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dg9159
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So I dated this girl for a year and a half. 6 months dating normally and the other 12 months spent in an LDR. I broke up with her because the distance was causing me a lot of pain, no other reason other than that.

 

We spent 3 weeks not communicating (except when she decided to speak to me on messenger just to vent and call me things). Then I went back home for a month for a short summer holiday. Here is where things got weird and tricky.

 

We met cause I had to give her some stuff, we spoke, I told her it's best to stay broken up. She had a panic attack and I stayed with her and calmed her down etc (I still care a lot and have feelings for this girl and even if I didn't it would have been the right thing to do anyway).

 

After this she told me to think it through properly because the way I look and speak to her tell a different story. Like I said I have feelings for this girl and apparently I'm not that good at hiding my feelings. I said that I don't feel that comfortable with getting back together because of the long distance. She said she wanted to stay friends (this made me happy) and so we tried that. We met here and there for that month, went swimming or got something to eat. Nothing special, just meeting (but admittedly sometimes it was more than "friendly"). I asked her a million times if this was okay with her because if it wasn't the tiniest bit I would have said let's not meet cause I don't want to cause her more pain but she said it was fine and I didn't need to keep asking.

 

Anyway now I went back to the country I moved to because I'm starting the last year of my masters and today she told me that she feels that this isn't good for her. Either we get back together or we won't talk anymore, ever. And I feel like I'm back to square one, I'm doubting my decision of leaving her yet I know long distance isn't for me. I cry because I feel that I'm going to lose her forever but I can't bring myself to say let's get back together because I know I don't want long distance.

 

How can I feel both of these things so strongly? What is your advice? I literally have 24 hours left to decide. When I ask friends some simply say "I don't know", some say "just suck it up and get back together", and some just say "just end things, you'll feel better eventually". I need help.

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You knew what you wanted until you let her push you. It's okay to not want to do long-distance. I've done it and it's really hard. Even if you love someone, it is far less likely to work if you are countries apart.

 

You have to choose what is in your heart, but I'd think long and hard before holding on due to discomfort breaking up.

Love is sadly not the only factor when making these decisions.

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Yeah, this is like nursing a sick puppy back to health. You stayed with her when she had an anxiety attack, and you're feeling this nurturing connection with her. But this is the wrong kind of relationship to have. And now she's trying to emotionally blackmail you into coming back to be with her? That's not love, it's emotional dependency.

 

Take her up on her offer and cut all contact with her. You're not her nursemaid. She needs to stand on her own two feet, and you need to finish your degree and be the person you want to be. Don't fall for her manipulation. It's not love.

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I will try and find a job in the country I moved to. She said she was intending on joining me but recently applied for a new job (which she got and I'm happy for her) and now she said she doesn't know if she'd be willing to move here anymore. Basically I would probably have to go back if I want to be together now (after my masters)

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Keep an open mind. You may find plenty of lovely less manipulative women.💃🌎🌞In the country you study in or anywhere for that matter. You are not stuck with her and not stuck in a LDR. Set both of yourselves free from this LDR prison.

I will try and find a job in the country I moved to. I would probably have to go back if I want to be together now (after my masters)
Edited by Wiseman2
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