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Social Media Concerns : Are these red flags


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I've had issues with my boyfriend appearing as if he was single on social media for a while now. He never post about us online on any of his social media accounts. When I brought up my concerns he just said he doesn't like sharing his personal information online. However, there would be instances when we would go on trips or concerts together and he would post everything and everyone but me. At one point I was able to get him backstage passes to a concert and he shared online the pass and never me. It appeared as if he was alone and got the pass himself.

 

When I brought up my concerns he just made it seem like I was overreacting and didn't trust him. His father passed away and I've been letting him mourn and try to be there for him. I stop asking about his social media status. (We're not on friends on any of his accounts because he's unfriended me and said he thought it was best since we weren't friends because of the conflicts it caused.) I created a fake account and follow him anyway. When he returned back from going out of town for his fathers funeral, he posted a screenshot of a text message on his snapchat that looked like a conversation between him and a girl . The girl said how she was happy he was home and wanted to come over to his place to cook for him. He replied in the screenshot that his place was dirty and he appreciated the offer but had to clean. She responded "I offer to cook for you and you make this lame excuse . Boy bye!"

 

he captioned the screenshot saying "Seriously, a guy can't even clean anymore." I was upset and thought it was disrespectful of him to post that and to respond with not saying he had a girlfriend. I didn't bring it up because I didn't want him to know I had a fake account and saw it.

He also follows his ex girlfriend, who comments on his photos as well.

 

I ended up messaging a girl I saw who commented under his photo in a flirty way and just simply asked are you dating him. She responded "who wants to know? " I just explained he had a girlfriend and was trying to look out for the both of us if she wasn't aware and she just asked "then why are you contacting me" . I'm not sure if anything was going on between them but I deleted the fake account. My boyfriend then blocked my actual account and said he had 2 instagram friends who he never met saying I reached out to them.

We argued for a while, and didn't talk for a few days. He lives long distance, but when we saw each other we just acted like nothing was wrong and tried to enjoy each others company for the time being. I know :(

 

Me and him are in the same career. He mentors younger people including women. This one girl reached out to me just for advice on her career and she said in her email that my boyfriend was her mentor and said "he said he knows you and I should reach out to you."

It made me wonder, the fact that she said he said he just "knew me" made me think if he's not claiming me at all. Are these warning signs? What do you think about the issue and what should I do?

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Agree with other posters. He's actively hiding you knowing that it upsets you. This goes beyond him just being private. Someone with pure motives wouldn't do that. It's not a matter of you asking for too much. Women inviting themselves over and him posting it as a thinly veiled brag? Not cool.

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Well....you are long distance and he is actively hiding the fact that you are dating. In fact, going out of his way to do so. Why do you keep wasting your time on him? Do you like being cheated on? This is too crazy for words. Dump this loser and find yourself a decent guy locally who is actually happy to be with you.

 

No amount of fighting, arguing, stalking him over fake accounts, contacting women he knows through fake accounts is going to fix your problems. In fact, think about how crazy it's made you act yourself. Dump him and take back your sanity. Whatever good parts you think you are getting from him are sooo not worth the bad.

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The real red flags are long distance, complete mutual lack of respect, lack of boundaries, lack of trust and worst of all...catfishing and contacting his people to "claim your turf" and chronic stalking and arguing about social media appearances.

I ended up messaging a girl I saw who commented under his photo in a flirty way and just simply asked are you dating him. She responded "who wants to know? " I just explained he had a girlfriend and was trying to look out for the both of us if she wasn't aware and she just asked "then why are you contacting me".
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Well here's an update.

I ended things with him. It's another long story. The relationship wasn't healthy at all. There were some days I would get so depressed when I was with him and I realized I wasn't happy at all. The last time I saw him, he went out late with a friend. He didn't invite me to go out because he said it was only going to be a small group of his guy friends. He comes back to my place, drunk. I was upset because he didn't invite me and clearly it wasn't a small group. I saw him on another women's snapchat. He knew I was upset and tried his best to make things better.

 

I told him I wasn't in the mood to have sex, but he kept on insisting for us to do it. I thought maybe it would make things better between us. But the whole time I kept thinking to myself. I don't want to do this, but I gave in. In the middle of it, he said something about I have to always have sex with him when he's in town because we're long distance. EVen if I don't want to do it and at that point I just started crying.I've been having mental and physical problems with my health and there are times, I really can't do it because I'm sick.

 

I don't think he noticed I was crying at first. Then it eventually got to a point I screamed "Please Stop!" and I just broke down crying. He stopped . I'm not sure what happened to me but I was overwhelmed with emotions. He apologized and was concerned. I told him I couldn't be with him anymore. I said just needed space because it wasn't healthy, he told me he understood and loved me. He said for me to just think about giving us another chance and to talk about it in a few days.

 

Well I was going to do that and then the next day I find out he's going on a trip out of town with friends and he never told me anything about it. I found out online through a mutual friend who tagged him about how excited he was. There was an event I wanted to attend with him, but he said prior to this that he wasn't sure if he was going to go and if he did he already agreed to go with his friends because it would be a reasonable price for them. I ended up not being able to go for money and the last we spoke of it was when he said he wasn't sure if he was going. I found out he planned on going online .

 

Then on his snapchat he posted a Throwback Thursday video of him with a room filled with women (who are his co workers).

I called him immediately after seeing that and told him I was done with the relationship.

 

I brought up the trip with his friends and was defensive saying he told me already he was going. The video he posted , there was another guy there and the girls just invited them over to watch a movie. He was down that day and when he went there he was happy and wanted to share it online. I argued back, that we had plenty of great times together and he never posted any of them. I brought up the screenshot text message of the women who invited herself over to his place and he said I didn't see the whole text message

 

the girl knew he had a girlfriend and she got his number for strictly work and she was hitting on him. He turned it around and said he was sure other guys hitted on me and then said he didn't need to explain himself because I made my decision. I haven't talked to him since then. I keep feeling sad, upset, and resentment over the relationship. I'm not intentionally looking at his social media but we have mutual friends and he's on his trip and I keep seeing all the post he's making saying he's living his best life and taking picture with other women and I admit it does hurt a lot. So I've blocked him from all my accounts so I won't be tempted to look at his stuff anymore. I'm really trying to do whats best for me. I appreciate all the advice on this thread. Thank you.

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'Seriously, does social media add ANYTHING, to ANYONE's life, EVER?'

 

I so completely totally agree with this. According to my husband's fb, he is single and 30 :p. He hasn't been on it for about a million years. I don't even have fb let alone all the others. We are 47 and 51; to us, this whole social media nonsense is just that - pointless nonsense. All of it. Fb, instac**p, snapc**p, whatever else is out there that kids use these days. All of it is fake exhibitionist smoke and mirrors pointless nonsense. To (most) people of our generation, a world would be a much better place without all of this c**p in it. And I personally cannot stand people of MY generation who are all obsessed with social media and spend their lives on it talking c*** to strangers. I mean, HELLO?? Remember how in 1987, we used to write letters on beautiful paper and post them with an 'air mail' stamp, to people we knew IN REAL LIFE??

 

OP - glad that you dumped him. Good riddance. I've never even dated post social media - I dread to think what it would be like, dating in 2018

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