Feeling totally devastated

[cantgiveup]

Yeah she realized she was being "dumb" because by saying what she did about "finding some rich guy," and pissing you off, she knew she was risking losing her meal ticket - you.

 

I asked you this earlier, but where did you learn that supporting her (or any woman) financially, and all that entails (paying for her lawyer, apartment, etc.), or even just giving her money, was appropriate in these very early stages (first six months) or ever?

 

She is your girlfriend, not your wife, and as your girlfriend, she is an independent entity (separate from you) who supports herself and her child if she has one.

 

If she cannot, that's her problem, where did you learn that this becomes your problem to fix?

 

Yes it's white knight all the way, but I read about this a lot and am genuinely curious.

 

I didn't learn it anywhere. We were together for about 4-5 months, and I was in love with her, so I felt if you love someone why wouldn't you try to help them? I trusted her and I thought she would try harder to get a job and would try to save money and help us out as a team. Also I witnessed her ex withhold her kids for 30 days one time, and also file aggressive motions with the court and sending her very mean and aggressive text messages, as well as saying lots of terrible things to her children about her. I wanted to keep them together and protect the bond that they had with her.

 

Yes I agree looking back I should not have helped her pay for the lawyer and the apartment. I guess I could have moved her into my house, but she said her lawyer thought it would look bad. Also I expected her to quickly get a job, and she didn't get one until October. I certainly did not expect a 32 yo woman with 2 kids, who seemed to be a good mom, would not try as hard as possible to get a job and save some money, given her situation. Now I have obviously revised that estimation as I think she wants to be a good mom, but only if she can do whatever she wants.

 

Again I cannot believe she is involved in a relationship with a girl who, I know for a fact in March, was in Texas doing domination sessions.

[katrina1980]

Well, I am not gonna judge you at all, as I was also blind to many things during my LTR with my ex. Admittedly I was living in never-never land, which sounds like where you were living as well.

 

But all is not for naught, I learned a hell of a lot since we broke up, did a lot of introspection and self-reflections, and am in a really loving and healthy RL now.

 

So if I have any advice, take the time to learn your patterns, introspect and self-reflect. I am also prone to unhealthy addictive relationships so it's been a bit of a struggle, but I've made great strides and you will too if you take the time to learn.

 

I am sorry you're struggling now though, healing takes time, so try and be patient with yourself while on this journey of healing and self-discovery.

[ThatwasThen]

I didn't learn it anywhere. We were together for about 4-5 months, and I was in love with her, so I felt if you love someone why wouldn't you try to help them?

Do you now understand that your generosity is a fault and not an attribute?

 

I trusted her and I thought she would try harder to get a job and would try to save money and help us out as a team.

Do you now understand that your enabling her to not have to do any of those things is a fault and not an attribute?

 

Also I witnessed her ex withhold her kids for 30 days one time, and also file aggressive motions with the court and sending her very mean and aggressive text messages, as well as saying lots of terrible things to her children about her.

Do you now realize that staying with someone that has that kind of ex drama and unfinished business is a bad thing and that getting away from someone you find to have such unfinished business with their ex is a good thing?

 

I wanted to keep them together and protect the bond that they had with her.

Do you now realize that your need to fix is a negative towards your own emotional well being and not a good thing?

 

Yes I agree looking back I should not have helped her pay for the lawyer and the apartment. I guess I could have moved her into my house,

By that statement you have just admitted that you have learned nothing about protective personal boundaries and what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

 

but she said her lawyer thought it would look bad. Also I expected her to quickly get a job, and she didn't get one until October.

If you had not have enabled her (by paying her way) she would have HAD to get a job much more quickly. Your codependency and selfish need to caretake helped no one, especially you.

 

I certainly did not expect a 32 yo woman with 2 kids, who seemed to be a good mom, would not try as hard as possible to get a job and save some money, given her situation.

You can "expect" anything from someone you barely know. It was less then a year into getting to know her that you gave her all that money. Your white knight syndrome needs taking care of so I hope you're in therapy with someone who is proficient in codependency issues.

 

 

 

Again I cannot believe she is involved in a relationship with a girl who, I know for a fact in March, was in Texas doing domination sessions.

At this point you should be doing everything you can to not know one more damn thing about her because you've blocked and deleted her and you are focusing on getting yourself through your severe codependency issues.

 

I wish you luck going forth.

[katrina1980]

Everything TwT just said^^^!

[cantgiveup]

Do you now understand that your generosity is a fault and not an attribute?

 

Do you now understand that your enabling her to not have to do any of those things is a fault and not an attribute?

 

Do you now realize that staying with someone that has that kind of ex drama and unfinished business is a bad thing and that getting away from someone you find to have such unfinished business with their ex is a good thing?

 

Do you now realize that your need to fix is a negative towards your own emotional well being and not a good thing?

 

By that statement you have just admitted that you have learned nothing about protective personal boundaries and what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

 

If you had not have enabled her (by paying her way) she would have HAD to get a job much more quickly. Your codependency and selfish need to caretake helped no one, especially you.

 

You can "expect" anything from someone you barely know. It was less then a year into getting to know her that you gave her all that money. Your white knight syndrome needs taking care of so I hope you're in therapy with someone who is proficient in codependency issues.

 

 

 

At this point you should be doing everything you can to not know one more damn thing about her because you've blocked and deleted her and you are focusing on getting yourself through your severe codependency issues.

 

I wish you luck going forth.

 

Thank you. Yes I realize most of there things now. I guess I am wondering if things would have been different if I hadn't paid for these things. Moving her into my house instead is me wishing she never met these dominatrix girls, as they moved into the complex she was living in during the time I wasn't talking to her.

 

Yeah I guess it was too soon to do all that helping of her, I was blinded by the new relationship energy I guess, but look at the terrible choices she is making now, honestly I don't know if things could have possibly turned out any different, but at least I would still have all that money.

[cantgiveup]

Well, I am not gonna judge you at all, as I was also blind to many things during my LTR with my ex. Admittedly I was living in never-never land, which sounds like where you were living as well.

 

But all is not for naught, I learned a hell of a lot since we broke up, did a lot of introspection and self-reflections, and am in a really loving and healthy RL now.

 

So if I have any advice, take the time to learn your patterns, introspect and self-reflect. I am also prone to unhealthy addictive relationships so it's been a bit of a struggle, but I've made great strides and you will too if you take the time to learn.

 

I am sorry you're struggling now though, healing takes time, so try and be patient with yourself while on this journey of healing and self-discovery.

 

Thank you. I also hope I feel better soon, the pain and depression from this breakup has surprised my in it's duration and intensity, although I should have known I have had a tendency towards depression for most of my life. Should have proceeded more slowly and guarded my feelings more. I think part of it is losing the connection I had with her kids, and feeling guilty for breaking up with her harshly over text and then ignoring her and ghosting on her and the kids for 2 months, especially over the holidays.

[katrina1980]

 

I think part of it is losing the connection I had with her kids, and feeling guilty for breaking up with her harshly over text and then ignoring her and ghosting on her and the kids for 2 months, especially over the holidays.

 

Bolded -- Once you get healthier and in a better place emotionally, higher self-esteem, and discard your need to fix, save and white knight, these feelings of guilt will disappear (I mean let's face it, she was a crap gf), and be replaced by feeling grateful and empowered knowing you did the right thing, and have learned a valuable lesson that you can take with you into all your subsequent relationships.

 

I also felt guilty for breaking up with my ex (he was a drug addict), but once I got to a healthier place, I realized that I ultimately did the right thing, learned a valuable lesson and the guilt vanished.

[figureitout23]

Thank you. Yes I realize most of there things now. I guess I am wondering if things would have been different if I hadn't paid for these things. Moving her into my house instead is me wishing she never met these dominatrix girls, as they moved into the complex she was living in during the time I wasn't talking to her.

 

I mean. Im not your therapist but if I had to guess I'd say youre focusing on her new girlfriend and her lifestyle and wishing they never met is probably caused by you being in the bargaining stage? I'm not sure if your mindset is a temporary one or if you always do this because if you do then it's different than simply being in the bargaining stage.

 

Let's say she never met this other woman, because she is simply a woman, calling her a dominatrix as a negative and being upset she's around her kids is calling the kettle black in my eyes. You had no business being around her kids either and honestly most good mothers do not introduce their children to men they are dating right away. Especially not right after a separation... let's say they never met though, you two weren't together, what? You wanted her to beg you more? I don't understand why you're convinced you would have done anything different what triggers you is them giving up and walking away after your harsh treatment

 

Yeah I guess it was too soon to do all that helping of her, I was blinded by the new relationship energy I guess, but look at the terrible choices she is making now, honestly I don't know if things could have possibly turned out any different, but at least I would still have all that money.

 

No you werent blinded. You're still excusing your codependent and white night behavior. She had a flashing light that said ' clusterf*ck' and you ran to it.

 

You're right she would be a disaster with or without you. You deserve better.

[ThatwasThen]

Thank you. Yes I realize most of there things now. I guess I am wondering if things would have been different if I hadn't paid for these things. Moving her into my house instead is me wishing she never met these dominatrix girls, as they moved into the complex she was living in during the time I wasn't talking to her.

You're still not getting it. Instead of wondering that, wonder why you were so willing to give a perfect stranger what you did. If you had moved her in, nothing would be any different other then you'd no be 10k poorer. She is a user and you allowed yourself to be used.

 

Yeah I guess it was too soon to do all that helping of her, I was blinded by the new relationship energy I guess, but look at the terrible choices she is making now, honestly I don't know if things could have possibly turned out any different, but at least I would still have all that money.

Now you're getting it. Now all you have to do is address your codependency, get yourself out of thinking about her and what choices she making now. Its not your concern and her choices are clearly showing you how messed up she really is so time to cleanse yourself of her completely and block all means of contact and creeping of her.

 

Look at yourself and what you should do so that you don't get taken advantage like that ever again.

[DissyLu]

OP is still blaming the ex....shifting the blame from him to her

 

Snakes bite. She bit you. Expecting her to do anything less is on you OP.

 

It doesn't matter if she's a dominatrix now or did this awful thing or that terrible thing. What matters is your part in this and you still don't seem to grasp that.

 

I have to admit, I didn't have much sympathy for you when I read your first post because you allowed all of this to happen WHILE victimizing yourself.... but then you mentioned you did cocaine with her, a mom of 2 kids and it was your idea?!? Of course it was her choice to participate but, really??? You want us to feel bad for you after that???

 

Were you thinking of her kids at all when you had this "idea"?

[cantgiveup]

Bolded -- Once you get healthier and in a better place emotionally, higher self-esteem, and discard your need to fix, save and white knight, these feelings of guilt will disappear (I mean let's face it, she was a crap gf), and be replaced by feeling grateful and empowered knowing you did the right thing, and have learned a valuable lesson that you can take with you into all your subsequent relationships.

 

I also felt guilty for breaking up with my ex (he was a drug addict), but once I got to a healthier place, I realized that I ultimately did the right thing, learned a valuable lesson and the guilt vanished.

 

Thanks. I do hope the guilt goes away. I suppose I feel worse because I am 39 and was single for about 4 years before this RS. Last night I couldn't sleep...and this morning woke up feeling terrible. I just have this tendency towards depression and this has really caused me to fall very, very low. Barely able to do things like shower, laundry, etc. I can't really see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. Hope it will get better.

[cantgiveup]

I mean. Im not your therapist but if I had to guess I'd say youre focusing on her new girlfriend and her lifestyle and wishing they never met is probably caused by you being in the bargaining stage? I'm not sure if your mindset is a temporary one or if you always do this because if you do then it's different than simply being in the bargaining stage.

 

Let's say she never met this other woman, because she is simply a woman, calling her a dominatrix as a negative and being upset she's around her kids is calling the kettle black in my eyes. You had no business being around her kids either and honestly most good mothers do not introduce their children to men they are dating right away. Especially not right after a separation... let's say they never met though, you two weren't together, what? You wanted her to beg you more? I don't understand why you're convinced you would have done anything different what triggers you is them giving up and walking away after your harsh treatment

 

 

 

No you werent blinded. You're still excusing your codependent and white night behavior. She had a flashing light that said ' clusterf*ck' and you ran to it.

 

You're right she would be a disaster with or without you. You deserve better.

 

Right well I agree I am triggered by looking back and realizing I was dealing with things from a place of anger...it hurts me to know I have such poor control of myself and I can remember arguing with her in front of her kids a few times. I should have just been able to calmly disagree or just calmly walk away when she was doing things that I knew were poor decisions.

 

As far as the dominatrix girlfriend I would have to disagree. You've seen my older posts about my other ex who left me and started dating some guy right away, never did I attack that guys character because there was nothing to attack. I am better than someone who is relying on domination sessions to make money and this girl is poison to have around her kids. Even though a couple times we argued in front of her kids, I was a good influence on them.

 

My ex has even made a post on facebook talking about how this girl's ex is sending her threatening messages, including death threats, and that the girl she is dating continues to entertain her ex. In fact she told me about an incident in March, one Friday or Saturday night, where she went out with some other friends to a strip club because the girl she is hooking up with was ghosting her. She was ghosting my ex because she was hanging out with her ex. Anyways apparently one of the strippers knows the dominatrix girls and must have called them, because they showed up there. Then the ex of the girl my ex likes was being so threatening that security kicks the two dominatrix girls out. My ex gets up and goes outside to try to talk to the girl she likes, and is choke slammed to the ground by the one girl. I asked if the girl she likes tried to stop it, or checked on her, and my ex told me "no she just looked at me and rolled her eyes". Then she told me that after that they get home and the girl she liked comes over and is giving her a bunch of jealousy saying she saw they way my ex was looking at the strippers and being mad at her because she was out with some guy.

 

It blows my mind that my ex would continue to talk to this girl after that.

[boltnrun]

Your obsession over what your ex is doing does you no good at all.

 

I didn't go back to check, did you say you are receiving professional help?

[cantgiveup]

OP is still blaming the ex....shifting the blame from him to her

 

Snakes bite. She bit you. Expecting her to do anything less is on you OP.

 

It doesn't matter if she's a dominatrix now or did this awful thing or that terrible thing. What matters is your part in this and you still don't seem to grasp that.

 

I have to admit, I didn't have much sympathy for you when I read your first post because you allowed all of this to happen WHILE victimizing yourself.... but then you mentioned you did cocaine with her, a mom of 2 kids and it was your idea?!? Of course it was her choice to participate but, really??? You want us to feel bad for you after that???

 

Were you thinking of her kids at all when you had this "idea"?

 

Look we never did that when her kids were around, it was on the weekends when the ex-husband would have the kids. I am not saying it's a good thing, but I never did it when I had to work the next day or anything, and we never did it when we had her kids. I honestly know I can handle my responsibilities and know when to say when. You can judge if you want and I'm not trying to say it's some kind of a good thing, but there are plenty of people who don't do coke and are a lot worse to children.

 

As far as her being a snake, how am I supposed to see her that way when the first 4-5 months everything was great? Yeah she didn't have a job but it seemed like there were good reasons for that, and I came to care about her and her kids deeply during that time. It was because I cared about them so much that I would get angry because I knew her poor choices of not getting a job and mismanaging her money and being generally irresponsible, were going to cause pain and problems for her and her kids.

[cantgiveup]

Your obsession over what your ex is doing does you no good at all.

 

I didn't go back to check, did you say you are receiving professional help?

 

Yes I am. She has been out of town last week but we have an appt. this Friday.

 

I know I need to just stop paying attention to what she is doing it's just so hard because I care about her and her kids...and because of that I also feel a lot of guilt for the 2 months I ignored her since it's like if I now realize I do care about them how could I just disappear for 2 months?

[cantgiveup]

You're still not getting it. Instead of wondering that, wonder why you were so willing to give a perfect stranger what you did. If you had moved her in, nothing would be any different other then you'd no be 10k poorer. She is a user and you allowed yourself to be used.

 

Now you're getting it. Now all you have to do is address your codependency, get yourself out of thinking about her and what choices she making now. Its not your concern and her choices are clearly showing you how messed up she really is so time to cleanse yourself of her completely and block all means of contact and creeping of her.

 

Look at yourself and what you should do so that you don't get taken advantage like that ever again.

 

Thanks yes I agree I need to talk the focus off of her and put it back on myself, it's just hard, definitely a huge mistake to look at her FB the other day and I need to go ahead and block her phone number...

[SherrySher]

You must enjoy drama if you stayed with this woman for so long. It truly sounds like a bad kid/parent dynamic.

She is a very immature, incredibly irresponsible individual. Why on earth you'd stay with someone like her, I have no idea.

 

You two are no where near compatible and her personality is terrible. Very selfish.

You really ought to cut your losses and try to find another woman. One who is decent on the outside as well as on the inside and doesn't use you for money.

[figureitout23]

Right well I agree I am triggered by looking back and realizing I was dealing with things from a place of anger...it hurts me to know I have such poor control of myself and I can remember arguing with her in front of her kids a few times. I should have just been able to calmly disagree or just calmly walk away when she was doing things that I knew were poor decisions.

 

As far as the dominatrix girlfriend I would have to disagree. You've seen my older posts about my other ex who left me and started dating some guy right away, never did I attack that guys character because there was nothing to attack. I am better than someone who is relying on domination sessions to make money and this girl is poison to have around her kids. Even though a couple times we argued in front of her kids, I was a good influence on them.

 

My ex has even made a post on facebook talking about how this girl's ex is sending her threatening messages, including death threats, and that the girl she is dating continues to entertain her ex. In fact she told me about an incident in March, one Friday or Saturday night, where she went out with some other friends to a strip club because the girl she is hooking up with was ghosting her. She was ghosting my ex because she was hanging out with her ex. Anyways apparently one of the strippers knows the dominatrix girls and must have called them, because they showed up there. Then the ex of the girl my ex likes was being so threatening that security kicks the two dominatrix girls out. My ex gets up and goes outside to try to talk to the girl she likes, and is choke slammed to the ground by the one girl. I asked if the girl she likes tried to stop it, or checked on her, and my ex told me "no she just looked at me and rolled her eyes". Then she told me that after that they get home and the girl she liked comes over and is giving her a bunch of jealousy saying she saw they way my ex was looking at the strippers and being mad at her because she was out with some guy.

 

It blows my mind that my ex would continue to talk to this girl after that.

 

So you believe you are a better choice for your ex.

 

ok.

 

Now what?

 

Serious question.

 

Now what?

 

You ghosted her yourself.

 

You watched with glee as she begged and pleaded because you thought you had all the power. Once you lost that power, you had an 'epiphany'. Think about it, really think. You say you did it because you were angry about her lack of drive and complete lack of responsibility. Has any of that changed? Of course not, its who she is!

 

I've been in these power play relationships, its not her, it could be a mannequin, its about the push/pull dynamic.

 

Well, I should add theres a whole other layer going on here. A parent/child dynamic I can only assume you need since you had it with your other ex so I dont know, probably issues from you childhood.

 

You keep making the excuse that you didn't know who she was. Well, now you do so why would you want her back? It doesn't even make sense to want her back after knowing what you know, so you want hr back but not for healthy reasons, I promise you.

[cantgiveup]

So you believe you are a better choice for your ex.

 

ok.

 

Now what?

 

Serious question.

 

Now what?

 

You ghosted her yourself.

 

You watched with glee as she begged and pleaded because you thought you had all the power. Once you lost that power, you had an 'epiphany'. Think about it, really think. You say you did it because you were angry about her lack of drive and complete lack of responsibility. Has any of that changed? Of course not, its who she is!

 

I've been in these power play relationships, its not her, it could be a mannequin, its about the push/pull dynamic.

 

Well, I should add theres a whole other layer going on here. A parent/child dynamic I can only assume you need since you had it with your other ex so I dont know, probably issues from you childhood.

 

You keep making the excuse that you didn't know who she was. Well, now you do so why would you want her back? It doesn't even make sense to want her back after knowing what you know, so you want hr back but not for healthy reasons, I promise you.

 

Yeah I guess it doesn't make sense to want her back, unless she would change. I am just wondering if I had managed the relationship differently would she have come around. I do care about her, or idk like you say is it just because once she wasn't chasing me and decided to pursue things with this girl then did I want her back. I don't know what that says.

 

Right I wouldn't say "glee" but I can't lie and say it wasn't gratifying to my ego when she was trying to get me back. But I will say this she wasn't really begging and also I might have responded to her if she had tried to talk about the issues we had. Most of the messages she would send me for those 2 months were just things like "come watch a movie" or she sent me a nude one time, etc.

 

I guess I was just lonely and we did have a strong physical and sexual connection and that is why I didn't just walk away when I started to realize how irresponsible she was.

 

I suppose I would have to agree it's mostly not healthy reasons and more to do with fear of the unknown and not go through all the process of dating and getting to know someone new.

 

I shouldn't want her back logically but I suppose the heart wants what it wants, or perhaps now I am looking back at the RS through rose colored glasses...

[katrina1980]

 

I guess I was just lonely and we did have a strong physical and sexual connection and that is why I didn't just walk away

 

 

Bingo. Which can happen to the best of us, but come on now, there comes a point where logic (and self-love) beats out hormones, and you just gotta say, this is BS, enough is enough, and walk away.

 

No drama, no histrionics, just buh bye. This is what folks with self-respect and a healthy self-esteem do.

 

I hope you will take the time to explore that (within yourself).

[figureitout23]

Yeah I guess it doesn't make sense to want her back, unless she would change. I am just wondering if I had managed the relationship differently would she have come around. I do care about her, or idk like you say is it just because once she wasn't chasing me and decided to pursue things with this girl then did I want her back. I don't know what that says.

 

Right I wouldn't say "glee" but I can't lie and say it wasn't gratifying to my ego when she was trying to get me back. But I will say this she wasn't really begging and also I might have responded to her if she had tried to talk about the issues we had. Most of the messages she would send me for those 2 months were just things like "come watch a movie" or she sent me a nude one time, etc.

 

I guess I was just lonely and we did have a strong physical and sexual connection and that is why I didn't just walk away when I started to realize how irresponsible she was.

 

I suppose I would have to agree it's mostly not healthy reasons and more to do with fear of the unknown and not go through all the process of dating and getting to know someone new.

 

I shouldn't want her back logically but I suppose the heart wants what it wants, or perhaps now I am looking back at the RS through rose colored glasses...

 

I think youre correct about all of it.

 

You arent a lost cause.

 

You can have a full dating life, you can have a happy and healthy relationship.

 

There are single women out there who are professional, have their sh*t together and want to have happy and healthy relationships *waves*. You have to be ready though.

 

Take the time to work on yourself. being single isn't the disease some make it out to be, haha.

 

The inability to be single is actually a huge red flag in my eyes, because that screams you're looking for someone to fill in those holes, to fix you. How can I love you if Im too busy sifting through your baggage? 😂😂😂

[katrina1980]

Bingo. Which can happen to the best of us, but come on now, there comes a point where logic (and self-love) beats out hormones, and you just gotta say, this is BS, enough is enough, and walk away.

 

No drama, no histrionics, just buh bye. This is what folks with self-respect and a healthy self-esteem do.

 

I hope you will take the time to explore that (within yourself).

 

Just wanted to add that I actually get it, physical/sexual attraction can be very addictive which is what I think you're in the throes in now -- you are addicted, she is your "drug" of choice.

 

Sex/love addiction is a tough one to kick, but there are resources out there that can help you (Internet, books, the proper therapy) which I hope you will explore as well as doing your own internal work.

 

Best of luck!

[cantgiveup]

I think youre correct about all of it.

 

You arent a lost cause.

 

You can have a full dating life, you can have a happy and healthy relationship.

 

There are single women out there who are professional, have their sh*t together and want to have happy and healthy relationships *waves*. You have to be ready though.

 

Take the time to work on yourself. being single isn't the disease some make it out to be, haha.

 

The inability to be single is actually a huge red flag in my eyes, because that screams you're looking for someone to fill in those holes, to fix you. How can I love you if Im too busy sifting through your baggage? 😂😂😂

 

Thanks :)

 

So you're saying you are single professional and have your sh*t together? Haha wave right back at you ;)

[cantgiveup]

Just wanted to add that I actually get it, physical/sexual attraction can be very addictive which is what I think you're in the throes in now -- you are addicted, she is your "drug" of choice.

 

Sex/love addiction is a tough one to kick, but there are resources out there that can help you (Internet, books, the proper therapy) which I hope you will explore as well as doing your own internal work.

 

Best of luck!

 

Sure yeah I am addicted I agree, there's just been so much drama when we were dating and since we've broken up, my mind has just been reeling. I do tend to be an obsessive thinker and lot's of what-ifs, should-ofs and would-ofs. I know I need to get myself back and probably the only way to do that is to just cut it off completely and go 100% no contact, no fb stalking, etc.

 

Thanks for the well wishes, I've no doubt got a long road ahead of me.

[boltnrun]

It will be a shorter road if you decide to stop insisting on knowing what she's doing and who she's doing it with.

 

"But I just care so much about her and her kids!!" is just an excuse to keep online stalking her. You can choose to stop. Looking at her online posts doesn't do a thing to help her or the kids, or you either.