Jump to content

Holy Sh*. Dating in L.A. has got to be insane (an observation)


oscuro
 Share

Recommended Posts

Respectfully Sir, it doesn't matter what you look like. Your attitude sucks. You come here complaining, then when given advice you insult those trying to help. No one wants to date a person with such a sour attitude. Get some confidence, and grow a thick skin. Those women aren't going to change, society isn't going to change. Your only option is to up your game.

 

Everyone suffers rejection. Everyone struggles. The difference is often perspective, and most definitely attitude.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 51
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Respectfully Sir, it doesn't matter what you look like. Your attitude sucks. You come here complaining, then when given advice you insult those trying to help. No one wants to date a person with such a sour attitude. Get some confidence, and grow a thick skin. Those women aren't going to change, society isn't going to change. Your only option is to up your game.

 

Everyone suffers rejection. Everyone struggles. The difference is often perspective, and most definitely attitude.

 

I wasn't asking for advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having reading this thread, I did not get the impression that oscuro was insulting people or even really complaining.

I did find the reading very interesting - to get an insight into some of the perspectives of males using online dating apps. I also think that online dating in general sets up a kind of judgmental attitude from the very beginning. As you (or they) go 'shopping' for people, we judge people based on a whole heap of (in my opinion), very shallow criteria.

 

This whole idea of rating people out of ten, to give a person, a whole person, with a lifetime of experiences and facets - some number out of ten (4/10, 8/10), just seems crazy to me, and very judgmental!

 

Good luck all :-)

Chai

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you box yourself in, it's no wonder girls are repelled. Girls look for confidence above all else. Looks and status only get someone so far.

 

I'm not faulting anyone for being repelled by me. I think it's fair. It's not something I was necessarily trying to address in this post. I was just surprised by the caliber of attractive women on this dating app.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having reading this thread, I did not get the impression that oscuro was insulting people or even really complaining.

I did find the reading very interesting - to get an insight into some of the perspectives of males using online dating apps. I also think that online dating in general sets up a kind of judgmental attitude from the very beginning. As you (or they) go 'shopping' for people, we judge people based on a whole heap of (in my opinion), very shallow criteria.

 

This whole idea of rating people out of ten, to give a person, a whole person, with a lifetime of experiences and facets - some number out of ten (4/10, 8/10), just seems crazy to me, and very judgmental!

 

Good luck all :-)

Chai

 

It's certainly weird that people have a numbering system (which sort of confirms the idea that looks are very important). These dating apps do put intense pressure on looks as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The app photos on most of the apps here in seattle are similar. The popular profiles are pushed up by the algorithms and the weaker profiles are pushed down. The app that shows more attractive people will be more popular, so it's in their best interests to do so.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The app photos on most of the apps here in seattle are similar. The popular profiles are pushed up by the algorithms and the weaker profiles are pushed down. The app that shows more attractive people will be more popular, so it's in their best interests to do so.

 

Ahh okay. Well, I was using OkCupid recently and their algorithm doesn't seem to do that. It showed more diversity. So I wasn't sure what was going on with this other one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Leagues in terms of more than looks do exist, but one shouldn't sabotage themselves before they even try.

 

Yup.

 

Having reading this thread, I did not get the impression that oscuro was insulting people or even really complaining.

I did find the reading very interesting - to get an insight into some of the perspectives of males using online dating apps. I also think that online dating in general sets up a kind of judgmental attitude from the very beginning. As you (or they) go 'shopping' for people, we judge people based on a whole heap of (in my opinion), very shallow criteria.

 

This whole idea of rating people out of ten, to give a person, a whole person, with a lifetime of experiences and facets - some number out of ten (4/10, 8/10), just seems crazy to me, and very judgmental!

 

Good luck all :-)

Chai

 

 

That statement alone was reeking of judgement chai, not to mention a naivete that I find hard to believe is sincere. Were attracted to what were attracted to. Attractive people typically end up with attractive people and not so attractive people typically end up with not so attractive people. There will always be exceptions to the rule but typically people stay within their level or league.

 

 

It wasn't originally my intention to ask advice. I was just pointing out the observation of dating profiles in L.A. However I do believe some opinions here are very narrow. Looks, class (and I haven't even mentioned race!) play huge parts in dating and courting. Here's some interesting stats regarding race - https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060

 

Oscuro, I read your post about race. It seems you are coddling yourself with these 'facts'. 'See of course Im single! Its not my fault! The odds are against me.' You may also be suffering from some self hate, but I don't know. Your issues arent gonna be fixed by us. They go way too deep.

 

I know plenty of black men who are happily married to black women, hispanic women, white women, ect. If black men and women never dated outside of their race there wouldnt be a world full of biracial children. It happens, it just aint happening for you but its not the statistics fault.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

That statement alone was reeking of judgement chai, not to mention a naivete that I find hard to believe is sincere. Were attracted to what were attracted to. Attractive people typically end up with attractive people and not so attractive people typically end up with not so attractive people. There will always be exceptions to the rule but typically people stay within their level or league.

 

Hi figureitout,

 

It most certainly is sincere! Boiling a whole person down to a number out of ten is something that I would never attempt to do. I certainly wouldn't 'rank' people according to their looks or anything else. I just tried to do it on my way to work, and it seemed completely weird thing to do.

 

And while I agree that I may discount really, super attractive men, because I feel that I am not 'at the same level as them' as you intimate, and I do think that it is true that people are often attracted to people 'like them', I disagree that there is some kind of standardised level of attractiveness.

 

Some people are attracted to thin people, some people are attracted to fat people, some people are attracted to people with blonde hair, some people are attracted to people with dark hair, some people are attracted to people with darker skin and others are attracted to people with lighter skin. It really is an individual preference. Just because your idea of what is attractive is true for you, doesn't mean it is for everyone.

 

This idea that I could 'rank someone out of ten' and give them a 7/10 and then compare them to your 7/10 is just not so clever if you ask me.

 

Anyway, I desperately need to get into work for the day. I hope this doesn't spark an argument, but I felt compelled to expand on my thoughts!

 

Have a nice day / evening / sleep :-)

Chai

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi figureitout,

 

It most certainly is sincere! Boiling a whole person down to a number out of ten is something that I would never attempt to do. I certainly wouldn't 'rank' people according to their looks or anything else. I just tried to do it on my way to work, and it seemed completely weird thing to do.

 

And while I agree that I may discount really, super attractive men, because I feel that I am not 'at the same level as them' as you intimate, and I do think that it is true that people are often attracted to people 'like them', I disagree that there is some kind of standardised level of attractiveness.

 

Some people are attracted to thin people, some people are attracted to fat people, some people are attracted to people with blonde hair, some people are attracted to people with dark hair, some people are attracted to people with darker skin and others are attracted to people with lighter skin. It really is an individual preference. Just because your idea of what is attractive is true for you, doesn't mean it is for everyone.

 

This idea that I could 'rank someone out of ten' and give them a 7/10 and then compare them to your 7/10 is just not so clever if you ask me.

 

Anyway, I desperately need to get into work for the day. I hope this doesn't spark an argument, but I felt compelled to expand on my thoughts!

 

Have a nice day / evening / sleep :-)

Chai

 

I agree. People dont go through profiles and say 'nope Im an 8, I cant date a 7' I dont mean it like that, apologies if it came off that way. What I mean is attraction works in a non politically correct way. We like what we like, like you said, light skin, dark skin, skinny, thick, big or small, but levels or leagues exist. There are people who I am not attracted to, nor will I ever be, doesnt matter what they do, there are people who are not attracted to me, never will be, doesnt matter what I do. Im attracted to Dwayne Johnson, hes not going to be interested in me. I can accept that. Not being political, but Melania Trump, you think she fell in love with Donalds looks? Not likely. Again, its not politically correct to say these things but it is reality.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi figureitout,

 

It most certainly is sincere! Boiling a whole person down to a number out of ten is something that I would never attempt to do. I certainly wouldn't 'rank' people according to their looks or anything else.

 

Completely agree. I know that was common when I was teen but I hope adults are not quite doing that in any serious way nowadays.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to venture on OKCupid. It was my first time using a dating app. I was scared and only put up a very descriptive bio with no pictures. I started to message a few people who I thought were interesting. Only a couple wrote back passively, leaving half of the other messages I sent ignored.

 

Then I finally put up my picture. I started to get a flood of likes (or whatever the button was to show you were interested) and DM's from men. I got scared again, kept removing and reposting my picture. I had my picture up for only a day. It was overwhealming. I only went on a couple of dates, but the one I made my current boyfriend had a picture of flying cats, riding on pizza in space. He responded without seeing my picture first when I messaged him initially. I didn't even know what he looked like until our first date was made. He won my heart eventually, after baiting me first with such fine kitty pics.

 

I can see how the online dating world is ruled by women and looks. Women are much pickier and get a stupid amount of attention, leaving very attractive, decent guys in the wings. I don't know if it's supply and demand, or what. Perhaps it's the nature of how men are the pursuers. The phenomenon is real though. Men are at a disadvantage online. My bf said he was on that site for 3 years and only received a handful of messages, maybe a couple of dates. He is definitely attractive though, let me tell you. He is also decently confident.

 

Also, I had a friend who was ridiculously good at posing for pictures. I had another friend comment on how good she was at taking photos, after seeing her in real life. Some girls just know how to work their angles and filters, perhaps dabble into even more extensive editing. Whatever it was, she looked way better in photos than in real life. It was night and day. Sad to say it, but I wasn't the only one who noticed it. I would try not to let women's pictures intimidate you. Makeup and posing does wonders for the camera. Just take a lot of photos to get your best angle, send out many messages to those you like, and be yourself. Sounds cliche, but being more carefree than nervous begets better outcomes.

Edited by yatsue
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I live in LA and there really are a lot of beautiful women walking around. They put a lot of effort (and money) into looks and it shows (as it should). Work out, make up, clothing, facials, tanning, hair styling. You've seen those make overs on TV, right? They can turn plain jane into a glamorous gal. This is la la land.

As for dating, if a guy is gonna worry he should not worry how well he matches the women in looks, but how well he measures up to other men because those are his competition. Oh but for men it isn't looks, often it's money, status, house and cars.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was just in LA a couple of weeks ago and yes, those people are glamorous. However I was in downtown LA and in Hollywood so what I saw narrowed it to females there. They're not afraid to spend a little or a lot to look their best. I look like I rolled out of bed even though I did my hair that day, lol.

 

It really depends where you are at (location) and which dating platform you are using. If you are dating in the LA area, don't think these people are rich, most of them just like to look good and they know all the tricks in good lighting and angle. If you want a bit more "down to earth" or "home body" person, expand your search maybe 25-50 miles outside LA radius would be my suggestion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think these are really interesting observations that you guys are making with regard to location and self grooming. It is really interesting to know that LA women are a lot more conscious of that sort of thing!

 

In my experience location can have a real impact on people's motivation to present themselves well. When I lived in the country, a few years ago, I felt so comfortable in really daggy clothes - everybody did. Or at least a few (otherwise successful) women told me that they did. Then there were this set of really young women who would get completely glammed up, and it just looked so weird in a beautifully natural and tiny coastal town, with no real place to go out. To me, they stuck out like a sore thumb!

 

When I moved to Melbourne, I started a pile of clothes that would not 'work' here. It was funny. I would wear an outfit once (sometimes twice) that had been perfectly acceptable on the coast, and it just felt all wrong and so incredibly daggy in the city. So, I collected together all my daggy clothes and donated them to the op shop. I have also started spending more money on clothes generally, and even buying more clothes than I used to, and finding good places to buy them. Then when I started working in an office, my goodness. Haha. There is something about living in some cities that can train people to dress in a more sophisticated and fashionable way, I think.

 

I love it. It is such a nice feeling to step out into the world and feel stylish. :-) Thanks so much for your observations of LA, that is really interesting!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree. People dont go through profiles and say 'nope Im an 8, I cant date a 7' I dont mean it like that, apologies if it came off that way. What I mean is attraction works in a non politically correct way. We like what we like, like you said, light skin, dark skin, skinny, thick, big or small, but levels or leagues exist. There are people who I am not attracted to, nor will I ever be, doesnt matter what they do, there are people who are not attracted to me, never will be, doesnt matter what I do. Im attracted to Dwayne Johnson, hes not going to be interested in me. I can accept that. Not being political, but Melania Trump, you think she fell in love with Donalds looks? Not likely. Again, its not politically correct to say these things but it is reality.

 

Hehe, agreed. Yes, I wondered from your original response if that was what you were getting at, with regard to diversity. I think you are right. People are attracted to what they are attracted to. It can change over time, and I think there is an element of 'sameness', but I wonder if there is some kind of genetic rationale to what we are attracted to as well.

 

I will say something a bit odd, maybe, but sometimes I wonder if seeing so many images of beautiful women in the world makes me more attracted to women (I am also a woman). It is not something that I have even seriously considered exploring as yet, but I do wonder about that.

 

Maybe it is like 'liking vegetables'. My lecturers in nutrition were always so sure that repeatedly eating vegetables, especially during childhood, will predispose adults to 'like' vegetables. Perhaps the same goes for women. The media is so obsessed with one type of woman, that this is all that we see, and then because we are exposed to it repeatedly, we develop a preference for that. Now that I have definitely noticed a trend towards including more diversity in women's shapes, sizes, abilities, ethnic heritage etc, I think that this will have positive effects on the diversity of women who are considered 'beautiful'.

 

I do wonder about Melania Trump sometimes too. Hehe. What on earth could be enough compensation for having to get intimate with that man? Haha.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All you can do is message them and set up a coffee meet. If there is no reply you delete and move to the next. Just looking at profiles doesn't tell you who is catfishing, escorting, fake, etc. Also can you set your parameters on this app to include or exclude criteria and filter more?

Literally every woman looks to be upper class (compared to me), white, and a model.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have victim/scarcity/low confidence mentality. Yes, even with confidence you might not be able to get luxurious models and everyone has their own standards and you might not match them but you're sabotaging yourself right from the start with that kind of mentality... And just by seeing good photos on an app.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...