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My girlfriend says she loves me but is not sexually attracted to me


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I love her and really don't want to loose her, but i am having some trouble processing this, as i have anxiety and very low self esteem. I don't know how to talk to her about this because everytime i try i get upset and shut down.

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Well, I think the relationship is over. Being attracted to the other person is very important, and if she's just not attracted to you, then there's not much to talk about. Just wish her well and try to ask another girl out on a date.

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On the surface, it pretty much spells the end of a relationship when one person doesn't find the other sexually attractive. Physical intimacy is (for most people) a key element in a romantic relationship. It might be different if someone is experiencing a low libido in general but is still attracted to their partner. But when the latter is missing, what you have is essentially a friendship.

 

How long have you been together, and how did this revelation come up? How old are you both?

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Did she give any solid reasons for her lack of attraction? Not that there always are concrete reasons, but some issues are easier to tackle. If you're not in good physical shape and want to try to save the relationship, start working out and eating better. If the problem stems from personality factors - like low self-esteem and anxiety - it may be more difficult to "fix" the problem, though I would recommend starting therapy immediately to help with those issues. Finally, if the issue is simply that the ritual of sex for the two of you has become boring, try out some new activities in the bedroom. Lots of couples get very skilled in getting each other off, but doing the same things over and over can be montonous.

 

Bottom line: the other posters are correct, but if she hasn't ended the relationship yet, there may still be hope. Don't wallow in self-pity. Thank her for her honesty and start a journey of self-improvement! You will ultimately be much happier whether she stays with you or not.

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A woman is physical when she has an emotional connection to a man.

No physical, no emotional connection.

 

When a woman looses emotional connection to a man, it never comes back. Game over.

 

Move on and date. She is no longer loyal to you. Loyalty, honesty it’s all out the window now.

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We have been together for about a year and we are both 18.

She has a low libido but she has also said I’m not her type, she wants a dominant personality in bed where I am shy and submissive.

I found out when I asked why we don’t have sex.

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We have been together for about a year and we are both 18.

She has a low libido but she has also said I’m not her type, she wants a dominant personality in bed where I am shy and submissive.

I found out when I asked why we don’t have sex.

 

It's time to break up.

 

You're too young to stick around in such an incompatible situation.

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I would encourage you to stay optimistic - there's a lot more to relationships than physical and sexual attraction. My wife wasn't real attracted to me physically when she first met me, but admired my creativity and a lot of things about me; physical attraction came with time. If you want a lasting relationship, it's often better if sexual attraction is not the dominant factor. Does she appreciate you for who you are, beyond your body? Does she accept you in spite of your self-esteem issues and try to help you work through them? If not, and if she's working against your self-esteem or putting you down, is she worth keeping around? These are things to consider, because you have self-worth and are more valuable than a sexual object. Hoping things become easier, and that you are wise and discerning with this relationship.

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  • 4 weeks later...

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