Is it really wrong to monkey branch if he did me wrong first??

[Centain1988]

If I am dependant on my partner for a roof and financial support, and things go sour because of something he did that I can’t get over, is it really wrong for me to stay where at least I’m comfortable and am not destitute until I secure somewhere else to stay and a means of supporting myself? I don’t necessarily mean another bloke either, possibly a job and an apartment etc.. If I leave I am screwed and would find it a hell of a lot harder to build up a life again than if I built one whilst still under his support.. Should I not put my own interests first?

[Wiseman2]

Why don't you work now? Move back home to your parents.

[ThatwasThen]

You've been using him all this time so why worry about it now? Please get yourself independent of a man before you date again. That way you'll not pick lousy men just because you're desperate. You'll have the financial independency and therefore the means to be more picky about who you shack up with.

 

Good luck with your self-improvement and journey on your way to being self-sufficient.

[Centain1988]

I wasn’t desperate when we met I chose to be with him and he was happy for me to not work and to just look after him which is what I do.. I never wanted to be with him for that reason.. if that’s all I wanted I could’ve chosen a sugar daddy.. it’s just the situation right now that I’m not working.

[Centain1988]

He likes me being at home and doing the house stuff etc. I also go to work with him a fair bit so we can spend more time together.. I don’t have contact with my parents, well my birth mother I do but she lives in another state and is probably not in a position to take in a jobless 30 yr old..

[ThatwasThen]

I wasn’t desperate when we met I chose to be with him and he was happy for me to not work and to just look after him which is what I do.. I never wanted to be with him for that reason.. if that’s all I wanted I could’ve chosen a sugar daddy.. it’s just the situation right now that I’m not working.

 

My advice still stands in that you get yourself a steady job doing something that will earn you money and your dependence so that you don't find yourself in this predicament again in the future. Too many men who are "happy for you not to work" when you're a grown women and there are no children have ulterior motives for being in control of the finances.

[Centain1988]

So I should work on that now while i still have the benefit of living here?? So I’m not a horrible Perrin if I did that??

[Wiseman2]

Are you planning on breaking up? Moving out? Cheating?

[Centain1988]

No I wouldn’t cheat.. jeez

[ThatwasThen]

things go sour because of something he did that I can’t get over,

What was it he did that you can't get over?

[Centain1988]

Had inappropriate conversations with woman over text and some calls too..

[ThatwasThen]

Had inappropriate conversations with woman over text and some calls too..

 

Does he think you've forgiven him for these indiscretions?

Can you go back to where you were before you moved in with him and became dependent on him? If you can then do that.

[Centain1988]

I can but it’s not in an instant

[ThatwasThen]

I can but it’s not in an instant

 

Then as long as you're making arrangements, I don't think anyone would fault or judge you for staying until your arrangements are finalized. If he cares for you at all and he realizes what he did is, for most people, unforgivable then he shouldn't begrudge you the time to make those arrangements either.

[Kila]

I agree with another poster before you date again you need to give yourself time to be independent

[itsallgrand]

It was wrong to mooch off him all along. Now you are asking if it's justifiable to mooch off him for longer and while not wanting to be with him because he's been talking to other women? No. It's not ok. And it's foolish. At least look into what your legal rights are where you live as far as splitting up goes. Are you on a lease? A mortgage? Living in his place under the table?

Aim to get out according to what you are legally entitled to. Not only because of ethical concerns, but because it's in your best interests not to be dependent on him longer than that. If you have no legal right to be there, he could turn and kick you on the street any time or try to use money to control you. You'd be at the mercy of his drama . So plan to get out sooner than later- realize need over want and don't expect to have the same quality of life before you move out.

[catfeeder]

he was happy for me to not work and to just look after him which is what I do..

 

Now you've learned why he was happy to keep you dependent.

 

You've already positioned yourself badly, so whatever you need to do to get out of there will likely prevent the guy from sabotaging your ability to better your position. Consider contacting a local women's shelter so you can get the counseling and help with resources to build your own life back from there.

[boltnrun]

My ex didn't want me to work. His excuse was that I got "all stressed out" when I worked. But when I didn't work he would use it against me, saying "You don't work so you have no say. You're so spoiled!"

 

I had enough, so I just went and got a full time job. He whined but he could no longer say I didn't contribute. And I was in a much better position when we divorced than I would have been if I hadn't been working.

[Vinkara]

I'm with catfeeder, get out now and stand up for your principles. Seems you've realized it wasn't right for you to become so financially dependent on him, so just do yourself a favor and start standing up for what you believe in. How else can you come to respect yourself? I guarantee you'd be happier and more fulfilled working even a minimal-wage job and having a roommate than you are now living in his place...

[HealingLight]

Make getting a job a priority so you can leave safely without becoming homeless. Start your job search now.