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great relationship, bad sex


bunzo
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hey there, id never thought i’d make one of these posts but i dont know anybody that can relate and help me in this situation.

i’m 17, and i’ve currently been with my 21 year old boyfriend for nearly two years now. in the beginning, the sex was amazing. pretty much everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. gradually, it slowed down and now it seems like it came to a complete stop. we pretty much live together, and we didnt have sex for a month. not even on my last birthday.

what i think started this is when i developed an eating disorder not long into our relationship, and dropped 40 pounds. he likes thicker women, and now im 100 pounds with a small butt and boobs.

we’ve discussed my issue with the lack of sex multiple times. his excuses are that he’s lazy, or he’s “seen every part of me. whats the excitement”

in january of this year, i caught him cheating. he was texting multiple other girls, but all out of state. he said he only talked to them for attention, when he was bored. i’ve never ever caught him physically cheating, which kind of confuses me even more.

what has really pushed me to my breaking point is him now exessively watching porn. he watches it while i go down on him. he’ll make excuses to go watch it in the bathroom, like im stupid. what kind of 21 year old would go jack off in the bathroom rather than have sex with his girlfriend?

you’re probably wondering why im even with this guy still. but, our emotional connection is crazy. i knew i’d be dating him from lthe first second i saw him. we’re extremely close, hes been with me through the absolute show that my life has been for the past 2 years. i can’t see myself with anybody else, and yes i know that sounds stupid for how young i am. but at the same time, i dont think i want to be in a sexless relationship in 5 years?

i am constantly chased after by other men and he knows this, why are all these guys begging to have just one chance with me but my boyfriend seems like he couldnt care less?

do i stay with him, will this ever change? or am i just wasting my time?

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"Seen every part of me. What's the excitement"...I'm sorry, what?

 

Okay, firstly he appears to lack respect for you. That question of his is just screaming it, and personally would be enough for me to throw in the towel. He's not necessarily wrong, as the excitement for sex with the same partner does naturally go down over time, but to outright state it to you as if there were nothing there? Brutal, and disrespectful.

 

The cheating is another concern. It could be it had / has escalated to physical, and you don't know about it. His behavior is typical of someone who is getting some elsewhere. I'm not pointing fingers, he could have changed his ways, but that's something to think about it.

 

Ultimately, it's entirely possible he has a porn addiction. Some completely deny it exists, but I believe it does. Google the research on it. The fact he's preferring masturbation over porn instead of sex with his partner is a real problem, an issue happening in a lot of relationships now-a-days, and it'll require active effort on his part to resolve.

 

If you want to talk to him about all this, do so. If he completely shuts down the idea, refuses to change etc, then you have a good idea of who he really is. Maybe it's not worth all the hassle and you should leave him anyway.

 

One thing is for certain; you don't have as much of an emotional connection as you believe you do, and you're looking at this through rose-tinted glasses. Sure, you have a lot of good memories and he may have supported you through some stuff, but that's no excuse not to have your needs met nor is it an excuse to treat you the way that he has.

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you’re probably wondering why im even with this guy still. but, our emotional connection is crazy.

 

No,no it's not!

 

If your emotional connection was amazing you'd be bumping each other like rabbits.

He isn't concerned about your emotional welfare, or your physical welfare either. You have an eating disorder which is likely worsened by the fact that your bf denies you physical attention and is busy masturbating and chatting up other girls.

 

Please. You are young. This is not a healthy relationship.

Let this one go.

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Wow, this was sad to read. Yes, you are absolutely wasting your time. And this is the opposite of a great relationship, OP.

 

That crazy emotional connection you feel isn't mutual anymore, sadly. This is your inexperience speaking. He has checked out of your relationship, and you need to remember that just because you haven't caught him physically cheating doesn't mean he hasn't done it. The majority of cheaters don't ever get caught in the act itself. Him inappropriately texting other girls isn't acceptable either, and to hear that he told you he did it because he was "bored" is hogwash. It does speak to his level of immaturity and selfishness though, both of which are pinging off the scale with this guy.

 

You have too much on your plate right now, and I do hope you're seeking treatment for your eating disorder. Where are you parents in all of this? You are only 17 and already essentially living with your boyfriend, and your health is in jeopardy, so I am wondering where the responsible and concerned adults in your life are and if they are trying to help you.

 

It's time to break up with him. This isn't going to get better and you deserve the love, care and respect of a good guy. Your boyfriend is just about the worst influence you could have right now.

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I'm sorry you're going through this. But, yes, listen to the above: you are so many levels beyond this guy that it's time to move on and make space to be with someone who will respect you.

 

As others have pointed out: this is not a great relationship with bad sex; it's a relationship that has run its course, and the sex stuff is just a symptom of that. Sure, sexual excitement does fade over time, but the way you stay engaged is through open, honest conversation. He is incapable of that, like so many men his age. So he'd rather turn to something easier—some attention-seeking texting, some pornography—instead of learning that things can get truly hot when he can talk about all that stuff with a partner.

 

You've clearly got a good heart and a good head on your shoulders, but maybe some self-esteem stuff to sort out: eating disorder, etc. Regardless, being with a guy who says nonsensical things to you ("seen every part—what's the excitement?") is not what you deserve.

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Yeah, the relationship is over. He's checked out. You're the only one that has any emotional connection now. I mean, you're correct, how could a 21-year-old guy turn down a 17-year-old girl who is completely available to him. In fact, it would have to take a monumental loss of interest to ignore you.

 

I think he's just waiting for you to realize what's going on and move on. You have to admit to yourself it's over and leave. Is this the cause of your eating disorder? What else is happening in your life causing this? Is this why you're clinging onto this pretty poor excuse of a relationship?

 

Move on. You have your life ahead of you. Let him have his out-of-state girlfriends and his porn. You don't have to be a part of this.

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