Dog Owner Issue

[Batya33]

Then I guess we have different opinions on who a stranger is. I don't go out of my way to meet my neighbors. I don't know their names or anything about them, except they live next to me. I definitely don't see a need to defend myself. It doesn't matter to me. Clearly it does to you, so it seems you'll keep running into these triggers with your neighbors who don't see your side and will get into future unpleasant conversations. People aren't likely to change their minds, even if you try to explain yourself.

 

I don't allow my pets to invade people's privacy. It's too bad others aren't the same. You can raise awareness, but people in your own life are going to do as they see fit. You can control your actions and let it not bother you. Or you can continue to interact with such people and become angry with their actions/opinions. It's up to you.

 

Thanks! My building is community-like and since I am a parent of a young child and new to my city as of 9 years ago I made it my business to get to know my neighbors and be a good neighbor especially since my husband travels but also just because - it's part of being part of my new city and community. I totally understand treating neighbors as strangers -perfectly valid. In my case I've helped my neighbors many times, become close with certain neighbors, recently joined a book club in my building and my son has made friends with certain of the children in the building.

 

I don't care if she changes her mind about me. I care that the dog owner didn't get the wrong impression she seemed focused on conveying about me. I think I was successful. He seems like a reasonable guy -have seen him around before, too.

 

I'm glad you are a responsible pet owner!

 

I appreciate the general advice -and this was kind of an individual situation.

[Batya33]

Yes. And you corrected her once already. What's the point in dragging a couple of podiums into the hallway? You represented yourself well with your words of your first rebuttal. Follow it up with your actions and all should be fine in the eyes of anyone who wouldn't otherwise be hellbent on a bias toward dogs. I'm assuming you weren't cowering in the corner of the elevator or anything, so what reason does the guy have to doubt you? Protest less, don't go frantically scooting your kid down the hall at first sight of a dog or anything, and be cordial with conscientious neighbors regardless of their pet-owning status. It's not like the lady's putting up fliers for people to keep their dogs away from you.

 

To be honest, and it's not without still agreeing with you a good 90% of the time, I'm having a hard time believing it's more about your concern for your public image than you feeling mischaracterized for the sake of your own ego. I can't claim to know your offline persona or whether yours here reflects it, but I see in this situation what at least seems pretty relatable to one of your mannerisms on here. Someone will say something along the lines of, "I agree with Batya," following up with what's 97.83% in-line with your opinion, and you'll find the 2.17% of the almost completely concurrent post which doesn't reflect your opinion and reply with like two or three paragraphs of disagreement with that bit, whether it's relevant or consequential to the thread or not. Sometimes I can understand it. Someone posts something in agreement with you and then throws in a "by the way, also hate black people" at the end, by all means distinguish yourself. But other times I'm just like, "Batya, why...?

 

Granted, this lady's not saying much that's agreeable to you, but the idea of feeling compelled to outright convince her and this guy that "I, Batya, am not afraid of dogs" seems similar to you at least appearing to be compelled to make sure people know, "I, Batya, do not align with this 2% of this post I disagree with." I get the impression that you feel very strongly, even vehemently about being accurately represented and perceived. And I think asserting your identity and how you're represented and perceived can be plenty important. But I also think sometimes it's not. Often it's not. Beyond simply stating, "Hey, I'm just not comfortable with strange dogs jumping on me," I think this situation is one where it's not.

 

I hope you don't take that offensively. I'm the last person to throw stones when it comes to mannerisms on these forums. And I'm not saying what I've just noted is any significant representation of your contribution to the forums. I'm just noting it as an observation that sprung up while reading your account in this thread.

 

Thanks for your interesting observations on what I write and how I write in other threads. I will say that even if what you wrote were the case sometimes in general (meaning I don't see it in the same way as you do), 2% of what is said can be far more substantive and compelling than the remaining 98%. But, that's as an aside only, nothing to do with my thread here or anything else on your opinions or what I've written on unrelated topics. In this situation it was really important to me that she not give the impression to our neighbor that I am afraid of all dogs for the reasons I wrote above having to do with my interactions with my neighbors and my son's interactions with some of the dogs in the building.

 

On this situation, that is what I chose to do in that moment shortly after being lunged at by a very large dog (and I had also just power walked in the heat/humidity so it was a shining moment only as far as sweat is shiny lol). The lady continued the conversation questioning me about my past experiences with pets. I was 100% ready to let it go. I believe she had an agenda since, separately, my husband and I have had awkward and slightly annoying encounters with her in the hallway with her dog so I sensed that she wanted the podium to expound on her analysis of my fear of all dogs. As I responded to Journeynow in hindsight I would have tried to end it and not responded to her further inquiries. In the moment I made that mistake I guess.

[Batya33]

But i want to add one asterisk to it, its not merely how they were "raised and trained" = well trained dogs can become afraid in a situation and people tend to ignore the fact that the growled or attempted to step away before a bite happened.

 

The day I was bitten the owner- my boyfriend's mom -had the dog on the leash in the middle of the living room but i had to pass right by the dog with my stuff. I was walking normally. Maybe the dog growled - the mom never said he had nor did I hear a thing -all i knew was the dog lunged at me and gave me a puncture wound on my leg through my clothing. I don't remember any warnings at all in that case. The breed was bulldog and I think he was trained and I didn't think it had anything to do with the dog's breed, still don't. He ended up biting again I believe some years later?

[Starlight925]

I may have an unpopular opinion, but I do not think dogs belong in public places like shopping malls, airports, restaurants, etc. Just today, I had to step over a dog in a nice restaurant, inside.

 

I am not talking about verified, properly marked seeing eye dogs. For true medical purposes. But just because someone can't/won't be without their furry friend is not ok.

 

This has nothing to do with biting or fear, I just think it's unsanitary. I don't want dog hair/dog smell around me. I actually like dogs. I'm so highly allergic to cats that I literally have to leave the room. I think the place for animals is in their homes, in their yards, and in proper carrying devices/on leashes when the need arises to take them out in public (walking, get them to the groomer, etc.).

 

So I'd have real disdain for your neighbor. Enjoy your dog, but keep it on a close leash. Period.

 

My sister's german shepherd lunged at a little girl in a stroller and the police took the dog away. They did get the dog back, but not after a fine and a warning. I felt the same way about my sister's dog that I feel about others: my sister should have kept her dog on a tight leash.

[Jibralta]

Actually, the only thing I would comment on is it's easier to give the explanation "I'm afraid of dogs," rather than give people a long lecture about dogs and dog owner behavior. You're implying that all dog owners are rude and inconsiderate. The lecture makes you seem snobbish and condescending. On the other hand if you tell people you're afraid of dogs, they usually will keep their dogs in check and keep them closer to them (other than that other woman with her big dog). And you don't have to spend as much time and energy trying to convince dog owners you're not afraid of dogs because under their breath they're just going to comment that you are afraid of dogs and won't admit it.

 

That's along the lines of what I was thinking. Why argue? It just makes an already unpleasant situation worse. You can't control what other people think of you. Strangers, neighbors, friends, enemies, no one. All you'll succeed in doing is discouraging people from sharing their opinions or feelings with you. If that's what you want, then good. But it's not the same as making them have a certain impression or opinion about you. They will just keep their original impression and not tell you about it.

[Batya33]

That's along the lines of what I was thinking. Why argue? It just makes an already unpleasant situation worse. You can't control what other people think of you. Strangers, neighbors, friends, enemies, no one. All you'll succeed in doing is discouraging people from sharing their opinions or feelings from you. If that's what you want, then good. But it's not the same as making them have a certain impression or opinion about you. They will just keep their original impression and not tell you about it.

 

I didn't care about her opinion. I wanted to clarify so that the friendly dog owner would understand that what she was saying about me was not true. The dog owner said nothing to me -he was focused on keeping his dog close to him. And I was standing quietly apart from him and the dog. She then opened her mouth and started saying that I was afraid of all dogs. I wanted to make sure he knew what she was saying wasn't right. I am sorry if I wasn't clear. As for me I am flexible and I have changed my original impressions of people many times and part of that can be because the person explains more about themselves. But in this case I don't care what she thinks. She wasn't sharing her opinion or feelings -she shared an untrue fact about me to the dog owner. I do want to discourage her from sharing that kind of untrue information about me -now she knows it is not true. I made that clear to her. I'm not going to let someone do that to me in that situation. If she wanted to share her opinion of me to me that would be fine. She said it to the dog owner in front of me as if I had told her I was afraid of all dogs and somehow I needed her to be my spokesperson.

 

Had they been strangers I would have let it go.

[Jibralta]

I didn't care about her opinion. I wanted to clarify so that the friendly dog owner would understand that what she was saying about me was not true. The dog owner said nothing to me -he was focused on keeping his dog close to him. And I was standing quietly apart from him and the dog. She then opened her mouth and started saying that I was afraid of all dogs. I wanted to make sure he knew what she was saying wasn't right. I am sorry if I wasn't clear. As for me I am flexible and I have changed my original impressions of people many times and part of that can be because the person explains more about themselves. But in this case I don't care what she thinks.

 

I understood that. I'm just saying that he is going to come to his own conclusions. He probably isn't relying on her or you to tell him what to think. It's a lot of anxiety over an endeavor that is ultimately futile (opinion control).

[Batya33]

I understood that. I'm just saying that he is going to come to his own conclusions. He probably isn't relying on her or you to tell him what to think. It's a lot of anxiety over something that is ultimately futile.

 

Before she opened her mouth I'm not sure what his conclusions were nor did I care. I knew my actions were appropriate - I kept my polite distance, kept quiet and calm and thanked him for telling me that his dog is friendly while the dog was still trying to get to me in the elevator. If he came to the conclusion on his own that I must be afraid of all dogs that's fine. No issue with him or his (silent) opinions.

[Batya33]

I may have an unpopular opinion, but I do not think dogs belong in public places like shopping malls, airports, restaurants, etc. Just today, I had to step over a dog in a nice restaurant, inside.

 

I am not talking about verified, properly marked seeing eye dogs. For true medical purposes. But just because someone can't/won't be without their furry friend is not ok.

 

This has nothing to do with biting or fear, I just think it's unsanitary. I don't want dog hair/dog smell around me. I actually like dogs. I'm so highly allergic to cats that I literally have to leave the room. I think the place for animals is in their homes, in their yards, and in proper carrying devices/on leashes when the need arises to take them out in public (walking, get them to the groomer, etc.).

 

So I'd have real disdain for your neighbor. Enjoy your dog, but keep it on a close leash. Period.

 

My sister's german shepherd lunged at a little girl in a stroller and the police took the dog away. They did get the dog back, but not after a fine and a warning. I felt the same way about my sister's dog that I feel about others: my sister should have kept her dog on a tight leash.

 

Wow -I am glad the girl was ok and where I live I doubt there would be repercussions unless there was an actual dog bite. I live in a dog friendly building and down the block from a dog friendly park (leash laws in the park, dog runs available). I like that my son is exposed to dogs and dog owners for a variety of reasons and there are definite downsides as you described. I had a friend for awhile who had an adorable poodle to whom she was really attached. We would meet for coffee and she would insist on bringing her dog. Which meant that we always had to sit outside (understandably, she feared the dog being taken if we stayed inside). She seemed slightly put off when I wasn't really into the dog jumping up onto me (worried about my clothes getting dirty/tearing). I tried to feign interest in her dog but I wish she'd left the dog home for our one hour coffee. I always met her without my child since she didn't have children and I wanted to have adult time/conversation.

[Batya33]

So in thinking more about it I realized my mistake -impatience. I was spent/dehydrated from working out and for those of you over 50 like me I just got vaccinated for shingles and -ouch -and also some side effects. I should have judged the room in the elevator and realized I'd have to stand awkwardly right in front. Next time I will wait for the next elevator which I have done in the past. And of course I didn't have the more typical restraint not to respond more than perfunctorily to Ms. Busybody/Fake News as Journeynow suggested I should have.

[thornz]

Well unlike most here I can totally understand your frustration. This woman is rude and doesn’t control her dog in a responsible manner. Then to top it she sticks her beak in, when you are alarmed by another dog that is not being properly controlled, saying you are afraid of all dogs. This would really wind me up too.

 

Unfortunately, just like child parents some dog parents think the sun shines out of their little darlings butt and let them run riot with no consideration for others.

 

I think the best thing to do is accept that your neighbour is a big A hole and have a chuckle that your neighbour who had the manners to restrain his dog probably gets annoyed when her dog gets in his way too!

 

If she repeats this behaviour you can simply emphasise that you really appreciate when dog owners display good manners, then give her a “dog look” haha

[Batya33]

Well unlike most here I can totally understand your frustration. This woman is rude and doesn’t control her dog in a responsible manner. Then to top it she sticks her beak in, when you are alarmed by another dog that is not being properly controlled, saying you are afraid of all dogs. This would really wind me up too.

 

Unfortunately, just like child parents some dog parents think the sun shines out of their little darlings butt and let them run riot with no consideration for others.

 

I think the best thing to do is accept that your neighbour is a big A hole and have a chuckle that your neighbour who had the manners to restrain his dog probably gets annoyed when her dog gets in his way too!

 

If she repeats this behaviour you can simply emphasise that you really appreciate when dog owners display good manners, then give her a “dog look” haha

 

LOL on the "dog look!" I actually did feel supported and encouraged by many of the responses here and appreciated the perspective of "choose your battles". It's interesting as to the perspective of whether neighbors are basically strangers -it's so individual as far as the choice to become acquainted or even friendly with neighbors. -I've had both experiences and, along the way, some neighbors who were most decidedly not friendly!