Jump to content

Do you think there's a chance we could get back together?


jeremiahsain

Recommended Posts

I'm feeling a bit suspect about the blazer TBH, and irritated.

 

 

If I broke up with someone and they sent a polite message asking me to send something over which was valuable, I'd do it ASAP. I'd wanna get it over with and have that done, yet she still hasn't messaged me about it after saying she would send it. She's not working or anything so she has plenty of time to just post it, it's been nearly 2 weeks since we broke up.

 

I dunno if she's just being lazy about it and doesn't really care, or if she's using it because she knows I'll contact her about it again. Like I said, I will give her until the weekend to update me, but I really don't get what is so difficult about it.

 

I thought you decided to just give up on getting that gosh darned blazer back if she hadn't sent it by this week.

 

Now you're planning to contact her again?

 

This is why you feel awful. You refuse to accept that this breakup needed to happen. You are keeping yourself in the relationship. You don't do anything for yourself, anything fun or uplifting. You aren't being kind to yourself.

 

Only you can help you. Decide if you want to feel awful forever. Or not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 420
  • Created
  • Last Reply
I thought you decided to just give up on getting that gosh darned blazer back if she hadn't sent it by this week.

 

Now you're planning to contact her again?

 

This is why you feel awful. You refuse to accept that this breakup needed to happen. You are keeping yourself in the relationship. You don't do anything for yourself, anything fun or uplifting. You aren't being kind to yourself.

 

Only you can help you. Decide if you want to feel awful forever. Or not.

 

 

I want to but why should I tbh? She got all her stuff back, I don't see why it's so hard for her to just send it over. She broke up with me so surely she wants to cut all ties and have it done? I just don't get it. It's honestly my favourite blazer, I wore it for my graduation, I don't get why I should have to give up on it because she can't bag it up and post.

 

I know the breakup needed to happen and I've accepted its over. I agree I'm not doing much fun stuff (except for playing games online with friends) but that's mainly because of current circumstances. I know I'm focusing too much on her and not moving on as I should but at the same time I don't get why she's not being co-operative. We ended the relationship in a civil way, she was able to take all her stuff back etc, I'm really not asking much of her. Like I said, if it was me and I had her expensive coat at mine it would have been sent back within a couple of days.

 

 

Anyway like I said, I'll give her till Saturday and then enquire. I get that I'm making a ton of mistakes in trying to get over this breakup, but wanting my favourite jacket back isn't one of them I don't think. I think in terms of feeling better I just need stuff to keep me busy, and next week I'm visiting my sister etc so that should help, having people around and going places. At the moment stuck in this town where all my Uni friends are far away aside from 1 or 2 who are working/often busy I just feel like a spare part, especially since I've been alone this entire time.

 

I dunno if maybe she's annoyed I deleted her on facebook, and is waiting for me to bring up the blazer again so she can find out why. If that's the case I don't understand though, surely she gets that I need her off social media so I can move on ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you send her the money to send it? What do you mean "you're giving her until the end of the week"? It's not an ultimatum. She can toss it if you don't take responsibility for getting it or paying to send it.

 

Did you even ask what the postage is? Did you send her a prepaid package to send it in? Or do you expect her to drop everything she's doing, pack it up, go to the post office, pay for the postage and do all this asap as if it's the only and most important thing in her life? It's your blazer, you want it, you left it there, it's your responsibility to get it or pay to send it.

the only time I've done so was regarding a blazer, which she still hasn't sent after saying she would. I'm giving her till the end of the week to tell me she's posted it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did you send her the money to send it? What do you mean "you're giving her until the end of the week"? It's not an ultimatum. She can toss it if you don't take responsibility for getting it or paying to send it.

 

Did you even ask what the postage is? Did you send her a prepaid package to send it in? Or do you expect her to drop everything she's doing, pack it up, go to the post office, pay for the postage and do all this asap as if it's the only and most important thing in her life? It's your blazer, you want it, you left it there, it's your responsibility to get it or pay to send it.

 

 

 

I didn't 'leave' anything there! We were in a relationship going on for 2 years, the plan was to go back to hers after staying at mine so I'd be able to pick it up. How am I meant to go back and pick up a blazer which is 4 hours away? I'm happy to pay any fees for postage, but I'm pretty sure she can work out how to pack it up . I don't see how it's my responsibility when she unexpectedly broke up with me at my house, leaving me unable to grab any of my things whereas she was able to collect everything she had at mine. The only reason the blazer is there is because after graduation she really wanted me to stay at hers for a few days which I relented to, but I wasn't able to bring the blazer back home with me due to a lack of bag space. She said 'it's cool you can bring it up when you're down in the summer!' but obviously we broke up since then..

 

 

She's not busy, at all. She doesn't work and she just left University, she has time to send one item back after breaking up with her boyfriend. It's been two weeks, it's not like I'm asking her to do it the day afterwards. I'm not expecting her to drop anything but she's had plenty of time and I really don't want to be still waiting for a blazer to be sent back by my ex a month after we broke up.

 

 

Look, I did loads for this girl when we were together. I did our food shopping when she was depressed, made her food, was there when she was breaking down for essays etc. And when we broke up I respected her decision, didn't beg or plead or get angry, said let her stay at mine for the night and paid for her bus fare to a train station. Since we broke up I haven't bothered her at all (aside from one message about the blazer) and again have given her space despite being in a bad place. All I'm asking is she packs up a blazer, sends it to me and tells me the postage costs so I can reimburse her. Her dad is a postman!

 

I really don't feel like it's a big ask for her to send back the blazer. She put me in a situation where I was unable to collect it myself and when we broke up we both agreed that if I found anything at mine left over, I would send it back, and if she found anything at hers she would send it to me. I'm not giving her an 'ultimatum', I'm just saying that if she doesn't get back to me about it by the end of this week I'll have to message her again about it asking whether she's forgotten.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're playing games. She doesn't "owe" you anything. Did you ask what the cost is and send her that? Why not?

 

 

How am I playing games?! Because I want something back of mine that she has?

 

I won't know the cost until she goes and gets it weighed and sent. Soon as that is done I will paypal her whatever she needs, and probably more on top for the effort. I know she doesn't 'owe' my anything, I just thought that due to the nature of our breakup/the relationship, she'd be good enough to do this small thing for me. It's really not that big an ask considering she put me in a position where I wouldn't be able to get it back without her help.

 

I'm happy to pay whatever, I've said that to her a number of times. And she's had two weeks since the breakup, I really just want to get it done and then block communications with her so we can both just fully move on from it. It's really not a big ask considering some of what I did for her during our relationship and the fact she agreed to do it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When did you contact her re the blazer and tell her you would reimburse her?

 

The DAY we broke up we spoke about what we'd do about stuff left behind and agreed we would send it back and the other person would pay the postage costs. I then re-iterated this a week ago.

 

Like I said, I'm happy to wait till the end of the week .. she assured me she would do it this week but I have a feeling she won't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You need to give it more time. Is she sending it express or overnight? What type of service and fees are you looking for? It seems you want it asap so are willing to pay overnight or express fees? Did you tell her that?

 

I really don't mind, I'm happy to pay whatever fee she sends me, I've told her that. I'm happy to give her the rest of the week, but she said she'd send it ... if she wants to contact me about whether it's express etc she knows she can do so and I'll reply ASAP, I've told her that.

 

I've given her 2 weeks to sort it out, and tbh I feel like that's enough considering like I said .. she doesn't work. It's the last thing hanging over both of us and stopping completely no contact, so I just want it done and dusted.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See, I feel the opposite.

 

This ridiculous situation would be better resolved asap. You are fixated on this and therefore fixated on her.

 

I would just go ahead and send her something like $25 with a note "Here's some money toward returning the blazer. Please let me know if it costs more and I will reimburse you."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

your using this jacket as an excuse to contact her. give yourself a month and then reach out to her about it (if she doesnt reach to you) when you have a clearer head about it. You don't need it right away

 

A month? Man, I don't even know if by then she will still have kept the jacket, and I really don't want to be messaging her a month from now or having this still be an issue. I just want her to pack it up and send it off, I get I don't need it right now but it was my graduation jacket! It wasn't cheap and I don't want it just forgotten. We both had an agreement that we'd sort this stuff out quickly and I don't understand why she hasn't dealt with it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See, I feel the opposite.

 

This ridiculous situation would be better resolved asap. You are fixated on this and therefore fixated on her.

 

I would just go ahead and send her something like $25 with a note "Here's some money toward returning the blazer. Please let me know if it costs more and I will reimburse you."

 

 

End of this week if she hasn't reached out I will message her enquiring about it and will offer to send the money beforehand. Happy to pay whatever costs are involved.

 

I don't get why it has to be such a big deal though. We ended on a civil note and we both agreed all of this, I dunno why she can't just be decent about it, like I said if it was me? I'd have sent it a couple of days after the breakup. She's just stringing me along with 'oh yeah I'll send it' whilst not actually doing a thing.

 

She's really not super busy, there's no way I'm believing she hasn't had enough time in the 2 weeks since to send a parcel. I thought she'd have more respect/care about this to be honest. She's said twice she will send it and I've heard nothing since, I have said I will pay all costs.

 

I honestly think that she was maybe planning to do it this week, then saw I deleted her and maybe has decided she doesn't need to do it anymore. Which would be ridiculous since I didn't delete her to be nasty or send a message, it was purely in order to try and move on a bit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A month? Man, I don't even know if by then she will still have kept the jacket, and I really don't want to be messaging her a month from now or having this still be an issue. I just want her to pack it up and send it off, I get I don't need it right now but it was my graduation jacket! It wasn't cheap and I don't want it just forgotten. We both had an agreement that we'd sort this stuff out quickly and I don't understand why she hasn't dealt with it.

 

If you are truly in no contact you have no idea what she is doing with her life. She may be busy, working on fixing herself etc. Giving her a month allows her to either 1). Send you the jacket in the time or 2). Gives you time where you arent running high on emotion and wont flip out if she doesnt answer you in a timely fashion on your follow-up. If she is anywhere near a decent human being youll get your jacket back. Focus on the activities to keep you busy for the time being, youll get your jacket back.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you are truly in no contact you have no idea what she is doing with her life. She may be busy, working on fixing herself etc. Giving her a month allows her to either 1). Send you the jacket in the time or 2). Gives you time where you arent running high on emotion and wont flip out if she doesnt answer you in a timely fashion on your follow-up. If she is anywhere near a decent human being youll get your jacket back. Focus on the activities to keep you busy for the time being, youll get your jacket back.

 

 

I'm sure she's doing things, but since she has no job I doubt she's busy every single day to the point where she can't send a parcel. I feel like a month is way too long considering we agreed to send stuff on ASAP, and then she later said she would do it this week? I'm not running too high on emotion and honestly I'm not about to explode on her, I just plan to send her a polite message enquiring about whether she's sent it yet. If not, I'll basically just say please can you make sure it's this week? Like I said, very willing to pay all costs etc.

 

I'm not sure I will, tbh. She's a very selfish person and always was throughout our relationship, didn't compromise on anything and wanted it all her way. She's also always putting things off and is lazy about things, so really I feel like she needs a nudge in order to just go out and do it. She wouldn't even be bothered to take books back to the library, or go to the shops etc a lot of the time .. I know a lot of that was down to her depression but sometimes I feel like it was just her attitude as well. I can easily see her just forgetting about it if I leave it for a month, and honestly do I really want to be talking to her just when I've moved on?

 

I kinda just wanna get it dealt with. Get her to send it, reimburse her, block communications and move past it. Until she does so I can't do that because there's this one thin string still tying us together. I get it's just a blazer but it's on my mind, it's something which I know in the future I might use to contact her. Like I said, her dad is a postman and she lives with him, it would have been easy last sunday to just bag it up for him and ask if he could send it and get me to reimburse, she wouldn't even have to go do it herself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But this would be a solution and then the constant texting created by this tug-of-war would be over.

 

It could signify the end instead of wishing and hoping with each "periodic text" (re the blazer) that she changes her mind tells him she made a mistake, she loves him and he should come visit. In fact her not sending it asap is what is hoped for because it may be a "sign" she's hanging on and going to reconcile.

 

Most people who refuse to let go don't want a simple solution, they want to create some sort of tug-of-war to keep the "connection" and a reason for periodic contact.

I would just go ahead and send her something like $25 with a note "Here's some money toward returning the blazer. Please let me know if it costs more and I will reimburse you."
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You don't think my suggestion is a good one?

 

You want 5 more days of this fixation? Why???

 

I mean, I think I know why but I'm curious to hear what reasons you give as to why you don't like my suggestion.

 

 

I like your solution tbh, I might go for it. Thing is I'd rather know the exact costs because $25 seems like I'd be significantly overpaying .. it won't be that heavy I don't think nor is it travelling a hell of a way. I don't mind if she doesn't send it express, as long as I know it's on route.

 

I don't want any more of this fixation, it's tiring me out. I just want her to pop up and go 'Hey, sent it, it cost this' and then I can be done.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But this would be a solution and then the constant texting created by this tug-of-war would be over.

 

It could signify the end instead of wishing and hoping with each "periodic text" (re the blazer) that she changes her mind tells him she made a mistake, she loves him and he should come visit. In fact her not sending it asap is what is hoped for because it may be a "sign" she's hanging on and going to reconcile.

 

Most people who refuse to let go don't want a simple solution, they want to create some sort of tug-of-war to keep the "connection" and a reason for periodic contact.

 

 

I don't want to keep the connection going .. I just want her to send me it and then I can be done. I'm not so naive that I genuinely think she's going to turn round and say she's made a mistake .. she left, she's not coming back, I accepted that a week ago in my head. Even if she wanted to come back I'm pretty sure she'd just go in to depression mode rather than reach out, she's stubborn and doesn't deal with her problems.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you very broke? Does a few bucks this way or that matter? Or are you just bitter? Ask her for the tracking number. Be informed that she's not responsible for it if you have it sent cheapo or do not voice a preference and it gets lost in the mail, that's on you. Maybe she broke up because of this type of very poor communication.

I'd rather know the exact costs because $25 seems like I'd be significantly overpaying. as long as I know it's on route.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you very broke? Does a few bucks this way or that matter? Or are you just bitter? Ask her for the tracking number. Be informed that she's not responsible for it if you have it sent cheapo or do not voice a preference and it gets lost in the mail, that's on you. Maybe she broke up because of this type of very poor communication.

 

All I meant was that I'm happy to go with whatever way she wants to send it. It's absolutely her choice. I've told her I will pay all the fees regardless. And yeah a few bucks does matter, I've just left Uni and I'm looking for a job, I really don't have much money at all and I can't afford to just throw it away, she knows that. I'm happy to pay everything she spends on getting to the post office, the fee etc, all she has to do is tell me. She knows that.

 

As for poor communication .. I was the only one in the relationship who ever even tried to communicate, when something was wrong with her she'd just lock herself away for a few days in the dark and tell me that was her way of dealing with the depression. Whenever we did talk about things she'd hate being confronted with anything remotely negative and go in to defensive mode, again lock herself away etc. There was zero communication because I knew that whenever I actually talked to her about issues in the relationship, she would deal with it like a stroppy child and not an adult.

 

I mean, our entire breakup started when she just spent a day hiding in my room, rejecting me when I tried to give her some affection. I then came back later that night, she pretended to be sick before finally deciding to actually talk about what was wrong, and when I told her what I wasn't happy with and vice versa, she left. It was probably a good decision on her part (we weren't working through these issues at all and we were incompatible) but if she broke up with me because of 'poor communication' then jesus, that would be rich..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like your solution tbh, I might go for it. Thing is I'd rather know the exact costs because $25 seems like I'd be significantly overpaying .. it won't be that heavy I don't think nor is it travelling a hell of a way. I don't mind if she doesn't send it express, as long as I know it's on route.

 

I don't want any more of this fixation, it's tiring me out. I just want her to pop up and go 'Hey, sent it, it cost this' and then I can be done.

 

Then send her $10!

 

At this point you are making excuses.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...