, again there is no rule that states you must go because it's what "normal" couples do.

 

It doesn't sound like you and your gf are on the same page. It appears she's trying to have a RL with you based on her standards, her expectations, her "normal."

 

But what's your normal? Think about it. The last thing you want to do is be led around by the nose cause that's what's "normal" for your girlfriend.

 

You need to communicate with her what you're comfortable with and what you're not. If you're okay with going to some events, then great go. If not others, then it's okay to say no. Same with the Hawaii trip.

 

It's important for a couple to be on the same page w/r/t what's "normal" for them, as a couple, not what's normal for one and that person expecting you to automatically follow suit.

 

That's not how it works. Determine what's comfortable for you, what your normal is, communicate that to her. If it's not her normal, then try and reach some sort of compromise.

 

If not, part ways, you're not compatible.