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Does my gf consider me to be a 'trophy boyfriend', and is that bad?


ironpony
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I feel like my gf invites me to way too many events she wants me to go to, like dinners with parents and family, and relatives, and things like that, as well as work events.

 

We first start seeing each other in March/April around, but I feel that maybe she considers me to be a boyfriend to show off sometimes, cause if I don't want to, she will say things like everyone wants to meet me, family and a couple of co-workers so far. Why? Is going out since April long enough for the everyone wants to meet me stage?

 

She wants me to go to Christmas dinner for her work and told me to book off a couple of days, cause apparently Christmas dinner for work, is a three or more hour drive away in another city, and I have to stay overnight in a hotel.

 

Now maybe if she were to have asked me, I would have responded more positively, but she sends me a text saying book it off cause we are staying over night, at a hotel, and everything is paid for, without even asking, like as if she expected to me say yes, and get right on it, especially when I have a new job, and not much days off yet.

 

So I dunno, do you think that maybe she likes showing me off, or am I just making too big a deal out of this perhaps?

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How do you feel when you are with her privately and at these events? Is the issue that you don't enjoy the events; or do you feel like she is taking the lead too much in making plans for the both of you and assuming you ant to go without really asking for your input? How committed are you at this point? Maybe things feel a little fast. the main thing is-- do you like being in her company? Perhaps you're more irritated at her method of asking you to go than with the events themselves.

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I really like her company and we have a lot of fun together. I think I feel things are moving a little fast for me, and I don't like the events. I don't mind her taking initiative in general or anything, it's just I feel that I need to maybe convey to her that I don't like all these events.

 

I guess I just feel like she is showing me off or perhaps putting me on a pedestal, but then gets bummed out, when I don't accept the pedestal.

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I really like her company and we have a lot of fun together. I think I feel things are moving a little fast for me, and I don't like the events. I don't mind her taking initiative in general or anything, it's just I feel that I need to maybe convey to her that I don't like all these events.

 

I guess I just feel like she is showing me off or perhaps putting me on a pedestal, but then gets bummed out, when I don't accept the pedestal.

 

It is not a pedestal it is just what people do in a relationship. You meet friends and parents ,you go to work parties. It has nothing to do with pedestals .

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Friends and family are fine. Telling you to take time off from work for a work party, not so much. Giving her the benefit, it may have been a lighthearted comment, her thinking you'd be elated due to it being paid for. Understandably, using limited PTO to drive several hours in a car to attend someone else's work benefit isn't something everyone doesn't take the time to consider. If you'd politely declined and she were butthurt over it, or if she used a commanding tone, that would be more telling. Waa

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Friends and family are fine. Telling you to take time off from work for a work party, not so much. Giving her the benefit, it may have been a lighthearted comment, her thinking you'd be elated due to it being paid for. Understandably, using limited PTO to drive several hours in a car to attend someone else's work benefit isn't something everyone doesn't take the time to consider. If you'd politely declined and she were butthurt over it, or if she used a commanding tone, that would be more telling. Waa

 

oh okay. well i did politely decline and she seemed quite surprised and let down i think.

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Is this the one with endometriosis that you are "pounding hard"?

 

I haven't read that thread and that seems awful but I have to admit that I laughed more than I should with this post lol

 

As to the OP, if he really is autistic like Seraphim said, it could explain the lack of interest in social interactions and lack of social cues. Inviting a partner to events, to meet friends and family is perfectly normal, and 7 months in doesn't seem too soon to do these kinds of actities. But you also talk about things going too fast for you... maybe you should talk to her and be honest about the fact that you think you're not ready for a relationship with her.

 

 

Buddy, if you were sober and unironically posted about "pounding" your girlfriend hard... you're my new internet hero.

 

LOOOOOOOL

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I will just point out that autistic doesn't always mean unintelligent. It's a spectrum.

 

I have a feeling this guy knows exactly what is what.

 

I think the mentioning of autism was more to point out the possible difficulty in understanding social norms, not to question his intelligence.

 

OP, yes, it's very normal, at this point in your relationship, to be meeting one another's family and friends, which involves social outings.

 

This is not about her holding you up as a trophy, but rather her wanting to share her activities with you.

 

If you sometimes don't feel up to going, or you feel it's too much, then it warrants a conversation, as she may be more socially inclined than you are, which is ok. That part really has nothing to do with autism, but more about personal preferences. Some people are just more social-butterfly inclined, while others are more reserved and prefer more quiet time.

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It is considered "he's my boyfriend" mode, so she expects a certain set of behaviors out of "her boyfriend."

 

You may be unfamiliar with it or uncomfortable with "he's my boyfriend" mode.

 

If you want to stay in "she's my girlfriend" mode, then you ought to familiarize yourself with the unique rituals and behaviors of "he's my boyfriend" mode.

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