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Do you think there's a chance we could get back together?


jeremiahsain

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Then send her $10!

 

At this point you are making excuses.

 

I'm not man, honestly I'm happy to send her whatever it costs .. I just don't see the point in sending her money when she hasn't done it yet? Like knowing her there's a good chance she'll end up not doing it for a couple of weeks still even if I send money now. I have no idea how much the postage will be so sending a random amount of money doesn't really help me.

 

She knows I'm good to reimburse her, we were dating for 2 years and she knows I'd never just take her money , that isn't the problem. The issue is she is either just forgetting to do it, or can't be bothered to. At the moment I plan to just leave it till the weekend, since that's when she said she will have posted it by, but I honestly don't think she will.

 

If she doesn't, I don't see what is wrong with me just messaging her saying 'Hey, just wondering if you got round to sending it yet? I know you're going out of your way but I'd really like it back and to get this over with. Once again happy to pay whatever postage costs and fuel to get to the post office'.

 

That's all. I don't see how just sending her a blank sum of money helps me because like I said, the issue isn't that she doesn't know if I'll pay for it. The issue is she has either taken offence to me deleting her when we originally said we'd stay friends on FB, or like I said has just forgotten about it/doesn't care. I don't want to push her too much, but I just want the damn thing back (it's my favourite jacket, I regularly wear it on nights out etc) and to have this done with, I don't see why it has to be a big deal/drag on like this. Like I have said, if the shoe was on the other foot I would have walked down to the post office a day or two after we broke up and sent it off to her, it's not a big ask really especially when you have just hit someone with a breakup (the week before she was talking about marriage) and left them a bit shellshocked.

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If there was any way I could just transfer her 25 dollars and it be done immediately with no more dialogue or BS, I would do it right now, but there isn't. I'm totally reliant on her going out and actually doing it, when I know from experience she's a massive procrastinator and often very selfish, she really doesn't do things if it isn't to her benefit or if she can't be bothered. She lives with her parents and has no interest in getting a temporary job or a future career and they spoil her, she does nothing around the house and basically stays in bed all day or on the laptop. When she does go out with friends etc it's all funded by her parents.

 

Basically, she has a poor attitude, hence why I'm concerned about just sending her money and hoping that'll spur her on to get it done ASAP. I know from first hand experience how much she leaves things to the last second, and how often she just couldn't be bothered to get dressed to do a run to the shops, or the library etc. I didn't help with this at all at Uni because I totally became her lapdog, cooking, washing up, shopping for her etc, so basically I don't have any faith in her to just get it done.

 

I honestly at this point am just considering messaging her parents if it's not been sent by the weekend. I know they'll deal with it and get it sent over, the problem is she is bound to react badly to that and I don't want the bad blood.

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What’s the issue with just sending a simple message asking when she’s going to send it back? If she then doesn’t by the time she says she will, message the parents. Does it matter if there’s “bad blood”, she dumped you!

 

I know it’s difficult, I’m struggling and miss my ex but I no longer care if I do something that would annoy him. He’s not my problem any more! Although it’s taken me a while to get to this point with mistakes along the way.

 

Listen to the advice you’re getting on here. It’s usually spot on, and I should have taken it on board quicker than I did!

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Well, the alternative is to let this drag on and on and on.

 

You wrote a few days ago that you realize you are using the bleeping blazer as a way to stay "connected" to her. I don't know if you are able to appreciate how very ridiculous the situation is.

 

Of course it's your life and you should do what you decide is best. I'm just saying you shouldn't be surprised at your low moods when you won't break this final tie and then block her.

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Well, the alternative is to let this drag on and on and on.

 

You wrote a few days ago that you realize you are using the bleeping blazer as a way to stay "connected" to her. I don't know if you are able to appreciate how very ridiculous the situation is.

 

Of course it's your life and you should do what you decide is best. I'm just saying you shouldn't be surprised at your low moods when you won't break this final tie and then block her.

 

 

I was then, but since then I'm just done with it. I've realised how much she used me and how little she cares since, honestly I just want to be done with her. Obviously I still stupidly daydream about her etc but my head knows she was a bad girlfriend and not a good influence on my life. I don't want her back anymore.

 

I am able to appreciate it .. it's utterly ludicrous. I just don't see why I should have to wait months for a blazer to be returned and led on by her saying she'll 'send it this week'. It's mine and she put me in this situation by ending the relationship, I was ridiculously accommodating and understanding throughout our relationship (and during the breakup) so honestly I feel like I deserve her to at least deal with a simple request. She is not working, her dad is a postman, all she has to do is bag up a blazer and send it and I will pay for it.

 

I don't want this to drag on, but she send 'this week' so I don't really have a choice but to wait until Saturday. From experience though, I'm 99% sure she won't do it, and it irks me. Honestly her friend came to stay at mine for a few days and I made a bed up for him, paid for food, cooked, washed up etc, then ditto for her while she was here, subsidising all her meals etc as well as cooking/cleaning/washing up after her. This is why I'm so annoyed that she can't just pack up a damn blazer and send it to me, you'd think after breaking up with somebody who did so much for you, you'd have the grace to deal with their one simple request as soon as possible?

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What’s the issue with just sending a simple message asking when she’s going to send it back? If she then doesn’t by the time she says she will, message the parents. Does it matter if there’s “bad blood”, she dumped you!

 

I know it’s difficult, I’m struggling and miss my ex but I no longer care if I do something that would annoy him. He’s not my problem any more! Although it’s taken me a while to get to this point with mistakes along the way.

 

Listen to the advice you’re getting on here. It’s usually spot on, and I should have taken it on board quicker than I did!

 

 

I sent a message at the start of this week and she said she'll get it done 'sometime' over the next week, so I'm going to give her till Saturday. It's not that I mind annoying her (I don't, not after the way I've realised she treated me for so long) it's just that I don't want the arguments, I really don't want to go talk to her parents and cause drama about it, I just want her to send the damn blazer.

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Go buy another blazer. Disable all your social media accounts. Go to the gym. Hangout with new and non-mutual friends. Read books on relationships, self-improvement, spirituality, professional advancement....anything that will require putting your attention to toward things that will disrupt the stream of thoughts about your ex, what's she doing, etc.

 

Then go full no contact. Do not reach out in anyway. She is gone.

 

Its hard to do these things, but they are your strongest moves to do at this point.

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Go buy another blazer. Disable all your social media accounts. Go to the gym. Hangout with new and non-mutual friends. Read books on relationships, self-improvement, spirituality, professional advancement....anything that will require putting your attention to toward things that will disrupt the stream of thoughts about your ex, what's she doing, etc.

 

Then go full no contact. Do not reach out in anyway. She is gone.

 

Its hard to do these things, but they are your strongest moves to do at this point.

 

 

I really don't want to have to buy another blazer .. it was expensive and is my favourite, I wore it for my graduation from University days before I left it at hers. Don't see why I should lose it to be honest, not when it's not exactly difficult to pack it up and send..

 

I'm doing a lot better over the last couple of days. Haven't checked her social media at all and have got my appetite back, went to see a film with a friend last night and have generally been feeling pretty good. Going to start working out again tomorrow morning now I'm eating properly. My parents came back from holiday so the house isn't empty any longer, so things are looking up.

 

I know she's gone man, I don't even want her back anymore. When I made this thread I was desperate and reeling but my attitude has since changed, there's no way I would get back with her even if she messaged me trying to start things up again. My family are delighted that she's out of my life and have basically been fully honest with me about how worried they were about her, and I've seen how I was slipping in to some terrible habits and allowing her to walk all over me. Sure, I still have thoughts about her etc but they're getting less and less intense, and I'm fully confident that the breakup was good for me. I haven't reached out to her once since we broke up (aside from asking for my blazer back) and have deleted her off all my social media, and will block once I receive the damn blazer.

 

At this point though, I feel like she is using the blazer as something she can hold over me because she knows I like it and will want it back, and knows that I will have to keep contacting her while she has it. There's no way that in the 2 weeks since we broke up she hasn't had time to pack up a blazer (takes 5 minutes) and post it. I know she broke up with me so it doesn't make much sense, but about 6 months ago we nearly broke up and she was telling me that she had doubts, that she wasn't sure if she loved me or that we were right for each other etc. She went blank for a few days and then I got a text saying 'I miss you' and went over. She was all over me and saying 'sometimes the depression turns me in to a different person etc, that wasn't me' so I've kinda been through this before. So I dunno if she's holding the blazer over me so she can potentially reel me back in?

 

If she hasn't sent it by the weekend, I will contact her parents directly and ask them if they can send it, again obviously I will offer to pay for everything.

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OK, so I'm trying to imagine what you think her mindset is.

 

"Hm, I want Jeremiah back but instead of contacting him asking to talk like a mature adult, I need to come up with a plan. Let's see...wait, he left his blazer here! I know he really, really loves this blazer. So my plan is, I'll lie to him that I'm going to return it but I really won't. That will force him to contact me. Voila, reconciliation plan is a success!!!"

 

Or..."I really want to stick it to Jeremiah for not begging me back and for deleting me from his contacts. What can I do? Wait, I'll keep his beloved blazer! I will pretend to send it back but I won't! That will show him!!!!"

 

I mean, come on...really?

 

I think she just doesn't feel like putting in the effort. She probably figures if you love that darn blazer so much you can come get it yourself.

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OK, so I'm trying to imagine what you think her mindset is.

 

"Hm, I want Jeremiah back but instead of contacting him asking to talk like a mature adult, I need to come up with a plan. Let's see...wait, he left his blazer here! I know he really, really loves this blazer. So my plan is, I'll lie to him that I'm going to return it but I really won't. That will force him to contact me. Voila, reconciliation plan is a success!!!"

 

Or..."I really want to stick it to Jeremiah for not begging me back and for deleting me from his contacts. What can I do? Wait, I'll keep his beloved blazer! I will pretend to send it back but I won't! That will show him!!!!"

 

I mean, come on...really?

 

I think she just doesn't feel like putting in the effort. She probably figures if you love that darn blazer so much you can come get it yourself.

 

 

I don't think any of that. I just wonder if because I deleted her she wants me to explain why, maybe? I don't know, I don't think she has some big plan about it, but I also don't get why you just wouldn't send it, or at least just send a text like 'Hi, sorry I haven't got round to it, will do it next week'. Just straight up keeping me in the dark seems a little odd. Also, she isn't a 'mature adult' and has done some pretty weird stuff in the past/has some major issues, hence why I'm thinking of extremes.

 

You're probably right that she doesn't want to put in the effort, which is a joke really. You break up with somebody unexpectedly at their house so you can grab all your stuff, go home and can't send them the one thing they left behind? To me it's just so stupidly rude to say 'yeah I'll send it over the next few days' twice and then just leave it for two weeks. It's not like we had some big bust up.

 

She lives 4 and a half hours away, I can't just go get it myself, if I could I would do. I just want it over and done with so I can block her and move on, her holding on to it means I can't do that because I still need to be in contact. Also, I don't get why people are surprised that I'd want an expensive, relatively new blazer back, I'm a student I don't have that much money and I can't afford to replace an expensive item of clothing on a whim.

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What do you think will be the next time you'll need the blazer?

 

I mean, ok, you spent a lot of money on it. But it's not like she has your laptop or something.

 

Maybe just resign yourself to not getting it back anytime soon.

 

And keeping your blazer because she wants you to explain why you deleted her from your contact list? That's really reaching.

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OP, here’s the deal.

 

I work in the legal field, and since, after numerous requests, she is refusing to return your jacket, legally that is considered theft.

 

As such write her a formal "demand" letter demanding it back advising her that if she does not return your jacket by such and such a date, you will contact the authorities because when someone refuses to return an item to its rightful owner, it’s considered THEFT and theft is against the law.

If she ignores, then contact the authorities (I mean it!) and let them take care of it for you.

 

If you don’t feel comfortable doing that (yes it’s extreme and may land her in jail), you can tell her you will sue her in civil court alleging something called “conversion.”

 

"Conversion is an intentional tort consisting of "taking with the intent of exercising over the chattel an ownership inconsistent with the real owner's right of possession". In the United Kingdom, it is a tort of strict liability. Same in the U.S. Its equivalents in criminal law include larceny or theft and criminal conversion."

 

THAT should get her attention!

 

I am only suggesting this as I assume this jacket is of significance importance to you and you are not using it to maintain some sort of connection to her and her life.

 

If it’s NOT of significant importance to you, then forget it, let it go and move on with your life.

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What do you think will be the next time you'll need the blazer?

 

I mean, ok, you spent a lot of money on it. But it's not like she has your laptop or something.

 

Maybe just resign yourself to not getting it back anytime soon.

 

And keeping your blazer because she wants you to explain why you deleted her from your contact list? That's really reaching.

 

 

I have my sisters wedding in a couple of weeks, so I'm absolutely going to need it for that .. I also will be going out with friends a few times, and yeah it would be nice to have it. It's not that I urgently require it, but do I really want to have to keep in contact with her for the next month? I honestly just wanna get it then block rather than have it hanging over me. It's kinda annoying having her say 'yeah I'll send it over' and then just totally failing to do so, with no explanation.

 

I dunno, I feel like maybe the case is that after I deleted her she maybe decided 'why should I make the effort to send the blazer if he can't even give me a heads up about why he's deleting?'. I don't know if that's a reach since she can be pretty sensitive and at first I agreed to stay friends on facebook, maybe she feels she's owed an explanation for why this changed. I guess she doesn't wanna be like 'why did you delete me?' because it could look like she cares, I dunno. She is childish so as much as that might sound stupid and something an adult wouldn't do, I honestly think it's possible with her.

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She is not refusing, it's only been a few days. She did not steal he left it there after they broke up claiming he didn't have room to pack it. He is refusing to do his part to obtain it including sending postage, going and getting it, etc. Therefore it's abandoned property because he's playing games. She has 30 days not 10 to return it.

she is refusing to return your jacket
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She is not refusing, it's only been a few days. She did not steal he left it there after they broke up claiming he didn't have room to pack it. He is refusing to do his part to obtain it including sending postage, going and getting it, etc. Therefore it's abandoned property because he's playing games. She has 30 days not 10 to return it.

 

Apologies, the way the OP is going on about it, I was under the impression it's been a while and he has made numerous requests for her to return (including offering to send her postage), which she has ignored (i.e. refused to return it).

 

In which case, according to the law (criminal), that IS considered theft. In civil law, it's considered conversion.

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OP, here’s the deal.

 

I work in the legal field, and since, after numerous requests, she is refusing to return your jacket, legally that is considered theft.

 

As such write her a formal "demand" letter demanding it back and if she does not return your jacket by such and such a date, you will contact the authorities because when someone refuses to return an item to its rightful owner, it’s considered THEFT and theft is against the law.

If she ignores, then contact the authorities (I mean it!) and let them take care of it for you.

 

If you don’t feel comfortable doing that (yes it’s extreme and may land her in jail), you can tell her you will sue her in civil court alleging something called “conversion.”

 

"Conversion is an intentional tort consisting of "taking with the intent of exercising over the chattel an ownership inconsistent with the real owner's right of possession". In the United Kingdom, it is a tort of strict liability. Its equivalents in criminal law include larceny or theft and criminal conversion."

 

I am only suggesting this as I assume this jacket is of significance importance to you and you are not using it to maintain some sort of connection to her and her life.

 

If it’s NOT of significant importance to you, then forget it, let it go and move on with your life.

 

 

That does sound pretty extreme .. it is important to me in terms of I really can't replace it (I just don't have the money) and I'm going to need it for some events coming up, and the simple fact that I wanna just be done with her, but still .. I think I'll stick with contacting her parents who are reasonable and I'm pretty sure they will send it ASAP. I'll give her till the weekend is over to contact me about it and then I'll text her parents, I feel like that's fair since she's now refused to send it twice despite me offering to pay for all postage.

 

TBH it's a bit of a joke. My friends/family can't believe she won't just send it given all I did for her while we were together, honestly I paid for nearly everything while she was here and when we broke up I carried her bags to the station, paid for a fare etc. It's just a case of being decent about it and sending it over, some of my friends can't even believe I've offered to pay postage considering it's her fault the jacket was left there in the first place and the fact that I paid for so much when we were together. It's one thing that she has to do and like I've said she is not employed, she has a dad who is a postman, she has ample opportunity to simply pack up a parcel and send it off for me.

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^^ That's fine. I know for me, if I left something of major significance at my ex's house (let's say an expensive bracelet that also had sentimental value) and he ignored my requests to return (after I offered to send postage and envelope) I would be PISSED!

 

I would write the demand for it's return and yes I would sue him in civil court.

 

But your call, you sounded pretty upset about it which I why I suggested what I did. Now you're saying it's a "joke."

 

I now agree with Mr. Wiseman, you are playing games, but whatever, good luck.

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She is not refusing, it's only been a few days. She did not steal he left it there after they broke up claiming he didn't have room to pack it. He is refusing to do his part to obtain it including sending postage, going and getting it, etc. Therefore it's abandoned property because he's playing games. She has 30 days not 10 to return it.

 

If she hasn't returned it by the weekend (which is when I'm going to message her parents) it will have been 2 weeks. After telling me twice she would send it ASAP.

 

Refusing to do my part? Jesus christ. I've told her I will pay for everything, all she has to do is pack up a blazer , how exactly am I playing games? I haven't refused to do anything, if she said 'Can you send a parcel over please?' I would do it, but she's said she will sort out that side and agreed as long as I paid for it. I can't go and get it, that would be a 9 hour round trip costing me hundreds of pounds in travel expenses. If it was an option I would have done that on day 2.

 

I don't get how it's 'abandoned property' when I've asked for it to be returned and told her I will pay all expenses. She has told me she will send it back a certain way and I agreed to it. She said it would be 'in a few days' after we broke up, and then later said 'this week', so she has continually just BSed so obviously I'm concerned it's going to drag on for weeks and weeks since she isn't following through on anything she says. I know the way she is and I know that if I just forget about it and don't press her, she simply will not send it at all.

 

Also, I didn't leave it there after we broke up. After my graduation she begged me to go and stay at hers for a few days so I went back with her wearing my blazer etc, but only had a backpack with me at the time (so was unable to pack it up when I left hers). She said that it was fine because I'd be coming back over the summer, so I left the blazer there. The plan was for her to come stay at mine then we'd both go back to hers for a week, but obviously she broke up whilst at mine so the blazer stayed at her house. There really wasn't much else I could do about it, there's no way I was fitting it in my backpack..

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^^ That's fine. I know for me, if I left something of major significance at my ex's house (let's say an expensive bracelet that also had sentimental value) and he ignored my requests to return (after I offered to send postage and envelope) I would be PISSED!

 

I would write the demand for it's return and yes I would sue him in civil court.

 

But your call, you sounded pretty upset about it which I why I suggested what I did. Now you're saying it's a "joke."

 

I now agree with Mr. Wiseman, you are playing games, but whatever, good luck.

 

I didn't mean your suggestion was a joke .. I mean that it's a joke that she won't just pack it up and send it, after I did a lot for her in the relationship. It's a joke that I have made one easy request of her and she's not keeping me updated and is misleading me about when she will send it. I don't need a favourite item of clothing left at an ex's house for weeks/months, it means I have to stay in contact with her. The day we broke up we made an agreement to send anything we found over as soon as possible.

 

I don't get what 'game' I am meant to be playing. I just want my blazer back, as soon as she sends it that is that. What exactly am I meant to be achieving with this? Soon as she says 'it's been sent' I will paypal her money, thank her and then block all communication when it arrives. There's no point to playing any sort of game, it wouldn't get me anywhere. All I want is to do what we have agreed (twice now) and if she has been unable to do so, at least let me know when she'll be able to send it so I'm not left in limbo.

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I didn't mean your suggestion was a joke .. I mean that it's a joke that she won't just pack it up and send it, after I did a lot for her in the relationship. It's a joke that I have made one easy request of her and she's not keeping me updated and is misleading me about when she will send it.

 

I knew exactly what you meant (that she won't pack it up and return).

 

You're playing games because you keep pu**y-footing around. If the jacket means that much to you, either file a civil claim, or go get it! Regardless of far away she lives.

 

If it does not mean that much to you, then forget about it, and move on with your life!

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I knew exactly what you meant.

 

I don't get how that's me playing games? I just want a pretty expensive item of mine back, which has sentimental value because I wore it at my graduation ceremony. I know there's a genuine risk that if she doesn't send it soon it'll be forgotten about because she's a massive procrastinator, so I'm trying to get it dealt with as soon as. She will have had two weeks by Sunday to have sent it over, I think it's a bit of a joke to tell somebody you'll do something twice and then not follow through whilst not even keeping them updated, especially when that person was somebody important in your life.

 

It means a lot to me, but filing the civil suit would be my last resort. If her parents refuse to send it (for whatever reason, I expect they will) then that will be my next course, but I don't view it as necessary right now. Also, as I've explained I literally cannot just 'go and get it' ... I don't have a car and to get the train would cost me hundreds of pounds and would be a 9 hour trip. I simply don't have that money. If she was an hour or so away then I would absolutely have gone and got it.

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Read my post again, I just edited.

 

I'm going to message her parents about it, and like I've said if for whatever reason they decide not to send it over the next week or so, then I'll look at other courses of action.

 

I just don't get why it has to be so difficult though. It's not a big request and personally if I broke up with somebody, I wouldn't want their possessions around the house. We had an agreement when we did break up to send each others stuff over in the few days following, and have been civil since. I don't get why you wouldn't just live up to your word and get it done. I'm paying for everything involved and if she does want me to send a parcel over, I'm very happy to do so, but she has said she will do this and hasn't updated me since saying otherwise.

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I just don't get why it has to be so difficult though. It's not a big request and personally if I broke up with somebody, I wouldn't want their possessions around the house.

 

She's not you.

 

You just said it is an expensive jacket, for all you know she sold it and pocketed the cash.

 

It's been known to happen, more times than you might think!

 

That's why we have civil laws, to protect people from such things happening.

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She's not you.

 

You just said it is an expensive jacket, for all you know she sold it and pocketed the cash.

 

It's been known to happen, more times than you might think!

 

 

I doubt it. She's got her problems but I don't think she's a thief, I just think she probably thinks that she can string me along for a few weeks and then I'll give up and she can not bother with sending it. I suspect from knowing her that it's more 'can't be bothered to do that' than her trying to steal and sell it. Like I said earlier, this is a girl who would take library fines rather than bother to walk like 3 minutes to the Uni library (or would get me to do it..) or just couldn't be bothered to go shopping etc. Her parents do everything for her around the house and she stays in pyjamas most of the time and wallows in her own depression a lot, so getting her to do things can be a challenge .. hence why I'm worried.

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