I am really struggling from a breakup that I should be moved on from

[jl92]

Hey all, I've been a long time reader of this forum but I've never posted. I wanted to share a heartbreaking breakup I experienced that has hurt me greatly. This is going to be a long post so I apologize in advance and understand if you don't want to read all of it. I had a 3 1/2 month relationship with a girl that started in February. I know that sounds really short but it was intense and we spent countless hours together. At the age of 26, it was my first true relationship. She was 6 years older than me but the age gap never once bothered me. I wasn't looking to have a casual relationship or something short term and was fully invested in it transforming into a life-long relationship. Throughout the relationship, we got along amazingly. No fights, no drama, just pure love. She constantly showed text messages she exchanged with her friends about how lucky she was and how I am by far the best guy she's ever dated. However, she started getting really cold/distance at the beginning of May. Whenever she'd bring up marriage/kids, I would say that I do plan on getting married and the kids aspect is something I would leave entirely up to the woman. We discussed the possibilities of living together in the future and how it'd work out but I was so oblivious to something that was deeply troubling her. My dog. She was never a dog person but showed deep affection for my dog and took him on endless walks in the park. He shed a lot and with my busy work schedule, he'd sometimes use the bathroom in my apartment. After discovering that he was using the bathroom in my house, she was disgusted. But we talked about it and we agreed it was a temporary problem because the big plan was for me to have a house and a yard for him to roam in throughout the day.

 

One Friday night she spent the night over at my place and had to wake up really early in the morning to attend a friend's bday party for her little girl. We kissed, she left my apartment, and I went off to work. I texted her throughout the day and she didn't reply. She later replied that night and was very distant/cold. This continued on for days and it was the first really odd behavior on her half. I had a weird schedule and Sunday-Wednesday were my best days to see her and she didn't see me on any of those days. I was worried that something was up but didn't try to speculate and just assumed that giving her space was the best option. She texted me that Wednesday night expressing her doubts for us and how uneasy she feels about the relationship. She mentioned that she was scared of getting pregnant and I told her that we could hold off on sex for awhile if she's worried about it and be a lot safer whenever we have sex in the future. This made her feel a lot better and I thought all problems were over.

 

Silly me. We meet up at a park Thursday night and hug/kiss countless times and talk about the future. We talk about how our living arrangement would be set-up and what kind of house/neighborhood we'd want together. We agreed that it was a year plan as we were both still saving up money and getting stuff figured out career wise. That Friday she texts me throughout the day while I am at work about how much she misses me and can't wait to see me that night. I spend the night, we kiss, we hug, we cuddle, and she makes me breakfast in the morning. She was ready to introduce me to her friends that afternoon at a get together and was so excited for that big step in the relationship as was I at that point. We talk about vacations we should take together that morning and I kiss her before leaving to work for a couple hours. She even made a to go breakfast to take to work and eat. After finishing up eating, I texted her to thank her for the breakfast and how great it tasted. No reply. No worries I thought, she's just getting ready for the afternoon. I then texted her a couple hours later that I was finishing up with work a little earlier than expected and should be ready to leave in an hour at most. No reply again. I put my phone on my charger away from my desk and continue on with work. It's finally time for me to leave and I exchange a couple laughs with a coworker and am in such a great mood as I get to see her and finally meet her friends that she's bragged about for months. I grab my phone from my charger and notice a very lengthy text from her. The breakup text. I could literally feel my chest tightening as I read it and the panic setting inside of me. It was like a novel and it started off with her expressing how she still had uneasy feelings about us and needs everything to stop all together. She went on to say how we are such a great fit in so many ways but something feels off to her and we both deserve a perfect relationship. I regret replying. I angrily typed that I wish she could have called or talked to me in person about what was bothering her instead of blindsiding me at work; especially after the expectation that was set for the day.

 

My coworkers could see the panic in my face and they knew something bad had happened. I got home, cried a lot, and sent one last text to her about how badly she had hurt me(bad move) and that I would stop texting her. That Sunday she finally replied back to me and told me how it's unfair that I think she's cold-hearted and that I have friends we shared thinking she's cold-hearted. She kept going on that there's no proper way to breakup and that we just didn't workout and I needed to get over it. It was harsh, but she started complimenting me. She thanked me for being so nice to her and respecting her way better than any guy has ever respected her. That I was a great guy, a great person, etc. etc. Annoying to read, but throughout the relationship, I really was the best partner I thought I could be to her on an emotional level. I went home to my parents for a couple of days because I badly needed the support system. That Monday, I had another mistake and reached out to her. I asked for the reasons because she told me I did nothing wrong and I knew that you don't breakup with someone if they've done nothing wrong. She finally told me that she couldn't wrap her mind around the idea of living with a dog that sheds and when she discovered that he used the bathroom in my place, she found herself never wanting to come over. She also said that she didn't like that I stayed up so late because she liked going to bed early and waking up early. I begged(bad idea) and said that I could have given my dog to my parents and gone to bed earlier because I only stayed up late with her because I enjoyed her company which was true. She told me she could have never asked me to give up my dog because I would have resented her and she didn't want either of us to change. She also said that she wanted the ease of being single for awhile and found herself too unfit to date right now. She again thanked me and told me that I was the best guy she had ever dated and she wasn't moving on but was just going to stay single for a little while because she doesn't have the energy for the relationship. I knew those last things were probably BS and just her softening the blow.

 

For weeks/months I just assumed the dog reasons were excuses and not genuine because there had to be some greater reason for her ending it with me when there was no abuse involved. For months, I've fought obsessive thoughts and depression regarding the breakup. When we dated, I didn't have social media and she had an IG account, but I could never find it and didn't really care to look it up to be honest. After the BU, I am skimming through old photos on my phone so I can delete them and not be reminded of her when I notice that in one of her photos she sent me, her IG account name is listed in it. It was a very long name and explains why I never could find it when I searched. Well I looked it up and I feel like it set me back considerably. I noticed during our relationship timeline, she posted about 3-4 photos, but she had posted about 30 after our breakup of various trips and selfies. She looked insanely happy and it hit me so deep to see her so happy without me while I stay miserable. I finally made an IG like a fool. I figured that I could meet more people this way and there'd be a way for her to have to be reminded of me in the future. So immature, I know. I didn't add her, but I noticed about 2 months after the BU, she tagged me on IG. It was just a silly meme and she didn't make any attempt to add me or anything. This was the last time we have had any contact at all and that was the beginning of July. The obsessive thoughts did not go away and I continued to look and look until I realized that she more than likely had a new BF. She followed this guy her age, she liked everything he posted, she followed his business, she liked everything it posted, etc.

 

Creepy behavior by me and it got worse. I accidently liked one of her photos one day and then weeks later, I accidently followed her. I realized then that I needed to let go of Instagram completely and I blocked her/deleted my account. After a couple of weeks, I started to feel a lot better and started feeling indifferent. But then recently I relapsed and it's brought a deeper pain than any pain I experienced after the B/U. I was going out to pickup some groceries and noticed my shirt was covered in dog hair which kind of annoyed me. I came home and the apartment smelled of dog feces. He had gone #2 in multiple places and peed on my carpet. I cleaned it up but the smell stayed and I was so frustrated. In that moment, it dawned on me. My dog more than likely was the source of the breakup. The girl of my dreams could still be with me had I setup a better situation with my dog or given him a better life with my Mom & Dad who are home 24-7. It has brought a deepening pain because I truly do love my dog, but I almost feel a weird resentment towards him which I acknowledge is 100% unfair. I'm now thinking the best thing to do would be to give him to my parents because I work so much and don't have enough time to give him the attention he deserves. This depresses me beyond belief. Had I come to this realization months ago, the relationship could still be going strong and I'd have setup a better life for my dog and I. I could always visit him at my parents and be a big part of his life still while creating a healthier lifestyle for both he, I, and the girl I was dating. This feeling has left me depressed beyond belief because I know I can't go back in time and change things. In a weird way I hope that the dog thing was still just an excuse and not the true reason because coping with the thought that I may have lost out on the love of my life over something so fixable is crushing. At this point, my ex probably thinks I am pathetic. I begged after the B/U, I'm 99.9% sure she got the IG notifications, and I even offered friendship after the BU and reached out to her a couple times after the B/U. The only time she ever initiated contact was that 1 time on IG and that was months ago. I know she's 100% moved on while I'm sitting here thinking about how I could have saved the relationship with someone I sadly still love.

 

So in summary, I am deeply hurt. She was beautiful and not just appearance wise. I've always had awful, awful luck with ladies due to being shy/reserved and not the most attractive guy in the world. I'm not ugly, but I'm just your average joe with an unsatisfying job who lives in an apartment. I had dreams of a house, a family, and kids with this woman and feel like something so fixable may have ruined something potentially so special. I am struggling to cope so much and everything I see/do is a remainder of what was and could have been with her. These weird feelings towards my dog make me feel awful because he's the only thing that has ever loved me unconditionally.

 

What do you all suggest I do? I've tried to form new hobbies, eat better, go out and meet people, etc.

 

None of it has helped. I couldn't get a date if I paid for 1 and even then, I'm not where I need to be mentally to pursue someone. The obsessive thoughts of what could have been stay in my head all day. At night, I feel a deep pain in my chest that stays with me through the morning.

 

Thanks for listening.

[EnglishRose9]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. What are you doing to look after yourself? Are you eating well? Exercising? Getting enough sleep?

 

Sounds like you need to build your self esteem and do things that you love to do and surround yourself with good people

[jl92]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. What are you doing to look after yourself? Are you eating well? Exercising? Getting enough sleep?

 

Sounds like you need to build your self esteem and do things that you love to do and surround yourself with good people

 

I try to exercise as much as I can but I work a lot of hours. Sleep has been an issue and I've developed insomnia. I go to bed at 2-3 AM most nights and wake up around 7-8. I tried sleeping medication, but it gave me vivid dreams that would often include her so I stopped taking them. I've met new people and left my apartment a lot at night but nothing has seemed to really work to be honest. This new feeling I developed recently has really crushed me. Other girls don't even attract me in the slightest....somehow I've put my ex on a huge pedestal, which I know is toxic. I guess that's the thing with short relationships; you never get to see the flaws or bad parts of a person. She was insanely nice and caring throughout our short relationship and those are the memories I have stored.

[amla1234]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Breakups are never easy, and people who say that clean breaks are easy, have never really given their heart to someone. I went to through a rough breakup a year back, he was my best friend and after two months of dating, he said he got bored of me, and conclusively broke my heart.

Listen, I know its hard. I wouldn't even try to tell you that what you're feeling is insignificant. Its not. Its real and its valid.

But you've got to pull it together. Even me, a stranger on the internet, can feel the the amount of heartbreak you're letting get to you, just by reading this post.

I'll say it straight and honest. I may not know the deepest or most personal thoughts of this girl, but she didn't treat you right when she broke up with you like that. No matter what kind of person she is, if she cared about you enough, she wouldn't have ended things like that.

but she did. And I really can't sugar coat it, because humans are like that and you just gotta accept thats how it is.

It sounds brutal, I know. But you know what is amazing? time will pass and you will meet someone who will treat you right.

I know it sounds hella cheesy, but someone who cares about you would never treat you like that, and theres nothing around it.

I'm sorry if this sounds too forward, but I think its total BS to breakup with someone over a dog.

A dog does not define a relationship. Materialistic things should never define a relationship. thats not what its about. if you truly love someone, you would be willing to work around the obstacles.

I know its hard, but you can pull through.

Im only replying because your post reminded me of the things I went through. And the guy who broke up with me, he was not worth anything, not even a speck of my emotions. He was just a guy who used me for the chase and didnt have the courage or consideration to end things the right way.

And Im not letting that get me down. He was just one chapter in my life, and I'm willing to let that go now, for the sake of my happiness.

The best thing you can do at this point, is to try and accept that she just wasn't a good person for you. and slowly the rest will follow through.

You're doing good so far. Just dont give up on your own happiness.

I wish you the best. And I hope you have the courage to trust yourself.

 

Ps: for suggestions, I recommend you let yourself enjoy one thing each day. Try to make that a goal. Find something every day that makes you happy. even if its something really silly, like how you didnt burn your eggs that day. Dont make big goals. dont force yourself. especially not to date new people. But focus on getting through your day. and then the next, and then the day after. You'd be surprised at how capable you are at staying strong. You can get through this.

[dundermiflin]

Hang in there with your puppy, I don't think he/she is to blame. Pets are dirty, that's just that. If she's that upset by a lovable furry friend, how would she change diapers, clean uo baby puke, or take care of you when you're old and you have accidents? I love my dog and anyone that doesn't love her, well, they have a problem. I truly don't think that's the whole story. She could've discussed it with you for options if that was it and she really wanted to fix it.

[DanZee]

Yeah, you know, this is the way girls break up. They're so worried about hurting you when they break up, they try to sugar coat it that they wind up making it even worse. It's not you, it's me. You're the best boyfriend I've ever had. You're so kind and gentle. So why are you breaking up with me if I'm all these things?

 

Unfortunately, these Dear John letters are more therapy for the girlfriend then giving the real reason for the break up. I don't think it's the dog either. I think she might have come to the realization that she really didn't know you very well and here she was talking about getting married and having children with someone she barely knew for 3 1/2 months! It's quite possible one of the friends you were going to meet pointed this out to her. And perhaps she had a history of this kind of compulsive behavior and the friend reminded her of this. There's obviously some reason she broke up with you and I think she's hiding it with other excuses.

 

In any event, there are plenty of women who love dogs, so you need to block her completely, stop looking at her Instagram account, and stop thinking about her or looking at pictures to remind yourself of her. This is the only way you're going to heal.

[Morello]

The poor dog, who is probably the least responsible for the break up, taking all the blame... This is why I think when someone is breaking up, the only fact that should be communicated is this one: we're breaking up. NC should start exactly after you hear or say that phrase.

 

Waiting to hear reasons will do only that. You'll get all the possible reasons in the world, except for the true ones. Yeah, it may be that she didn't like dogs and that she wasn't very comfortable at your house because of that. But it's certainly not the cause of the break up. If she was truly into you, she'd either learn how to like dogs or convince you to give up on your dog.

 

If you really want to do some soul-searching about this to improve, forget about the reasons she gave you and think about potential behaviors that could have made her lose attraction (over controlling, neediness, putting her on a pedestal, over pleasing, etc). You will possibly not get her back by doing that but it will certainly help you through your next relationship.

[RayRay63]

Can I just clarify something, are you saying that your doggie was so well trained it did its business in the bathroom?

 

he'd sometimes use the bathroom in my apartment.

 

Personally I can't really see a problem with this. Good dog to keep it on the tiles.

 

OK. I think I understand you are saying all over the apartment.

 

If someone is so precious with this aspect of city living, find someone who likes dogs - and I don't mean just taking them for a walk, I mean taking them for a walk & collecting their poo, taking them to the vet when you can't, actually looking after them like an unselfish adult.

 

And buy a case of carpet shampoo.

[jl92]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I love my dog and treat him as well as an owner can treat him in my opinion. Sometimes I overdo it and spoil him a bit much like letting him sleep on my bed/couch whenever he wants and always buying him treats/bones. But dogs live a short life and I always thought they should be treated as well as possible while they're with us. He loved her to death and his tail would nearly fall off from excitement whenever she'd come over to my place.

 

Sometimes I wonder if the age difference was a hidden reason. She's 32, I am 26. All of her friends are married with kids and live in houses while we both lived in apartments. I was ready to get to that stage but it was going to take some time as I was saving up money for a house and knew I couldn't financially support kids anytime soon. She never once mentioned or seemed to care about my money making abilities, but it could have been one of those things that she discussed with her friends.

 

I know it obviously wasn't perfect for her, but the way it ended is what has left me feeling so damaged. She had just met my parents and seemed overly in love with me only to act cold for a week and blindside me at work. Before we first dated, she pursued me hard. I wasn't used to a girl chasing me so I was very slow at first until I finally wised up and realized she was head over heels "in love" with me and I asked her out. When I asked her out, I've never seen a human act so excited from something I had said. It was an amazing feeling. Before we dated, she asked me to the movies, she asked me to attend a yoga class with her, she asked to cook for me, etc. She texted nonstop everyday and would never stop confessing how much she loved me after we started dating. It was a traumatizing experience and since it was my first relationship, it hurt a lot more than it would have hurt if it had been a 2nd/3rd relationship. We discussed many times that my dog would one day have a house with a yard and that the current situation was temporary. I've overanalyzed the relationship for far too long and think I might need to talk to someone. I've put her on such a high pedestal and that's just not healthy. While she was an amazing GF; she was heartless in the way she ended things with a guy who treated as nicely as he possible could treat someone. I know dumpers have every right to leave a relationship for whatever way they want to leave but I think it's very cold to blindside someone that was genuinely nice to you.

[RayRay63]

What do you all suggest I do? I've tried to form new hobbies, eat better, go out and meet people, etc.

 

None of it has helped.

 

First thing might be to find a dog trainer who can help you teach your pup to do his stuff on a pad you put on the bathroom floor. Or you can try to do it yourself - google this phrase: " House training (toilet training) a puppy or a dog takes time and patience and, just as with children, every puppy or dog is different and will learn..." That should help resolve the intrusive thoughts you have when you come home to soiled carpet. You can also count that project as part of your self improvement plan, and part of the active no contact process.

 

Second thing is, you are going to keep thinking about her, for a time. Accept it, it is normal.

 

Third thing is to emphasize that this is a temporary state of affairs. Time is your best ally here. Doing no contact properly will reduce the time needed to get through this.

 

Fourth thing is this:

 

I looked it up and I feel like it set me back considerably ....This was the last time we have had any contact at all and that was the beginning of July. The obsessive thoughts did not go away and I continued to look and look until I realized that she more than likely had a new BF... I accidently liked one of her photos one day and then weeks later, I accidently followed her. I realized then that I needed to let go of Instagram completely and I blocked her/deleted my account. After a couple of weeks, I started to feel a lot better and started feeling indifferent. But then recently I relapsed ...

 

To be a bit blunt, if you are doing that you are not doing no contact, so it is no surprise that "none of it has helped".

 

You already know that looking at her social media prolongs the hurt. I get it, its hard not to, but you just have to try and stop. How do you accidentally press a like or follow button?

 

Anyway, you don't get to indifference after a couple of weeks.

 

You are fighting an addiction here. You know what you have to do.

 

So block her page, and put a note in your diary in three months time that maybe you'll unblock it then and take a look. Hopefully by that point you won't want to.

 

Fifth thing - dating - you are still obsessed with this lady, so forget about it for now.

 

Sixth thing - does the description of your activities include exercise in the "etc"? Physical exercise (hard exercise that hurts a bit, but you only need 25 minutes per day) is your second best ally after time. The reason for this is endorphins. So whenever you feel like unblocking her page, put the dog on the leash and RUN around the park (or at least walk fast and hard so you work up a sweat). This also has a bonus side effect - you get into better shape, look better, become more attractive, and are better placed to do some dating down in a few months time when you are ready for it.

 

Hope that helps.

[jl92]

Thank you for your thoughtful words and advise. Hiring a trainer is something I will definitely look into and I've thought of adding a sitter as well so he gets the attention he deserves throughout the day. I am making sure he gets all of my attention and I don't show my sadness around him because he has such a big heart.

 

I haven't looked at her Instagram in 3 weeks after I pulled up her page on my phone and my stupid thumb hit the follow button. I had a panic attack and unfollowed/blocked/deleted the app. The thumb incident is how I liked a post of hers weeks before the following incident and that exposed to me that I really needed to stay the heck away from her page. Obsessive/Stalkerish behavior is pathetic and I'm sure she is disturbed that I was still keeping strong tabs on her. I know there is nothing positive I can see on there and only hurtful images. I'm determined to never look at it for the rest of my life because I didn't like the way it was making me feel when I was obsessively looking at it.

 

The biggest problem for me is the thoughts. I constantly think about what was said during the B/U and keep thinking about how things could have been fixed. I have these imaginary conversations with her in my head and fantasize about the "what if" parts as the holiday season approaches. It's unhealthy and I was doing a lot better the first week I stopped looking at her IG, but the dog incident the other day really sparked toxic thoughts.

 

She was my first true love and she talked to me like I was the best thing to ever happen to her so I felt it was going to be a long relationship. I'll know to have my guard up in the future and be on the same communication page with a partner because she never once made it seem like the dog would cause her to dump me. I'm far from ready to date again as I know I have a lot I need to work on within myself. I think it's going to take me a long time to fully get over this breakup but I know that one day i'll be over it and that's what'll keep me going.

[1a1a]

Those conversations in your head are insane making. You could try writing an indent letter or few https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/downloads/

[RayRay63]

she never once made it seem like the dog would cause her to dump me.

 

As a wise poster said on the previous page, that was probably just an excuse. You'll probably never know the real reasons. It doesn't matter anyway, it's done.

 

I think most of us will admit to the conversations in the head. They go away in time, but writing a journal helps to file them away, so you can laugh at them in a few months time.

[jl92]

Life can be funny in a mean way. When I dated this girl, she always mentioned how much she hates her last ex(red flag) because he was disrespectful and always checking out other girls. She complimented me nonstop about how much better I was than him, blah, blah.

 

Well, I knew the guy. I worked with him before and we got along pretty well but I didn't know him outside of work. Suddenly, he's showing up at my job and trying to be buddy, buddy with me. It's so annoying to me. I look at him and it just makes me cringe. He dated my EX for 4 years and was apparently a huge jerk to her, but I was so "great" and lasted 3 1/2 months.

 

It's like being slapped in the face and being reminded how insignificant you really were to someone you've been sad about for months. All those things they said were lies that I blindly believed. A rude awakening.

[No1]

Im going to warn you now that this is not going to be easy for you to hear/read but its something that you need to hear/read.

 

You two were never in a relationship. I think you two were in two completely different mind sets at the time. You were thinking I met the girl I want to spend my life with and she was thinking he is a good distraction for me. You were not going to hurt her, be mean to her, make her cry or otherwise cause her pain. You were safe and that is what she needed. I am going to guess that that she has a lot of luggage she was dragging behind her and she met you and you were what she needed. Not for the long term, but someone she needed now. You could say that she talked about plans and living together and all that jazz but it was all a time wasting fantasy. Something to take her away from her current life.

You say it was intense, she would probably said it went from fun to heavy in too short amount of time. You talked about kids and living together.. How long before you met her before you said "I love you"? less than month? So at some point she decided this was too much for her life and used any excuse to end it. Now maybe it was true that the dog using the bathroom was too much for her, but that was enough and all she needed to get out of the relationship. People have broken up for much less but that is what she used.

Now.. as far as the fluff she gave you. That was lip service with a bit of truth in there. But what she is saying now is to lessen the blow or cushion the fall. "I think you are a great person, I cant see myself being with anyone else right now, I have never felt to much for someone so quickly, You are the best I have ever had, No one has ever treated me as good, You deserve better" are all nothing but lines that you give to help relieve guilt and to make the other person feel good. She is making sure that you are okay. She is taking the heat and being the bad person. I believe she did like you, but she was not ready for what you prepared to give. Just two people in two different spots.

Now you are going back and seeing what could of been done. Im telling you right now. NOTHING you could of done that would of changed the outcome. If you didn't have a dog, she would complain about something else. She wanted out and she was going to find anything. So don't think that you could of changed the outcome. Nothing you could of said would of changed her mind. Again, you two are on two different paths that briefly crossed for a few moments. And don't go out feeling guilty or that you are a bad person. You deserve no guilt, no blame, no excuses. Sometimes you can be the best boyfriend in the world and still lose the girl. Its just how life is sometimes. It takes two people who are willing to work things out and she was just not into it. Life moves on.

So please... stop with the imaginary conversations, don't hold the phone and think about what you want to text or come up with this great speech that you think would win her back and make her see you in a different light. Its not going to work. All you can do is learn from this and move on. But hold your head up high my ENA friend. For that brief moment, you were on top of the world and there is nothing saying you cant find another girl to make you feel that way again. She is out there and she is waiting to meet you. The only person preventing that from happening is you. Let this girl go. She had her chance and you wish her well and you move on from her.

[jl92]

No1 Thank you for this post.

 

I think you are right. She had just gotten out of a relationship where her ex cheated, she was starting a new job, and she was having some financial issues. I should have been alarmed when I received the "I love you" after a couple of weeks.

[No1]

Sometimes its just bad timing. No ones fault, its just unfortunate. But if it was meant to be, then it will be, but I wouldn't wait up for her either. It could take years for her to sort things out. You let her go and be happy.

[jl92]

Sometimes its just bad timing. No ones fault, its just unfortunate. But if it was meant to be, then it will be, but I wouldn't wait up for her either. It could take years for her to sort things out. You let her go and be happy.

 

Given my post relationship behavior(neediness), I know there's no chance of us reconnecting in the future. I'm in her past for good. She offered friendship after the B/U, and I reached out a couple times the first few months, but I could tell that she seemed annoyed by the contact and she never really planned on initiating any contact with me. Just a nice offer to ease her guilt and let me down easily.

 

That is why I am trying my hardest to move on so that I can't stay hurt over someone in my past. I won't ever reach out ever again and will stay away from her social media. It was her birthday the other day and though I thought about it, I didn't send anything.

 

Have to keep moving forward------>

 

It's not easy, but at least I finally let go of the false hope stage. I read everything I could to comfort myself the first couple of months so that I could hang onto the idea of her returning to me and I now realize that I only prolonged the healing process. Being that it was my first heartbreak, I guess I had to learn a lot of firsts and if I experienced something similar in the future(I hope not), I'll know how to act.

[No1]

There is a big difference between saying "let her go" and the action of letting her go. I cant speak for anyone else in here, but I do know that letting go is hard and it takes a lot of mental strength to do. It is a process and it takes time. I wish there was a way to speed that up but there isn't.

I have learned thru the years is that acceptance is a great way to begin. Accepting that the relationship is over and sometimes to accept the moment and not trying to change the past. Sometimes accepting that you can go on without getting all the answers you need is okay.

Also accept that you will be happy again. There will be someone else and believe that person is going to be better and the relationship is going to be better and you are going to be a better partner because of this. But for now, I know its hard, in the end you will be better off. And that's what matters.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It sounds more like incompatibility than age.

[abitbroken]

This guy who is closer to her age may also have figured his career out, is more established and wants to get married -- and wants kids but not just "someday". Late 20s and mid 20s could be a world of difference. BTW, don't rush to get a house at 26 to prove you are stable. its totally acceptable for a single guy to rent, and also smart to buy a condo/small house to fix up rather than think you will "Design a home" your first time owning... For whatever reason, you weren't the one for her and it may have been a combination of things -- peer pressure from friends asking why she is dating a 25 year old, and honestly where you were in life even if you wanted to be somewhere else. A 30 year old woman may be looking for a husband, not someone who may not be ready to marry for a number of years

[hyden]

This has all hurt so much to me because I feel like I was never given a true chance to prove myself.

Sorry to be blunt, but no one is obligated to give you this. It could have been a combination of things, not just the age. Maybe the new guy is more stable career wise and she feels he is closer to the home/marriage/kids milestones.

[jl92]

Sorry to be blunt, but no one is obligated to give you this. It could have been a combination of things, not just the age. Maybe the new guy is more stable career wise and she feels he is closer to the home/marriage/kids milestones.

 

That did sound bad on my part, you are right.

 

I've managed my money well and have a good bit saved up but I can understand her wanting a more stable situation. I just wish things like this were aired out more in the early stages so nobody had to get hurt. Maybe she tried her hardest to look past potential flaws but she just couldn't hold on anymore.

 

It stings. I hate dating and haven't had much experience, but she was easily the best woman I dated.

[abitbroken]

That did sound bad on my part, you are right.

 

I've managed my money well and have a good bit saved up but I can understand her wanting a more stable situation. I just wish things like this were aired out more in the early stages so nobody had to get hurt. Maybe she tried her hardest to look past potential flaws but she just couldn't hold on anymore.

 

It stings. I hate dating and haven't had much experience, but she was easily the best woman I dated.

 

Its not about how much you have saved -- its where you are at. You could have $10,000 in the bank but if you don't know what direction you want to take, etc, its not as important.

[Capricorn3]

I don't think age had anything to do with it at all. I think she just wasn't feeling it. It just wasn't working for her. Incompatible. Nothing more (imo).

Kudos to her for being upfront and telling you straight that she's sorry but she doesn't see a long term relationship with you. At least you know where you stand.