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Do you think there's a chance we could get back together?


jeremiahsain

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Send a box/envelope with a prepaid self addressed box/envelope enclosed to her. It's almost zero effort for her to put it in the box and send it back.

 

To me, it all seems a little ridiculous. But if it's important to you who am I say otherwise.

I personally would weigh the cost. The cost of the jacket v the emotional toll and drama.

 

I'd treat myself to new jacket because I can't stand drama

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I doubt it. She's got her problems but I don't think she's a thief, I just think she probably thinks that she can string me along for a few weeks and then I'll give up and she can not bother with sending it. I suspect from knowing her that it's more 'can't be bothered to do that' than her trying to steal and sell it. Like I said earlier, this is a girl who would take library fines rather than bother to walk like 3 minutes to the Uni library (or would get me to do it..) or just couldn't be bothered to go shopping etc. Her parents do everything for her around the house and she stays in pyjamas most of the time and wallows in her own depression a lot, so getting her to do things can be a challenge .. hence why I'm worried.

 

That's fine, I just know for me, I would be pissed (especially if it had sentimental value) and I don't pu$$y-foot around especially when it involves ex's.

 

I also would not be telling myself "stories" that he's intentionally holding it as some sort of stronghold into my heart or life.

 

Just me though, you do what's best for you and if you want to wait it out and hope she does the right thing and returns, your call.

 

EDIT: Great advice from reinvent!

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Send a box/envelope with a prepaid self addressed box/envelope enclosed to her. It's almost zero effort for her to put it in the box and send it back.

 

To me, it all seems a little ridiculous. But if it's important to you who am I say otherwise.

I personally would weigh the cost. The cost of the jacket v the emotional toll and drama.

 

I'd treat myself to new jacket because I can't stand drama

 

 

Yeah, I'll offer to send the box (she originally said I will pack it up so I assumed she had already found one, hence why I didn't offer in the first place) over the weekend if she hasn't sent it by then. That should make it so she has no excuses.

 

The problem is, it's easily my favourite jacket, I wore it on my graduation day etc .. and I just don't have the money to replace it. I just got out of University and currently am unemployed, so right now I can't afford to go out and buy another unless I leaned on my parents, which I really don't think is fair to them. Honestly though, I get why people think it's ridiculous .. like it's just a jacket, but annoyingly it's something which I know I have to deal with and whilst it's certainly not constantly on my mind, it does pop up sometimes and is preventing me from just being able to fully move on.

 

With that said, I am genuinely considering just blocking her and saving for a new jacket when I get a job. It would suck, but I don't know if I can be bothered to go through weeks of back and forth and broken agreements etc.

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That's fine, I just know for me, I would be pissed (especially if it had sentimental value) and I don't pu$$y-foot around especially when it involves ex's.

 

Just me though, you do what's best for you and if you want to wait it out and hope she does the right thing and returns, your call.

 

EDIT: Great advice from reinvent!

 

 

I'll definitely send a box over if she hasn't sent it after the weekend, will give her till then because she did last say 'sometime over the next week'.

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I doubt it. She's got her problems but I don't think she's a thief, I just think she probably thinks that she can string me along for a few weeks and then I'll give up and she can not bother with sending it. I suspect from knowing her that it's more 'can't be bothered to do that' than her trying to steal and sell it. Like I said earlier, this is a girl who would take library fines rather than bother to walk like 3 minutes to the Uni library (or would get me to do it..) or just couldn't be bothered to go shopping etc. Her parents do everything for her around the house and she stays in pyjamas most of the time and wallows in her own depression a lot, so getting her to do things can be a challenge .. hence why I'm worried.

 

I haven't followed this entire thread but reading this - it just smacks of it not having as much to do with an article of clothing but you still being a tangled up the emotional stuff and not just letting go.

 

I suspect if you were really willing to let go of whether or not she's in her pj's and other personal stuff of hers that is no longer your concern. . you wouldn't care so much about a jacket.

 

The jacket represents something bigger to you. Why don't you address what that is?

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I'll definitely send a box over if she hasn't sent it after the weekend, will give her till then because she did last say 'sometime over the next week'.

 

Bolded - did you post this earlier? If so, apologies I missed it.

 

Why all the fuss then? She said she plans to return, so relax and trust she will return it.

 

If she doesn't, you have that in writing if you ever choose to take her to civil court (again assuming the jacket means so much to you, you want to make such and effort).

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I haven't followed this entire thread but reading this - it just smacks of it not having as much to do with an article of clothing but you still being a tangled up the emotional stuff and not just letting go.

 

I suspect if you were really willing to let go of whether or not she's in her pj's and other personal stuff of hers that is not longer your concern. . you wouldn't care so much about a jacket.

 

The jacket represents something bigger to you. Why don't you address what that is?

 

 

I guess it just represents that throughout the relationship I feel like I put a ton more effort in than she did, and the whole jacket thing just epitomises that and is a bit of a slap in the face at the end of things.

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Bolded - did you post this earlier? If so, apologies I missed it.

 

Yeah, at some point I definitely did. That is the third time she's changed her tune though, at first it was 'as soon as I get back', then it was 'in a few days', then 'over the next week', so I have zero faith she will live up to that. We'll see though, I guess.

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I haven't followed this entire thread but reading this - it just smacks of it not having as much to do with an article of clothing but you still being a tangled up the emotional stuff and not just letting go.

 

I suspect if you were really willing to let go of whether or not she's in her pj's and other personal stuff of hers that is no longer your concern. . you wouldn't care so much about a jacket.

 

The jacket represents something bigger to you. Why don't you address what that is?

 

I think I mentioned earlier (I may not have) but I echo this^ entire post.

 

Perhaps you're in denial re how your emotions are guiding this entire scenario, though it seems rather obvious that this is what's happening.

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I think I mentioned earlier (I may not have) but I echo this^ entire post.

 

Perhaps you're in denial re how your emotions are guiding this entire scenario, though it seems rather obvious that this is what's happening.

 

 

I haven't denied that I'm being guided by emotions at times, I know that .. doesn't change the fact I do genuinely just want her to send it so I can get it done with and stop it being an issue.

 

I think as long as I have that little string of contact, she will still be somewhat on my mind etc, and I need to cut that.

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What happened to Saturday? A couple of days ago you said you would give her until Saturday. Now it's pushed back to Sunday.

 

I get that it's just a one day difference but it does appear you are willing to give it more time so you can delay blocking her.

 

I hope you don't come back saying you decided to give it another week.

 

I would think you'd be tired of fixating on this item of clothing. It makes you focus on her and ruminate on the relationship, which would drive me absolutely nuts.

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What happened to Saturday? A couple of days ago you said you would give her until Saturday. Now it's pushed back to Sunday.

 

I get that it's just a one day difference but it does appear you are willing to give it more time so you can delay blocking her.

 

I hope you don't come back saying you decided to give it another week.

 

I would think you'd be tired of fixating on this item of clothing. It makes you focus on her and ruminate on the relationship, which would drive me absolutely nuts.

 

 

Nah, it's literally just because there's no post on Sundays so if she hasn't messaged me by then I'll know she hasn't sent it this week. No chance I'll be giving her another week, if she hasn't sent it by the end of this week I will be contacting her parents and just getting them to send it. Don't really wanna do that because it's awkward, but will be her fault. Honestly I have no interest in 'delaying' blocking her, there's just no point. I haven't attempted to contact her or check her social media in a week and I really don't want to, I honestly do want to block her ASAP.

 

I am tired of it TBH, hence why I have considered just blowing it off and ignoring the jacket entirely. I guess I have a sense of pride about it though? Like why the hell should I give up on it, the one thing I have asked and something she agreed to twice. Don't see why I should lose out.

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once you've addressed the emotional stuff. . .the jacket will lose it's importance. You will look back and wonder why you fought so hard about it in the first place.

 

 

True, but I do feel like if she sends the jacket I have no reason to not block her and be totally done with it. It just kinda feels like the last thread between us, it's a bit weird.

 

Like I just said, I guess logically I should really just decide that whilst it's an important piece of clothing, it isn't as important as me just moving past all of it, but I dunno. I kinda just don't wanna let her win? Like as petty as that sounds I don't see why I should have to just give up on it.

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This is a very long thread about a jacket. Where’s it from OP? Tempted just to buy you a new one! ;)

 

Don’t get fixated on this item of clothing and it’s not about who “wins”

 

Yeah I know, tell me about it! Was from Farah. I got it especially for my Uni graduation and also wore it to my sister's wedding so yeah, I like it! Obviously it's not as important as moving on from this damn relationship, but I dunno I'm stubborn I guess? And don't feel like I should just not get it back because she can't be bothered to do something relatively simple that she agreed to.

 

I guess you/other people are right though, I really should just cut my losses, block her and accept defeat.

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You don't really believe she would look at that blazer and say "HA! I WON!!!", do you?

 

Nah, I just think she's not bothered enough to send it and probably thinks she can get me to drop it. When I say 'win' I mean more from a personal standpoint of letting her get away with it, more than her considering keeping it a victory. I get that she probably just doesn't care enough to send it.

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Yeah I know, tell me about it! Was from Farah. I got it especially for my Uni graduation and also wore it to my sister's wedding so yeah, I like it! Obviously it's not as important as moving on from this damn relationship, but I dunno I'm stubborn I guess? And don't feel like I should just not get it back because she can't be bothered to do something relatively simple that she agreed to.

 

I guess you/other people are right though, I really should just cut my losses, block her and accept defeat.

 

Oh nice! Are you in the UK?

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Defeat?

 

How would moving forward with your life without allowing a couple of yards of fabric tie you to someone you don't need to be tied to be "defeat"?

 

If that's what you think, you really are still hung up on what you believe she thinks of you. And you also have some ego stuff going on too. Remember, your ego does not need to be calling the shots right now.

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Defeat?

 

How would moving forward with your life without allowing a couple of yards of fabric tie you to someone you don't need to be tied to be "defeat"?

 

If that's what you think, you really are still hung up on what you believe she thinks of you. And you also have some ego stuff going on too. Remember, your ego does not need to be calling the shots right now.

 

 

It's probably my favourite item of clothing, she knows I like it, I just don't want to lose it because she can't be bothered to pack something up after ditching somebody. I guess I'm just also kicking myself for being naive enough to date somebody who cared so little for a long time.

 

 

I agree that my ego gets in the way, I guess I just don't want to be seen as backing down so easily and just letting her get away with what she wants. She's had such a clean break in this relationship and got everything her way, at least be decent enough to send over a damn jacket when you say you will. I know that's the wrong attitude and I should be focused purely on myself and moving on, but just the way it is.

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Or you can change the way you view this.

You win by no longer being willing to do the crazy dance for two. You value yourself and your piece of mind much more than wasting your time having a tantrum over a coat and wanting to be right.

 

If she's winning at all, she winning by knowing you are twisting in the wind over a jacket she's holding onto.

She may as well be snickering about it because she's got you all wound up about it. Right?

You are learning the hard way that you can't make her do anything. So basically you are putting her in the place of control over your piece of mind.

 

Imagine a tug of war. Two people pulling on a rope. The one that tries the hardest wins, right? Not necessarily.

How about being the one who drops the rope? What happens when you drop the rope? The person on the other end falls on their butt.

Just drop the rope.

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Reinvent, that is spot on.

 

Jeremiah, instead of thinking she "wins" when you don't get the blazer back, think that she wins every time you contact her about it. Imagine her laughing, thinking "Look at Jeremiah, using that stupid blazer as an excuse to message me! The poor guy just can't get over me!"

 

You let it go, YOU "win",

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