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My boy crossed the rainbow bridge today


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https://imgur.com/ogXxR0A

 

 

 

Darko, my elderly lab was put down this morning. He lost use of his hind legs friday night. His vet was amazing in keeping him comfortable and giving him a fighting chance. He developed neurological complications this morning and i took him back to the vet's. She said it's time, and i knew it to be true.

 

I've been saying goodbye to him these days. He was still very happy and playful until yesterday. I held him and talked to him as the shots were administered. he was resting his head on me like he does when he wants cuddles and kept close eye contact the entire time, listened as i said to go be with Becky, and Bomber, and Grandma, his eyes looked like he was looking at me from beyond.

 

I knew he was to go soon, just didn't expect it'd be this soon. He was always acting like a playful young pup.

 

I've had intrusive thoughts the past few weeks, of losing him. That a gang of people would break into my apartment and shoot my dog. That he fell several stories down into an underground garage near my mother's old place. And recently nightmares of him playing whilst something terribly heavy and strong was pressing me down and away as i tried to reach for him.

 

I'm glad he was an extraordinarily happy dog, spoiled, and loved.

 

I don't understand why i am always escorting everybody to the brink of life. I've said goodbye to my entire family, i was 31 when i held my mother's hand as she took her last breath. Darko was the last of my own.

 

A conversation i had a couple of months ago has stuck with me since. A client, a cancer survivor herself told me the reason they kept pharaohs so closely tied to death was because one wasn't truly fit to know life, and how to "treat it", unless they'd seen it from the threshold.

 

I don't know what i see. Or what i'm asking. Nothing i guess, i just wanted to speak.

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I am sorry for your loss of darko and the many losses this moment brings to mind.

 

It seems you have a strength and an intimacy with life that allows you the honor of being other's company in their last earthly moments. It's a responsibility and an honor, and like most knowledge, it gives you power and wisdom. Those are tools and burdens, too; even so, something for which you can be grateful.

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Oh my sweet friend, I am so so sorry to hear this. We need a chat soon. I am sending you so many hugs right now. You're not alone. I'm sorry hun, I've been out of commission. I had gall bladder surgery a few weeks back.

Anyhow, I am coming to chat soon. xxxxxxxx

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Thank you IAmFCA. It always turns one upside down, the glimpse of the other side.

 

It is partly occupational, i know i will escort many. It is strange, to be walking to and fro, between this side and that, and not really being at home on either, but unusual and curious enough that I perhaps wouldn't have it any other way, because it feels meant to be somehow. I love the ones closest to the threshold most. I am honored, just don't understand that role i suppose.

 

I am sorry if it brings other people's losses back too, but hope everyone finds something comfortingly meaningful in the coming and going of life.

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Oh my sweet friend, I am so so sorry to hear this. We need a chat soon. I am sending you so many hugs right now. You're not alone. I'm sorry hun, I've been out of commission. I had gall bladder surgery a few weeks back.

Anyhow, I am coming to chat soon. xxxxxxxx

 

Please don't worry about me Sher, i am currently at home and will try to extend my absence off work, for other reasons. It is helping me come to terms. Focus on your recovery and rest, I hope you are feeling better and continue to. I will be there when you can chat, thinking about you.

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I am so sorry for your loss. Your post made me well up, and my thoughts are with you, though we have obviously never met I have many times benefited your advice.

I have a dog, my first dog, I've had her for 8 years, an adult rescue though so I'm now just starting to wonder how long left I have with her. I have been surprised at how much they become an extension of you, your shadow. I can't imagine how it feels after they have to leave. I hope that when it's time for mine it's as peaceful as the harmonious scene you describe, and it was absolutely the right thing to do...no pain, no suffering, safe and happy and in your arms.

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Thank you all so so much. It is reassuring to hear others think it was right to spare him pain. I saw yesterday that he knew he was going. I told him I wish I could keep him forever, but if he feels I should take care of another doggie to send him over when it's time. I thought I wouldn't keep pets after him, but if one seeks me out, I will love him or her. Just need time.

 

I'm flooded with memories of Darko. And so, so grateful. I know you all know how much they mean.

 

He guarded my mother on her death bed. They are catching up on things now i'm sure.

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Pretzel dear it's lovely hearing from you!! I remember you well. A unique girl you are.

 

My boy was 13. My last one lived to be 18. It is good to be aware of what approaches as they age, but I hope you aren't too fearful of it. You may still have a good chunk of a happy journey with your pet ahead of you. Sending her belly rubs.

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Pretzel dear it's lovely hearing from you!! I remember you well. A unique girl you are.

 

My boy was 13. My last one lived to be 18. It is good to be aware of what approaches as they age, but I hope you aren't too fearful of it. You may still have a good chunk of a happy journey with your pet ahead of you. Sending her belly rubs.

 

Thank you!! What a lovely thing to read.

 

I think mine is around 11 years old, and I'm starting to get scared of the pain to come when the day comes, but stories like yours give me courage that we can get through this, and it happen peacefully, but i think the part where you miss them so much and they come in your dreams, surely can't be avoided is all part of the process. I am soaking up every single moment with mine, because you just don't know how long you have with them, but 18 years with your last one- wow! That's a great achievement :) and 13 for a big dog is an achievement too, as I heard they have shorter lives. What breed was your 18 year old?

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You're all so overwhelmingly kind. It means a lot.

 

Thank you LaHermes as well!

 

I was truly blessed to have had him in my life.

 

I, like pretzel, and probably others, have become conscious of his clock ticking long before he showed signs. It has been helpful because it made me appreciate tiny moments with him more. I am glad, in retrospect, that I spoiled him, and I dropped indoor rules too as he aged- I didn't try to keep him off my exercise mat, hurry him on walks, or things like that. No impatience, and plenty cuddles. That helps now.

 

Definitely get the best vets. Not necessarily the most expensive ones, but ones who truly have affection and understanding for both pets and their humans. This vet made it so much easier in allowing both a well controlled chance at improvement, and a chance for me to say goodbye lovingly.

 

The doggie who lived to be 18 was a rescue staffordshire bull terrier. He was injured as a pup at a place that kept them for dog fights. He had a hip replacement when very young, but did very well mobility wise almost until the end. He too went peacefully. He was humorously but endearingly named Bomber by his first foster mum...for his..umm..impressive digestion.

 

I only regret not being physically stronger. It is hard to lift a 42 kilo hero! It didn't help I live on the second floor and there's no elevator. I owe my neighbor big time, he carried him to the car daily for checkups since saturday morning. If you have a big breed, and you're a small person, plan ahead.

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Thank you ladies. I wish I could have had him forever. But never unhappy.

 

It will be strange going to sleep and waking up, but I am tired enough from the last few days to get some decent sleep I believe.

 

I hope I have dreams of a happy him.

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Yes. It is a big adjustment not to be greeted at the door, or see them in their special spots.

 

The positive, he is not dealing with his health issues. He had a good and happy life.

 

Get some rest.

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Rainy, my dog is also a rescue Staffordshire bull terrier! what a coincidence : ) that gives me hope that she has some years left still, though i still think you did uniquely well with 18 :). Mine has a couple of problems, she had ankle surgery 5 years ago that gives her arthritis in one leg after a long run (but she does still LOVE running), and she only has one eye, so I can't judge her health - she's otherwise still very bright and active, I STILL get comments in the park like 'is she a puppy?' because she sprints so fast. So it's confusing, so difficult to tell, that's why I try to savour every moment.

 

Hope you are being good to yourself and having only sweet dreams about sweet Darko.

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Awe they are very very strong dogs!! If she is playing like a pup she must have well developed muscles to support her joints! I hope she continues to be so energetic! They are wonderful characters.

 

I'm up. It's hard, but have appointments scheduled so I won't just be sitting around crying.

 

Soon, i'll try to clean his larger items and donate them. Big beds and the like can get expensive. Some big rescue could surely use a starter pack for his new home or shelter crate.

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You're making us emotional too, this is an amazing community and I'm glad that you can articulate and share your journey with us! Good luck with your appointments, it's good to take your mind off it for a bit, you are being very strong!!

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