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Really don't know how to feel


CodyGroshko
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My girlfriend has been talking to an old friend of hers as she claims. The messages are very flirty and he thinks I'm just her baby daddy. She went to the bar with her sister the other day and I found out that afterthe bar, her and another friend went to a fire at his place, her and my girlfriend ended up in this guys room. He then decided to bang the one while trying to get his hands down my girlfriend's pants who then claims to have left. I feel the situation is in appropriate considering we have a child. She thinks I'm crazy for being upset. She didn't tell me any of this I was shown the messages she sent to her sister. Until I told her I seen the messages she tried to claim she was at the bar until 4am it's illegal to serve alcohol after 2am here. How should I feel ?

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How should I feel ?
Aware that the mother of your child has weak romantic relationship boundaries and that if you're going to go forward with her that you sit down and discuss what is and what isn't appropriate for committed, exclusive, monogamous couples to be doing.

 

You're her "baby daddy" do the two of you live together?

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Yes we've been living together for almost 9 years. We had a rocky start but I thought everything was going better. No I can't get her to talk about it. I've tried asking how you end up in a guys room and close enough to him for him to try feeling you up but she won't talk about it. Her sisters husband sent me screenshots of the conversation between her and my girlfriend.

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Yes we've been living together for almost 9 years. We had a rocky start but I thought everything was going better. No I can't get her to talk about it. I've tried asking how you end up in a guys room and close enough to him for him to try feeling you up but she won't talk about it. Her sisters husband sent me screenshots of the conversation between her and my girlfriend.

 

Are you going to continue the relationship with her? If so then you need to sit down and talk about relationship boundaries.

 

Have you talked to the girl she was with about any of it?

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Being the baby mama and after 9 years if she really doesn't have feelings for the guy then if like to continue on. I'm going to try and have a talk with her after work. I'm still hung up on the fact of if you have no intent how do you end up going from a fire to a guys room and being close enough to him to be felt up. No me and the other girl aren't really on talking terms and would just tell the girlfriend I was digging and cause more problems. Should have mentioned that were also in our 30s so were not like some puppy love high school couple.

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I can understand how people can get into awkward situations at the bar; I don't buy someone exchanging flirty messages, not being fully honest about being in a relationship, and then ending up at a guys house and accidentally getting felt up.

I wouldn't talk about this guy in particular to her because I think she'll play off you are being jealous. I would sit her down and speak to her about why on earth she thinks it's appropriate to downplay your relationship, and to entertain a man who clearly wanted more. This isn't the guys fault, it sounds like it's her.

I don't think we can tell whether she wanted to or was going to cheat or whether she just wanted some attention but either way, creating a distrustful and disrespectful environment won't be good for your children and she needs to have that explained to her.

She may wish to leave and be single after 9 years and that is okay - as much as it's heartbreaking, but do you really want to be with a woman that can't give you her all?

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  • Haha 1
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