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I like someone who is engaged and has a baby


Hollsmaur
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Okay, so I know this guy at work and I really like him. We have been friends for awhile now, always had good banter with eachother and always spoke to him about personal problems. Wasn’t until about 6 months ago or so when I realised oh I’ve caught feelings. Only thing is he’s engaged and has a 9 month old baby.. I never said anything and just brushed it off for that reason. Until we went to a works party, he agreed to meet me and walk me to the party (his fiancé didn’t attend) and he got me a drink. We went off to talk to separate people and all was good.. until I had one too many and I pulled him to one side and told him I liked him. We came out the party to talk in private and I just opened up to him. What happened next was totally unexpected. He told me he liked me back! So we spoke for ages, and he gave me a hug and it wasn’t just a friendly hug it felt like it was kind of an embrace, he was squeezing me and rubbing my back slowly it felt so good. He then asked for a kiss which I said no to as I said it wasn’t morally right, and he kept asking for one until I finally gave in (oops) he kissed me until I pulled away 3 seconds later because I felt guilty. We was gone from the party for 3 hours and all our colleagues kept ringing him but he kept rejecting the calls to stay with me. I asked him whether what he was saying was true because I just couldn’t believe he said he felt the same and his words were ‘if I didn’t I wouldn’t of spent 3 hours with you i’d Be in there with the others’. Anyway he walked me home and that was that. In the morning I was left very confused like what do I do now? So he texted me asking if I was okay and told me he didn’t regret anything. He’s carried on texting me all week and when I’ve seen him at work he makes excuses to talk to me and calls me when he doesn’t need to. Now I’ve asked him about his fiancé. He tells me he’s not happy with her and if it wasn’t for his baby he’d of left ages ago.. I’ve told him that it’s not a good idea to carry on texting whilst he’s still with her but every time I’ve said that he tells me not to stop because he likes me. I’m really stuck, because I don’t know how he feels I don’t know what to think. He’s asked me to ring him outside of work hours and he’s even asked me to meet him outside of work. He said he wants to chat and stuff. And for the record, it was only a kiss.. no sex involved. What should I do? Do I move on or do you think he genuinely is stuck in a loveless relationship for the sake of his child? I don’t know what to do!!

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You know what....he's not really a stand up guy. Throwing himself on the sword to be there for her and the baby is not really a choice people make these days if they are not happy with that person, so I feel he is lying about his situation. He could have simply offer to be in that child's life, pay support, simple as that. I agree with the others, he's lookin to get laid on the side, and has no intention of leaving his fiance. So give your head a shake and see more clearly what is going on here.

 

Think about it.....could you really live with yourself?

 

My heart breaks for her and the baby if that's how he feels about it.

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Sorry to hear this but he's fishing for easy sex/an affair. 🐍 He's using the lame old "my partner doesn't understand me, staying for the kids blah blah". The person who will get hurt most is this is you.😟

 

Eh, he's feeding you the typical lines of a typical cheater.

 

He's been clear he's not going to leave his family. You will get hurt here.

 

This 100%.......

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What should I do? Do I move on or do you think he genuinely is stuck in a loveless relationship for the sake of his child? I don’t know what to do!!

You KNOW what to do! He's clearly and very very obviously looking for a little piece of fluff on the side (you). He's looking to get laid. He is a jerk and a cheater in the making - hardly an awesome cool guy. You surely cannot be so naive not to recognise what he's doing. He 's playing the oldest trick in the book. I can't help but feel so bad for his fiancee and baby. How would YOU feel, having a baby and you fiance messing around behind your back? Seriously, think about it.

 

Moral of the story: Don't get involved with people who are already in a relationship. It's as simple as that. You have NO business there. Find your own man. If you have any self-respect, you'll know what to.

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What a bunch of crap. He is not staying with her due to the baby- the oldest lie in the book. He is with her because he wants to be.

 

He is stringing you along hoping to get some side action . And, what were you thinking! This guy is engaged and has a baby. How would you like someone to do this to you?

 

He is no prize. He is a liar and a cheat, and I would bet money that he has done this before.

 

Have higher standards and cut off contact with him, or you are just as bad!

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So basically, you hit on someone who is engaged and has a baby. And of course it was the alcohol, you did not have sex and blah, blah,blah. Very classy! You deserve each other as you both sound equally tacky but there is a child involved. A child that deserves the chance of having a family that is not broken. So I hope for this child's sake that you wake up, drop the bs excuses and actually do the right thing and drop him, instead of just paying lip service. You either have morals regardless of circumstances or you have no real morals. Which it it? How would you like it if some sk@nk tried to steal your man while you were engaged and exhausted, trying to keep up with the stress of a young baby?

Edited by Clio
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It's up to you to put up boundaries at work so that you don't enter into emotional affairs that lead into physical ones with people who are taken. You know you were attracted to him to begin with. You should've treated him like any other co-work and told your problems to a girlfriend.

 

For his part, an emotionally mature man would work on his relationship and enter counseling with the mother of his child. If the relationship was irreparable because of dealbreakers, he would end the relationship and concentrate on being a good father to his newborn for a good long while before being ready to enter into a new relationship.

 

He liked her well enough to have unprotected sex with her 9 months ago. If he can't even make what he has with her work, and chooses to be highly unethical by kissing other women, then what makes you think he'll suddenly turn into Mr. Perfect Boyfriend with golden ethics for you?

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So basically, you hit on someone who is engaged and has a baby. And of course it was the alcohol, you did not have sex and blah, blah,blah. Very classy! You deserve each other as you both sound equally tacky but there is a child involved. A child that deserves the chance of having a family that is not broken. So I hope for this child's sake that you wake up, drop the bs excuses and actually do the right thing and drop him, instead of just paying lip service. You either have morals regardless of circumstances or you have no real morals. Which it it? How would you like it if some sk@nk tried to steal your man while you were engaged and exhausted, trying to keep up with the stress of a young baby?

Thank you. I forgot she approached this creep first. They are the same.

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He is looking for a side piece. You are crushing on him right now-- but when he hits it a few times and drops you once he gets bored or finds something better, you WILL feel used. You have received excellent advice here. NOTHING good will come out of this, and you're setting yourself up for some bad karma later when it all comes around full circle.

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He told me he liked me back!

 

Great! You've just won a front row seat to view the guy's capacity for disloyalty. You can keep watching and maybe get to 'win' him away from his girlfriend. You'll enjoy that for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that you've been promoted from the one he's disloyal 'with' to the one he'll be disloyal 'to'.

 

Congratulations.

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