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Sending email to ex (after 3 years)


LenWilks
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Thanks for taking the time to read this:

 

My ex and I broke up 4 years ago -- We broke up because we both had deep seeded jealousy issues that were unfounded -- she was jealous of a plutonic female friend of mine and it became toxic. She had trust issues stemming from a past relationship. At the time It hurt like crazy, but I thought I would get over it fine. I think we've grown, emotionally from that time. We hung out a year later, we were both dating other people, and it was clear we both still had feeling for one another. We havent seen eachother or spoken in almost 3 years now. I think about her all the time. She's never far from my thoughts. She's the love of my life.

 

This past year i've written about 10 emails that i've deleted, re-written and then trashed again. I can't bring myself to send it. Part of my is terrified to find out that she's married or has had kids. But there's a strong possibility of that. I guess I just need to know at this point. Last time we talked she'd moved across the country to be with her BF. I assume she's still there but I don't know. I have no idea.

 

So i've written her an email, basically saying how some events recently have got me thinking about her, wondering how she's doing -- that she's on my mind a lot, etc. Should I drop the, you're the love of my life thing? or is that too much? it's the truth, and if this is the last time she hears from me I want her to hear it. What do you all think?

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In all likelihood, you should not send the e-mail at all.

 

Yes, you have leftover feelings for your ex, but how you feel should not be the only factor in the decision-making process. It sounds like the two of you had legitimate reasons for breaking up, and though it was difficult, she moved on with her life. You should too.

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Do not write her. It will serve no good purpose. It will only stir up old emotions. Let her go. Stop thinking about her. Move on with your life. Find a new girlfriend and don't bother your ex. She has a new life, you need to live your own life.

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I am always surprised at the number of people who insist setting themselves up to be hurt by their ex one more time is the best way to relieve the pain.

 

But hey, to each his own. OP, I can recommend all I want that you do not send the email but I presume you will anyway. I can only hope it won't send you into a tailspin if she ignores you or tells you she's happily married.

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In all likelihood I will send the email -- And I appreciate everyone's input. It's got me thinking I should maybe temper down the 'love of my life' stuff -- and make it a shorter email, basically seeing where she's at and hoping she's happy wherever that may be.

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Also, my therapist recommended I write to her. Literally his words were "in my experience, people who aren't prone to long term relationships generally stick that that pattern, I bet she's single".. So after this is all said and done I may be looking for a new shrink.

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Yes the "you're the love of my life" thing is WAY too much so scratch that.

 

But other than that I see no reason why you should not reach out (something light not too heavy), as long as you are emotionally prepared for the possibility that she has moved on and has no interest in getting back together.

 

She may have a bf or even married, or even if she doesn't, her feelings may have completely died, she may not even respond at all.

 

Are you prepared for that? Be honest with yourself.

 

On the other hand, she may be wondering about/missing you too, it's a risk because yes it could bring it all back only to break your heart again, but after three years people do change, grow , evolve so it "could" work out.

 

So if you think you're prepared for *all* possibilities, the good, the bad, the positive or the negative, then yeah send it.

 

JMO. Best of luck!

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