Jump to content

Do you think there's a chance we could get back together?


jeremiahsain

Recommended Posts

Or you can change the way you view this.

You win by no longer being willing to do the crazy dance for two. You value yourself and your piece of mind much more than wasting your time having a tantrum over a coat and wanting to be right.

 

If she's winning at all, she winning by knowing you are twisting in the wind over a jacket she's holding onto.

She may as well be snickering about it because she's got you all wound up about it. Right?

You are learning the hard way that you can't make her do anything. So basically you are putting her in the place of control over your piece of mind.

 

Imagine a tug of war. Two people pulling on a rope. The one that tries the hardest wins, right? Not necessarily.

How about being the one who drops the rope? What happens when you drop the rope? The person on the other end falls on their butt.

Just drop the rope.

 

 

In fairness, I don't think she knows how annoyed I am. I've sent her a couple of pretty civil texts asking about it and she's replied, but I haven't shown her that I'm angry or that it's really bothering me because I don't want her to see that.

 

It's not like we broke up on a really ugly note either, we both talked through our issues (there were many) and she basically said I think I should go home, I said that would mean a breakup and she agreed. It wasn't some big argument or battle between us, the next day we spoke and she was like 'I don't want you to hate me for initiating this' etc and I said I didn't at all, so it was a pretty civil break up. I felt a bit used, but I didn't say that or beg because I didn't want to be a child about it, I respected her decision and she left.

 

So really I don't get why she's not just having the decency to live up to her word and do something pretty simple for me. I don't think she's snickering or anything, I just do think she is showing a lack of care and respect and that bothers me. I think I'll just stick to my original idea, if she doesn't send it by Sunday I will contact her parents who I'm pretty sure will deal with it for me. I'll get my jacket back and I won't be communicating directly with her either but the parents instead, so I'll be able to block communications with her regardless. I don't know how she'll take that but at the end of the day it's her fault for not dealing with it and I'm pretty tired of hearing 'I'll send it tomorrow, in a few days, this week' etc..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 420
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Reinvent, that is spot on.

 

Jeremiah, instead of thinking she "wins" when you don't get the blazer back, think that she wins every time you contact her about it. Imagine her laughing, thinking "Look at Jeremiah, using that stupid blazer as an excuse to message me! The poor guy just can't get over me!"

 

You let it go, YOU "win",

 

 

Do you think my last post is fair? If she doesn't send it by Sunday I can just contact her dad directly and I'm pretty sure he will send it for me if I offer to pay for postage, in fact I think he'll probably tell me not to worry about paying.

 

That way I do get my blazer back, I can just block her, and I don't have to message her again. Again, originally I would have preferred to just deal with it with her as two adults rather than talking to her dad , but I'm kinda forced in to a corner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also, I don't know think she thinks that when I message her about the blazer I'm just using it as an excuse to contact her. Last time I did so I was very straightforward with it and it was her who tried to make a conversation out of it - asking about my parents, my cat, telling me she was keeping busy .. she even sent videos of my cat that she had recorded whilst at mine, which I thought was weird.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, you did say this:

"I guess I just don't want to be seen as backing down so easily and just letting her get away with what she wants. She's had such a clean break in this relationship and got everything her way,"

 

So, you either are concerned about what she thinks or you don't think she thinks about it that way.

 

You're back and forth about this. Which is normal, I kept going to certain events my ex participated in because I told myself "Why should I give up something I enjoy just because he'll be there??" But in truth it was a combination of my ego and me wanting to remind him I existed. That attitude was self defeating and delayed me moving forward.

 

It's important to know when to put the ego away, especially when it's keeping you stuck.

 

So, two more days of this. But since you plan to contact her parents, why not block her now? Or are you still waiting for a message from her?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why did you leave it there when you broke up and left? If she lives with her parents an she's a procrastinator then send them the money to post it.

 

Because of this:

"I get it's just a blazer but it's on my mind, it's something which I know in the future I might use to contact her."

 

Also, he said when he left her home the last time he didn't know she was going to break up with him.

 

OP, one more day of this silliness. Are you going to write it off or give it more time or contact her parents tomorrow to ask them to send it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why did you leave it there when you broke up and left? If she lives with her parents an she's a procrastinator then send them the money to post it.

 

Ok, so I feel like I haven't explained this well enough:

 

 

Here is a timeline of events:

 

- We both Graduated from Uni, she asks me to come and stay at hers for a week. I went to graduation with my parents and only brought a backpack because I was only meant to spend 2 days away, but went back with her parents instead wearing the blazer etc. I bought some clothes while at hers so had no room for the blazer when I left. We were still together when I left her house.

 

- She then comes to stay at mine like 2 weeks later, doesn't bring the blazer. Plan was to go back to hers, but she broke up with me while at mine, so I had no chance to get the blazer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Because of this:

"I get it's just a blazer but it's on my mind, it's something which I know in the future I might use to contact her."

 

Also, he said when he left her home the last time he didn't know she was going to break up with him.

 

OP, one more day of this silliness. Are you going to write it off or give it more time or contact her parents tomorrow to ask them to send it?

 

Tomorrow evening I will contact her parents and ask them to send it. I've given her enough time (she said 'sometime over the next week') to deal with it and I'm done fussing about it. This was something we agreed upon the day we broke up, she's known about it for 2 weeks now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

😵 It's amazing the strife and headaches you are causing yourself because you feel entitled to express service from a known procrastinator...and it's been 2 weeks since the breakup and even less since you told her you would reimburse her?

 

It's interesting also that your life still revolves around obsessing over this where she is acting normally and getting to sending it when she gets a chance. It sounds like you are all about saying 'jump' and expecting people to say 'how high'.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

😵 It's amazing the strife and headaches you are causing yourself because you feel entitled to express service from a known procrastinator...and it's been 2 weeks since the breakup and even less since you told her you would reimburse her?

 

It's interesting also that your life still revolves around obsessing over this where she is acting normally and getting to sending it when she gets a chance. It sounds like you are all about saying 'jump' and expecting people to say 'how high'.

 

Uh, no?

 

I told her the day of our breakup I would reimburse her. We spoke about the blazer being at hers and she said she would send it back to me and I said I would pay for it. I don't expect an 'express service', I expect somebody to live up to their damn word. She said she would send it to me within the next few days, then within a week, and has done neither whilst not keeping me updated at all.

 

I'm not obsessing over this and my life doesn't revolve around it .. it's just an issue I want to get sorted. She's had plenty of 'chances' to send it, she is unemployed and last time I messaged her about the blazer we got in to a conversation and she told me she was spending her days sleeping and her nights playing games. You say I'm trying to get her to 'jump', when all I have done is send her a couple of texts asking for updates and then expected her to go with the agreement. How is 2 weeks after a breakup not enough time to pack up a blazer and send it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think you come across as expecting people to jump when you say so, but it is interesting that you expect standard considerate behavior from someone you know has never been like that. According to you, she will go to extremes to avoid dealing with things that most people see as a regular part of a regular day.

 

So, knowing that, it doesn't make sense for you to ascribe nefarious purposes behind her failure to return your blazer. Sounds like business as usual for her, not punishment for deleting her from your contact list or as a ploy to get you to contact her.

 

And I'm pretty sure her parents are aware of what she is like. They know her better than you do. All this silliness could have been avoided if you'd contacted them to begin with. But you wanted to contact HER, to maintain that connection, and that is what brings you to where you are today.

 

I'm not sure why you insist on dragging this out for one more day when I'm sure you know she didn't send the blazer.

 

I hope after tomorrow you can put an end to this silly situation and really focus on moving forward with your life. You'll have no more excuses to hang on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think you come across as expecting people to jump when you say so, but it is interesting that you expect standard considerate behavior from someone you know has never been like that. According to you, she will go to extremes to avoid dealing with things that most people see as a regular part of a regular day.

 

So, knowing that, it doesn't make sense for you to ascribe nefarious purposes behind her failure to return your blazer. Sounds like business as usual for her, not punishment for deleting her from your contact list or as a ploy to get you to contact her.

 

And I'm pretty sure her parents are aware of what she is like. They know her better than you do. All this silliness could have been avoided if you'd contacted them to begin with. But you wanted to contact HER, to maintain that connection, and that is what brings you to where you are today.

 

I'm not sure why you insist on dragging this out for one more day when I'm sure you know she didn't send the blazer.

 

I hope after tomorrow you can put an end to this silly situation and really focus on moving forward with your life. You'll have no more excuses to hang on.

 

 

I dunno, I guess I expected since she seemed to feel bad about the breakup, she might be more considerate afterwards? Like she was very much 'I know you've done so much for me, please don't hate me, you will find someone better etc etc' so I guess I expected her to make an effort to live up to her word.

 

Yeah, I was just being stupid there, I fully admit it. There's no hidden reason she's not sent it, she just doesn't care enough and probably thinks she can get away with not doing it. You're right her parents know this and I should probably have gone straight to them, but the breakup was civil and she agreed on day one to send the blazer, so I thought I'd give her some respect and treat her like an adult who can deal with it. I didn't want to go round her back straight to her parents, I was naive about it.

 

I'm going to leave it to tomorrow purely because then I can say to the parents 'Hey, so she said she would send it by now and she hasn't, would you mind dealing with it please? Absolutely don't mind sending you a package and paying for everything, I'd just like it back'. Again, since I agreed to give her a week I'm going to respect that, perhaps I shouldn't do but I'm OK giving her that time.

 

Honestly, so do I. I am tired of the whole stupid situation and disappointed that it's coming to me having to go behind a grown woman's back to talk to her parents. It's stupid.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She probably hasn’t given the blazer a second thought and simply forgot because it’s not important to her.

 

The post office obviously isn’t open now anyway so nothing can be done until Monday morning at the very earliest, so why not just send the parents a very brief and polite message requesting it’s return today? Does it actually matter whether you do it now or tomorrow? Then this whole saga will be over and done with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She probably hasn’t given the blazer a second thought and simply forgot because it’s not important to her.

 

The post office obviously isn’t open now anyway so nothing can be done until Monday morning at the very earliest, so why not just send the parents a very brief and polite message requesting it’s return today? Does it actually matter whether you do it now or tomorrow? Then this whole saga will be over and done with.

 

Probably. But when you say you'll do something (twice) surely you just do it? Especially if it's for someone you supposedly cared about and you're admitting to being sat around doing nothing all the time.

 

Yeah to be fair I'll send a text now just inquiring about it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Probably. But when you say you'll do something (twice) surely you just do it? Especially if it's for someone you supposedly cared about and you're admitting to being sat around doing nothing all the time.

 

Yeah to be fair I'll send a text now just inquiring about it.

 

Based on the history you told us about, it was very unrealistic for you to expect her to behave the way you would. According to you she avoids anything and everything that requires effort from her. She probably went to her room and got into bed (if she wasn't there already) and pulled the covers over her head because she just couldn't deal with the high stress of putting the blazer into a box and asking her dad to post it.

 

You know this about her. You know this. You know she didn't send it and I think you've known all along she wasn't going to.

 

Denial can be a very strong thing.

 

But, great idea to message her parents immediately. You can be polite and respectful about it. And please do not include any message like "Please tell her I said hello and I hope she's doing well" or anything cheezy like that!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Based on the history you told us about, it was very unrealistic for you to expect her to behave the way you would. According to you she avoids anything and everything that requires effort from her. She probably went to her room and got into bed (if she wasn't there already) and pulled the covers over her head because she just couldn't deal with the high stress of putting the blazer into a box and asking her dad to post it.

 

You know this about her. You know this. You know she didn't send it and I think you've known all along she wasn't going to.

 

Denial can be a very strong thing.

 

But, great idea to message her parents immediately. You can be polite and respectful about it. And please do not include any message like "Please tell her I said hello and I hope she's doing well" or anything cheezy like that!

 

 

It was. Like I said, I guess I just expected something different from her after the breakup, but you're right that I was naive and if I'm being honest I have had very little faith she would send it. I guess I felt I should treat her like an adult though, but since she behaved like a child throughout our relationship that was silly of me.

 

I dunno if I was in denial, I guess some part of me thought that post-breakup she would be changed for at least a little while. Like, I imagine she was stressing about the relationship for a while prior to ending it, so I thought maybe the relief from having done that would give her a boost and she'd be proactive in dealing with the fallout. She talked a lot when we broke up about going and 'working on herself' so I thought maybe she'd at least try to change her ways, but seems like she's just stuck doing the same old stuff.

 

I messaged them, I imagine the dad is still at work so I'll wait on the reply. And nah, obviously I'm not going to bother with the 'I hope she's ok stuff', was purely about the jacket.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think contacting the parents is going to work .. I thought that if I messaged her dad via facebook he would receive it, but forgot that if you're not friends with someone and they have a certain setting selected, it blocks out the messages. Think he has it filtered. The only one I have on facebook is her sister .. and I am not going down that route.

 

Do I just have one last go at asking her to send it (and stress once again I can send the parcel if it makes it easier) or just give up on it entirely? Leaning towards the latter tbh, it's very annoying but it's getting to a point where it isn't worth all of this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think contacting the parents is going to work .. I thought that if I messaged her dad via facebook he would receive it, but forgot that if you're not friends with someone and they have a certain setting selected, it blocks out the messages. Think he has it filtered. The only one I have on facebook is her sister .. and I am not going down that route.

 

Do I just have one last go at asking her to send it (and stress once again I can send the parcel if it makes it easier) or just give up on it entirely? Leaning towards the latter tbh, it's very annoying but it's getting to a point where it isn't worth all of this.

 

Alternatively send a pre-paid parcel addressed to the parents with a polite covering note?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, that is actually a really good idea, thanks. Will do that on Monday.

 

You can estimate the postage by going on the USPS website and giving the approximate dimensions and weight of the package. Then choose the delivery time (I would recommend parcel post, it's the least expensive) and then round up.

 

To get the estimated weight of the blazer go to an online retailer and look up that item or a similar item. The description should give the weight of the item.

 

Done and done. And you can finally block her and go on with your life. Of course, I presume you've already blocked her since you messaged her father :tongue:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can estimate the postage by going on the USPS website and giving the approximate dimensions and weight of the package. Then choose the delivery time (I would recommend parcel post, it's the least expensive) and then round up.

 

To get the estimated weight of the blazer go to an online retailer and look up that item or a similar item. The description should give the weight of the item.

 

Done and done. And you can finally block her and go on with your life. Of course, I presume you've already blocked her since you messaged her father :tongue:

 

Good advice. As the OP is UK based you can do the same thing on the Royal Mail website.

 

Have you blocked now OP?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good advice. As the OP is UK based you can do the same thing on the Royal Mail website.

 

Have you blocked now OP?

 

 

Yeah I'll do that, shouldn't be too expensive (certainly less than replacing it!!) and I'm 100% sure the parents will send it back pretty much as soon as it arrives.

 

Have now blocked her, no need to keep her now that I've gone down the parent route. Felt a bit bad doing it TBH because like I said, it was a civil breakup and at the time we agreed we'd keep each other on facebook etc .. but at that point I was still hoping for reconciliation.

 

The only way she could contact me now is through a friend, we have a couple of mutuals on facebook, or through her sister .. but I really doubt she would go to those lengths, and I have no idea why she would want to anyway. This way though I don't have that same temptation to message her, and she's also definitely never going to pop up on my feed etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm the biggest idiot in the world....

 

 

Her friend messaged me and asked me to unblock so she could explain and I did. She then told me her nan has been ill etc and that's why she hasn't got round to it, obviously I was very understanding etc and I guess I got sucked in? We talked for a long while about everything, exchanged pictures of our cats, joked about things .. she said she missed my cat and we reminisced. She was all 'thank you so much for talking to me, it's been a very tough few days' etc and obviously I did the whole 'i still care about you of course I'm here to talk' like a total moron.

 

Square one, I guess.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...