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Coping with rejection from a guy friend


Armilla
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Hi, I have a guy friend I met a summer ago at an internship. We used to eat lunch together along with other interns so we became friends. After the internship we didn't keep in touch. This summer I was in a place where he happened to be there for university. I reached out and we hung out multiple times. We had a lot of fun and there were times when he indicated that he was interested (held my hand interlocked fingers). Anyway, I was going to finish summer work soon so I took a chance and told him about my feelings. I thought I was prepared for either answer. He however said that he thought I was great and enjoyed spending summer time with me but doesn't want to lead me on. He said, He isn't in a place where he would be able to prioritize a relationship because of his personal goals and wouldn't be able to spend enough time which would be unfair to me. He also added that he would still want to be friends of course because he likes spending time with me.

I felt very hurt but I replied by saying that I valued our friendship and that he can forget I ever told him anything. I didn't contact him after and feel that I shouldn't until I'm over him. I feel very hurt though and can not focus on anything. I don't even know why I told him in the first place. I knew he was very busy as whenever we tried to schedule something, it was hard but he would make time sometime. As I'm go to a university which is two hours away, I know I would be able to get over him. But I feel hurt and sorry. I have never felt as hurt even in relationships that didn't work out. I don't know what's wrong.

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Sorry to hear this. It's good you finally revealed your intentions and also good that he was honest with you about his.

I took a chance and told him about my feelings. He however said that he thought I was great and enjoyed spending summer time with me but doesn't want to lead me on.
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Sorry, but that's the typical response by someone who is trying to let you down easily. He's right, of course. He's busy, you would be two hours away. I'm a romantic, so I would try to make it work, but I can see how it wouldn't work for him. And ultimately, you would be hurt by the distance and lack of attention. Plus, there are plenty of girls on campus to have fun with without any strings attached. I know being rejected hurts, but at least you know now how he feels about you and you can move on. Hopefully, you can meet someone new at school this fall.

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It took a lot of confidence to do what you did so don't regret that instead be glad you spoke up and that he was honest with you. Now you can 'uncrush' yourself from him knowing he's not seeing you through the same lense you see him and your brain and heart will be open to other guy(s) that show you interest. Be glad you're going away to university as a single. :D

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I'm sorry to here all of this but look at the bright side, at least he was honest about his feelings. There are some guys who would lead women if they knew that person ks attracted to them. Be glad your friend is honesty and didn't lead you on. Believe me there are better guys out there for you.

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Instead of watching the world pass you by, you took a risk. Even if it didn't pan out, it's better than not trying at all. I've made the first moves myself in the past, and most of the time it didn't work out. In at least one case, I found out things about the guy that I now am glad that it didn't happen like I wanted it to. I don't know if it's our guardian angels or fate, but many people, including me, think that it's always a good thing when things don't work out, because it means the universe has someone better in store (if a person feels good about themselves and chooses with both heart and mind combined).

 

The Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers" might make you feel better if you give it a listen.

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You wanted to learn where you stand with the guy and you learned that attraction doesn't always mean that a relationship would work. That's not a reflection on you.

 

I like to think of singles a walking around with a unique puzzle piece that we hold up to those of others to see of there's a fit. Usually NOT. That's not cynical, it's just the odds. If love were not rare, what would be so special about it?

 

Head high, and trust that you are brave and smart. When the right match for you comes along, you'll thank yourself for holding out for him.

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Putting your feelings on the line was a very brave thing to do. There will always be risks and you can't take them personally.

The fact that the timing is wrong doesn't take anything away from you or your value.

There will be similar occasions that this might happen to you again. Learn to handle it graciously and maturely.

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  • 1 month later...

It was a risk, and you were brave to take it. It also means that you aren't spending weeks/months/years eating your heart out wondering if he feels the same, doing all the over-thinking and overanalysing that we all do in these situations...

 

Sure, it hurts at the moment but the painful feelings will subside in time, and it won't be long before you have plenty more to occupy your thoughts. It's also not surprising that it's so painful, more so than relationships which haven't worked out - you only have good experiences of him, and none of the conflict and disappointment which can arise in relationships. Or, to put it another way, you've no experience of what he's like as a partner, only as a good friend you have feelings for. You don't really know how he is in intimate relationships, and this can be a real surprise even if you know the other person as a friend.

 

You are wise to keep away until you're over him, too. Trying to stay in contact right now would be very painful and just prolong the agony.

 

(((HUGS)))

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