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Do you think there's a chance we could get back together?


jeremiahsain
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Some people pay upwards of $150 for these "expert programs" that are "guaranteed" and have "testimonials" from their "hundreds of satisfied customers". And it's all the exact same program and it does not work.

 

I highly recommend hanging out with your buddies too. But don't take their advice of getting laid as soon as possible with a random! Seems that's what a lot of guys recommend lol.

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Some people pay upwards of $150 for these "expert programs" that are "guaranteed" and have "testimonials" from their "hundreds of satisfied customers". And it's all the exact same program and it does not work.

 

I highly recommend hanging out with your buddies too. But don't take their advice of getting laid as soon as possible with a random! Seems that's what a lot of guys recommend lol.

 

 

Yeah, it's a case of maybe some people do get back together with their ex, but is it really because of the program? How exactly do you know the ex wouldn't have come back in the first place? So then you get people waxing lyrical about 'omg it worked, genius!!!' when the fact is if someone is really done with you, they're done. Doesn't matter what 'program' you use. And like I said, if your ex is coming back because you go 'no contact', then he/she is probably just lonely and the same will happen all over again, it's just crappy either way.

 

Yeah, I've tried to do that as much as possible, and like you said I do find I eat more out/with them because I'm more distracted. I've tried to watch some 'inspirational' movies (rocky etc) as well, that seems to lift my mood a bit.

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Those "testimonials" are made up. That's why I put it in quotes. They don't have that much success, if any at all.

 

You seem to be on the right path. Get this blazer thing out of the way, then onward and upward.

 

Oh yeah, I know the testimonials they list are likely BS. I do know a few people who have sworn by the 'no contact rule' got their ex back though, but surprise surprise a few months later they're usually separated again..

 

Yeah, I'm still struggling (badly with sleep and eating) but I feel like slowly but surely I'm thinking about her less, and when the blazer is sent back it will feel like there's nothing left. I think I basically had to kill any hope of getting back together (which obviously by the title of the thread you can see I very much had) and I'm working on that, because I just won't move on if I'm still holding out hope.

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Oh yeah, I know the testimonials they list are likely BS. I do know a few people who have sworn by the 'no contact rule' got their ex back though, but surprise surprise a few months later they're usually separated again..

 

Yeah, I'm still struggling (badly with sleep and eating) but I feel like slowly but surely I'm thinking about her less, and when the blazer is sent back it will feel like there's nothing left. I think I basically had to kill any hope of getting back together (which obviously by the title of the thread you can see I very much had) and I'm working on that, because I just won't move on if I'm still holding out hope.

 

 

Yep I can attest to this. My ex broke up with me in December when she was away home for Christmas. After a few weeks of arguing and me telling her this was the wrong decision, we were great together etc, I cut her off completely. A week or two later she came back to me, telling me she missed me, wasn't over me etc. We got back together for around 4 months and then she went away for 8 weeks, and the exact same thing happened (I was absolutely crushed and still am, posted about it a few weeks ago). That being said we had an amazing 4 months so I don't really regret taking her back much, it's just that I've learned that you probably shouldn't ever take anyone back that's ended things with you.

 

It's tempting to think no contact could get your ex back, but what it will do is make you feel better and slowly but surely forget about him/her.

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Yep I can attest to this. My ex broke up with me in December when she was away home for Christmas. After a few weeks of arguing and me telling her this was the wrong decision, we were great together etc, I cut her off completely. A week or two later she came back to me, telling me she missed me, wasn't over me etc. We got back together for around 4 months and then she went away for 8 weeks, and the exact same thing happened (I was absolutely crushed and still am, posted about it a few weeks ago). That being said we had an amazing 4 months so I don't really regret taking her back much, it's just that I've learned that you probably shouldn't ever take anyone back that's ended things with you.

 

It's tempting to think no contact could get your ex back, but what it will do is make you feel better and slowly but surely forget about him/her.

 

 

Indeed, I think there is a point about people panicking when their ex doesn't seem to care about the breakup, getting lonely etc so they come back .. but even if that does happen the same flaws that broke you up are all still there, the relationship is just being kept going because two people are scared of being alone basically.

 

In any case, I don't think it would be applicable to my situation. We both agreed it was the right decision at the time (it was, we had too many incompatibilities in terms of sex life, life goals, pretty much everything) and that the relationship had been failing, so I don't at all expect her to come running if I don't message her. I'm pretty sure she was just exhausted with the relationship when it ended.

 

When I started this thread I was in full on panic mode though, and grasping at straws. Truth is I know I don't really want to get back together with her and if I did so it would just be out of fear/loneliness, and I think the same for her.

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Ok, so a mutual friend of us both just reached out to me. She was basically just 'Hey, are you doing ok? I know I probably wouldn't be the one you'd go to usually but if you wanna talk I'm here'. I guess it's slightly odd because I met her through my girlfriend, and she's basically her best friend. I don't think she's asked her to reach out to me or anything, but I honestly don't know what to say? I said I was doing fine etc but she pressed me a bit and was like 'Are you sure?' and I feel kinda stupid putting up a front, but I don't want her to run back to my ex like 'He's really struggling etc'.

 

Do I just be like 'Yeah I'm doing ok, haven't really spoken to her is she doing alright?' or just stick with 'fine, thanks for reaching out'.

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I am kinda worried about her though. She hasn't read the message I sent her (hasn't been active on FB for 17 hours, very unusual for her) and I dunno if she's gone in to full shutdown mode due to her depression. I know that it isn't 'my responsibility' and all, but I still care, but I also do wanna distance myself.

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No no no. Don't go for the bait. 🐟 Just be polite and yes you are doing fine. Don't engage her.

Ok, so a mutual friend of us both just reached out to me. She was basically just 'Hey, are you doing ok? I know I probably wouldn't be the one you'd go to usually but if you wanna talk I'm here'. I guess it's slightly odd because I met her through my girlfriend, and she's basically her best friend.
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No no no. Don't go for the bait. 🐟 Just be polite and yes you are doing fine. Don't engage her.

 

 

I genuinely don't think she's asked her to talk to me though? It really wouldn't make sense, she ended the relationship and if she wanted to reach out she would do so herself, surely.

 

The girl who messaged me is genuinely one of the nicest I've ever met, so I think maybe she's just reached out to us both as a gesture. I think I will just keep it at 'yeah i'm good thanks' though, because I really don't want it to look like I'm super hung up on her or anything.

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Alright, so she messaged me back about the blazer. She has it and will send it on in the next week or so.

 

Stupidly, I did say 'just wanted you to know even though we're not together I still care so if you ever wanna talk I'm here' etc and immediately regretted it, but I guess I was also just trying to not come off cold? She said she's fine and playing games etc, and honestly I think the penny dropped that she really means it, she is doing OK. I guess it was a good thing I said it because part of me has kinda been deluding myself that she's in the exact same place as me when she just isn't? She seems happy getting on with life and now I need to as well. She was just sending me a couple of videos of my cat that she took at mine and I was like surely you realise this is just hurting because of memories? Then I realised she probably just feels distant from them already so doesn't get it. She was trying to be friendly and I was just like nah, I'm not doing this so ended the conversation politely.

 

It hurts, but I'll get the blazer back and that should be that, no reason to contact her now. I think the next week is going to be really, really tough as I 100% accept it is over, but in the long run it's good because that little bit of hope was really just stopping me moving on.

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Well, now you know.

 

Reread that post the next time (and there will be a next time, I guarantee) you're tempted to text her about whatever, or write an "apology" letter or email, or wish her a Happy Birthday or Happy Arbor Day or tell her you drove past that place where the two of you did this or that. Or convince yourself you "just want to say 'hi'" and you can "handle" it.

 

Just say "no". And don't text her when you're drunk!!!

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Well, now you know.

 

Reread that post the next time (and there will be a next time, I guarantee) you're tempted to text her about whatever, or write an "apology" letter or email, or wish her a Happy Birthday or Happy Arbor Day or tell her you drove past that place where the two of you did this or that. Or convince yourself you "just want to say 'hi'" and you can "handle" it.

 

Just say "no". And don't text her when you're drunk!!!

 

 

Seems like a good idea. I honestly don't think I'll have that urge again, she just gave me absolutely nothing that shows she still has any lingering doubts. It's a massive hit but again, I think better in the long run. I know now.

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Seems like a good idea. I honestly don't think I'll have that urge again, she just gave me absolutely nothing that shows she still has any lingering doubts. It's a massive hit but again, I think better in the long run. I know now.

 

youll get the urge. Trust me from experience.

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I think I'm gunna delete her, because seeing her come online/in the chat always has an impact, but do I tell her beforehand? Like I feel like I should at least go 'Hey, just letting you know I'm gunna delete you, not out of any kind of anger but purely to help me in moving on'.

 

See, I knew you were going to think of another excuse to contact her!!!

 

In all seriousness...she has ended the relationship and been pretty clear that she isn't having second thoughts. So there's no need to announce you're deleting her. Trust me, she'll know why. And if she's at all compassionate and not self-centered or manipulative, she won't try to argue with you.

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See, I knew you were going to think of another excuse to contact her!!!

 

In all seriousness...she has ended the relationship and been pretty clear that she isn't having second thoughts. So there's no need to announce you're deleting her. Trust me, she'll know why. And if she's at all compassionate and not self-centered or manipulative, she won't try to argue with you.

 

 

Yeah, I asked a couple of friends and they also said there's no reason to tell her I'm deleting. It just feels kinda impolite though? Like we both said at the start we'd stay friends on facebook, she's been civil with me and will send my blazer over, it feels a bit childish to delete her without any explanation for why. I just thought it'd be OK to give a heads up about the reasoning so it didn't come off as aggressive/attention seeking (It really isn't, I just hate seeing her online etc) but people seem to think it's just not necessary to tell her why, so fair enough.

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No. Just delete her from social media and messaging apps. Wait until your item arrives, then block her. Stop looking for excuses to hang on and keep the conversation going. She's not your therapist. You need to move on in your own way and so does she.

do I tell her beforehand? Like I feel like I should at least go 'Hey, just letting you know I'm gunna delete you, not out of any kind of anger but purely to help me in moving on'.
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No. Just delete her from social media and messaging apps. Wait until your item arrives, then block her. Stop looking for excuses to hang on and keep the conversation going. She's not your therapist. You need to move on in your own way and so does she.

 

I figured I'd wait for stuff to arrive, then just delete. Don't really see the need to block since her I really don't think she's going to try and contact me, as long as she isn't appearing in my conversations etc I feel like that's enough.

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I figured I'd wait for stuff to arrive, then just delete. Don't really see the need to block since her I really don't think she's going to try and contact me, as long as she isn't appearing in my conversations etc I feel like that's enough.

 

Seems like you still have "hope".

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Seems like you still have "hope".

 

 

Nah honestly, I don't. She's done, I think she was just exhausted with being in a relationship with someone due to her depression etc.

 

I just feel like blocking is unnecessary, since if I delete nothing will pop up anyhow. Unless she's desperately trying to contact me (which she isn't) I don't see the need to block.

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Nah honestly, I don't. She's done, I think she was just exhausted with being in a relationship with someone due to her depression etc.

 

I just feel like blocking is unnecessary, since if I delete nothing will pop up anyhow. Unless she's desperately trying to contact me (which she isn't) I don't see the need to block.

 

And again, that's what all people say when they want to leave the door open for possible contact from the ex.

 

If you weren't still "hoping" you wouldn't even hesitate to block her. Since you refuse, I believe you are still hoping she will contact you to get back together.

 

As you mentioned previously, this is what will keep you stuck. You'll be posting on here wondering why it's been X number of weeks, months, whatever and you still think about her all the time.

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And again, that's what all people say when they want to leave the door open for possible contact from the ex.

 

If you weren't still "hoping" you wouldn't even hesitate to block her. Since you refuse, I believe you are still hoping she will contact you to get back together.

 

As you mentioned previously, this is what will keep you stuck. You'll be posting on here wondering why it's been X number of weeks, months, whatever and you still think about her all the time.

 

 

Today has been the best day yet tbh. I've still thought about her (obviously) but it's less idealistic and I've definitely thought more about why we broke up in the first place. It's not the lying down in bed longing that I've had most days. Played some games online with friends, had a laugh and was able to eat a meal without wanting to throw up.

 

I feel a lot better, maybe like the tiniest part of me still has 'hope' but I honestly don't think it's why I don't want to block her. I guess because we were civil when we ended things and she's been perfectly fine since/is sending me my blazer, I'd feel a bit harsh straight up blocking all communications. Maybe that's just me being silly but I'd feel bad, to be honest I feel bad just deleting her because she asked on the day we broke up if we'd stay facebook friends and I said 'sure, why not'.

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Either way she can still contact me, like if she really wanted to she could easily text me, or phone, or get any one of our mutual friends to do it for her. If she wanted to contact me she could do.

 

I honestly do not believe she will anyway. She's a stubborn person who I think would rather lie in bed miserable than reach out to me, and she knows that in the next few months I'm going to be properly moving on with life (possibly moving abroad etc) so it wouldn't even make sense.

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